My Name is Sirius Black Revised Edition
by kaydi
Summary: My name is Sirius Black and I am innocent. I must take up my pen and write my story, for if I don't, then there will be no one who knows the truth. And if no one knows the truth, then who will save Harry?
1. To tell the tale

My name is Sirius Black 

**"Pause, you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of that first link on one memorable day." - Charles Dickens, Great Expectations**

**_- Found in the prison cell of Azkaban-escapee, Sirius Lee Black, age 32, imprisoned November 9th, 1981, upon the inspection after his escape on July 31, 1994. _**

Prologue 

_My name is Sirius Black and I am innocent. The guards in here don't see much, in fact they don't see anything, they're blind, but that's not what I meant. But  I was able to sneak a few things in here with me, some parchment, a quill and some ink, a few photographs, just what was in my robes when I left. They took my wand, but they didn't snap it. I know that.  I would have felt it. It's not much but it's all I have. Maybe writing will me forget. Nothing else does. But if I concentrate on yesterday maybe it will take my mind off today._

_I am innocent. I know I said that before, but it deserves repeating. Even if I'm the only one who will hear it. No matter what happens I must hold on to that if nothing else. Even if I can't remember my name or why I'm in here, I must remember that. Because I am sentenced to spent the rest of my life here. Since I was only twenty-one when I was sentenced, I have a long wait. But I'm here for a crime I didn't commit. _

_They say I betrayed Lily and James and murdered 13 people including Peter. But I didn't. They say I was working for Voldemort. But I wasn't. They say I'm mad. They may be right._

_I didn't do it. But Peter did. I would have never thought of him. That little cowardly Peter was the spy. No one else did._

_I wonder what Moony is thinking right now. It is the full moon tonight. I know. Somehow all those nighttime outings must have started some kind of lunar clock in my mind. I can always tell. How could I have suspected him? He was my truest friend. I wish I had told him. Or at least told Dumbledore. I wonder if he believes the stories or does he still believe in me? No, he couldn't. Not even my old teacher could trust me now._

_ No one knows the truth. No ones ever even heard about it besides my ranting. There is no evidence to support me. All the facts point to me. _

_I wonder how old Harry is. Does he still look like James? Does he even know who I am? Does he know the story that his parents were betrayed by their best friend?_

_ I can still remember holding him. His big bright green eyes smiling up at me as if he knew who I was. I remember him on the night it all happened. When I found him he was crying by his mothers body. I couldn't look at Lily or James in the other room, or what used to be a room. So I looked at Harry. He was so sweet and soon he fell asleep. Then Hagrid took him and I had nothing left but to look for the murdering traitor who did this. _

_I feel sometimes, as if I have been here forever. That my life before this, my friends, my family, everything was all a happy dream. But then I remember there is no such thing anymore. _

_I feel as though I've lived a thousand years. And I might as well have. I have seen more in my short life than most people see in ten lifetimes. I don't know how old I am. I don't know if I'm twenty-five or fifty. I don't know if Addi's alive or Remus or Mari. I miss Mari so much, it hurts to wake up and remember she isn't here beside me. I miss all my friends so much. I don't know how I live each day. But that is how I live. One day at a time. But I don't even want that. I want James and Lily to be alive. I want everything to go back to how it was. But I know that can never be._

_Do you know, there was a time when I didn't wake up screaming the names of those I've killed or wronged.  There was a time I could sleep soundly, Prongs used to say, " the only time he does look innocent is when he's sleeping." Sleeping is the easy part.  What haunts me are the nightmares. Almost every night I am forced to relive my mistake over and over until I'm ready to scream. But I don't scream. The others do, but I don't.  I screamed everything out my first week here. I've nothing left, other than what I am going to tell you now._

_I don't know how many years have passed since I got here. I kept track on the wall for a while but then, I just gave up. You can still see the scratches other prisoners have made to keep track of the time including mine. Every day blends into the next till you lose track of everything. The only way I know a year has passed is the minister's yearly inspection, which just happened. It's been so long since I've seen daylight; I hardly remember what it looks like any more. But I have to forget where I am. If I stay here too long..._

_Here it goes._


	2. Introduction

**Chapter 1: Introductions.**

My twin sister Adhara and I were born on New Year's Day in 1961. My mother, Fiona Black, died a short time after I was born. I was told she was so weak after giving birth to me she had no strength left. It was only one of the lies my life was based on. 

 Anyway my father, Orion Black, was left to raise me and my sister alone. He named me Sirius, and my sister Adhara , both stars in the Canis Major constellation, unusual names for a muggle, my dad liked unusual things. I guess that's why he married my mother. He also had a sense of humor. You see, my middle name is Lee. Sirius Lee Black.  Told you he was odd, didn't I? 

We lived quietly, in a small cottage about a mile from our small town of Hunstanton in Devon.  It was modest, but it suited our needs just fine.  After all, it was only my father, my sister, I, and whatever stray I'd picked up this week.  I had a thing for animals; always have, and I would bring home every wet and bedraggled creature I could find. We had cats, rabbits, birds, and dogs. Always dogs. Even at a young age, I loved dogs. 

The cottage was really not very big, only five rooms, Dad's study and bedroom, the kitchen, lavs, downstairs and our bedroom upstairs, but it was average for our area. We lived in South West Devonshire.  One mile to the east was the town; one mile to the west was Dartmoor. Because of that, our village was not what you would call a city. My school had about thirty kids in it all together. 

Since my mother died when I was born, I never had a mother, though later both Mrs. Potter and Mrs. Lupin would try to fill that place. I only had a father.  My father, Orion Sirius Black, was tall with dark green eyes, like the moss growing on the ancient ruins all around us. Addi had his eyes.  He had light reddish hair, streaked with gray. He was young, but something, though he always joked that it was us, had caused his hair to gray early.  My father was always one for good grades. Addi brought them home, I did not.  Though he pushed for me to do better, I did not.   After a while, and after several meetings with my teachers, all telling him that I "did not apply myself," and "was disruptive in class," he did not bother me so much, though he never gave up on me. 

He loved nothing more than the first snow of the season.  Every year, during the first snow, be in during school or not, he would wake us up extra early and bundle us up.  We would go and play all day, making snowmen, snow angels, having snowball fights, endless hours of enjoyment.  Then, long after it grew dark, he would drag us back inside and give us each a hot mug of tea.  We'd climb into our warm wool pajamas and curl up by the roaring fire.  He'd sit in his armchair, put on his reading glasses and a book and he would read to us long into the night.  That is my fondest memory of him, sitting in that worn old chair, his reading glasses sliding down his nose while he was too enraptured by the story to push them back up,  his voice rising and falling with the ebb and flow of the story.  He read us the fairy tales, the classics, King Arthur, endless tales of magic and adventure, perhaps trying to give us clues about what was to come. 

Addi and I shared a room upstairs.  Our small cottage only held five rooms, as previously stated and the largest was a single loft in the upstairs of the house. That is where my sister and I spent our nights.   For many years, we shared a bed, for even when we grew older, we would still slip into each other's beds late at night. For there was one thing that scared us more than anything else in the world. Thunderstorms. 

I know, I don't seem the type to be frightened by such a trivial part of nature, but it scared me more than anything. The lighting made me feel cold and  shaky, thunder left me   pale and weak.  I couldn't have explained it, neither could Addi.  It was simply something that   frightened us.  Many times, when we heard the distant rumblings that foretold storms, we would rush out of bed and fly into my father's room and burrow deep in his arms, trying to hide from the fierce tempest.  Even at thirteen, we still crawled into his bed to hide from our half-remembered nightmares or half imagined memories. 

Now no matter what anyone says, my father loved us.  He loved us more than anything else in the world.  If Addi and Siri wanted to play, then he dropped everything to take us out onto the moor and show us the ancient ruins of our ancestors or come up with some new and exciting game.  We were his whole life.   He used to call me his brightest star. Addi was his princess and I was his shining star. We were a family, just the three of us.  

I often, in the course of my years in that village, heard Dad's friends tell him to remarry, to settle down, to move on, get a mother for us, but he never did.  Mum, he said, had been his one true love, and that love only comes around once in a lifetime.

 "You don't find that kind of love twice." He told them.  It is so.  Though I loved Erin, she is no longer a part of my life. I've accepted that and I've moved on. But when I met Mari, I knew.  I knew everything in the instant I looked into her large blue eyes and saw myself reflected in them.  I knew and I understood exactly what my father meant all those years ago. 

People thought we were strange, living that far out by ourselves, but we managed. Dad was the village doctor, and well liked, and so the people put up with us.  My father, though never lacking in friends, never seemed to have them over. They always went to the town pub to talk and pass the time.

 In fact, the only visitor we ever seemed to have was a strange old man who would show up perhaps once a year, greet us as if he'd seen us only the other day, bring us strange gifts that were filled with all kinds of interesting candy you could never find anywhere, talk to my father for a few hours in which dad would send us to the store for milk, or simply tell us to go exploring or something. We were never allowed to sit in on those talks.  And Dad would never discuss it afterwards. But by the time we'd returned, the old man would be gone. Dad would never talk about him or answer any questions, and the topic was put to rest until the next time the old man who dressed in robes appeared on our doorstep. 

I had an alright childhood, I suppose. Addi, as we called her, was very different than me though we got on well. I did have one friend, Tommy. He and I played together as young children. He was richer than I was, much more privileged. His father was the mayor and they had a large house just outside the village. He didn't like his son playing with the odd little boy without a mother, but when we were younger, it didn't seem to matter. 

 I didn't like school. It's not that I didn't understand it. I just knew it already. So I thought if I already knew it what was the point of paying attention. So obviously I got in trouble a lot. This seems to be my trademark. I got teased a lot. Sometimes for not having a mother, and for other things too. Things I couldn't explain to the teachers, the kids, my father, or myself.

I remember once a boy was teasing me for something, I can't remember what, and I told him to get lost. Suddenly he disappeared. Poof! There one second, gone the next. The teacher who had been nearby saw him vanish and some how determined that it was my fault. He was found that afternoon wandering around the moor lost. And another time, there was a teacher who hated me. I don't know why. But he gave me a terrible grade on a test. I saw another girl's test and she had most of the same answers I did and she had them right. But the next day when the teacher opened his grade book, it was empty. All the grades had been erased. He somehow blamed it on me. Things like that. Things that never happened to my sister.

But for a while things were just strange. These things wouldn't happen very often, though as I grew older, they became more frequent. But the strangest thing, and perhaps the thing that finally separated me from my classmates happened soon after the "get lost" incident. 

Our neighboring village had a history of witch burnings back in the seventeenth century.  So our class took a field trip out there to see how it really worked. 

The bus ride was simple and short. I sat with Addi. When we got off the bus, we were greeted by a guide, who was dressed in a frock with a large ruff that made him look very silly. But he didn't seem to care.  He welcomed us, and began our tour by showing us the pond where they drowned witches.  

I winced as he related some of the more gruesome details of the trials. 

"What's the matter, Black? Can't handle it?" one boy whispered in a low voice. 

"Not likely." I shot back. Actually, it was because I felt sorry for the innocent witches who were no more in league with the devil than I was.  That I knew for sure. 

Then the guide led us to a small stage where a long post was standing up, surrounded by mounds of hay or straw.  I can never tell the difference and I have to wonder if there even is one. 

"Now who wants to be our witch?" his gaze rested on Addi. 

"How about you?" she shrugged and came forward.  He took her and loosely tied a rope around her, fastening her to the post.  While he did this, he explained the techniques used by the puritans. 

Suddenly, there was a crash!   Thunder!  Instantly, I began to shake, A horse in one of the stables had broken loose and was headed straight for us.   We scattered, our guide included. Only he dropped his torch. 

It fell, rolled, and then set the hay on fire.   The flames roared up and Addi screamed.   They drew neared, but no one came to help her. She was struggling with the ropes, but was unable to get free. 

I looked around. No one was doing anything. They were all standing there in awe while my sister died.  Well, I wasn't.  I dashed up the steps. 

"Sirius! No!" my teacher screamed, but I ignored her.  I reached the fire and looked franticly for an opening. I saw none. But I pulled together all my courage and ducked my head. Then I leapt through the flames. 

Oddly enough, I felt nothing.  I reached the other side and looked up. Nothing was burned, even singed. I was fine, but Addi was not. I yanked her cords and she was free.  Then we looked for an escape.  The fire was closing in.  Fear mounting, I watched the flames lick at the log stage. Any second now it would collapse. 

Then a sort of calm came over me.  I knew exactly what do to. I waved my hand and the fire died. It split in two pieces, creating a sort of doorway for us to go through. I pulled Addi through and we jumped.  As soon as we were clear the fires roared up and the stage collapsed. 

My teacher ran up to us and pulled us both into a tight hug.  Over her shoulder, I could see most of my classmates regarding me with a strange sort of fear.  The whole way home, people gave me odd looks. I knew they'd seen what I had done.  The people of Dartmoor are a nervous suppositious lot. How could you not be, living only a mile away from a place like that?  But they still clung to their ancient superstitions. 

I puzzled over it, but couldn't figure it out. By the time we'd gotten home people were starting to talk. Not many people spoke to me after that. I was nine years old. 

Of course, my favorite pastime didn't help much.  I told you I grew up close to Dartmoor.  On warm sunny days, I'd love to push Addi and Dad out of bed just before the sun rose, and we'd pack a lunch and bike  to the moor.  Once there, we'd settle on some rock and just sit there, watching the sky, or talking. Sometimes Dad didn't go and it was just the twins. 

I should tell you that while I loved Dartmoor as a strange and wondrous place, even Eden had its dangers.  And Dartmoor is no Eden. 

Deep in Dartmoor, there is a section of mires called the Grimpin Mire. A mire is really just another name for quicksand.  I've seen many ponies get caught in the Great Grimpin Mire. But there are safe paths through the mires, dry places where you can step and reach the island in the middle. By the time I was seven years old, I knew these paths by heart. 

No one had ever shown me. I simply knew where to step and where not to step.  I once heard an old farmer tell his wife that he'd seen me, crossing the mire one day when I was about six. 

"Thought it was a fairy at first. With that black hair, as dark as night, running across that mire, not even looking where he was going, he's got  fairy blood in his veins, that one. Magic, he is."  I never knew just how right he was. 

I looked odd as well.  Not like Addi who looked like a perfectly normal child, with light brown hair and green eyes.  No, I had dark skin,  black hair, and pale eyes.  I never could really decide if they were blue or gray.  It might not be so bad if I had had dark eyes to go with the rest of my features, but my eyes stood out, in contrast to everything else. 

Then one summer day when I was ten, I got a letter in the mail. It was addressed to 

**_Mr. S. Black_**

**_First bedroom, second floor_**

17 Breckinridge Lane 

**_Hunstanton, Devon_**

****

            Being extremely unpopular at school, and having no relatives other than my father, sister who I lived with, and grandparents who hated the sight of me, I was very confused about who would write to me.  Overcome with curiosity, I ripped it open.

**Hogwarts School**

**Of Witchcraft and Wizardry**

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore

(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand  Sorc., Chf Warlock, Supreme Mugwwump, International Confed, of Wizards)

**_Dear Mr. Black,_**__

**_We are pleased to inform you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Since we have been informed that you  were not previously aware about the world of magic,  also enclosed are several instructions on how to make your way in getting your things necessary for  your success at school._**

****

**_Your supplies may be purchased in a place called Diagon Alley, which is located off of  Charing Cross Road in London. There will be a small pub called The Leaky Cauldron, which is to be found between a bookshop and a record store. It is possible that your family make not be able to see this so be sure to point it out. The bartender will show you how to get into Diagon Alley and from there, you will travel to Gringotts Bank to exchange your muggle money for magic currency. _**

**_  
You will also need to take the Hogwarts Express, which will transport you_**

**_to your new school. The train leaves at platform 9¾ at eleven o'clock sharp. The  platform is located between platforms nine and ten, so simply walk straight through the barrier. _**

**_  
Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31. _**

****

**_Yours sincerely,_**

Minerva McGonagall_ ****__  
Minerva McGonagall   
Deputy Headmistress_

****

"Dad!" I ran into the kitchen and waved the letter in my father's face.

"What is it, Siri?" he asked. Addi looked up from her book. 

"I'm a wizard!" I shouted. He froze and stared at me for a long minute.  His eyes seemed so very frightened and I wondered just what I had said.  "Dad?" I asked, softly. 

"What makes you think that, son?" he asked. I noticed his voice was a little shaky, and his hands trembled when I handed him the letter. He took it and read it. After a long moment he looked up from it, staring blindly into space. 

"Dad?" Addi asked. 

"Get out." Dad mumbled. 

"What?" I asked, not sure I'd heard him. 

"Get out!" he yelled.  Addi gazed at him. "You too Adhara. Go!"  he shoved both of us out of the room, grabbing my letter out of my hands as he did so.  Then he slammed the door shut.  Addi and I stared at each other, open-mouthed.  Never in our memories, not even once, had Dad acted like that. 

            There was nothing for us to do. Dad would not respond to our calls and the door was locked.  Addi and I spent the rest of the afternoon running with my dog on the moor. 

When we came in, tired and dirty, the first thing we saw was Dad.  He was sitting in his study, staring at the crackling fire.  He looked up when we entered and nodded to the two cups of warm tea, still steaming and sitting on the dining table. Our living room and dining room where really one big room.  Whenever we came in from playing on the moor, be it rain or shine, summer or winter, dad always made us drink hot tea. He said it decreased the chances of us getting sick.  Well, he was a doctor and the tea wasn't half bad.  It was about the only thing he could make.  Addi was the cook of the family. 

"Did you have fun, kids?" we nodded. "Good, then take your tea." We did as we were told and sat ourselves down by the fire.   Dad stood up and walked over to the mantle.  I saw him look over the pictures there.  He ran his finger over the one of all of us at the beach, our school pictures, his and mum's wedding picture, and finally the picture taken when we were born. It was my favorite.  Mum looked so happy, dad so proud.  Mum was beaming, holding me close pride and honor shining out of her eyes, the eyes that I now have.  Dad, with Addi in his arms, is leaning over mom who is in the hospital bed, looking tired and worn, but so very happy.  Dad told us it was the best day of both their lives. Mum died three days later.  That picture was lost when Voldemort destroyed our house few years later. 

Dad closed his eyes and put the picture down. He sighed. 

"Sirius, about that letter you got," he took a deep breath, as if he were forcing himself to say the words.  He sat back in his chair and lifted me onto his lap. I wasn't a small child, but I wasn't particularly large either. I would go through a tremendous growth spurt in the next few years. That was one thing I did inherit from my father.  He was a tall man.  But now, both my sister and I could both fit easily into his lap, which we now did. 

"Siri, Addi, its time I told you about your mother's world." And he told me everything. My mother was a witch. I was half wizard. He told us all about the wizarding world. He told me Hogwarts was one of the best magic schools around and I would learn everything I needed to know. Unfortunately Addi wasn't a witch. She hadn't inherited Mum's powers. She was a muggle. 

He also told me when we were alone; my mother hadn't died in childbirth as I had been told. She was murdered. By a dark wizard, named Voldemort. She had died to protect me. He told me the whole story. She was a teacher at Hogwarts. She taught Care of Magical Creatures, (Which might have explained later why it was my best subject.) How he came one night to our house. The next part shocked me. He had come to kill me! 

"Why?" I asked.

"Because Sirius, You are special. You will be a great wizard someday. He knew that."

Then he told me how my mother refused to stand aside and let me die.

"I would have helped. I tried. But he cursed me. I was lucky to survive. So are you."

He told me that when Voldemort tired to kill me, my mum jumped in the way. The curse meant for me, hit her. She died to save me.  But the result was he wasn't able to kill me. And the ministry had come at just that time and they drove him off. I didn't want to think about what would have happened if they hadn't been there.

We were saved, but our house was destroyed.  My dad had decided not to rebuild, but to move on.  He'd sold the house in Hogsmeade, and moved here, started over. 

That night, I lay in my bed, listening to Addi breathe, and I stared up at the ceiling, wondering about this strange new world where suddenly, everything made sense.  Somehow I knew that Hogwarts was going to be different.  And that my old life was over.  A new life was about to begin.  Watch out, Hogwarts, I thought as I rolled over, Sirius Black is coming!


	3. Diagon Alley

**Chapter 2: Diagon Alley**

As soon as my dad told me about Diagon Alley, I was desperate to go.  Since it was the only place possible to find the things I needed for school, dad proposed a trip there only a week before school started.

Such a strange place, it is.  I could only stare in amazement at broomsticks, dragon's liver, hags, giants, trolls, and creatures I'd previously thought all make-believe.  Merely getting me to keep going was a task in itself for my dad. 

Gringotts was both fun and exciting, though dad did not seem to enjoy the cart ride to our vault, though Addi and I did.   I'd thought we'd always been short on cash, as my dad was not very prosperous.  But my mum had a good deal of money. Too bad it was all wizarding.  Dad explained wizard money, Knuts, sickles, and galleons. 

 We got my robes and my supplies, which took the better part of two hours simply to get my sister and I out of the apothecary my dad even got me an owl that I named Ernie. 

" Why that?" my dad asked. 

" Because that's his name. "I answered. 

"Can I have one?"

"No Addi. They don't approve of owls at Clearglen."

"But Dad!"

"You can borrow mine sometimes." I told her. There was so much to see. I couldn't stop looking. I was so busy staring at what looked like a shop of brooms that I ran right into some one.

He was tall, and old from the look of his long slivery hair and his twinkling blue eyes seemed so familiar. And he was smiling. Then I realized, it was the old man who every so often visited us, the one who dad always talked to in private. 

"Orion, how are you?" He shook my dad's hand. My dad smiled back. 

"It's good to see you Professor."

"And you. This has to be Adhara. And this is Sirius. He has his mother's eyes." 

"Yes. He's starting school this year."

"Well I'm glad to hear it. If he's anything like his mother He'll be head boy in no time."

"Sirius, Adhara, say hello to Professor Dumbledore."

I stared up at the old smiling face.

"Hi."

"Hello."

"What do you teach?" I asked him

He laughed. " I'm headmaster."

I thought for a minute. Then I grinned " This is going to be fun." I received a laugh from my father, an eye roll from Addi, and an eye twinkle from Professor Dumbledore.

"As long as he doesn't meet the Potter's boy, I think the school will survive intact." Dumbledore laughed. Then with another handshake to my father he was gone.

"There's just your wand now." My father said. I ran to catch up. A real wand. This was the part I'd been looking forward to the most. We entered Olivander's shop. As I went inside, I bumped into a boy. 

"Sorry." He said, but I was too surprised to do more than nod.  Mr. Olivander was there to greet us.

"Ah yes. Sirius Black. I've been expecting you. Seems like just yesterday your mother was in here buying her first wand. Willow, phoenix feathers, 9 inches. Come here and let's see about you eh?"

He pulled a wand down from the countless rows of wands and handed it to me. "Beech and phoenix feather 12 in. Try it. Wave it around." I did feeling like an idiot. Nothing happened. He grabbed the wand away and gave me another. "Try this, Dragon heartstring and yew. Ten inches."

            Again nothing. 

"Interesting combination. Let's try unicorn hair, mahogany, seven inches." He gave me another and another. The pile of used wands was growing.

"Hmmm. You're a tricky one. Let's try a new one I just got in today. Phoenix Feather, Redwood, 8 3/4 inches. First time I've used such a combination, but let's see." He gave me the wand. I shivered when I took it. As I waved the wand, warmth spread from my head to my toes. A few sparks flew from the end.

Mr. Olivander took the wand with a hard to read look on his face. " Odd, very odd indeed." But he gave me the wand.

On the way out my dad stopped to buy us some ice cream. We waited outside with my parcels  
           " Hogwarts too?" I spun around to see a thin-faced boy with greasy hair. That was my first reaction, grease. 

"I am. My sister's not."

"Why not?"

"I don't have any magic." This was the first wizard my age I had seen.

" Are you pureblood?" He asked eyeing my muggle clothes.

" My mum was a witch if that's what you mean."

"Oh you're half blood. That explains it." He stared at me now with a mixture of amusement and disgust.

" So?" I asked, not liking this boy at all.

" I'm surprised they let you in. Wizards with muggle blood are never as good. What was wrong with your mother that she couldn't find a decent wizard to marry that she had to resort to a muggle?"

I don't know why, but the next thing I knew I had hit him. He hit me back and soon it was an all out fight until someone pulled us apart and lifted us high in the air.

           It was a giant. He was huge with loads of bushy hair. The other boy glared at him, but I just stared.

"What do yeh think yer doin'" the giant asked

"He hit me," the other boy said immediately.

"Did ya?" It was a second before I realized the question was to me.

"Well, he started it." 

"Sirius! Adhara! What's going on?"

"Severus! What do you think you're doing?"

Our fathers' had come at the exact same time. And nether looked very happy about it.

" Hello. Found the two of them tryin ta kill each other." The giant said. He still hadn't let us down. The boy's father took him and dragged him away. He glared at me over his shoulder.

"Thanks Hagrid. I'll take him." I was lowered to the ground. I crossed my arms staring after the boy. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the giant laugh.

"So these are the young twins. Sirius looks like his mother. Grown too since the last time I saw him."

My father laughed. "I should hope so. The last time you saw him, he was no more than a year old."

"Well it's true enough. We haven't heard from ya in a while. Got ta thinkin' ya might have forgotten."

"Forget? With the tricks this one pulls?" he asked, waving a hand at me. They both laughed.

"Well, I'll see ya at Hogwarts, Sirius. No more fighin' ya hear?" With that he walked away.

"Dad, who was that?" I asked. 

"Oh that's Hagrid. He's the gamekeeper at Hogwarts. In charge of the grounds and such.  Good friend of your mum's." 

My dad turned around and we walked to our car. He didn't speak until we were on our way home

" Sirius, why were you fighting? "I got into fights at school sometimes. I knew he didn't like it.

"He was saying that wizards with muggle blood aren't as good as pureblood. And he said some mean stuff about mum." 

My father sighed " And you felt you had to hit him."

"Well, yeah."

He just shook his head " Sirius, Sirius, Sirius." 


	4. New Friends and New Faces

**Chapter 3: James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew**

In the last few weeks of vacation I practiced the simple spells I found in my schoolbooks. Addi loved it. There were no hard feelings between us because I had magic blood and she didn't. She was almost relieved. Some of the old books she had read were worrying her. What muggles did to witches, all the witch burning and everything. Not to mention, she'd seen the reactions my random magic spells had caused, for now I knew what they were now. I laughed it off and told her to write me if anyone teased her in school. I was dying to try out some of the curses I had found. She would be going to Clearglen, Dad's old school. It had a good reputation and wasn't as far away as Hogwarts where ever that was, Dad wouldn't say. But we would still write using Ernie.

 Dad had flat out refused to get Addi an owl. But then he relented and bought her a cat, all black with bright green eyes, which she promptly named Sirius.  I tried to change her mind, but she refused, saying the cat was just like me, temperamental, demanding, selfish, and arrogant.  Then I chased her with a pillow and a very large pillow fight ensued for which we were both grounded. 

Secondary school was something we'd never really thought about. We had never been apart for more than a few days before and now we were going to be living a hundred miles apart. It would be hard. We had practically an ESP connection. We knew exactly what the other was thinking. 

_I miss her_. _She was part of me and now it feels like there is a giant hole in my heart where she used to be, right next to James's, Lily's ,Remus's,, Peter's, Erin's, Mari's, mum and dad's. Even my child, Cassiopeia whose life I am missing .I'm surprised I'm still alive with all these pieces of me missing._

She and I were different as night and day. She liked to be by herself. I loved being with people and being the center of attention. She liked to read. I liked to play sports.  She was a model student. I got in trouble constantly. In fact my dad worried if I hadn't got in trouble at least once a day. She excelled at school. I didn't, at least in primary school. It would turn out I was the scholar of the family. Not really the scholar as my job later on had little to do with the things I learned in primary school. An Aurer isn't exactly a muggle career. She didn't exactly look much like me either. She had Dad's light green eyes, while I had Mum's pale ones. She had Dad's light red hair and I had Mum's raven black. I was tall and she short. You would never have known we were twins.

On 1st September, we were at Kings Cross Station, looking for platform 9 ¾.I said goodbye to Dad and Addi who burst into tears, and begged to go. But Dad told her she couldn't go if she had no magic. I promised to write and set off at a run for the barrier.

 I didn't see the other boy until it was too late and we both crashed though the barrier. We looked at our stuff and ourselves on the ground and stared to laugh. He was still laughing as he helped me up. He had untidy black hair and twinkling dark blue eyes.

"Sorry. I didn't see you." He said, still laughing.

"It's okay. I didn't see you either." I stuck out my hand. Something strange ran through me when he took my hand. It was if a sharp jolt ran through  my skin as soon as both our hands touched.  We let go quickly and studied each other. I seemed to know him from somewhere. But I couldn't remember where.  There was something about him, something both old and familiar and new and exciting. Seeing him was like coming home.

" I'm James Potter. What's your name?" I grinned. 

'Sirius Lee Black."  He frowned. 

"What? What is?"

"What is what?" I asked, looking confused and tilting my head to the side. 

"Seriously black." 

I grinned. "I am." 

"No, you're not." 

"Yes I am."  He looked so confused, I had to explain. "That's my name. Sirius, spelled  s.i.r.i.u.s Lee, L.e.e. Black. Sirius Black." Then he laughed. 

"That's a good one. Your parents must have a great sense of humor. I pity any siblings you have." 

"I have a sister, but I guess mum won that round, cause her name's just Adhara."  He laughed.  Then we  started towards the train.

" This your first year?" He asked me. 

"Yep."

"Me too."

We gathered our things and worked our way over to the train. We managed to get both our trunks on very quickly. I'm still amazed at how well we worked together then even though we had only know each other a few minutes. It's like we knew we were meant to be friends .

We found a compartment with only one person in it. A boy with red brown hair, bright blue eyes, and a lonely expression. He gazed longingly out at the families gathered to wish the students' farewell. He looked like he could use a friend or two. James and I exchanged a look. If he wanted some friends,  then that's what he would get.

"Oy, are these seats taken?" James asked. The boy jumped then he looked at his hands and shook his head.

"Thanks."  We got our trunks inside. The boy watched us forlornly. I smiled at him. For a second I debated using my full name again. He looked like he could use a laugh. 

 "Sirius Lee Black." I said, grinning. He frowned. 

"What? He looked very confused.  "What's black?" James groaned. 

"He is.  That's his name.  Sirius Lee Black."  

I growled at James. "Oh, you're no fun, you know that?" 

            The boy smiled slowly. " Seriously?  Oh! Sirius Lee. I get it." I grinned again and I held out my hand. He stared at it for a second as if unsure of what to do, then he shook it.

" Remus, Remus Lupin." 

"James Potter." He shook James's hand. "So, this your first year?"

"Yeah."

"Ours too. Hey maybe we'll be in the same house."

Remus nodded. " That'd be nice." Just then the whistle blew and the train gave a jolt as it pulled out. James jumped up to wave to his family, and Remus looked out the window as if he were searching for someone in the crowd.  I sat back. I knew dad wouldn't be there, he was making sure Addi got to her train. 

"Aren't you going to say goodbye?"  James asked. I shook my head. 

"It's alright.  My dad is seeing my sister off." 

After we'd turned the corner and the station had vanished, we turned back to the conversation we'd been having. 

" I hope I'm in Gryffindor. That's where my mom and dad where."

"My dad was in Gryffindor and my mom was in Ravenclaw. I think either one would be cool."

"What about you Sirius? What house do you want to be in?" James asked me.

What house did I want to be in? I didn't know what to say. I didn't know any of the houses. They were definitely pureblood. What if they acted the way that boy in Diagon alley had once they found out I was half. I took a chance.

"I don't know any of the houses."

" Are you from a muggle family?" James asked his face never changing.

" Half. My mum was a witch."

" Why didn't she tell you?" Remus asked.

" Well, she died when I was born. My Dad's a muggle, he raised me." 

I looked at them and saw nothing but sympathy in their eyes.

" Sorry." James said softly.

"S'okay. It was a long time ago."

We sat for a while in silence, not the awkward kind, the kind where everyone is thinking their own thoughts.

Suddenly the door burst open. It was the thin-faced greasy hair boy from Diagon alley and what looked like some cronies. 

"Oh it's the half breed." He sneered when he saw me. Then he turned and saw James. From the look on both their faces, I figured they must have known each other. 

"Oh, it's you, Potter."

"What are you doing here, Snape?"

"I was looking for a compartment. But now that I find this one's been contaminated with mudbloods, I'll have to leave." He sneered.  "By the way, Potter what are you doing in here?" 

"I'm sitting with my friends." James was getting mad, I could tell. But then so was I. 

 "Your friends? And who may I ask have the privilege of being friends with the great James Potter?"

"This is Sirius Black and Remus Lupin."

"You are pureblood aren't you?" he asked Remus, addressing him for the first time. 

"Yes, what does that matter?" Remus asked. He was glaring at Snape. 

"What are two purebloods like you doing hanging around with some filthy half blood like him?" I'd had enough.  I took a step closer, but was held back by Remus's hand on my shoulder. 

"Because he is our friend. If you have a problem with that, then leave." James said, his jaw clenched. 

"Why should I?"

"Because you're not wanted here." He sneered and slithered back to the slimly pit he'd crawled out of.  I was fuming. 

"That is not fair!  He shouldn't be saying things like that to anyone, especially Sirius! Stupid  pureblood beliefs." James muttered.  

"He's not telling the truth.  Some pureblood wizards think that because they  can trace their lines back far enough, they  are better than muggle born wizards." Remus explained to me. Then he changed the subject.

"So Sirius, you never said what house you want to be in."

" Whatever house I'm in I hope he's not in it."

"That goes double for me." James was still angry about what he'd said.

" Hey look here's the lunch cart. I'm starved." Remus said. James brightened. He grabbed a hand full of candy and brought it back. He threw me a plastic wrapped frog. 

"Try it, it's great."

It was.  I recognized them as some of the candies Dumbledore used to bring for us when we were younger. Remus had a bag of every flavor beans. He handed me some.

" You want to be careful with those. When they say every flavor they mean every flavor."

James nodded " Once I got raw fish. My dad thinks he got puke one time."

"Really?"

"Yeah." I though for a minute.

"Cool." They laughed.

All the way we talked and eat our way though the candy. James told us about his family, and I told them about Addi and about some of the things that had happened to me before I knew I was a wizard. I soon had both of them clutching their sides as they laughed. Remus was crying from laughing so hard when I told them about unknowingly performing the full body-bind on my gym teacher after he blamed me for picking a fight in class. It felt good to make someone laugh that hard. I would come to know that feeling very well in my years at Hogwarts.

We were just recovering when a small pump boy raced into our compartment. Followed seconds later by Snape and his cronies.  One, I noticed, was tall with pale blond hair and looked much older, sixteen or seventeen. 

"Where is he?" Immediately we all jumped to our feet, our smiles gone.

"What do you want, Snape?" I glared at him. He glared back.

"Oh it's you three again. "

"These were the ones you were telling us about, Severus?"  the tall boy asked. James growled. 

"Lucious Malfoy. What a pleasure."  He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. 

"Likewise, Potter." He glared. 

"What do you want?" James asked.  Snape and Malfoy grinned. 

"That little rat is bothering us so we're teaching him a lesson." The boy gave a small squeak from where he was hiding behind James and me.

"I don't think so." James took a step closer to them.

"Why'd don't you just leave?" I stood next to him.

"And pick on someone else." Remus joined us.  
"Like you?" Snape scoffed. Remus backed off a little

"Yes Like us." I took another step closer.    Malfoy laughed. 

"Is this that muggle born mutt you were talking about?"  he laughed. "Not much, is he?" 

Before anyone could do anything, my wand was up and pointing at them.  James and Remus  went to stop me. 

"Oh! I'm scared!  The mudblood has a wand!" Snape cried, in mock horror.  Slowly, I muttered something under my breath.  There was a certain spell I'd seen in one of my books, and I'd tried it out, but it had never worked. This time, it worked very well.  Snape and Malfoy began to sprout flowers.  They quickly backed out of the room. James made sure they were gone before he closed the door. 

"Good one, Sirius!"

"Where did you learn to do that?" Remus asked. I shrugged. 

"It was in one of the books. I was practicing it, but it never worked before." I grinned and  I slapped a high five with Remus and James before we turned to the boy. 

"Th, thanks." He stammered. I grinned.

"Don't mention it. I'm Sirius Black and this is James Potter and Remus Lupin."

"Peter Pettigrew." And so Peter was welcomed into our circle. 

Soon it began to get dark and the train slowed down. 


	5. Sorting

**Chapter 4: Nice Hat**

"First years this way." The giant who I met in Diagon Alley was directing the way. He grinned at me. 

"Been staying out of trouble, eh Sirius?"  I only gave him an innocent look, and then we were pushed apart by the crowd of people. 

"How do you know Hagrid?" James asked me. I flashed them  a grin. 

"Oh, he caught me trying to kill Snape in Diagon Alley." 

            He piled us onto small boats, and on his signal, we began to glide across the lake to the large  brightly lit castle. Though James and I got  a bit impatient, and somehow we all ended up in the lake. 

We followed him to the castle where a teacher called Professor McGonagall took us up to the great hall.

"I am Professor McGonagall.   You will follow me." She led us through the doors and into a hall, brightly lit with candles.  There were four long tables, each crowded with students. They were all watching us.  I hardly knew where to look, at the students, at the teachers, or at the decorated stone walls, and finally decided on up. 

 I looked up. The ceiling looked exactly like the sky outside. Clear and bright. The stars shone brightly, and my eyes automatically went to my own star, which winked cheerfully at me. 

We were lined up on a small stage in front of all the other students. A short professor bought out a stool with a battered old hat on it.

"What's that for?" I whispered to James.

"I don't know." He whispered back. Remus shrugged. Peter gave a squeak.

Then the hat began to speak

****

****

**_"Well I may not be beautiful,_**

**_But it's my guarantee,_**

**_That you will never find,_**

**_A cleverer hat than me,_**

**_I'm not the type of hat,_**

**_You wear to block the sun,_**

**_I won't sit atop your head all day,_**

**_That would be no fun,_**

**_But if you'd like me to see,_**

**_What's going on in your mind,_**

**_Step right up and put me on,_**

**_I'll see what I can find,_**

**_Now it's time for you to know,_**

**_In which house you belong,_**

**_Come to me, the Sorting Hat,_**

**_For I am never wrong,_**

**_You could be in Gryffindor,_**

**_Where the brave find their success,_**

**_You could be a Hufflepuff,_**

**_Loyal above the rest,_**

**_Perhaps you are a Ravenclaw,_**

**_With a mind that's wise and clever,_**

**_Or maybe you belong in Slytherin,_**

**_Where power is your greatest endeavor,_**

**_But you'll never know where you belong,_**

**_Until I look inside your mind,_**

**_For I am the Hogwarts Sorting Hat,_**

**_                                             The one and only of my kind!"_**

****

The hall clapped loudly.

"That's it? Try on a hat?" James asked.

"Don't look at me. I don't know anything." I told him. He looked like he wanted to say more, but he was silenced by a look from Professor McGonagall.

"When I call your name, you will step forward and try on the hat." She looked down at her list

"Black, Sirius." 

I started. Then I flashed James and Remus a quick grin to and walked over to the hat, trying to get my hands to stop shaking. I picked up the hat and put it on. It slid over my eyes. I heard a small voice in my ear.

"Oh this is a good one to start out with. A twin, I love twins. They are so interesting, Now where was I? Oh yes. An unusual amount of power. Unused. Untrained. But lots. Loyalty. Honor. You've got quite a temper there. Fear too. And large knack for mischief.  My, what a destiny. That explains the power you've got. You're the last, aren't you?"

Last of what? I asked. The hat replied. "Why, of your line! Oh well. Well, there's no question here. You're in GRYFFINDOR!" 

This last word was shouted. I pulled of the hat and walked, shaking with relief, over to the table where I was immediately congratulated and pounded on the back by almost the entire table. As I sat down I thought about what the hat had said. A destiny? The last of what?  I must have had a confused look on my face because an older boy leaned over to me. He had kind eyes. 

" Don't worry about what the hat said. No one can really figure it out. So don't waste your time." He smiled at me, then held out his hand

"Frank Longbottom. 6th year"

"Sirius Black."

"Well, welcome to Hogwarts, Sirius." I grinned and turned my attention to the sorting. Peter was in some sort of trance. Remus looked green and James had a look of absolute terror on his face.

"Lupin, Remus."

Remus looked even greener if that's possible. But he stepped up and put the hat on. I crossed my fingers. A second later it yelled "GRYFFINDOR."

I yelled and cheered the loudest, I think. Remus sat down across from me. He still looked green.

"What?"

"You're green."

"Shut up." He said, wearing a relieved and rather silly smile. 

"Pettigrew, Peter." The hat took a very long time to decide for Peter. Then it shouted Gryffindor. Peter ran down and sat next to Remus. Then he noticed the whole hall laughing.

"What? What is it?" he asked

I, unable to speak, pointed to his head.

"The hat." Remus got out between gasps.

Peter turned bright red. He was still wearing the hat. He ran up and gave it back. 

"Potter, James." James had barley put it on his head when it shouted " GRYFFINDOR."

"YES!" We slapped a high five and he sat down next to me.

We all held our breath when Professor McGonagall called "Snape, Severus." Then let it out when the hat called "Slytherin."

I noticed James watching a girl with red hair. She was sitting  nearby me, waving at a girl in line. 

"White, Erin." The other girl moved to the front. I stared. She was short and thin with long blond hair and big bright smiling blue eyes. A complete opposite to my black hair and pale eyes.

"GRYFFINDOR" She walked over to our table and sat down across from James. I grinned at her and she smiled back. There was something about her that shook me even then.

" Erin White."

"Hi."

"And you are?"

" Oh. Uh, Sirius. Sirius Black."

"Nice to meet you Sirius Black."

"Er, yeah you too." She turned to watch the last people being sorted.

"Smooth." James was smiling.

"Shut up."

I watched the ret of the people being sorted. Then  I looked over at James. He was smiling a very goofy smile at Lily Evens. I waved my hand in front of his face. No reaction. I nudged Remus who turned and looked at me.

"Watch this." I mad several faces at James then poked him and still nothing. But I got reactions from Remus, Erin, and the rest of the table. Finally I punched James in the shoulder.

"What?" he asked as Lily sat down next to Erin.

"Are you even alive? I've been trying to talk to you for like five minutes and all you've been doing is stare at Lily. Do you like her?'

"NO!" he looked terrified at the very thought. 

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't!"

"James likes Li" He clamped his hand over my mouth. 

"I. Don't. Like. Her. Get it?" I nodded unable to keep the smile off my face.

"Got it."

"Good."

Then Dumbledore had just stood up.

"Hello everyone. Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts. I hope everyone had a good summer. Now just some announcements. First years should know that the Forbidden forest is off limits to all students as there are very dangerous creatures that could make you die a very painful death."

I glanced at James "That sounds like fun. We have to check it out."

"Definitely." He gave me the "I am up to no good" smile that would become so familiar in all the years I've known him_. Knew him. Sometimes I still forget he's dead_. 

"Second a new tree has been planted on school grounds. It is called a whomping willow and it deserves its name. So I beg you to leave it alone."

I put that down in my mental " things to ignore" list. Also there was

1. leave Snape alone

2. stay out of the forbidden forest

3. forget James likes Lily 

_4. Behave myself.___

_ When he waved his wand, food appeared in front of us, filling our plates and goblets.  I stared in wonder. I'd never seen real magic preformed like that.  Remus poked me and James rolled his eyes. _

"Just eat it, Sirius. Don't sit there gawking at it." he glanced at Erin and Lily. Lily was having more or less the same reaction and Erin was groaning. 

"Let me guess, you two are muggle born."  Peter asked. Lily and I nodded, unable to really take our eyes of the magical food. 

"Oh yeah? Well, watch this." James said. He took his goblet and drained it.  Seconds later, it was refilled.  He grinned and pointed to my untouched meal. I took his hint and dove in. 

"So James," I asked, "What did the hat say to you?" I was wondering if it said something that  mysterious to everyone else. 

"It said I was brave, and noble, and smart, and I had a lot for power." He said, 'How about you?" 

"That what it said about me too, only…" I thought about telling him, but the words wouldn't come. So instead I shrugged, and refilled my glass. 

"Only what?" Remus asked. 

"Only not the noble part. It said I had a knack for mischief." I said, grinning. 

The feast was terrific. I'd always had a big appetite. But Remus ate like a wolf. He ate like he was a starving man. I shrugged it off then concentrating on watching Erin and not letting James see, and watching James watch Lily.  We were even introduced to our resident ghost, Nearly Headless Nick, who, in response to my question, showed us just exactly how he was nearly headless by flipping his head over on his shoulder and put us all of the treacle pudding.  But he seemed nice enough, not like that Slytherin ghost, the Bloody Baron. I thought it was hilarious when   Snape looked sick as the baron  leaned passed him to  get the attention of several first years that were being disrespectful. I was glad Nick was our ghost.  

Soon we were all yawning.  Before we went to bed, Dumbledore told us we were singing the Hogwarts school song. He waved his wand and words appeared. 

**_Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,_**

**_Teach us something please,_**

**_Whether we be old and bald,_**

**_Or young with scabby knees,_**

**_Our heads could do with filling,_**

**_With some interesting stuff,_**

**_For now they're bare and full of air,_**

**_Dead flies and bits of fluff,_**

**_So teach us things worth knowing,_**

**_Bring back what we've forgot,_**

**_Just do your best, we'll do the rest,_**

**_And learn until our brains all rot._**

A prefect took us up to the tower. A portrait of a fat lady hung over the door. She asked us the password and swung open to reveal the passageway. James and Remus didn't blink an eye at the talking picture but I stared. James just shoved me through the door and up to our common room.

_ One thing about the wizarding world I'll never get used to is the pictures. It never ceases to amaze me when the subjects move and talk. I have a small one of Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs in our fifth year. It's odd, looking at it. Those boys used to be us. James and I are pouring itching powder down Peter's shirt while Remus is laughing. They all jump out of the way and grin up at me when a tear falls on the picture. We could have never known what would happen to us in the next four years. No. I'll never get used to it._

Anyway, we climbed to our dorms. There were four huge beds. I took the one in the middle, Remus on the left and James on the right. Peter took the one next to James.

          James said goodnight to everyone in turn. It was a ritual he would  do every night  in our years. 

"Night Remus." 

"Night James." 

"Night Sirius." 

"Night James." 

"Night Peter." 

"Night James." 

 As we fell asleep I couldn't believe how lucky I was. Already almost everyone at the table liked me. All night I had made jokes and done impressions that made everyone laugh. I had gone from one friend to almost the whole house. I'd only been there one day and already it felt like home. I was almost asleep when I heard a small muffled sob. Like some one trying to cover it up. It came from Remus's bed. 

"Remus?" I asked softly. The sound stopped. A sleepy "Yeah" answered me.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah sure, why not?"

"Nothing."

"Are you sure?" James was awake now too.

" Yes I'm fine. Go to sleep."

James peeked through his curtains just when I did. We exchanged a look and when we heard nothing went back to bed.

_I stopped writing for a while. I think it's been a few days. I had some bad ones. On days like that I can hardly remember anything and my head plays tricks with me. Guilt tricks. I know it's my fault they died. If I hadn't insisted they use Peter. If I had done it. I know I am to blame. If I hadn't been such a coward, Lily and James might still be alive. But I know that I didn't betray them and I didn't kill those muggles. All I know on a day like that is I am innocent._

_The others in here aren't though. They go crazy in here. But not me. I wonder why. I mean, I still have my powers even though the dementors are supposed to drain a wizard of everything. But I'm not mad. I know who I am, why I'm here. I can remember my life. Which is much more than others in here can say. I have to listen to these screams all the time. I was like that at first. But I stopped. Most scream for days. Then they go quiet. They all go quiet in the end._

_Someone in the next cell is cursing Peter. One of Voldemorts old supporters. He knows. Others know. People out there know. But they won't admit it. And they would let an innocent man rot in this hell. _

_God, this is hard. Reliving this all over again. I started this as a way to forget where I am now. But sometimes remembering is worse. Remembering all I have lost thanks to Peter. That miserable, lying, murdering traitor. But he's dead and good thing too. And I'm alive. And Lily and James aren't. But they would want me to remember. Just in case. When I first got in here I waited for them to find something. Some proof that I'm innocent. But now I've given up on that. I've given up on almost everything expect James. Some how I know he's still here somewhere. I can feel him sometimes when things get too bad to handle and I change. I can smell him. I'd know that scent anywhere. I can't see him or hear him. But I know it. And he'd want me to remember. So I'm remembering._


	6. A new life

**Chapter 5: Our first day**

The next morning I woke up very early.  After lying there for a while,  I began to think.  This year  would have to be fun.  And if I had anything to do about it, it would be the best this school had ever seen.  With a grin and an idea, I crawled out of bed.  I remembered having seen several fireworks in James's trunk the night before,  and so  careful not to wake anyone, I slipped over.  But I stepped on a creaky board. 

"What?" James's sleepy voice came through the curtains. He pushed them back. "Siri? What is it?" he glanced at his clock. "It's too early." 

"Not for me." I said, grinning.  "Hey, do you mind if I borrow those fireworks?"  Now he was awake. 

"Why?" 

"Oh nothing really.  I was just going to put them under Dumbledore's chair." James laughed. 

"Sirius, you idiot! You weren't planning something without me, now were you?"  I laughed. Of course, he would want to join.  

"Not in the least. So what do you say?"

"I say we wake Peter and Remus and make them join in the fun." 

"Too late. I'm already up." Peter informed us.  "You guys are gonna get in so much trouble." 

We only laughed. "Of  course, Peter. That's the fun." 

"Now it's time for Remus."  I pushed back his curtains. "Wake up!" he only groaned. 

"Oh come on, get up Remy!" James grinned at me. 

"Nice name." He muttered. I  grinned back. 

"I'm up, I'm up.' Remus said into the pillow, confirming what I suspected, that he was not up, nor would be anytime soon. 

"Here, will this help?" Peter asked. I grinned to see a large  pitcher of water in his hand. 

"I'm up!" Remus shouted, scrambling for the floor.  Then he glanced out the window. Seeing it was still dark, he frowned and scratched his head.

"Now refresh my memory. Why am I up?" we told him our plan and he shook his head. 

"You're going to get in so much trouble." 

"That's what I said." Peter told him. 

"Oh, don't be such a prat, Pete." I told him. 

"Besides,  you can relax. We've got it taken care of." James told him. 

"But there's still a chance."  I rolled my eyes. 

"Remus, in life you have to take a chance every once and a while. Otherwise you never have any fun! Now come on!" James and I pulled them down the stairs. 

"And just how are we going got get down?"  Remus asked.  James  reached into his robe and pulled out a long thin silvery  piece of cloth.  Remus and Peter gasped. 

"Is that a?" 

"Invisibility cloak? Yep? My dad gave it to me."  He slipped the cloak over our shoulders and we  climbed out the portrait hall and down the stairs.   After actually finding the Great Hall, which was a task in itself, we  tied the fireworks to the headmaster's chair and slipped back up to our dorm.  We had little less than a few minutes before we heard others coming down to the common room.  Then we dressed and followed them, eager to see the results of our fist prank. 

Dumbledore came in, and stood ready to give his speech. But as he sat down,  there was a huge explosion! He jumped then looked around. The whole hall was laughing. Professor Dumbledore looked like he wanted to be stern then he cracked a smile and soon was laughing right along with us.

" Alright, who did that?" he asked when things had died down. We didn't answer. But he looked right at us.

" Mr. Potter. Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin. Please stand up." We stood up. We looked at each other nervously. Did he know?

"Boys, Thank you for that," He paused, " explosive opening to our new year." The hall exploded in clapping and whistles. We laughed and bowed.

"Thank you. Thank you." James laughed. We sat down. That was the start of the legacy we would leave behind.

Professor McGonagall was our transfiguration teacher. She was really quite strict but she soon became our favorite teacher. Maybe because transfiguration was James and my best subject.  She started term by showing us her animagi transformation, then giving us a lecture on rules. 

Flying lessons were the best. We had them with the Slytherins. 

Madam Hooch shouted to our class " Just yell up and if you've done it right the brooms should leap into your hands."

"UP!" Mine leaped right into my hand. I grinned at James whose broom had done the same. Remus's had rolled over and Peter's hadn't move. Neither did Snape's I am happy to say. When we were allowed to fly I found it came very naturally to me. I loved the feeling of soaring over the ground. Remus got a little sick when he looked down and after the lesson we had to pry Peter from the broom. But after class Madam Hooch took James and me aside.

"You boys ever been on a broom before?" She asked

"No."

"My dad let me try it once or twice."

"Well, you boys are naturals. I wouldn't be surprised if you are on the team next year."

We grinned and ran off to our next class, which unfortunately was Potions.

When we tried to get there, James, in a desperate attempt to impress Lily, got us very lost and very late.   Finally, Lily found it and we walked in. 

"You're late."  The potions master said.  He was tall and thin, with gray balding hair and a sunken wary face.  His eyes moved a lot, always seeing everything, it seemed. 

"Yeah, sorry. We got lost." James told him.  He glared. 

"Names?"

"Remus Lupin."

"James Potter."

"Peter Pettigrew."

"And I'm Sirius."  I told him.  I was about to add my last name when he glared at me. 

"I asked for your name, not your honesty level."

"But I'm Sirius!"  I told him. My friends were cracking up. 

"I will not tolerate smart attitudes in my class. Now tell me your name now or I will report you to Professor Dumbledore." 

I sighed.  "My name is Sirius. Sirius Black. Check your roster." I told him. Grudgingly, he did so and took points off when he realized it was true. 

After forty-five minutes of taking notes and listen to him blab on about the properties of armadillo bile, we were split into pairs and told to make a shrinking potion.  Reaching blindly behind me for powdered slugs, I grabbed the first thing I could reach.  Then I dumped it into the cauldron. 

"Sirius, I don't think that was supposed to go in there." Remus whispered from his own cauldron, trying to keep his voice down and not attract attention  I glanced at the container.  It was most diffidently not something I wanted to repeat and I had to wonder how it got into the ingredients.

"Oh well, how about more?" I shrugged and took the next thing from James.  He grinned and handed me a random bottle. I grinned back and dumped it into the cauldron. I heard Remus groan, but I only grinned more. 

This kept up for a while, James handing me various bottled and vials and me dumping them into our potion, added with various comments from both me and James which sounded a little like, "How some of this, and a little of that, OH! I didn't know they could pickle that!  That's diffidently going, and a lot of this,"  

Then by chance or good luck, Snape happened by just as a large curtain of smoke exploded from the cauldron with a loud BANG!

I couldn't help laughing as Snape was howling in pain as the now acid potion touched him.  It was worth the detention, even though we pretended to know nothing. 

That night was the first night Remus disappeared. 


	7. Th Potter Gang

**Chapter 6: The Potter Gang**

The next few months were both uneventful and full of activity.  We went to class. We pulled pranks. We teased Snape, and cursed him one time by whenever some one said the word it, he would burp. The teachers liked that one, though they tried hard restrain us. Thanks to our breakfast prank we got a well-deserved reputation as the most daring and the worst pranksters to ever come to Hogwarts. Even Professor Binns couldn't remember anyone worse. And he's a ghost.

We made friends with the gamekeeper Hagrid, who was huge. He reminded me of a giant. But James said giants weren't the nicest of people so I stopped thinking of him like that, because Hagrid was one of the best friends you could ever have. Though none of us knew it, he would spend most of the next seven years chasing us away from the forbidden forest. We spent much of our free time down at his hut. He had one flaw though, a strange idea of what was cuddly and what was not. He told us he wanted a dragon, but of course that was against the law. I In our sixth year he got a huge boarhound puppy. We dubbed it Fang when James learned the hard way that he didn't like to be tickled. 

Everyone liked us. Teachers and students. Except for the Slytherins of course. Oh and Professor Beaker, the potions master. I don't know why, but he hated us. It couldn't have possibly  be the slugs we dumped into his cauldron the first day. We had no idea they were flammable.

It was the first time I'd ever been popular. At my old school I was the weird one, the outcast. Now we were known as the Potter gang. We all had our rolls.

I was the hotheaded one. I planned all the most daring and outrageous adventures. I couldn't tell the difference between a harmless prank and a dangerous adventure if it would save my life. About half the trouble we got into was because of my temper. I'll be the first one to admit it. I have a really bad temper if you make me mad. Not much makes me mad, but going after my friends will work every time. Snape learned that the hard way. I was also the joker. I was the one who made everyone laugh. Most of the pranks we pulled were my idea and I got a reputation for being an idiot, never thinking before I acted. 

Remus was the calm head, the voice of reason. He was shyer that James and I, more interested in schoolwork. It always drove him mad because he could never figure out how I could study once a year and get the grades I did. Now don't get me wrong. Remus got in his share of trouble, mostly because James and I dragged him along. But he enjoyed it just as much as us. He was just a little more careful. Snape didn't pick on me, as much after he learned I wasn't afraid to fight back. So he picked on Remus. Remus wouldn't fight back. He didn't have the strength. But Remus was my friend. And no one messes with my friends.

Peter was, there's no other way to say it, the tag-along. He always hung out with us. Now I'm not trying to be mean or anything, Peter was my friend. I just had no illusions about his ability. He wasn't very smart and got picked on worst then Remus and I put together. He always need help with homework. But he was kind hearted, a little clumsy, but had a smile that lit up a room. But he always had a thirst for power, to control.  A hunger I could never understand. 

And of course, James was our ringleader, and my partner in crime. We did every thing together. He was my best friend, my brother. You never see one without the other, they said. We were like brothers and closer. He was the bravest and the most noble of us all. He was the one all the girls wanted and all the boys wanted to be. He had brains, looks, and ability on the field, he had it all. He had the innocent face that could pull off any crime, and the invisibility cloak to pull off the ones the face couldn't. James was perfect. 

 I planned the pranks, Remus thought of the dangers, Peter kept lookout. But the final decision would always be James's. James, Remus, Peter and I were The Potter gang.

Classes were not a problem either. I soon learned that magic came easy for me. Transfiguration was my best class. I got a reputation for being smart, too smart sometimes. In fact I was second only to James and Lily whom along with Erin, we became close friends with. Remus was good too. He came right after us. Defense against the dark arts was his best class. Peter on the other hand, needed all the help he could get. It was shaping up to be the best time of my life. Expect for one thing.

Remus.

            Every few weeks, Remus would vanish. Afterwards, he'd come up with all sorts of excuses, his mother was sick, he had to go visit her, his aunt had died, he had to go to her funeral, he was sick . I think he killed off eight or nine relatives  that year alone.  At first we thought nothing of it. We offered our sympathies and ignored the obvious signs. But as time went on,  things seemed to become more and more strange. 

It was James who figured out that he left once a month.  Before the sixth month, we'd never really kept track, but now we did and found he did, in fact, vanish once a month. And the fact that he was allergic to silver and wolfsbane, both ingredients we used in Potions and when we did, Remus suddenly felt ill and had to go to the infirmary. 

I was all for tying Remus to a chair and torturing him until he told us exactly what was wrong, but James persuaded me to put away the rope and chains and wait.  Now patience has never been my strong suit, but I did as I was told and I waited. I said not a word and I waited. I waited for one year, and then I could not wait any more. 


	8. True friends

**Chapter 9: Summer**

We went home that summer with a new sense of happiness none of us had ever had before. I looked forward to a new life full of friendship and magic. I had friends, great friends. Friends I would die for. It was a feeling I'd never had before. I was so proud of it, I couldn't stop grinning. 

I met Addi  at King's Cross and we headed over to our platform to catch our train back to Dartmoor where Dad would pick us up. 

 I could tell Dad was glad to have us home. He had wanted to know everything about school and the whole way home, I told him about school. I don't think he understood half of what I was saying but he listened. I thought after all the letters home he must have gotten he would have been angry. But no. He was proud if anything else. I told him those were just the times we'd been caught.Addi made me tell her every single prank I had ever pulled. She couldn't believe how much I had changed. She had changed too but not as much as me. 

"You seem older."

"What do you mean?"

" Not just taller." I had shot up three inches since last year. " There's something else. It's more mature. More confidant. More serious, no pun intended. I don't know. I can't put my finger on it."

One night about a week into vacation, as I lay in bed, I began to get lonely. I sat up, listening for James's mutters, Remus's tossing and Peter's snores. Addi's quiet breathing wasn't enough.  I needed my friends around me again. Once I'd known the laughter and enjoyment I could have with Remus, James, Peter, Lily, and Erin, I craved it.  I fed on the chaos we created.  Never before had I had a real large group of friends and now I had a hundred. I couldn't very well bring the whole house of Gryffindor into our little cottage, but I could do the next best thing. 

"Dad?"

"Hmm?" He didn't raise his eyes from his paper, only moving to sip his coffee. 

"Could I have some friends over?"

"What friends?"

"James and Remus and Peter. I'd ask Lily and Erin but Lily's in the states and Erin !-- A:link { TEXT-DECORATION: none; } A:visited { EXT-DECORATION: none; } a:hover { TEXT-DECORATION: none; font-weight: bold } A:active { TEXT-DECORATION: none; } --went to Ireland for the summer." Now he did lower his paper and eyed me carefully. I gave him my best puppy-dog eyes and he glanced at Addi who covered her mouth with her hand. 

" Well, alright. As long as you behave yourself." He said it because he was supposed to, not because he believed it.

"Great can I go send the owls now?"

"Sure." I raced out of the room and hastily wrote invitations to all three.

The next day Ernie was sitting on my window with three replies looking very proud of himself. I took them and ruffled his feathers affectionately. He nipped at me and took off towards the moor for some breakfast. I tore open the letters. The first one was from Remus.

_Dear Sirius,_

_I'd love to come. I can't wait to see you guys. How did your dad react to all the owls' home? Mine just sighed. And then grounded me for all eternity He wonders where the kid who was good and quiet and never got into trouble went. I told him with you two as friends, there is no way you can't get in trouble. I wasn't sure he'd let me come seeing as you guys are my "partners in crime" as he calls us. But mum drove him crazy I want to meet your sister. She sounds really cool. See ya tomorrow._

_Remus_

_Dear Siri,_

_Thank you sooooooo much. I need some excuse to get away. My mum's driving me insane. " James you need to behave. Good grades don't make up for bad behavior." Blah blah blah. I can't wait to see you all. How did your dad react to the letters? My mum nearly blew when I came home, but Dad just laughed. He's proud for me! He said if only we put that much energy into our schoolwork. I told him what was the point? We get top grades anyway. I can't wait to meet your sister. She sounds awesome. I'm trying out for Quiddich next year. You better too. See ya._

_James_**__**

_Dear Sirius,_

_I would love to come over. I'll see you tomorrow._

_Peter._

The next morning I woke up at five. When I couldn't stand it any more (Neither could Addi. She threw me out.) I ran into my dad's room and jumped up and down on his bed until he got up. This was at 5:15.

At 9: 30 the doorbell rang. As I had been standing there since 8:00, I answered it right away. Peter stood there with a woman I assumed was his mom.

"Pete! Come on in." My dad introduced himself and Addi and Peter's mum turned to him.

"Now Peter, do you have everything?"

"Yes mum."

"Your toothbrush?"

"Yes mum."

"Your happy sheep pajamas?"

"Happy sheep pajamas?!"   
"Remy! Hey great to see you." I grinned.  His father was standing next to him. 

"Alright then I'll see you in a few weeks snookums. Just send mummy an owl if you get homesick." Mr. Lupin raised his eyebrow at Mrs. Pettigrew. 

"Bye mum." Peter said through clenched teeth. She pulled the door closed behind her. Then we lost it.

"Happy sheep pajamas?!"

"Snookums?!"

"Shut up."

"What did I miss?" 

"Hi James." Peter grumbled.

"What's wrong with them."

"Happy sheep pajamas!" Remus gasped holding his sides.

"Snookums!" I got out. That was all it took to send Remus and me rolling on the floor. It took us a good five minutes to recover. By then my dad had come back out into the hall. He shook hands with James's dad and Mr. Lupin. They took one look at Remus and me on the floor holding our sides and Peter's sulking and James and Addi's confusion 

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Lupin, why don't you and I go in the kitchen?"

"Good idea." 

"Oh great you're leaving me here?"

"They're your friends, James." They left very quickly. When we had recovered we went into the kitchen.

"Dad this is James Potter." 

"So this is the famous James Potter."

"Nice to meet you Mr. Black."

"And this is Remus Lupin."

"I've heard a lot about you too." Remus and James grinned.

"Are they always like this?" Addi asked me.

" This is the Potter gang on good day."

"Oh dear."

"Now what is this I hear about bewitching one of your fellow students to hop around whenever anyone said his name?" Dad asked

We all gave him our worst puppy-dog faces. Lily said they were worst then all our tricks put together. Professor McGonagall even fell for them. 

"We have no idea what you're talking about." We replied in unison. Dad, Mr. Potter, and Mr. Lupin all gave each other long looks as if saying, Oh, god, what have we done?

**Chapter 11: New Friends meet Old**

The next day at breakfast, we sat down to breakfast, almost falling asleep in our bowls. We'd been up all night, attacking each other with pillows and having long discussions about truth or dare. Addi had stormed down the stairs at around one, and slept on the sofa downstairs in Dad's study. 

 My dad said, " So what are you boys planning on doing today?"

"Well, we wanted to play Quiddich but Sirius doesn't have a broom."

"Well, I thought I might show them around town. Do we still have those extra bikes?"

"Yeah I think so."

Remus dropped his fork. "You have a bike?"

"Yeah. I'm half mudblood as Snape reminds me every chance he gets, remember?'

James's fist tightened. "Why can't he just leave you alone about that?"

"Mudblood? What does that mean?" Dad asked. My friend exchanged looks. "Boys. Tell me."

Then Remus sighed. " It's a name for muggle born wizards. It's not very nice."

"That's the understatement of the year."

"No the understatement of the year is that we got into a little trouble this year as Lily told her parents." I said. The tension broke when they all laughed.

"So we can ride the bikes into town." I said. My friend looked at me.

"Sirius, we don't know how to ride." James said.

"Don't worry. It's kind of like a broom only you don't fly. But since I don't have a broom I have to put up with a bike. But Dad said I can have a broom next year for school, right Dad?"

"Broom? Who said anything about a broom?" Dad pushed his spectacles up his nose and grinned. 

'           "Aw, come on Dad. Please? Please?"

"Yeah, Mr. Black. How's he going to try out for Quiddich if he doesn't have a broom?"

"Oh alright. We'll get you a broom when we get your school stuff."

"YES!"

"Can I have one?"  
" No, Addi."

"Why not? Sirius gets everything."

"You don't need magic to ride a broom. Smuggles can do it. Look at Peter." James told her.

"Hey!"

"I'll teach you next summer." I laughed. She grinned.

"Great. I'm going to go see Patricia " Patricia was her friend who lived half a mile down the road.

We raced outside. I showed them my bike. James picked up how to ride quickly, but kept forgetting to pedal. Remus knew the basics, having had a bike when he was younger. Peter got on and then fell over and somehow got trapped under the bike. We were lifting it off him when my only muggle friend Tommy came sauntering up the path.

"Hey Sirius. My dad said you were back."

"Yeah I've been home for a month." Why didn't you see me, was the unspoken question between us. 

"I was at camp." He said, glancing over my shoulder at my new friends. 

"Oh."

We stared at each other. James, Remus and Peter looked back and forth. He had changed. He had grown but I still was taller. I was the tallest of the Potter gang. But there was something different about him. Something in his eyes that seemed superior.  He'd always thought he was better than me, richer, smarter. But this was different. Too much like Snape. It felt like he was looking down at my friends and me. 

I know we were good looking. I'm not trying to brag. But it was sort of obvious the way the girls all acted so strange and started giggling non-stop whenever we talked to them. We had just been confused until Lily and Erin had explained it to us. I mean we probably looked a little scruffy right now though. My black hair was longer than it had been before. I liked it that way. It gave me a shaggy look and I was tanner. James's hair was beyond all help and his glasses were taped together. They had been broken when someone hit him with a very hard pillow the night before and since we couldn't use magic and my dad was a muggle, the only solution was tape. Remus was pale as usual and very thin, as he always was. And Peter was small and plump and pretty much looked like a wimp.

"Mates, this is Tommy. Tommy, James, Remus, and Peter." I pointed to each one in turn.

"Hi."

"Hi." Remus managed a smile. Peter gave a small wave. I nudged James and he mumbled "Hi."

"So you guys friends from school?" then before they could answer him. " Of course you are. Sirius doesn't have any other friends. Except me. He doesn't make friend easily." I had been right there was something different about him. I didn't like where this was going either. I had never told my friend about how I was at my old school. Remus was home schooled. And James had been the most popular at his school. And Peter had been Peter.

"Doesn't make friends easily? Are we talking about the same Sirius Black? The Sirius Black who made friends with his whole house before the sorting was over? Siri? The king of pranks?" James asked. 

" King of pranks? I don't think so. Sirius was nothing more than an outcast at our school.  What with all the strange things that he did. Just got into trouble a lot. He's never even played a joke." This brought howls of laughter from my friends.

"Tommy, I've changed."

"Hphm. Say, you never didn't tell me where you go to school."

Peter, having recovered some, and answered "We go to Hog" He was cut off by Remus's hand over his mouth.

"Well, you never told me where you go." I said changing the subject.

"I go to Smeltings. My dad's old school, remember?" I remembered. It was all his dad talked about. He had tried to persuade my dad to send me there. Said it would give me the discipline I needed. He never liked Addi or me. He thought we were troublemakers, hooligans. That Dad let us run wild. Thought there was something strange about us. And he didn't like strange things. Thankfully my dad had already decided I would go to Hogwarts and Addi would go to Clearglen. He said it was never open for discussion. Our names had been down ever since we were born. Dumbledore wouldn't let me go anywhere else. When I asked why he just smiled.

"OH, How is everyone here?"

"Well, from what my brother says, Mr. Thompson still runs and hide whenever someone says the word Black."

" I still say that was not my fault."

"Was that the bloke you cursed with the full body bind?" Peter asked.

"Yep. Course I didn't know what I was doing. The guy couldn't move for three hours. Never should have tried to give me detention for something I didn't do." That was the thing. I didn't mind getting in trouble for something I did. It was part of the reason I did it. Thrill of the chance of getting caught. But I hated being accused of a crime I didn't commit. _I like it even less now._

"Cursed? Body bind? What are you talking about?"

"Well a full body bind is an elementary spell that will leave the victim helpless and unable to move for a certain amount of time." Remus jumped right into his "You should have studied" voice.

"Uh oh. You got him going into study mode. Re, relax. It's summer."

"Spell? None of that stuff is real. You're not witches." Tommy sneered.

"You're right, we're not. We're wizards." James glared at him

"James." I hissed.

"You're joking right? I mean Sirius a wizard? That idiot? Aren't you a little old to be play acting?"

"I'll have you know Sirius is the top of our class." I don't think I'd ever seen James and Remus this mad. Peter backed down. He always did. We all knew that if he got into a fight he'd be beaten into a pulp in five seconds or less. Remus had even pulled out his wand. James looked more ready to strangle Tommy with his bare hands.

"Oh look, he even has a little wand. What are you going to do? Cast a spell on me?"  
"Don't tempt me." It came out more like a growl.

"Really Sirius. Your friends need to grow up." Remus pointed the wand. I grabbed his arm.

" Remus, relax. Underage wizard law? Expel? Bad!" Remus glared but lowered his wand.

"Look Tommy," I turned to face him. " Things  have changed. I've changed. These are my friends and they are telling the truth."

"The truth?"

I took a deep breath. I glanced at my friends. They gave me encouraging looks. James nodded 

" We go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am a wizard. James, Remus, and Peter are all wizards. Broomsticks, wands, spells and dragons. There are dragons right?"

"Of course. Where do you think we get dragons blood?" James laughed.

" Well, I don't know these things. You have to tell me. Any way it's all true."

"You're kidding right? I mean this is a joke."

"Nope. Remember all that weird stuff that happened when I was younger? That was magic. I just didn't know it. My mum was a witch."

Tommy's eyes widened. I knew what he was thinking. If I could do that without knowing it, what could I do to him now that I was in training? And I knew our friendship was over. "Then she should have died. The less freaks like you the better." I stood in shock. I had been teased for being a half muggle, but never had I taken a hit for being half wizard.

"Go. And if you ever come back you will be very very sorry." James almost spit the words out.

He backed away slowly. We watched him go.

"Too bad." I said trying to hide how much he had hurt me. I tried to climb back on to the bike. But I couldn't see. My eyes were too blurry. But I didn't cry. I never cried. Not even when Snape had tripped my down the stairs after a detention and I broke my leg. Since it was late no one was out. It wasn't until way past midnight when my friends missed me and came looking for me. Not even when I found out the truth about my mum. I couldn't see. He had been my only friend for so long. Then when he learned the truth, he abandoned me. It hurts to lose people you care about. It hurts a lot. And he had opened an old wound.

 I never knew my mother. I was proud of what she was, what I was. So were Addi and Dad. But I knew she was killed by dark magic. I had never told my friends that. I wanted so much to know her, to see her and talk to her. But she was gone. I felt James take my arm and he led me to the stone fence where he sat down with me. Remus sat down next to me after he had thrown a rock at Tommy's retreating back. Peter stood behind us as if unsure what to do. I could see why. James and I, we were his protectors. I simply sat there for a while. But I didn't cry. 

I looked up at them. James gave me a smile. God, he had a smile that could fill a room with happiness and mischief and drive away all the darkness. 

"Are you okay? Padfoot?" He asked. I nodded. I didn't trust my voice just yet.

"Forget him, Siri. He isn't worth it. What he said, you know it's not true anymore than when Snape says it." Remus smiled gently at me.

"No." It came out more of a croak that I wanted " My mum." Tears threatened to spill again. I blinked them back. "What he said about my mum."

"I'm sorry, Sirius."

"I miss her."

"It's good to talk about it. Then you can get it off your chest." We looked at Peter.

"What? My mum watches those muggle soap opera's okay?" We laughed, but mine was choked with tears

"So talk." James said.

"What?"

"You need to talk about this, Sirius. I can see it. And we're not leaving until you do."

"You're a funny guy."

"Thank you. Now talk."

" I can't."

"How did she die?"

"A dark wizard." They gasped. "A few days after I was born. She was protecting me."

"What do you mean?" James asked

"The wizard who killed her," I hadn't really wanted to think about it. I couldn't believe there was someone out there that would want me dead. And for a reason I didn't even know. "He was there to kill me. Mum was in the way." James and Remus stared in shock.

"Why? Who'd want to kill you? And you were just a baby."

"I don't know. Nether did Dad."

"But why? "

"Did they get caught?"

"Who was it?"

"I don't' know. No. Some guy called Voldemort." I said, answering all the questions at once. 

"Voldemort? My dad told me about him. He's bad news." James said, his eyes darting around as if Voldemort himself might leap out of the bushes.

"Tell me about it."

"I'm really sorry Sirius." Remus said.

"What could you have done? You weren't even born yet." I snapped. I was older than him by five weeks. A look of hurt washed over Remus's face. Almost immediately I felt sorry. I had forgotten how fragile my friend's feelings were. " I'm sorry."

Remus patted me on the back. " Don't worry about it."

"No, I shouldn't have let him get to me like that. I shouldn't said that just now. I know you were trying to help. It's just, I shouldn't, I'm sorry for acting like this. I can't…"

"No. You needed to do that. I could see it. Sometimes it's better to just let it all out at once. Then you get it over with."

"Are you okay now?" James asked. I looked up at my friends. They had true concern in their eyes. It hit me for the first time that the loyalty I felt for them, they felt for me. They really cared whether I was okay or not. I smiled and nodded.

"Now what do ya say we go do some damage?" James had that all too familiar glint in his eye. 

I grinned. " Lets go."

We rode into to town, almost getting hit by automobiles several times when James would forget to pedal and swerve into oncoming traffic. The others didn't really understand roads and sidewalks. I took them to the candy store where it turns out the owner was a wizard. This came as a surprise as I had known him my whole life. He pulled us into the back room where we got an unlimited amount of wizard candy. He even fixed James's glasses. We left our arms bulging with bags when Tommy and a few of his "friends" walked in. We gave them huge grins and left. Tommy ran and hid in the corner. Needless to say we were up very late that night too.

I stated before that I lived just under a mile from Dartmoor. Well, I wasn't about to let a visit like this go by without my friends seeing my childhood playground. 

About a week after that incident, we were sitting around the breakfast table, trying to think of something to do.  My dad came in and raised his eyebrows at us. 

"Alright, they're not talking. You boys didn't get into a fight, did you?" 

"Huh? Oh, no. we just can't think of anything to do." I told him.

 Remus nodded and James glanced out the window.  Then he frowned and leaned up. 

"Oi, Siri. What's that?"  It was the first really sunny day we'd had and only on days like that is Dartmoor visible from my house.  I glanced over his shoulder to the shadowed land in the distance. 

"Oh, that's Dartmoor." 

"Dartmoor? The Dartmoor? The Hound of the Baskervilles Dartmoor?" Remus asked.

"You read that book? It's a muggle book." I was surprised. Usually muggle books were not on my friends reading lists.  

"Sure, I read the whole series." He responded. I raised my eyebrow at him. "I had a lot of free time!" He protested. I nodded, grinning. 

"That's the place."  I grinned again. My friends looked less than enthusiastic, but they agreed to go.  

Dad agreed on one condition. "Stay off of Grimpin!" he called, just as the door swung shut. I rolled my eyes and jumped on my bike. 

"What's Grimpin?" James asked as we made our way to the moor. 

"Oh, it's just this really big area of mire. Nothing too bad. You can go across it, you just have to know the way." I told him. 

"Sorry I asked." James said, making a face. 

"What's a mire?" Peter asked. 

"Basically, it's another word for quicksand." Remus told him. Peter groaned. 

We reached the moor in little over an hour.  We spread out on a large rock and ate the sandwiches my dad packed for us.  Then James pointed. 

"What's that green part over there?" I grinned. 

"That's Grimpin." And I slid off the rock. I hurried towards it, my friends on my heels. Then I stood at the edge, watching it. I could see the paths just as clearly as ever. And I smiled slowly. 

"Wow," Remus muttered. James nodded. 

"One false step, and you're sucked down forever." I whispered dramatically . Peter paled. 

"Has anyone ever crossed it?"  Remus asked.  I shrugged, and then I took a step off of the solid ground.   My foot found solid footing and I began to run across my path. 

"Sirius, No!" James called. But I grinned and went on.  I made it across to the island and waved back at them. James was watching with a smile, Remus shook his head, but failed to hide his smile, and Peter looked terrified. 

"Come on, Sirius! Come back!" he called.  I nodded and made my way back. The fellows looked at me as if I was mad, but I only grinned. 

"Anyone else want to try?" they shook their heads, so I bent down and lifted a handful of mud. I flung it at James and it hit him head on.

"Why you, little!" James hollered, attacking me. I went down and we wrestled for a bit. 

"Come on, guys." Remus moaned.  Then we grinned slyly at each other and pounced on him. 

It was four very dirty and tired kids that made their way home that night.  Then we fought over who got to use the shower first.  James won.


	9. Secrets

**Secrets**

We returned to school in our second year excited and thrilled to be back. The first night in our dorm felt like coming home. Of course, being the huge Quiddich fans that we were, James, Lily, and I tried out for Quiddich the first week. 

My dad, true to his word, had bought me a broom when we got my school supplies. A Comet. Not too expensive, but a very excellent model, the owner assured us. I gave it a test run and fell in love with my broom.  I loved annoying Dad and Addi to no end by zipping everywhere on it.   I loved it so much and often flew long after the sun had gone down. 

 Finally, the day for the tryouts had come. The day was long and hard.  They had several mock games going. When we stepped onto the pitch, a tall sixth year paced around us. 

"Let's see, you're tall, but light.  Chaser." And he handed James the quaffle.

Then it was my turn, "Very tall, nice arms. Strong, Beater." And he handed me a bat.   Then he looked at Lily. "Hm, short and light. Try seeker."

 Then he told us to get up there.  James and I grinned at Remus, Erin, and Peter, who were on the ground.  They all had their own reasons for not trying out. 

We played with all our hearts.  To my surprise, Lily was good, very good, at seeker. She caught the snitch so many times I lost count. James was grinning from the moment he was off the ground. The quaffle was tucked safely under his arm as he dashed from one end of the pitch to the other.  And me?  I was having the time of my life.  I put power behind every hit.  I attacked the bludgers, pretending they all had Snape's face.  When the captain blew the whistle, none of us wanted to stop. 

 The list was posted about a week after the tryouts.  We approached it carefully. 

**_Black, Sirius - beater._**

**_Willams, Lois- beater_**

**_Moran, Stephanie- Chaser_**

**_Mullet, Natalie-Chaser_**

**_Potter, James- Chaser_**

**_Botts, Lorina-keeper_**

**_Evans, Lily-seeker_**

I stared at my name on the list. I was a Gryffindor beater?

"Sirius! You got beater! I got chaser! Lil got seeker!" James was jumping up and down so fast he was a blur. He grabbed my robe and yanked me over to our table and proceeded to tell the entire house we had made the team. Lily just laughed as we hugged her. Then Remus and Erin joined in on the fun and we ended up in a giant laughing pile on the common room floor. Everything eventually returned to normal, including Remus's disappearances. 

            I don't know if we thought it was only going to happen first year, but I did not expect it to keep happening, neither did James. We talked about it and finally, the first night Remus vanished that year, as the full moon rose over the castle and shone into our bedroom, James and I swore we would find out just what was happening to our best friend every month. 

            This was no easy task, mind you. But James and I went over everything that could even remotely be wrong, from neurotic parents to lycanthropy. The latter seemed so unlikely that when James suggested it, I simply laughed.  How could our  quiet little Remus be a howling monster with a craving for human flesh? It wasn't possible in our minds.  However,  our minds are not the determining factor for our fates. If they were, I would not be were I am now. 

            We calculated exactly one  month from that day and prepared our trap, if you will.  But we hadn't needed to. Circumstances seemed to be with us that night, or against us. It depends on which way you look at it.  Peter called us brave, Lily called us idiots, McGonagall called us fools, Remus called us friends. And well, you can judge for yourselves. 

            It just so happened that we were all in the dorm room that night, working on various projects. James was helping Peter on his charms in which we had an exam of the next day, while I was seated on the windowsill writing home to Dad. Remus, however, was seated on his bed, curled up among various books and papers, and fast asleep. 

            He'd fallen asleep on his Transfigurations book about an hour before the events we set in motion took place. We let him sleep. The week had been very tiring for all of us, James and I especially. We had loads of homework on top of practice, which Remus always came out to watch, no matter what the weather. We often wondered why, but he said he enjoyed it and so we let it alone. 

             I glanced up from my letter to dip my quill back into the ink pot and to smile at James's doomed attempts to show Peter a stunning charm. It was lucky that he knew them or none of us would have survived that coming night.  I glanced at the setting sun and sighed.  It had just reached the horizon and made everything glow golden with its last rays.  

 I replenished my supply of ink just as Remus groaned and woke up. He stretched and glanced around. 

"What happened? What time is it?" James glanced at his watch. 

"About seven."  Remus was off the bed in a flash, sending his books and papers flying.  

"Why didn't you wake me?" he cried, looking more distressed then I'd ever seen him. He hurried to the window and looked past me, seemingly horrified at the sight of the sun almost hidden behind the horizon. 

"You were tired." I tried to calm him down, "We thought sleeping might be good." 

Remus shook his head. "No time," he mumbled, "No time!"  In a flash he was at the door. 

"Get out!" the three of us stared at him, not sure whether to be amused or horrified. 

"We're not going anywhere, Remus.  It's our bedroom too."  He stared at us, his face now pleading. 

"Please, you don't understand! You have to leave! Now! I'll, I'm, just go! It's safer if you go!"  But I got off the sill and planted my feet firmly on the ground. 

"I told you Remus, I'm not leaving. Not until you tell me why. Tell us what's wrong." 

"Then you will die tonight, Sirius."  The words were spoken in his calm clear voice.  It was as if he was simply telling me something from a lesson, but the words, the words shook me. James and Peter were staring open mouthed at him.  I suppose I was too, I really don't remember.  What happened next remains very clear however. 

Remus moved towards the window, the setting sun hidden behind him.  He looked strange, unnatural. Not at all like the twelve-year-old boy I'd come to call my friend. 

He closed his eyes and suddenly he cried out, as if struck by a heavy blow. He doubled over. James and I were at his side in an instant. With surprising strength, he grabbed my arm and threw me off to the side, forcing me over the bed.  He did the same thing to James.  He cried out again, this time falling to his knees.  I was both shocked and horrified to see hair beginning to grow on his hands. His hair grew longer and I felt as if I was watching it in the cinema, but it was far too real.  He looked up, straight into my eyes and I heard him whisper. 

"Get out, now. Go while you still can."  Then he cried out again, this time ending the cry of pain with a howl, making the change completely from human to wolf. 

 James did the first thing that came to mind and he slammed the door shut, locking it behind him. Remus lifted his head and stared at me, straight into my eyes. They were yellow, blank, with none of my friend inside.  I backed slowly off the bed as it turned towards me and began to stalk closer. 

"Sirius!" James yelled as he pounced.  I dove under the bed and the wolf missed completely, skidding on the carpet as it tried to stop and circle around for another go.  He attacked under the bed, reaching with his huge hairy paws, fighting to get me. I crawled out and hurried, jumping over James's bed, landing in a corner.  

The wolf bounded over the bed and dove at me. I could see him running, but mid leap, he stopped. He seemed to be sniffing and turned away from me, drool ripping from his huge teeth. 

"Peter!" James cried and I saw what had caught the wolf's attention. Peter was standing in plain view in the middle of the room, seemingly petrified.  The wolf approached him cautiously, sniffing, all the time that hungry grin on his face.  I looked around. James was safe. He'd climbed onto a ledge above the door.  He would be all right. But Peter, Peter wasn't, couldn't move. 

"Peter! Get out of there!" I yelled.  He only stared in horror at the wolf.  "God, you idiot!" I moaned before relinquishing my hiding place at leaping at the wolf that was just about to pounce. 

I landed on his back and I wrapped my arms around his neck, hanging on for dear life.  The wolf was distracted by this sudden attack and was thrown off balance, tumbling on its side, scratching and pawing at the nuisance on it's back.  I saw James leap down from his hiding place and drag Peter to safety. But I didn't get a good look as I was suddenly swung around as the wolf tossed its head. It's huge paw reached up and swiped at me.  I felt something cold and hard brush against my back, then a fiery pain. It dimmed in a moment, and so I ignored it.  But the wolf tried again. This time the paw caught me on the side of the head and sent me flying off.  I landed on the floor, my head making a sickening crack as it hit the bedpost, and for a moment, I couldn't move. I lay there, slightly dazed, feeling something wet drip down my neck. 

"Sirius!" dimly, I could hear James's voice. It echoed and I could make out a huge dark shape lumbering over me.  I stared up and gazed into large gaping jaws. The wolf roared its triumph before leaning down to snap my throat. I could feel it's hot breath on my neck, I closed my eyes, waiting for the end, but it didn't come.  

"Stupefy!"   Something large, bulky and heavy landed on my leg and I winced.  Luckily the pain jerked me back from reality.  I shook my head just as James grabbed my shirt and pulled me to my feet.   I looked up and saw the wolf, lying limp on his side, but still breathing. 

"Wha, what happened? What did you do?"  I asked, my chest heaving. 

"Stunning charm. Should keep him out for a bit until we decide what to do." James said. I'll give him this, James was a natural leader. He always  took charge of a situation and managed to  work everything out so it worked.  I could see the gears turning in his head as he gazed at the monster that had once been our friend. 

"If we could transfigure something," he muttered, " into some kind of cage…" 

I pointed to my desk. "It'll work."  we pointed out winds at it together and  in an instant  it was a large metal cage.  

James and I worked hard to pull the large sedated wolf into the cage while Peter stood by, wand ready.  When the door had been shut and magically locked,  we collapsed onto the bed, allowing ourselves a few moments of peace before the wolf woke up. 

Let me just say that morning could not have come slower for me that night.  We kept the wolf stunned, but as dawn approached our energy was wearing thin.  I felt my back, arm, and neck burn slightly and ignored it as the wolf began to whimper in pain. 

In a matter of moments, Remus lay in the cage, curled up small and terrified. His eyes were closed and he was still whimpering.  James unlocked the cage and we gently  placed Remus on the bed.  After a bit  he opened his eyes and saw us. His first reaction was one of relief, the second of horror. He didn't say a word as James and I slipped an arm under his and lifted him to his feet. 

Surprisingly, Remus could hardly stand and we more dragged him than helped him. James undid the spell locking the door and we made our way cautiously outside, Peter in the lead.  There was no one about. I was sure someone must have heard us but it would seem no one did. We made it to the infirmary in one piece, avoiding Peeves on the second floor landing. 

Madam Pomfrey, the school nurse, was there, already up.  I wondered why then I realized. She must be waiting for Remus, but she was not alone.  

McGonagall was with her, the pair of them looking worried.  Madam Pomfrey gave a small shriek when she saw us come in the door, Remus draped over our shoulders, and in my and Peter's case, with blood staining our clothes. 

"Mr. Lupin where on earth have you been?" she asked, furiously. 

"Miss, please," I spoke up, " we've all had a hard night. Don't be too rough on Remus. It wasn't his fault." 

She humphed and glared at us.  In an instant she'd   pulled Remus away from us and hurriedly got him into bed where he closed his eyes instantly.  Then she turned to us. McGonagall did not look pleased as Madam Pomfrey took care of Remus.  She placed her hand on my shoulder and I winced. 

Startled she took it off, but not before giving me a long hard look. 

"Tell me this instant, where have you been?" 

"Our dorm room." James said honestly, "we haven't left all night." 

"And Mr. Lupin?" 

"He fell asleep." I told her."  Woke up just as the sun set.  He tried to warn us, tried to tell us but it was too late."  I was determined that they were not going to pin this on Remus. As amazing and horrifying as this all was, he was still my friend. 

"Foolish boys." She murmured.  Madam Pomfrey nodded and took Peter aside.  Quietly she dabbed at Peter's arm as James and I explained everything.  

I'd just explained how James had saved Peter when Madam Pomfrey pulled me aside. 

"Just look at you.  Where did he get you?"  She sighed. 

"What?" I frowned, confused.  I'd forgotten he'd even scratched me until she ran a cold cloth over my arm.  She brushed back my hair to reveal a nasty wound that even James hissed at.  It stung as she washed away the blood, damping my hair in the process and cleaned the cuts, then lastly applying bandages. 

"That will heal in a day or so, my dear." She said. I nodded then winced. The recent treatment had made my neck and arm sore.  James finished explaining the situation to McGonagall and she looked either ready to give us detention for life or award us fifty house points. 

"You boys did a very foolish thing last night.  It was dangerous and poorly planned. Someone could have gotten killed."  Her voice was sharp and shrill. I had been right, she was furious. She glared at us over her spectacles. James and I winced and glanced at each other. 

But then her face softened.  She sighed. "But you did do the right thing in keeping him there.  Heaven help us if he had gotten into the halls.  And you're doing an even better thing now by standing by him.  You proved yourselves to be true Gryffindors last night, showing bravery and loyalty.   A bit fool hardy perhaps. But still, it was the right thing to do.  Twenty points each."  Peter looked like someone had just told him he'd been named Head Boy. He'd never won so much as a point. And as for James and I, twenty points was the most we'd ever won in one go. And all for doing something that came naturally. 

But Remus did not take it as well. He did not return to classes for several days, longer than it had ever taken him before and he did not return to the dorm room for a week.  

When he did, we were all there. He looked  at us as if he'd rather we hadn't been there, but sighed and began gathering up  his things. 

"Remus?" I asked, " What are you doing?"  

"What does it look like, Sirius?" he replied, his voice sad. 

"It looks like you're cleaning, but I could be wrong."  I tried to make him smile but it didn't work. 

"I'm getting my things.  I've asked McGonagall to move me. You don't have to deal with me anymore."  James and I stared at each other. We'd been waiting a week to talk to Remus and now he was leaving us? 

"What makes you think we don't want you?"  I asked, truly curious. 

Remus looked around ready to cry. "Why do you think? You know now!" he shouted furiously, " I know that no one wants to be friends with a, a monster!" 

"Oh I dunno," I said, " I think it might  fun."  James gave me a look that said stop cracking jokes. 

"It's what everyone else did! The moment they found out they ran!  And you'll run too!" 

"Do you see us running?"  I told him.  We were not, but Remus was.  He was in the bathroom  and had slammed the door closed before any of us could do a thing.  James and I cautiously approached the door.

"Remus?"  We called, but got no answer. 

"Remus, please come out." 

"Remy, what's wrong?"

"How can you ask me that?" he shouted.  James and I glanced at each other.  

"Remy, mate. Come on. I didn't mean for it to sound like that. Please, come out. We need to talk."  When that didn't work, I had an idea. 

"James, do you have any pins or anything like that?" James nodded and went over to his trunk. He pulled out a muggle shirt and pulled a pin out of the sleeve. 

"It was too long. Mum fixed it. She said it was the last time she goes shopping for muggle clothes." I smiled. 

"It's not that hard if you know where to look." Then I bent down in front of the door.  Using the pin, I picked the lock easily. It was a skill that I had and would serve me very well in the times to come. 

Slowly the door opened. Remus was standing, his head under the faucet. 

"Remus!"  I ran over and pulled him away. He collapsed, and fell to the floor, coughing and mumbled something.  

It sounded like, "No, it was almost over." But I wasn't sure. I stared at him, confused. 

I had a good idea of what he was trying to do, but I didn't want to believe it, didn't want to admit it. 

"Remus, what the hell were you thinking?! Were you trying to kill yourself? No, don't even answer that." I shook my head. Remus stared at me with glazed eyes. He was still coughing. 

"Mates, why don't we go back in the room?" James asked from the doorway.  Remus shrugged off my offer to help, and stumbled back into the room, still coughing. He said nothing, but walked over to his bed and began to gather his things off of my bed. 

"It's okay. I'll go. You won't have to see me or talk to me ever. I won't talk to you and I'll work alone. You won't have to go near me."

James looked at him in sympathy but I laughed. To this day I don't know why. I was angry and sad and hurt all at the same time. James glared at me but I couldn't stop.

" It's not funny, Sirius."

" Yes it is. You think that because of that we'll just start hating you?"

"Why not? That's what all my other friends did when they found out." Remus said bitterly.

"You're Remus. My friend. I wouldn't care if you had a hippogriff living on your head. You're my friend. I know you. And I don't care."

"I don't care either. You are Remus. Yes you are something else one night a month but that's not who you are or who my friend is. And I don't care what anyone says. We're not abandoning you. Although I'm not sure about the hippogriff. I think he may have to sleep in the girls room." We both sat on the bed.

"Really? You mean it?"

"Of course, we mean it." I said. Then Remus burst into tears and flung his arms around our necks.

"I thought that was supposed to be a good thing." I said to James as I awkwardly patted Remus on the back.

"I'm sorry. It's just that, well, when all my other friends found out they dropped me quicker than Snape on a broomstick." We all laughed.

"You guys are serious?" 

"No." They both looked at me James frowning and Remus like he was going to cry again.

" He's James. I'm Sirius." They both laughed. Then that night we made a pact. That no matter what we would be friends. That as long as we lived we would be friends forever.

"We'll even be friends if Sirius finally cracks and end up in Azakaban." James said. _Funny. Now look where I am._

We told Peter. He accepted it with less enthusiasm as us but he accepted it. After he told us, Remus seemed happier, like a huge weight had been lifted of his shoulders. We swore not to tell of course. But just seeing Remus that happy made me feel good.


	10. Animagi

Chapter 8: Animagi

It was a few months later in Transfiguration when Professor McGonagall told us about Animagi, wizard who could change into animals. It was highly dangerous and the Ministry kept very close tabs on any one trying it. We stared in shock as Professor McGonagall changed herself into a cat and back. She explained to us that it was a very detailed process, difficult and dangerous.  And an idea began forming in my brain.

I was silent all the way to lunch. I think my friends were disturbed a little by my silence, but they didn't say anything. And I was thinking hard.

"Ow! What was that for?" I asked as James punched me in the shoulder that night in the common room.

"I called your name five times. It's time for bed."

"Alright. I'm coming."

"Honestly Sirius, what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"You haven't said a word since this morning."

"I'm just thinking."

" I warned you about that."

"Shut up."

"Ow!"

"About what?" He asked as we changed into our pajamas.

"What?"

"What were you thinking about?"

"A very dangerous idea that could get us expelled, trapped, or even killed."

"Cool! What is it?"

"Goodnight Jamie."

"Goodnight."

The lights flicked off. I counted in my head. 4,3,2,1…

"Oh come on, tell me, Sirius. Tell me. Please? Tell, OW! That hurt, Remus!"

"So shut up. SOME of us are trying to sleep because SOME of us have a test tomorrow." James went to bed after that.

The next morning was Saturday so early that morning I slipped away. It was very easy. Remus had a make-up test and Peter and James was sleeping. (I swear, Peter could sleep through a dragon blowing up our common room.) I went to a place no one thought Sirius Black knew existed. The library. The only problem was I soon found out the information I needed was in the restricted area. I thought hard. How to get it out?  I could always use the invisibility cloak. But we had learned from experience that the cloak didn't fool Dumbledore. If he came in while I was wearing it, he would see me. Besides, I wouldn't have as much freedom worrying about some one seeing or hearing  me. But if I asked permission, I could look as long as I wanted. No one would expect that of me and I liked being unpredictable. So I asked permission.

I checked both the transfiguration room and McGonagall's office before I found myself at the door to the teacher's lounge.  Pushing the door open slightly, I noticed McGonagall, alone, going over a stack of papers. 

"Professor?" Professor McGonagall looked up. She looked surprised to see me. 

"Yes, Mr. Black?"

"Er, Well, I was wondering…" She gave me a look. " There's this book I wanta read but it's in the restricted section and you need permission to go in there so I was wondering if I could get it?" I said this all very fast. She studied me for a long moment and I wondered if  she thought I was mad.  But when I looked up, she was smiling over her spectacles. 

"Am I getting this? Sirius Black is asking permission to do something? I'd never thought I'd see the day."

"Well, I like being unpredictable."

"Well you certainly are. Don't worry about that." She laughed. "What book?"

"It's about Animagi. I think that's the coolest thing! I mean when you turned into the cat. That was just so cool! I just want to know more."

She smiled at me. " Alright." She signed the slip and handed it back to me.

"Thanks!" I turned to go

"Sirius." I stopped. That had to be the first time she had ever called me by my first name.

"Yes, Professor?"

"Just try not to get in any trouble."

I grinned "Don't worry." And ran out.

I gave the note to Madam Pince who frowned but gave me the book. Then I fled to the safety of our dorm room. It was lunch so the room was deserted. I was grateful for that. I opened the dusty book and began to work. I made notes and everything. I was so involved I didn't even notice the others come into the room until they jumped on my bed

"So why weren't you weren't at lunch, then?" James asked picking up a sheet of my sloppy notes. I couldn't help smiling at them. 

"We can do this."

"Do what?" Remus asked.

"This." I waved the paper in his face.

"Animaigus potion." He read, then he stared at the paper.

"You're not serious?"

"No, I've changed my name to Bob. Yes, come on, we can do this! We can be with you during the full moon! Werewolves are only dangerous to"

"Humans." James finished, his eyes wide. " But if we were animals. Oh yes! This could work! Siri, you're a genius."

" I know."

"Hold on ,mates, have you seen this potion?" Peter asked.

"Yeah. Some of that stuff is a little hard to get a hold of but we can do it."

"No way. No, this spells can go really wrong. I can't let you do that."

"Relax Re, it's us." James said slapping him on the shoulder.

"Exactly."

'He's right Remus. We want to be with you. You said it your self it was hard to change. But with us there it'll be fun. We can go exploring, find all the secret passageways. By our seventh year we'll know this place better than Filch." I said. Remus didn't look convinced.

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway. We're doing it." Remus smiled a little

"You  would really do that? For me?"

"Of course you're our friend. It may take us a while but we'll do it." James laughed.  As if there had ever been any doubt.   Remus's mind later changed and he tried his best to persuade us to change ours, but he never succeeded.  We were set in our goal.

As long as it took us to actually find the book that contained the spell and not simply the basic outlines or definitions of being or becoming an animagus,  the summer term had ended.  We found the recipe in a very old, tattered, and dog-eared book, hidden in the back of the restricted section, that easily weighed as much as I did. 

We flipped through it, eying the horrid effects of advanced spells gone wrong, including the very spell we were attempting.  It was as if  even the book was warning us against  our self proclaimed mission. But after months of searching, we were closer than ever and we finally had the exact preparations needed and we were ready to begin. 

That summer we went to James's house. It was located right in Diagon Alley. We parked outside the record store and I dragged dad and Addi through the  pub, waving a hello to the barkeeper, Tom.  I pulled out my wand, and tapped the brick that allowed entrance. The wall parted and I ran inside, searching for James's address. 

It took awhile, before I was given instructions by a very tall, very thin frail looking old man who was missing both his eyes. But felt his way around with a stick, poking me in the stomach several times and warning me " not to trust the small one." I promised I would't and turned down Largewood Alley. 

To my surprise, the houses changed from rickety crooked old wooden buildings to large stone manors, with gardens and fountains and metal fences. James's was the largest, with a large foutain in front, a mermaid who laughed and waved to us as we made out way up to the huge oak doors. 

I raised the brass knocker who began to shout into the house, "Someone's at the door!" and the door was opened by a ghost. I grinned, but Addi and Dad stared. 

"Yes? May I help you, sir?" his voice was low and drouzy. His long coat tails hovered behind him as he floated. 

"I'm looking for James. James Potter? He's expecting me." Just then James himself came barreling out the door and through the ghost, who looked only slightly irked. 

"Thanks Giles, that'll be all." James said, waving the ghost butler aside. He sighed. 

"Yes Master James."  James pulled me inside, waving my father and sister in as well. 

"Moony's here too, come on." With that he pulled me into see his mum and dad.  He introduced my father and sister to his mum and dad. Before long James and Remus pulled me up to James's room. Addi followed. 

"Here it is, my humble abode." 

"Wow!" And wow was right.  His room was huge. Pictures of his favorite Quidditch team hung everywhere. And I was surprised to see pictures of the four of us, even some with the girls, hanging everywhere.  They were from everything from fooling around to our school pictures.  He had them everywhere. 

"You like it?" I grinned and turned to him. 

"I love it." 

"So this is what you guys do when you're away." Addi whispered, staring in amazement at the moving pictures. We laughed.                             James and I shared a "Marauders forever!" and a high five.  Just then Peter arrived and we all went down to meet him. 

            His parents and my dad hit it off right away. They soon became best friends. Lily and Erin were able to come and we terrorized James's Diagon Alley. We spent many nights in the Leaky Cauldron, only to be sent out by Tom who shoved us out the door with a wave and a "Go on home, you kids. See you tomorrow."  

When we got to the train station we piled our things onto the train and went out to say goodbye. Addi's train had left earlier that morning. I hugged my dad extra long. I just got a strange feeling, like I wasn't going see him again. The whistle blew. 

"Make me proud kid. Just keep your grades up."

"I will. I promise."

"Oh and Sirius?"

"Yeah Dad?"

"Try to stay out of trouble."

'You really like getting owls telling you what we've done, don't you?"

"It gives me a good laugh. Now get going or you'll miss the train. I love you. Sirius."

"I love you too Dad."

As the train pulled away from the station, I waved as long as I could see him. Then the train rounded a corner and he was gone. It was the last time I would ever see him again.

As third years we could take more and more challenging classes.  We decided on Care of Magical Creatures, Divination and Muggle Studies. James insisted that if we take muggle studies we could pull more tricks on muggles that summer without using magic. 

"It would help us understand them." 

"But James, I'm muggle born." I protested. 

"So?  You don't know everything."  I could only shake my head at that. Divination we took because the girls insisted. They were taking Care of Magical Creatures so they made us take a course they wanted to take.

Our first divination class we descovered that Remus would meet his future wife in a bizarre boating accident, James would marry a mermaid, Peter was going to be an acrobat, and I had a grim in my cup, therefore I was going to die. The teacher descovered it was going to be a long year.

We finally had all the ingredients for the potion. The only thing left was for it to simmer for 730 days. 

"How long is that?" Peter asked. We kept the potion in our dorm room, covered with the invisibility cloak. Whenever we needed the cloak we hid the cauldron under one of our beds. Our room was messy enough so that no one would dare look under the beds. We weren't even sure what was under there. Remus swore there was something living in James's dirty underwear. I wouldn't be surprised.

"That's 730 minus 365 equals 365. Two years." Remus did the math.

"We just let it sit for two years?"

"Yeah, I guess. That's what it says."

"Our fifth year." James said.

"Yeah."

We settled in a routine mundane and yet chaotic life until Christmas.  Then my whole world came crashing down.


	11. The worst Christmas present ever

**Chapter 13: Dad**

When Christmas Eve arrived, I was sitting in our common room with James and Remus. James's parents were abroad so he was here to. His dad was the minister and was often away on business trips, or attending parties or official functions. James went sometimes, but mostly he liked to stay with us. 

Remus was staying to. He loved his parents of course and they loved him. They just didn't know what to do for him or how to treat him. They pitied him. One thing we promised never to do was pity him or think he couldn't do something because of what he was. We were careful never to do anything big on the days before and after the full moon, but he knew his limits. His parents still treated him like the five-year-old he was when his life was drastically changed. We treated him like Remus, our friend. 

We were practically the only ones who'd stayed this year. Erin, Lily, and Peter hadn't. I had just beaten James in Exploding Snap, when suddenly, I felt something, like a sudden feeling of loss. It just shook me and I decided that was a good time to go to bed. 

Christmas day  dawned gray and cloudy, a misty rain coming down. It didn't bother me.  Many days are like that up here. 

It was after the feast. James and I had just set off a bunch of firecrackers that lit the common room up in a brilliant display of colors when Dumbledore entered. I thought it was because we had been so loud. But he motioned for me. I wasn't really paying attention because one of the first years had discovered the rubber mouse we had put in his chocolate frog. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Sirius, come with me." It was Dumbledore. I shrugged and stood up.

"Where you going?" James asked.  
"I just need to talk to Sirius for a moment, James."

"Can we come?" James asked.

"No, just wait here."

"Oh come on, Professor." Remus begged. He jumped up and down yelling "PLEASE????!!!!!!!!" at the top of his lungs. All the sugar in his system had made him very brave and VERY hyper. It made the rest of us very scared. Dumbledore gave him a very odd look and led him to a chair. 

"Moony, you need help." I told him.

"Come along, Sirius."

I shrugged and got up to follow him.

" See you later then."

" Oi, Padfoot, you up for a snowball fight later?" 

"Sure thing Prongs. Be prepared to go down."

" Just try it." He laughed. Remus was laughing so hard he couldn't move. That was the thing about Remus. Normally he was shy and reserved but give him sugar and you have a maniac.

Dumbledore led us to his office. I had been here before. When you get in as much trouble as we did you get sent to the headmasters office. There were two men in long black cloaks. We always wore black robes, but most of the older wizards didn't . Dumbledore almost never did. These men looked like they were wearing black for a reason. Their presence gave me a very bad feeling. 

He led me to a chair and I sat down. He sat down behind the desk and stared at me for a few minutes. I fidgeted unsure of what was going on.

"Sirius, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Now as much as I am against telling you this on this day of all days, these men insist upon it. And I'd rather you hear it from some one you know rather than strangers." He glanced at the men, pausing to think. I bit my lip. Then he dropped the bomb and my world exploded. 

"Sirius, there had been an accident. Your father was attacked last night."

I sat up in shock. No. No, that wasn't right! It couldn't be! There had to be some mistake! Not my Dad!  Anything but him! Please let it not be Dad!

"N,n,no!" I shouted. I scrambled to my feet, only to find my eyes were already filled with tears.  I stumbled blindly for the door. 

"Sirius, it's alright. " Dumbledore said. I shook my head, more tears spilling out. Finally my legs  gave out and I collapsed. Dumbledore caught me and held me. I  grabbed his robes as I sobbed. I was still shaking  long after the tears stopped.   Finally, I felt strong enough to ask. 

"Is he alright?" 

"For now. They have him stabilized, but," he paused and sighed.  And I saw it in his eyes. 

"He's dying, isn't he?"  Dumbledore nodded and tears threatened to spill again.  I wiped them away and forced myself to make my throat work. 

"H, how?" my voice was shaking violently. 

"Voldemort." In that instant, a fire was lit inside me fueled by the hatred of the bearer of that name.

"Addi?" She had written me that she was going home for the break.

"She is safe and sound. Voldemort never touched her." Suddenly out of all the questions that surfaced in my mind, one stood out. I raised my head looked at Dumbledore, straight in the eye. 

"Why?" I asked, my voice steady now.  Dumbledore sighed. I could tell this was the last question he wanted to answer. I looked into his eyes. They weren't twinkling, as they usually were when he looked at me. But I saw the answer in his eyes.

"Me. He's dying because of me."

"Sirius. You can't blame yourself." 

"But it's true, isn't it? He was after me, wasn't he?"

"Yes, but if you had been there he would have killed you too. And then all would have been lost."

"Why?"

"That I can't tell you yet. But there is a small problem."

"What?"

"What we are going to do with you. Your grandparents are claiming you as their own and will surly take you out of Hogwarts if you were to go with them. I know you don't want that. But your father is asking for you now. Do you want to go?"

I nodded. 

"Good. After that we will find out that will take care of you." I nodded again. He led me to the fireplace where he threw a pinch of powder in and we stepped in.

We reappeared in a long corridor.  It was white, a sterile white.  There were people rushing up and down the hall. I'd never been in a hospital before, though I've been to many since.  I noticed a small group of people standing outside one of the doors.  Addi was among them. 

She noticed me and ran forward, ducking under the arm of Mrs. Potter, and reached me.  We hugged, holding each other tight as if it would change everything if we closed our eyes and wished hard enough.  A hand on my shoulder shattered that dream. 

"Come on, Sirius.  He's been asking for you."  I did not want to go in that room. I wanted to be anywhere but here.  I would have rather taken the worst test Beaker could throw at me, then taken on the entire Slytherin team by myself, rather than go into that room. But Dumbledore pushed me and I found my feet obeying him before I could even think about it. 

Dad lay on the bed, eyes closed, tubes and wires everywhere. He looked so, so frail.  So weak. Someone had taken off his glasses. Somehow he looked incomplete without them sliding down the bridge of his nose.   Tears welled up and I began to cry again.  Addi held me tight as I whimpered. 

Suddenly Dad opened his eyes. We rushed over to his bedside.  He smiled up at us, and reached up to brush my cheek before glancing around at Dumbledore. 

"Hello Orion."  He said. 

"Hello."  Dad's voice was weak and it sounded as if it were too painful to speak. 

"Dad?" I asked, my voice shaking more than I wanted. He glanced at me and smiled.  Reaching his hand up, he stroked my cheek. 

"Ah, Sirius. My bright star. Siri."  He whispered.  I swallowed hard.  Then I grinned, unsteadily. 

"Hi Dad. How are you?"

"I'm alright." Dad whispered, but he had never looked farther from the truth.     A sob forced itself up in my throat, but I fought to keep it down.  Addi was crying softly beside me,  but all other people in the room had ceased to exist.   Dad stroked my cheek and smiled up at me. 

"You be good, Siri. You promise me you'll be good?"  he asked softly. 

"Da?"  Dad flinched and it looked as if his heart was breaking. I know mine was. 

" Addi? You too."  Addi nodded behind me and I felt her hand slip into mine. 

"You promise me, that you'll be good, and stay strong. Remember I love you." Dad whispered. 

"N,no!"  the word forced itself out of my throat in a sob.  Dad looked like he was about to cry as well. I leaned over my father.  "No! You can't die! You can't!"  I threw my arms around him and felt him wince, but I didn't care. Neither did Dad as he pulled me tighter and  reached out his arm for Addi to join us.  She crawled up next to me and we clung to each other for a long long time. 

Finally Dumbledore spoke. "Come along children,  your father needs his rest."  He pulled us off Dad and led us down the hall to the kitchen.  There, we were given a large amount of attention and were coddled over by every single one of the nurses.  I couldn't help thinking muggle hospitals were odd. 

It was perhaps an hour before we made our way back upstairs.  When we arrived,  we were greeted by the sight of a doctor leaving, his face grim.  He noticed Dumbledore and pulled him aside.  They spoke for a moment, all the while my fear escalating. 

Then Dumbledore glanced at us.  I knew something was very very wrong.  I  pushed past Addi, and burst into my Dad's room.  He lay much as he had been, only it looked as if he were sleeping.  I hurried to his side and checked. 

Then I let out a sigh of relief. He was still alive.  I felt a hand on my shoulder. I glanced up and saw Dumbledore. 

"Sirius," he began," your father has slipped into a coma.  It is," he glanced at Addi, then back at me, " it is very unlikely he will ever emerge." 

He might as well as killed me right then.  My heart broke in two at his words.  And so did my resolve.  The sob burst out of my throat and  almost  made my knees give out. Addi caught me and rocked me slowly as I fell to the ground,  harsh  sobs racking my body. 

Dad held out  for three more days.  He died on December 29th, 1973. He never woke up.  

_I don't want to talk about the funeral. It hurts too much. I'm almost glad I wasn't allowed to go to Lily and James's. All I could think about is that they are dead. We will never play another joke, never laugh together, and never watch each other's children grow up together. Never grow old together like we planned to do. Never see his own kids grow up. I will never hear Lily laugh. She had a beautiful laugh. I'll never see James risk his life for me again. We'll never sneak out under his invisibility cloak again. We'll never blow anything up again. We'll never see so many things. _

_This wasn't supposed to happen! We were supposed to be friends forever. We were supposed to be immortal. Nothing could bring us down. No one could tear the four of us apart. But Peter succeeded where so many others and the tests of time had failed. _

_I still can't believe he betrayed us. He was my friend. I trusted him. James trusted him. He betrayed us. I almost wish Voldemort had gone after me. Then we all would have been spared this pain._

_            My dad would have been disappointed in me for that thought. Once he told me failure wasn't in the dictionary. And to prove his point he cut it out. So the word failure didn't exist in our dictionary. And he wouldn't want me to give up on life, neither would James. He'd tell me " Sirius, you have to keep going. You have to keep on living. You're always thinking of your friends before you so do this for me. For Lily and Remus. Do it for Mari and Cassi. Do it for Addi and Harry. They need you and someday you'll find out just how much you need them." He told me that when I told him I couldn't be his secret keeper. He asked me to be there for Harry. And I can't. He probably doesn't even know who I am. _

_            There is a saying, oh what is it? I've been in here so long sometimes it seems like forever, oh yes, the good die young.  Well, it's true. I mean look at us.  James and Lily, how much better could you get?  Lily was smart, brave, beautiful, a perfect wife, mother, and friend.  James was brave, handsome, smart, loyal, trusting. He was the best. He never gave up on anyone.  And they died.  But then look at me.  If the good die young, then  that would explain why I am still here. _

_I miss them all so much. I miss my dad. He was so young so much life left to have lived. And he was killed because Voldemort was after me. There was so much he never got to see. He never got to see his granddaughter. All I could think about is what my dad would never see. Never do._

After the funeral, wizards surrounded me, offering their condolences and sympathy. Mr. and Mrs. Potter had come. Mrs. Potter swept me up in a big hug. I hugged her back as hard as I could. She was crying. Mr. Potter looked like he was about to. Dumbledore had never left my side. Addi clung to my arm. I caught a glimpse of my grandparents across the room. They glared at me, so I  stuck my tongue out at them.  They looked shocked, and I laughed. Then my grandfather led my grandmother out the door, without a word to us.  I wondered once again, how two people like that could have had a son like my father. 

Mr. and Mrs. Potter took us home for the night. It felt good to crawl into a real bed instead of a hospital chair.  But that comforting feeling would only last a single night. The next morning, my grandfather was there to get us. 

He announced that we would be going home with him as he was now our legal guardian whether we liked it or not. 

"Come along, kids." My grandfather said, standing up. 

Mr. Potter glared. " From what I heard from Orion, you hate these kids with a passion. Why would they ever want to go with you?"

" I don't hate them. That, that boy. It's all his fault. He's a freak, just like his mother." He pointed at me.

Mr. Potter's eyes flashed. " That boy has a name. Sirius is no more a freak than you are. And I happened to have gone to school with Fiona. She was no more a freak" he spat out the word " than her son or daughter."

" You're just sticking up for him cause you're a freak too. That boy needs a firm hand, I never did approve of his father being so soft on him. There is nothing a good beating and a little discipline would hurt. And I promise you that boy is trouble." He still refused to call me by my name.

Mrs. Potter tightened her hold around my shoulders. She squeezed my hand. " Don't worry Sirius, You'll be okay." She led us to the kitchen where she made us a huge breakfast.  I ate more to please her than because I was hungry.  

**Chapter 14: Grandfather**

But later that night he was back. I was supposed to be asleep. But I heard him come in and decided to stay and listen. I shook Addi awake gently. She stretched 

"What?"

"Shh. Listen."

"Both children should be in my home. They are my grandchildren. And I'm taking that boy out of that school. He belongs where I can keep an eye on him"

"Orion wanted them to be with their own kind." Dumbledore was speaking quietly but his voice carried up the stairs as if he were shouting.

"Their own kind? Sirius is the freak. Addi is perfectly normal. She isn't one of you.

"Whether or not she has the ability to perform spells has nothing to do with the fact that she has magic in her blood."

"I never liked that little witch. She poisoned his mind and their children's blood."

"He loved her. And she him. Sirius and Adhara were blessed with wonderful parents."

" And then the boy got both of them killed." Addi glanced at me. I wouldn't look at her. No one said anything, so he spoke again.

" They are my grand children. I should take care of them."

"You may have them over the breaks, but during the school year, both children will continue to attend their present schools."

"This is all the boy's fault. You shouldn't be sticking up for him. He got your daughter killed!" There was silence. Dumbledore didn't say anything. I didn't know Dumbledore had a daughter. And I most certainly hadn't got her killed. I didn't even know her.

"That's right! If he had never been born both of them would be alive."

"Sirius was born to great parents. They died to protect him and in making sure he stays alive, they may have saved us all." NowI was confused. So was my grandfather.

"What do you mean?"

"Sirius has great power. He and James are some of the most powerful wizards to come to Hogwarts in a hundred years. It was seen at his birth. Why else would Voldemort go after such a young child unless he thought the child would pose a threat. Besides the hat saw it in him." he paused and I thought, so that's what the hat meant.  Then he continued. "They may spend the rest of the holiday with you, but when the term starts again, I expect to see them both back at school. If they are not, I will most certainly find out. " 

There was more silence." Fine then. Bring them around in the morning." I heard the door slam. 

The next morning, we were packed and waiting when the car came for us. 

Mrs. Potter was crying. "I am so sorry, Sirius. I wish I could change it."  Addi was crying too.  Mrs. Potter hugged us both, and Mr. Potter wished us good luck, trying to keep the tears out of his eyes.  Then we were shoved into the car and we left them behind. As I turned around, I could just see the faces of the Potters vanishing in the distance. 

            The ride was long. Through out it all, Addi and I sat in the back, unable to speak.  Addi lay in my arms, silent tears streaming down her cheeks.  The driver kept glancing back at us, with a sorry face. 

"You know, you kids will be fine."  We said nothing. He tried again. 

"My wife and I, we'll be here to help you two if you need it." 

"Thanks." I said softly. 

"Don't mention it. I'm Charlie Wright. My wife is the housekeeper."  He proceed to tell us about the house and our grandparents. God knows, he knew more than I did.  If I had known all I do now about the man who called himself my father's father, I would have jumped out of that limo, full speed and everything, run all the way back to the Potters and never looked back. 

After a few hours, we pulled into a long driveway, and finally in front of a huge gray stone house. Like something out of a horror movie, it was. Little did I know just how what horrors we would endure in that  god-forsaken old mansion.  It was  huge and towering, cold impersonal gray marble lined everything.  Mr. Wright climbed out and opened the door.  We climbed out, staring at the place that was to be our home.  We climbed up the large steps and Mr. Wright pulled open the door.  He put our things down in the hall.  We didn't have much. Most of our things were at school. 

"It's about time." A stern voice spoke. We turned; Addi's hand never left mine.  Our grandfather stood there, smoking his pip and frowning.  I wrinkled my nose at the horrible smell. 

"Does my pipe bother you, boy?" 

I did not answer and he glared. "Mrs. Wright will take you to your rooms, but first I want to make something perfectly clear.  If it were up to me, you two would both be in the worst orphanage I could find!  The only reason I tolerate you is that you are the children of my only son.  You will spend your holidays here, nothing more.  And while in this house, you will obey my rules.  

Rule number one:  there is to be no mention of your mother, or what she tainted your blood with." He scowled at me. I was all too aware of what he meant, but the sudden urge to nag him rose in me and I humored it. 

"I'm sorry sir, I'm not sure what you mean." 

He advanced forward and with one quick movement, had slapped me across the face.  Addi gave a gasp.  "You most certainly do, you insolent little brat.  That foolishness they call magic! There is to be no use or mention of it in this house. Is that understood?" I glared.  

"Is that understood?"  My face stung, but I nodded. 

"What do you say?"  He raised his hand poised for another strike. 

"Yes." I got out through gritted teeth. 

"Yes what?" I glared and he slapped me again.  This time it really hurt. 

"When you address me, you will address me as sir. And your grandmother as ma'm.  Is that clear?" 

"Crystal." I shot back.  He inclined his head.  "Sir." 

"Good, that goes for you too, young lady.  If there is not some respect drilled into your heads then you will both suffer.  I will not tolerate disrespect and if I hear of it from any member of this house or from your schools, you will be very very sorry. Now get out of my sight." 

We wasted no time in doing so.  Mrs. Wright, the housekeeper, was as kind and gentle as my grandfather was not.  She took us to the kitchen where she made us a quick supper and gave me some ice for my cheek. 

"Will he never learn? He did this last time too." I frowned, and then winced as she replaced the ice. 

"What do you mean, last time?"

"Oh don't you remember?  Well, you were quite young.  Your father brought you here to stay while your sister had the measles." 

"I remember getting those." Addi said.  Oddly, I did not. 

"Well, you were about four or five, I'd say and a worse terror I've never seen." She laughed. " You were constantly running from room to room, throwing things or causing as much mischief as you could. Needless to say, your grandparents were not pleased.  You took it bravely, but by the end of a week you'd had enough.   You ran off and we found you at the neighbors a few days later when your dad came to pick you up.  He vowed he'd never leave you with them again."   

Looks like he wasn't very good at keeping promises.  I thought. Then Mrs. Wright led us to our rooms. 

Addi's was alright, nice and comfortable.  She had large bay windows that looked out over the estate.  The room was decorated in a nice pale shade of blue.   She smiled a bit.  

"What about me?"  Mrs. Wright sighed and led me up a few more flights of stairs to the attic.  Once there, she opened the first door on the landing.  I took a deep breath and steeped inside, pulling my suitcase with me. 

If I was expecting anything like Addi's, I was very mistaken. My grandfather's hatred of me shone in his decision of our sleeping arrangements.  

The room was very bare, with only a few pictures on the wall, no wallpaper, only chipped whitewash.  The only pieces of furniture in the room were a thin bed, a small desk and a wardrobe.  There were two large windows though and I put my suitcase down, crossed the room and opened them. 

To my surprise, they opened up onto the roof.  The roof was flat there and the windows large. I wondered if it was possible to climb out them.  They also provided a very excellent view of the estate. 

"Sir, if there is anything you want, please doesn't hesitate to ask. My husband and I will be glad to help you." I nodded. 

"Thanks." She smiled and left me to my new room.  I sighed.  This was not how I wanted things to be at all.  

After a few minutes I heard a knock on the door. 

"Siri? Can I come in?"

"Sure Addi." She opened the door and stepped inside.  She frowned when she saw my room.  But she said nothing. We both knew why I had gotten this room. 

"Hey there's an awesome view of the roof. You wanna see it?"   I grinned.  I really did not feel like smiling, but Addi was taking it hard.  Very hard. I could see that.  And one of the things I was able to do was push things aside.  I pushed my own feelings of pain and loss aside and smiled at my baby sister. 

True, she wasn't that much younger than me, only a few minutes, but still I thought of her as my baby sister.  I forced my mind to stop thinking about dad and his reason for dying.  All I needed to know was that my little sister was sad, we were stuck in a place neither of us wanted to be, and we had two weeks before we could return to the places we loved. 

"Sure." She smiled and I slipped out onto the roof.  It was indeed flat. We were on top of the house.  In the garden I could see my grandfather smoking his pipe and reading his newspaper, sitting under an umbrella, shading him from the sinking sun.  My grandmother was   yelling something in a window. 

I ignored them and looked out farther. The sinking sun above the forest gave the   place a red glow.  I helped Addi out and we sat, watching the sun sink on our old lives. 

The days that followed were horrible.  I was never up to my grandfather's standards and so he felt that the only way to get me to behave was to use force.  He tried locking me in my room, but I just climbed out onto the roof. He tired keeping me from my meals, but I had a sympathetic sister and housekeeper. So he resorted to the only thing he believed worked:  physical punishment.  

By the time the holidays were over, I was black and blue everywhere.  It did not make me fear him.  Fights were not unusual for me and so had little effect on me.  Though they had the desired effect on Addi who feared for my safety.  Every night, after my darling grandfather had had his happy little game of see-how-much-you-can-hurt-the-grandson-without-killing-him, and I was sent to my room, bleeding and sore, Addi would make her way up to my room and we would sit on the roof and watch the stars rise.  Grandfather never found out about it, thank God. He made our lives too miserable during the day. Later he would go so far as to hit Addi too, but not that time. 

Not to mention, he knew the reason why my father had died, and he blamed me fully for it. Now as I think back, I wonder if, maybe in a way he had loved my father, but was unsure of how to show it.  Instead he alienated himself from his son and Dad just thought he hated him. Then when Dad went and married some strange woman, they were angry. When they found out what she was, they were furious. When she died giving birth, they forgave him a bit.  But I was the very replica of my mother, and so I bore the full brunt of his anger.  At least, this was what I told Addi and tried to tell myself late at night after a day of pain and torture.  

His wife was not much help either. My grandmother was a hard cold woman, shallow even at times, worried only about her social status and her hair.  She would hold Addi while my grandfather smacked me around.  On the few times he actually went after her, she even held me. 

Our last night, Addi and I had a heart to heart it was too cold to be on the roof, so we were sitting on my bed, looking through the clouds, trying to see stars.  Usually we didn't talk much. But there was something I had to know. 

"Addi?"

"Hmm?"

"You were there, weren't you? When dad was killed."

'Yes."

"What happened?" she frowned and turned a bit.

"I don't want to talk about it."

" I need to know, please."

"Alright." She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to picture it. " We were just sitting down after dinner. I was writing a letter for you. And there was a knock on the door. Dad went to get it and he opened the door. I heard him ask in this really shaky voice ' What do you want?' and this voice answered. It was not like anything I'd ever heard before. It was high pitched, but it was a bloke's voice. And when he spoke it was like a blast of cold air shooting down my neck. " She shivered.

 I crawled over to the bed and sat down next to her. I wrapped my blanket around her shoulders. She pulled it tight and resumed talking " It said something like ' Where is the boy?' and Dad said ' you can't touch him. He isn't here.' And the voice said ' I don't believe you' and there was this bang and Dad came rushing back in. He grabbed me and threw me in the closet. The one behind the kitchen. And he said, " don't come out. No matter what you hear. Tell your brother I love you both and it's not his fault'" 

A tear ran down my cheek. He had known I would feel guilty. " But there was this little hole. You know the one you made when James accidentally locked you in and your wand backfired." I nodded. " Well, I looked through it and Dad was running back toward the door and this figure steeped into the kitchen. It was dark and I felt scared, like I've never been scared before. And the figure raised his wand and pointed at Dad. He said. ' Tell me where the boy is or die.' And Dad just stood there and said ' you will never hurt him. Never." 

"Then what?" I asked. 

"He raised his wand and  muttered a spell.  Dad started screaming and thrashing about.  Most frightening thing I'd ever seen.  Then he collapsed. The man  laughed and slithered out." 

"The unforgivalbes."

" What?"

" The unforgivables. They are three curses, If you use them, it is unforgivable, hence the name. Imperius, Cruciatus, and Avada Kedavra. You use them on another human and get yourself your own private cell in Azkaban."

"What's that?"

"Wizard prison. It's guarded by dementors. They can suck the happiness right out of you." I shuddered. " I don't like thinking about them. They brought one to the school one time. Some big ministry guys were there and they wanted extra protection. Half the students collapsed."

" Did you?"

" Yep. Fell right off my broom, I did. Lucky I was only a few feet off the ground or I would have been dead. Brought them to a match. How do you think the players are gonna react? They affect you worse if you've had something bad happen to you." 

We were quiet for a minute.

" So then what happened?"

"Within minutes ministry of magic people showed up and I told them what happened. They took him and me to the hospital and the next morning you arrived. "

 I thought about what would have happened if I had been there. He probably would have killed us all. 

"Sirius, Why was Dad killed?"

"Adhara please. Don't do this you don't want to know."

" Yes I do. Tell me, Siri."

" No. You'll hate me."

" Never. You are my twin, my brother. I will never hate you. Never. No matter what you do."

" Can I have that in writing?" She laughed and smacked me with her pillow.

"Ow!"

" Now tell me or get hit again."

" No, please not again! Please don't hurt me, oh great and powerful one."

" Haha. Now tell."

" Okay." I bit my lip. How would I tell her? I didn't know a lot of it myself. But, I told myself; you have to tell her what you do know. She has a right to know. " Right after we were born, a dark wizard came to our house. He was there to kill a baby. Dad got in his way so he cursed him. So was Mum. She wouldn't move and she was more of a threat to him, because she was a witch. So he killed her. I was that baby."

"You?"

"Yes. The wizard's name is Voldemort and he's bad news. He is after me. I don't know why. All I know is neither Mum nor Dad would let him near me so he killed them both. It's my fault. If I had never been born they would both be alive. It's all my fault."  My voice cracked with a sob. 

Everything that had been building up for the past few weeks, all my defenses, my barriers, they all came crashing down and I broke down sobbing. Addi put her arms around me and I leaned into her shoulder.

"Shh, It's alright. It was never your fault. They loved you enough to die for you. I do too. Don't cry. It'll all be alright." I cried myself to sleep in her arms.


	12. The Darkness comes

Chapter 15: The Truth is a Dangerous Thing

            Finally it was time to return to school. Mr. Wright gave us a lift to the train station where Addi caught her train to Clearglen and I caught the Hogwarts express. I was the only one and so had a long train ride to think.  Hagrid was waiting to pick me up. 

"Hey Sirius. Are ya alright?"  He frowned then. "What happened at yer face?"  I knew I bore the bruises and cuts of my grandfather's aggression, but I wasn't about to say that. 

"I got in a fight." Not too far from the truth. 

He sighed. "Ah Sirius. Yeh gotta stop that fightin'." 

"I know." He did not say anything about my dad, except "I'm sorry. I knew yer mum and dad. Great folks, both of  'em."  He wiped his eyes and blew his nose on a handkerchief found in one of his numerous pockets. 

I entered the great hall. I pretended not to notice the whispers and stares that followed me to the table. I sat down in my regular seat. My friends had been in the middle of a conversation when I entered. They stopped and stared as soon as I sat down and helped myself to the food. James was the first to speak.

"Sirius! Where have you been?"

I shrugged.

"And what happened to your face?"  Again I shrugged. 

"Tell us. You've been gone for two weeks." Remus asked.

"Drop it, alright?" I hissed, not wanting to speak 

"You don't just disappear for two weeks and then expect us not to ask!" James said, pushing it more than he had to. 

"I was at home." Which was true. That hell hole was my home now.  
"Why?" Lily smiled. 

"I said forget it." I felt bad for snapping at Lily, but at that moment, I did not care. 

"Alright. Whenever you're ready, Sirius, We'll listen." Erin reached out and squeezed my hand. She smiled and I gave her a thankful grin. 

"Hey Black, What's this I hear about your dad?" I groaned. Great, just the last person I wanted to see. Snape.

"Piss off, Snape. I am really not in the mood."

"Oh you're just moody because you've gotten your father killed too." I don't know really what happened next. I just snapped. I jumped up and started to hit him. He fought back. And soon we were rolling on the ground. James and Remus knew better than to try and stop me from their own experiences.  I was just  so intent on smashing Snape's head into the stone floor, I didn't hear the  other students, or my friends, or the teachers. I only noticed when Dumbledore pulled us apart.

"Boys. My office now." He dragged us up to his office by our collars. Then  he let us go and we slunk into the chairs in front of his desk. When he sat down, he gave us both a long hard look. I didn't look at Snape and met Dumbledore's gaze. 

"Now," he said. " What is going on?"

" Sir, I just asked where he was all this time and he jumped me."

"No," I growled, " you didn't. You said I'd gotten my father…"

"There is no need to continue this conversation. Mr. Snape, there is no reason for you to taunt Sirius, especially now.  I dare say, you know what it is like to loose a loved one. Therefore you will receive one detention. Please report to Professor Tralawney at eight. Sirius, I don't want to see this happen again, is that clear?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Now go to class."

I walked to Professor McGonagall's class slowly. When I got there, class had already started. Professor McGonagall looked up from her desk and came over to me. At first I thought she was going to be mad at me for being late. But she took me aside.

"Sirius, are you alright?"

"Yes ma'm."

"Good, now go join your friends and please blow something up today. I can't stand to see all of you so depressed. It worries me."

I smiled and she favored me with a rare smile. I joined James, Remus, Peter, Lily, and Erin.

"Padfoot, you are going tell me right now what is going on or I will tell every one about that time at practice where you-"

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you."

I took a deep breath. It hurt just saying it. I felt like if I said it, it was final. " My dad was killed on Christmas."

They stared. 

"Oh God, Sirius, I'm sorry." Lily said.

"It's okay." I said. " Look, can we talk about this later? There's something I really need to tell you but not here. It's too dangerous."

"Dangerous?" Erin asked her eyes wide.

"Yes."

"Come on Padfoot, give us a hint. You're going to kill James with waiting."

"Haha Moony."

"Alright." I relented. "It has to do with Voldemort."

"VOLDEMORT!" They all yelled. The whole class turned to stare at us. Professor McGonagall only shook her head and turned back to the boy she had been helping. 

" Keep it down." I hissed. 

Five "Sorry,"s were whispered back.

" I'll tell you later. Now can someone tell me what we are supposed to be doing?"

"Turning a porcupine into a pin cushion." Remus told me.

"Okay. Oh and Prongs you'll never guess what McGonagall asked me to do."

"What?"

"She told me we need to blow up something. The silence bothers her." He grinned 

"I know just the thing."

In seconds Professor McGonagall's desk was transformed into a small pig. It ran around the room, squealing. We laughed so hard, I fell out of my desk. McGonagall just sighed. " Class dismissed." As we walked out she winked at me. I smiled back.

Back in our common room I told my friends what had happened and what I had over heard. But I left out the part about my grandfather. I really did not want to discuss it with anyone,  much less my friends.

"Sirius, what if he tries to get to you at school?" Lily asked.

"I don't know. I mean Dumbledore's here. He wouldn't try anything while he's here's here." James said.

"Yeah, He's the one who drove him away after mum." I said.

Then the bell rang. We all stood up. The others turned to go out the portrait hole when Erin grabbed my arm.

"Sirius, I'm really sorry."

"Thanks."

"And I never got to give you your Christmas present." With that she kissed me. When she pulled back, we stood there stood there staring at each other. We smiled.

"And I never got to give you mine." And I kissed her right back. We pulled apart when we heard clapping. We spun around to see our friends standing there.

"Come on you lovebirds. Either get a room or let's go to class." We walked out into the hall. 

"Jamie, if you say one more thing I will tell the whole school what you say in your sleep about Lily."

"What does he say about me?"

James turned beet red and pulled us back. The girls smiled and walked on ahead, giggling.

"I need to talk to you guys about something."

"What?" Remus asked.

"Jamie, we need to get to class." Peter said.

"Don't worry. Dumbledore told all the teachers about Sirius. He told them not to worry if he comes in late or something. We can just say we were talking to him."

'But we have potions. Beaker will never believe us."

"Who cares? This is important."

"What is it?"

" Well don't you think it's odd that Voldemort is wasting his time, trying to kill Padfoot? I mean, there doesn't seem to be a reason."

"It is weird. Tomorrow is the full moon. But this weekend I think we should investigate this." Remus said.

"But we have a match this weekend."

"On Sunday you don't. We'll check out any old prophecies and the like."

"Are you sure you'll be up to it?" I asked him

"Yes, it gives me two days. Don't worry."

We stood for a second.

"You know, I really don't feel like dealing Snape and Beaker today." I sighed.

"I wish he would just shut up about things he doesn't know anything about." James agreed.

"I wish he'd just shut up." Remus answered. We laughed and made our way down to the dungeons.

"Well, look who decided to grace us with their presence?" Professor Beaker sneered when we entered. "Since you boys are late, I will take ten points off for Gryffindor, as well as detentions for the lot of you."

"Please Professor, Sirius didn't feel very well. We were helping him. We didn't mean to be late." James told him. Beaker looked like a five year old who'd just been told Christmas had been canceled. 

"Fine, but don't let it happen again." He grumbled. 

"See, I told you he wouldn't go against Dumbledore." James whispered. The rest of the lesson was one of the worst I had ever been in. Snape kept making quiet evil remarks about my parents. James and Remus had to physically hold me back from killing him right then and there.  They didn't, however, stop me from throwing a bottle of acid in his cauldron and making it explode. 

It wasn't till that night when we were getting ready for bed anyone thought to ask me one obvious question.

"Oi, Padfoot. Where are you going to be staying?" Remus asked

I swallowed. This was a question I'd been hoping to avoid.  For a second, I pretended not to have heard. 

"Padfoot?"  

"Yes?"  I turned around, pretending to be working the buttons on my pajamas.  Remus  came over and flopped on my bed. James poked his head out from the bathroom, still brushing his teeth as he did so. 

"Where are you living?"

"My grandfather." I muttered. I prayed they hadn't heard me. 

"Who?" Remus's voice was getting suspicious. I heard James spit and there was the sound of running water.  Then he too flopped on my bed.  I turned around to face them, knowing I could not avoid them. 

"My grandparents."

"Where are they?"  Remus asked.  I realized I'd never mentioned my grandparents to my friends. I'd never had a reason. 

"Surrey."  I said. 

"Great, you're closer to me then." James said, grinning. He got up and went to his own bed. But Remus didn't move.  He still looked at me, frowning. 

"Yeah." I mumbled, "Great,". Then Remus got up and went to his own bed. I pulled my curtains closed, separating myself from my friends. 

"Night Moony." James said. 

"Night." Remus said.

"Night Wormtail."   There was a snore from Peter's bed.  

"Night Padfoot." But I didn't answer. 

I closed my eyes. I was asleep in a second.

I woke up later. I could see it was still night. It was so dark, not a speck of light could be seen though the thick curtains. The darkness seemed to be smothering me. In a moment of childishness,  I wanted my dad. Then I remembered. My dad was dead. Dead. I think for the past couple of days I had been in shock. It hadn't really hit me yet. But it did then in that endless darkness. I would never see him again. He was gone just like my mum. I couldn't stay here. I got up.

 I went down the stairs. The fire still burned in the common room, but no one was there. But I didn't stop. I climbed right out the hole. I didn't know where I was going. I just had to get out. I must have walked all over Hogwarts that night. I walked just to keep moving. I almost wished someone would catch me and stop me. But no one did. Even Peeves flew right by me. It was like I was invisible. Then I turned a corner and standing there with a candle in his hand was Professor Dumbledore. I looked at him for a few moments. Those eyes seemed so familiar to me. I just couldn't place them.

"What are you doing up, Sirius?" He said, like meeting him in a dark hallway in the middle of the night was the most normal thing.

'I couldn't sleep, sir"

"Well, why don't you try and go back to sleep now?"

I nodded and turned to go. I somehow found my way to the portrait hole and climbed in. I didn't want to go back to that smothering darkness in my room so I curled up in one of the huge arms chairs. Before I knew what had happened I was asleep.

This continued for a few weeks.  My friends asked me what was wrong, but I just waved them away. 

The next morning at breakfast an owl dropped a letter on my plate. I slowly tore it open. It was from my dad

_Dear Sirius and Adhara, _

_If you are reading this, it means I am dead. That our plan has failed.  We had hoped, when you were born, but that is past now. _

_I know how much you must be hurting, but you must bear it. Sirius especially, you must stay alive. I cannot tell you how much it means, but you must.  _

_Sirius, do you remember, when you were about five years old and you asked me if I ever got scared. I am scared. Very scared. I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know if I will be able to live to see the people you will become. I want to. So much. I know you're mother wanted to also.  And though I hate to admit it, I am scared for myself. I want to live, not die. But sometimes you don't have a choice. And I am very scared for you. _

_You have been born into a dark time. I can't imagine how life will be when you get older.  But I want you to live your lives to the fullest, and never let go of each other. Hang on like hell, to what you've got.  You are not immortal, take some chances. Sirius, this is not encouragement for pranks.  Although I will miss those daily letters. _

_Addi, although you can't do spells you have your own type of magic.  Use it.  _

_Sirius, ever since the day you were born. We have known you were different. Dumbledore told us you were. You are very very powerful, and no one can take  away your powers. _

_Resist the dark side. I know Addi, it sounds very Star wars, like. Sirius, you won't have a clue what I am talking about.  But never mind. If you were to turn, it would mean the end. _

_Never give up. And remember your mother and I are always with you._

_ Your father_

_Orion Sirius Black._

 I folded the letter in my cloak, pushed aside the sob that threatened to  exit my throat, and we headed straight for the library. We looked through old books and parchments. We didn't have much to go on though. Until…

" Hey mates, check this out." James called softly.

" What is it?" We crowed around him.

" It has been foretold by Godric Gryffindor Himself, that in the future,"

" Which could be anytime, since he lived a thousand years ago." Remus interrupted 

"Yes we know, you prat, now let me finish." James glared. Then he cleared his throat and began to recite the passage in front of him, his voice echoing off of the soundless walls of the library. 

**"**_The fate of four present among us, has been declared_

_Twins of the famous Lion shall be reborn_

_The heir's of the Great house shall arrive together_

_For the first time in many years._

_The wolf shall befriend them, the rat as well._

_But paradise must end with the star's mistake._

_The rat shall receive thirty pieces of silver and the stag will be sold._

_The innocent will rot, and the guilty, walk free_

_One will remain and one will die._

_From he, who is sacrificed, will come_

_He who will defeat_

_The ancient curse must be broken_

_Or all will be doomed._

_The battle must end_

_With He who will live._"

James's voice echoed eerily across the library.  When he finished, we all looked at each other.  Something about it chilled me and I shivered.

" Look mates, can we forget this? It's stupid." I slammed the book down and stomped from the room, earning an evil stare from Madam Pince.

When I talked to my friends that night, they didn't mention it. In fact they never did again. Now I wonder, what if they did?

**Chapter 16: Too Hard**

In the next few months my friends where the only things that kept me from going completely crazy. They kept coming up with more and more insane tricks to keep my mind occupied. As a result I had more detentions to keep my mind occupied. They kept my spirits up. Once when I could hardly bare it anymore I told Lily life was too hard and I didn't want to deal with it anymore. 

She only looked at me and said "Too hard? Life is hard. The most important things we do are hard. The person who feels he cannot face another day, yet does, is no less brave than he who slays dragons without fear. If you never do anything hard, you won't live." I have gone by that advice ever since. 

I remember once when I was feeling particularly bad, Remus and James came up with  a little game called "Pitch Black."

I was sitting on my bed, having snapped at Remus for trying to get me to talk.   After a few minutes, James, Peter, and Remus all came into the room, huge smiles on their faces. 

"Sirius?" James asked. 

"What?" I mumbled, annoyed that they couldn't leave me alone. 

"We have a little game we'd like to try."  James said. 

"What?" I asked, a bit interested. 

"Pitch Black." Remus said, grinning slyly. 

"What?" I asked. Peter too, seemed confused. 

"How do you play?" he asked. 

"Oh, it's easy." James said. And  with that he grabbed me  by my collar, dragged me off my bed and shoved me toward Remus. Remus held up a pillow and smacked me like a ball, sending me tumbling down. 

"You just pitch Black."  Remus grinned and pulled me to my feet. Then he  shoved me at Peter. I  fell on him and he grumbled. 

"Thanks for the demonstration. " he grumbled, as we struggled to get up. 

"Wormtail! It's your turn!" James shouted.  Peter  grumbled and did his best to  shove me to James.  I tried to stop, but soon  I was enjoying myself more than anyone. 

"Does it matter that pitch Potter just doesn't have the same ring? Ow!" I said, as James threw me into  the wall. 

"Oops, missed. No, it doesn't. Sorry." He said, as I crashed into Remus.  Soon we were all on the floor, laughing too hard to throw anyone anywhere, except make random objects chase Peter, which was entertainment any day. 

I poured more into my studies than I had before. The only problem was (James had the same one) I got top scores anyway. So I really didn't have to put much more into it but the good thing was I hardly had two seconds to just relax and wonder about things. When I did that I always ended up thinking about my dad. I was just so busy with work and Quiddich and we were always planning something

Then about April, an interesting development popped up in my life. We had Divination first thing in the morning.  After a particularly boring day of doing nothing but staring into crystal balls, in which I could see only fog and predicted it would be foggy the next morning, I was going stark raving mad. 

 As the bell rang and we hurried out of class, a Slytherin girl nudged James and he stepped aside to let her go by stepping off the ladder that led down and almost falling. Luckily, I was right behind him and grabbed him, hauling him back up to the classroom. 

"Jamie! Why'd you let her push you?" he shrugged. 

"I was just being nice." 

"One of these days," I told him, " you'll fall right off that ladder. You'll see." 

"Sure Siri. Whatever." He said, grinning. Then he stepped back to let Lily go down the stairs.  James, being the love struck idiot that he was, stepped right off the ladder and fell to the floor.  I groaned and leaned over. 

"You alright, Prongs?"  James gave me thumbs up, from where Remus and Lily were helping him to his feet. 

"Told you." I called down.  But as I began to descend, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Professor Trelawney 

"Mr. Black, would you please come with me?"   I nodded. 

"I'll be down in a sec, mates.  Wait for me."  James and Remus nodded.  She led me passed the classroom, into her office, a place just as smoky, and smelling just as bad. 

"Have a seat." She waved her ringed hand at the easy chair in front of the desk. I sat on the edge, unsure of just why I was here.  She sat down in her chair, eying me. 

I noticed a large crystal ball on her desk, much larger than the ones we used. It was bigger than a football, for wizards, the reference might be twice as big as a quaffle.  She noticed me staring at it, and pulled it to the center of the desk. 

"Tell me, what do you see?"  She asked. I gazed at her, but looked into the ball. Of course, I saw nothing more than a lot of fog. I glanced at her. She was eyeing me over her bug like spectacles. 

"I see lots of fog." I told her. 

"Fog?" 

""Lots of fog."  

"Indeed." She leaned back.  "Fog, mystery, an unclear future. You have a gift, my dear." 

I was unable to stop myself as I burst out laughing. "A gift?  Me?"  She frowned. 

"Yes, you I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you that there was something different about you."  I was struggling to hold my laughter in. 

"Different? About me? I think you have the wrong person." 

"Not at all.  I do think, Mr. Black, that this class is all wrong for you. "   I stared at her. "Yes, I can see what you are thinking." 

I'm sure, I thought.  But if she could read my mind, she made no comment about that thought.  She continued. 

"I am not removing you from this class.  I am recommending that you advance to the next level, a special class I have reserved for those truly able to see the future.  Advanced Divination. I will speak to Professor McGonagall about the time.   Come see me tonight after dinner." 

I sighed, but nodded.  I fought to control the laughter building up inside of me as I descended the stairs. Remus, James, Peter, Erin, and Lily were waiting for me.  As soon as the stairs vanished, I let it all out and collapsed against the wall, laughing. 

"What did she say?"  James asked.  They looked at me expectantly, but I just laughed. 

"What?' Remus grabbed me and shook me. I managed to open my eyes. 

"She wants," I couldn't say it and I burst out laughing again, almost doubled over. 

"What?" James shouted. 

"She wants me, " I paused to gasp for breath, "to drop this class and take advanced…" I burst out again. 

"Advanced Divination? You?" Remus asked in disbelief.

"She thinks I have a gift." I told them.  My friends all looked at each other, and then burst into laughter.  We rolled around on the floor, laughing hysterically until the bell rang, signaling the start of the next class.   Franticly, we sped off towards Transfigurations, where we told McGonagall, Trelawney had held us back and she let it slide, "just this once." 

 The next morning, when I usually had a free period, I made my way up to the Divinations tower.  I knew that there would be no one in the class, I'd make a fool out of myself and that was that. 

When I opened the door, the first thing I noticed was that I was the only boy.  The second thing I noticed was that I was the only Gryffindor. I settled nervously down next to a Ravenclaw, who smiled gently at me. 

"Sirius Black, right?"  I nodded.  She held out a hand. 

"Melissa  Figg.  Professor Trelawney told us you would be joining our class." 

"I'm sure she did." I mumbled, glancing around. 

"You don't believe her?"  I simply looked at her and laughed. 

"I heard Gryffindors don't believe in things like  Divination. Professor McGonagall tells them it's not real." A Slytherin  spoke up. 

"Really? I heard Slytherins  put too much stock in  these sorts of things. In fact, I can make a correct prediction right now! I predict that Severus Snape never washes his hair!" 

This raised several giggles form Melissa, the other two Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuff.  The Slytherin glared at me. 

"You better watch you back, Black. The time will come when you Gryffindors will realize you are on the wrong side."  She hissed under her breath. 

"The wrong side?  As long as I am on the side of justice and understanding,  it doesn't matter to me what some prejudice  stinking Slytherin thinks." 

"Filthy mudblood."  She hissed.  I leapt to my feet, but just as I did, Trelawney entered. 

"Ah good morning class. I see you've met our newest student, Sirius Black.  Sirius, please take your seat."  I sat down. 

As Trelawney began to drone on and on, I lay my head down on my book and was soon fast asleep. 

As time went by,  Melissa and I fell into a pattern. I slept through class and she   lent me her notes and the assignments.  The Slytherin threatened to tell, but I  told her that if Trelawney was so great, she would have already known, in which case it would be insulting to her  to tell. That shut her up


	13. Run from the Fear

That summer I went back to my grandfathers. Addi was waiting for me and together we endured another month of pain and ridicule. 

You may think I was a fool,  not even attempting to get away. I tried, oh, I tried. I ran away several times, but each time was dragged back by my grandfather or his paid minions. 

The first was that summer.  My grandparents often had parties in which they invited people more or just as wealthy as themselves and spent the entire night talking about each other. Addi and I had been banished to our separate rooms for the night. I decided to get some homework done and was in the middle of writing a nasty essay for Potions when my ink ran out. I knew there was a fresh supply in my grandfather's study.  If only I could sneak past the hall that opened up into the main dining and living rooms. 

 His study was on the ground floor, near the back of the house, almost next to the kitchens.  There had been times when he locked me in there and the smells from the kitchen would just come wafting in, driving me mad. 

I listened to the clink of glasses and the murmur of voices from two floors down.  If I was careful, I could go down the back stairs, into my grandfather's study, grab a  fresh inkpot, and be back up before anyone  saw me. If they did, they were sure to ask my grandparents, and it would be trouble later on. 

I made my way slowly down the back stairs.  Checking to see there was no one in sight, I slipped down the hall to the second door and pulled it open.  It creaked a bit and I winced.  But I quickly set to work.  

Digging through the drawers, I pulled out a fresh inkpot and shoved it into my pocket.  Then I slipped out the door and made my way to the stairs. 

"Why, hello there!  Who are you?" I heard a woman's voice call out.   I stopped and glanced behind me.  An elderly woman, about my grandmother's age, and dressed in rich, satiny clothes none of my girlfriends could have afforded, was approaching me.  She smiled and reminded me of the grandmother's I saw on TV, kind, loving, fragile old women who doted on their grandkids and spoiled them rotten. 

"I don't think we've met.  I'm Elizabeth Manchester.  Who are you?"  She smiled. 

"Sirius, Sirius Black." I said, praying I wouldn't draw any more attention. 

"Black? Are you related to old Taurus?"  I nodded. 

"He's my grandfather." I wondered if I should have lied and said I was simply with the kitchen help. 

"Really? I thought he wasn't on good relations with his son." 

"Well, my father's dead."  I answered her, a hint of bitterness creeping into my voice.

"Oh, I am sorry." She did look it, but then my worst fears came true. 

" Liz, my dear, what are you doing back here?"  My eyes widened and I backed up towards the stairs. 

"I was looking for the ladies room, and I met this charming young man. We were just having a delightful conversation." She smiled at me, but I was concentrating on my grandfather. To my surprise, he smiled. 

"Ah yes, Sirius.  How is that homework coming?"   I glanced at him, wondering what game he was playing now. 

"It's alright, sir."  I replied. My grandfather laughed. 

"Siri, how many times have I told you?  Do not call me sir."  He turned to the woman, "His school is quite rigid and he's used to addressing his elders as sir.  I only hope I can break him of the habit."  He glanced at me with a warning in his eyes and I knew what he was doing. He was play-acting the part of the loving grandfather when there was company. 

"What school do you go to, young man?" 

I hesitated.  I couldn't very well say Hogwarts.  I went with the school my ex-friend Tommy went to. "Smeltings." 

She smiled. "Good school. I've heard amazing things." 

"Well, if you will excuse me, I have homework to do. Thank you for the new ink pot, grandfather." I flashed her my most charming smile and was up the stairs before he could say a word. 

I slammed my door shut and pushed my trunk up against it.  I knew there would be hell to pay when the party was over.  My window, as I have said, opened up onto the roof. I crawled out and the window slammed shut behind me.  I tried to pry it open, but it was stuck.  I sighed and collapsed on the roof.  

It was cold, and I had on a light jacket.  I shivered and listened to someone laugh below me.  I leaned over the edge.  It was a long way down. 

 Then I noticed the long strands of ivy snaking up the back of the house.  The house was an old one, and it looked the part.  It looked like something out of a Victorian novel. 

I made my decision.  Swinging myself over the edge, I  grabbed onto the ivy and slowly lowered myself, using the ivy to help support my weight. There were a few times that I almost slipped when the ivy came out from the crumbling brick, but it was old and almost fully imbedded in the wall. 

Finally I reached the ground. I jumped down and took off.  I didn't know where I was going, I simply ran.  The estate had  several acres of ground behind it, so I  ran around in front and took off towards the road.  If  it was possible, I could make it to the train station and  hop a train to London. From there I could get a hold of James or Lily and  they could help me.  I felt guilty for leaving Addi, but there was no time and it was too dangerous to  go back for her.  She was smart and would know to  stay out of his way.  He'd leave her alone for now. But the quicker I ran, the sooner I'd get to help.  And so I ran.  

I reached the nearby town that night, but I couldn't stay there. My grandfather  was the mayor.  That's why he had the house and the lands. He'd been mayor since, well, forever.  That's what Dad told us. 

 I reached the train station and realized the fatal flaw in my plan.  I had no money.  Oh well,  I could hide on the train  and avoid the conductor.  I decided that was best  I curled up on a bench and waited  for daylight and the first train to London. 

            A whistle awoke me and I opened my eyes.  a train had just pulled up and the sign above it said London.  I jumped to my feet, ran a hand through my hair, and hurried towards the door.  

Suddenly, I felt someone grab my shoulder.  Fear chilled my blood and I spun around. A policeman was standing there.  He glared down at me.  I  jerked his hand off of my shoulder and hurried towards the train. He grabbed me again. 

"Come on, kid." He growled. I twisted, and fought to get free. 

"Let me go!"  we were attracting a large crowd. 

"Come on kid! " The policeman growled " There's no use running anymore.  He's a runaway." He told the crowd. 

"Let me go! I am not!"  I shouted.  But he was not only stronger, but also taller, and he managed to  pull me away to the parking lot.  When I saw the long black limo, I began to fight harder.  

The window rolled down and my grandfather glared at me. 

"Thank you Sam."  He said to the officer who all but threw me into the open door. I sprawled on the floor, then jumped up, sitting as far away from my grandfather as possible.  The car started and we headed back.  My grandfather glared at me the whole way. I curled up in the corner, ignoring his order to get my feet of his new leather seats. 

When we pulled up in front of the house my grandfather got out first and grabbed my shirt to pull me out.  He dragged me up the steps, down the hall  and  threw me down in his study.  The first thing I saw was Addi, standing there, tear stained face and shaking. My grandmother was holding her around her shoulders, in pretense of a loving hug, but I knew it was so she couldn't run away. 

"I'm sorry." I mouthed just before I was yanked to my feet. 

"What do you think you were doing?!" my grandfather shouted.  He slapped me across the face. I winced, but ignored him. " Answer me!"  I said nothing. He seized my shoulders and began to shake me.  He shook me until my head felt like it was going to explode. I felt like a rag doll, being  shaken back and forth until I  was limp.  Then he slapped me hard again. 

"Tell me what you think you were trying to do, you little bastard!"  he shouted.  I remained silent and he grabbed my shoulders again.  After a few shakes, his hands moved downwards to my arm. He grabbed my wrist and twisted, until my  arm was behind me and it was burning.  I couldn't pull my arm out of his grip and he   laughed. I could feel his breath on my neck, hot and disgusting. 

"Don't you ever get it into your head that you can get away from me." he hissed. " You are here to stay. Besides, " he laughed, " no one would believe you."  He jerked my arm even higher and I  felt more than heard the popping noise as my arm snapped.  He let me go and I collapsed.  I let out a whimper as he grabbed me by the neck and dragged me to my feet.  He wrapped his hands around my throat and my good arm flew up to try and release his iron grip. I do believe he would have killed me then and there had the phone not rung right then.  He dropped me and stomped away to answer it.   I fell to the floor and Addi twisted out of our grandmother's grip to kneel beside me and help me sit up while I coughed. 

Grandfather did not seem too pleased when he set the phone down and grabbed my collar. 

"Phone is for you. Make it quick."  Then he sat down at his desk and glared at me. I raised the phone to my ear, trying to force my hands to stop shaking. 

"H, h, hello?" My voice was shaking too and I took several deep breathes, trying to calm myself.

"Sirius?"  Lily's voice. I let out a sigh of relief. 

"Lily, it's you." 

"Of course it's me , you prat.  James wouldn't know how to dial if someone hit him over the head."  

I heard a indignant "Hey!" in the background. 

"Anyway," Lily continued, "we're all going to Remus's.  Are you coming?" 

"Yeah. Yeah, that would be great." 

"Great.  Just ask your grandfather and we'll be over to pick you and Addi up tomorrow." My heart dropped.  I couldn't ask him. He'd say no, he'd call me  a little bastard and a freak and  so many other things. He'd hit me and say how dare I want to leave when he provides everything for me.  I didn't want Lily to hear that. 

"It's alright."  I said. There was a pause. 

"Did you ask him?" 

"Yes." I lied.  Lily sighed.  I winced. I knew  if there was one thing she was famous for, it was her ability to smell a lie.  But she said nothing about it. 

"Alright. We'll be there tomorrow."  I nodded. 

"See you then."  Then the phone was hung up and my lifeline was snapped.  I replaced the phone and made my way past my grandparents and up the stairs.  Addi followed me and we  waited till we got up to my room before we did a thing.  She hugged me tight. 

"I was so scared when he told me you were gone. I thought you'd left without me." 

"I wanted to go back for you, but I couldn't. It was too dangerous."  I whispered, holding her tight. "I'm so sorry, Addi. So sorry." 

"It's alright, Siri.  It's alright."  I held her as tight as I could.

"Lily said she and James are coming to pick us up tomorrow." I told her. She smiled, then frowned. 

"Does grandfather know?" I shook my head. 

"No." she sighed. 

"Sirius." That was her warning tone. 

"Look Addi, do you really think he would let us go? After what I just pulled?  No. But if  my friends show up and  we simply leave, he can't do a thing about it.  Understand?" she sighed, but agreed. 

I  ripped up an old shirt to use as a sling. Moving my arm at all caused fiery  pain to shoot up and down it.  

About an hour  later, my grandfather dragged me down the stairs and outside into the waiting car.  We arrived at the hospital and I was rushed to the emergency room.  The doctor who examined me  frowned as he looked over my bruised body.  My grandfather stood by, muttering under his breath about the foolishness of young people. 

"And  how did you do this, Sirius?" the doctor pointed to my arm, now encased in a muggle cast. 

I glanced at my grandfather.  "Fell off my motorbike." I mumbled. The doctor bought it and  we returned home.  I still did not mention Lily and James's visit. 

And the next day, just as we finished breakfast, the doorbell rang. 

I was up in an instant,  running up the stairs and dragging my suitcase out of hiding in my closet.  As I lugged it down the stairs, I heard Addi's voice, and James's and Lily's.  I also heard heavy footsteps on the stairs. 

The next instant, my grandfather appeared on the landing. He looked furious. 

"What are they doing here?" he roared, not even bothering to keep his voice down. They were "freaks," like me and so did not deserve his politeness. 

"They're here to take us.   We're going to visit my friend." 

"Like hell you are!" he shouted. I pushed past him, dragging my suitcase one handed behind me. 

"Where do you think you're gong? Get back here, you little brat!" he shouted and grabbed my arm, dragging me around to face him. Then he gave me one hard slap that sent me partially down the steps.  

As I got to my feet, James, Lily, Addi, and Mr. Potter had suddenly come into view.  I glared at my grandfather, just daring him to do anything right there in front of them.  He did nothing and I picked up my suitcase again. James moved forward to help me and in the next few minutes, we were pulling out. I tried not to touch my cheek, which I'm sure, was still red from the back of his hand. 

There was an uneasy silence in the car. I noticed Mr. Potter kept glancing back at us. We'd been driving for almost an hour before anyone spoke.  Mr. Potter pulled over into a gas station, and I climbed out to help him. 

As I showed him how to pump the gas, he glanced at me.  Taking my chin, he turned my face so he could see my left cheek. 

"What happened, Sirius?"  I saw James and Lily watching from the front and back seats.  Addi was staring at her hands. 

"I fell off my bike." I told him.  He did not look convinced. "I did.  I ran over a rock. It flew up, hit me and I fell off. I broke my arm doing it too."  I insisted.  He sighed and led me to the counter to pay.  Before we headed back to the car, he looked me right in the eyes. 

"You know you can tell me anything, Sirius." I nodded. " If ever you're unhappy or you're scared, just give us a call and we'll be right there to get you." I smiled. 

"Thank you, Mr. Potter."  He smiled. 

"Don't mention it. Now let's get back before James blows up the car."   The air in the car was much more relaxed and Lily, Addi and I spent the whole ride trying to teach James the song, 99 bottles of beer on the wall. Even Mr. Potter joined in.  You know, for the minister of magic, Mr. Potter was  the  most like a kid as much as we were. He  loved to join in on our games when his  precious time allowed.   Although he employed men to watch and follow  James, much like security guards or bodyguards,  he knew we ditched them all the time.  And  he  loved to give us tough hardened men just to see their reactions under the pressure. 

"They can stand the pressure of  attacks," he'd tell his men, " but to truly test them,  you must put them up against the Marauders."  He truly was  the father I needed  in those hard times after my own was gone. Mrs. Potter was the mother I needed, and they were there for me many times over the next few years.  I was  very grateful. 

Once we'd reached the Lupins, which took another four hours, I was greeted by Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. 

"Sirius, what happened to your arm?"

"I fell off my bike." I told her.  James and Remus laughed, but Addi frowned. She did not approve of me keeping secrets from my friends and wanted to tell Remus at least. But I forbid her to. 

The summer couldn't have lasted longer. I couldn't wait to be back in school, and counted down the days till I would meet my friends at Kings Cross Station. 

I was happy to be back. The summer had been horrible.  Aside from the trip to Remus's, my grandfather had done nothing but torture me all summer and I was about fed up.   There was only so much I could stand, but every time I opened my mouth, he would only beat me more severely.  At the train station Addi and I had had our first fight in a long time. 

"Sirius," she told me as we waited for her train. "I'm going to tell Remus." 

I turned to her. "Tell him what?"

"About grandfather."  My smile was gone.  

"Addi, don't." 

"Sirius, you can't hide this forever! One of these days you'll end up in the hospital, or worse!  Then what am I supposed to tell your friends?  Sirius, they're your friends, they will understand.  I'm not keeping your secrets anymore!" 

"Addi, there is more to this than that. You know it and I know it.  You can't tell.  They'd only get mad and he'd get worse. I can handle it!  He doesn't get to me!"

"Sirius, that's the problem. Nothing gets to you.  No matter what he does, he can't break you! That's what he wants!" 

"I'm not going to give it to him, Adhara!  And you are not telling anyone!"  I glared at her. She glared back. 

"Goodbye Sirius." She said, coldly as her train pulled up.  I bit my lip, and then I pulled her into a bear hug. 

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "But please, don't tell anyone. Please."  She took a deep breath. 

"For now, Sirius. I'll keep your secret for now."  Then she climbed on the train and was gone.


	14. Lies

My fourth year was rather dull except for the fact that Lily and James finally admitted that they liked each other and then started seeing each other. Erin and I made the step too. Remus refused to let us fix him up. He said he didn't trust us. Although I caught him looking at Addi a few times during breaks and vise versa. So we fixed them up. Secretly of course. 

We had our first Yule Ball.  Needless to say, James went with Lily, and I went with Erin. Remus wanted to go with Addi, but there was no way we could have asked her to come.  So he got stuck with an irratating girl named, oh, I forget, Julia something.  She did nothing but complain all night. James and I took it upon ourselves to make her as miserable as she was making Remus, but soon Lily and Erin put a stop to that.  Peter went with someone, I really don't remember who.  She was some girl Lily and Erin had fixed him up with. 

At the end of the night though, Remus had had enough and completely told off his date!  I'd never seen him so mad. We thought it was the best entertainment all night. 

You know, after all that I was going through at home, you'd probably think my friends were fools for not asking me about it. Well, they did. Several times. 

I remember once, it was just after fourth year began. It was one for those few and far between calm evenings, where we were planning nothing and actually working on homework. James was sitting at his desk, and Remus had taken the window.  I was sitting on my bed, trying desperately to write an essay one handed, because my other arm was in a sling.  I'd gone up to Madam Pomfrey the day before and she had begun healing it already. In those days, it took a day or two to heal an broken bone. Not like now where you can in an instant. 

"Dam quill!" I muttered. 

"Padfoot?" I glanced up. For a second, I thought Remus was going to scold me for swearing again.  But the look in his eyes was strange. Like he was steeling himself for something he did not want to do. 

"Yeah?" he glanced at James, who nodded. 

"Can we talk?"  I frowned. I wasn't sure I liked that tone, but I nodded. 

"Sure." He slipped off the window and came to sit on my bed.  James turned his chair around so it was facing us.  Remus and James kept looking at each other. 

"What's up?" I asked, liking this less and less. 

"Well, we needed to talk about something." James said. "Something that's been bothering us for a while."  I waited. 

"Siri, you're our friend, that's the most important thing. And we don't want anything bad to happen to you." I nodded.  Remus took a deep breath. "Sirius, now, listen before you say anything. We're worried about you living with your grandfather." 

Oh, God, I thought, they knew! But I did my best to hide my terror, and instead looked confused. 

"Why?" 

"Well, because," Remus started. But he glanced at James for help.

"Because every time you leave that place, you're hurt in some way." 

"I told you I fell down the stairs." I said, my voice calm for now. 

"I know you said that, but, well, frankly, it's getting to be a bit much."  James said. He got up and began to pace. 

            Remus nodded. "Look, if you fell all the time here, it might be different. But it's strange how you only fall during breaks. And you and Addi never seem to want to talk about what you did then. You never have half your work done, and the part you do have done, you do on the train." 

"So?"

"So why don't you do it during the summer?"  James asked. 

"Because I don't feel like it." I was starting to get angry. 

"Sirius, really," By this time, they could usually go without saying serious, "if anyone's hurting you, we want to know. And we have a right to know." I shook my head. 

"Is your grandfather hitting you?"  James asked, his face stern.  

"No."  It was a lie, a downright lie. But it was out of my mouth before I could even think about it.  Neither looked like they believed me. I didn't blame them.  But I just couldn't say the truth. 

"Really, Sirius?" Remus asked. 

"No!"  I insisted. I got off the bed, too fast. My arm slipped out of its sling and knocked against the edge of the bed.  I swore, clutching my arm in pain.  Remus started to get up, but James pushed him back down. 

"Sirius, you need to tell us the truth." 

"I am!" I swore again as fresh pain swept through my arm. It hurt almost as much as when he'd thrown me down those steps. 

"Sirius, I know he's slapped you. I've seen him do it." James said.  I set my jaw, gritting against the pain as I slid my arm carefully back into the sling. 

"When?" 

"Last summer.  When we came to pick you up, remember?  He didn't know we were there yet and he was yelling at you. He dragged you into the hall and when you said something, he slapped you!" 

"Once, only once. It's never happened again!" I tried to tell them. But they weren't convinced. 

"Friends don't keep secrets from each other, Sirius." Remus said. 

"Don't you talk to me about keeping secrets!" I was glaring at my friends. "Cause you bloody well know how to do it!" 

"What's that supposed to mean?" James asked, leaping to Remus's defense. 

"It means get the hell off my back!" I was yelling now, not caring who heard me. Then I yanked open the door and stomped down the stairs.  I ignored Lily and Erin, who called to me, but simply climbed out to the portrait hole.    I needed somewhere to go, now. 

There was only one place I could think of.  There was an entrance to Hogsmeade through a statue of a one eyed witch.  I tapped her back, whispered the magic words and slipped inside.  I made my way along the passage, before the sob came.  I don't know why, I wasn't expecting to cry, but it came anyway. I sank to the ground, curled up in a little ball, crying.  And it was a long time, even after the tears stopped, that I managed to get up and go back.  When I returned, I just told them I'd been to see Madam Pomfrey. They didn't believe me, but they let it go.  

**James and Remus  visit Hell. **

About a week before the end of our fourth year,  James and Remus decided that  they wanted to visit me at my home.  They brought it up one night at dinner. 

"You know, Sirius," James  said.  I glanced at him. "It's been a while since we've done something at your house. Remus and I were thinking that  maybe we could come visit you this summer." 

 I  choked on my  Shepard pie.  After Remus slapped me on the back several times, I managed to ask, "What?" 

" We could come visit you this summer."  He repeated.  Franticly, I shook my head. 

"No, no, not a chance." 

"Why not?" Remus asked, his eyes getting that shrewd wolf look in them. " What are you afraid of?" 

"Nothing."  I  said it too quickly.  James and Remus exchanged a look.  I suddenly found myself no longer hungry and I  got up from the table. 

"Where are you going?" Erin called after me. I ignored her and  kept walking. 

Somehow, I found myself outside.  I made my way down to the Quiddich pitch and  pulled my broom out from the  broom shed.  Kicking off from the ground, I began to   fly over the grounds.  I went at a slower pace so I could think. 

Well, why not, a voice asked in the back of my head.  Why can't they come? 

For one thing, I answered it, grandfather would never allow it. For another, they'd see how he treats me.

And why don't you tell them? I was beginning to hate that voice.  I didn't have an answer to that one. 

"Padfoot!"   James's voice. I glanced down and saw Remus on the ground. He never did like flying much.  I glanced behind me and saw James was right on my tail.  I did a small loop-deloop and  ended up right next to James.  He pulled his broom to a stop and we sat there, hovering over Remus,  I stared at my broom instead of James. 

"What's wrong, Siri? Why can't we come?"  I said nothing.  James put his hand on my shoulder. 

"Come on, Sirius.  You can tell me."  I glared furiously at my broom.  Didn't he understand? I couldn't tell him! Even if I wanted to, the words would never come.   I heard him sigh.  

"Come on back down then.  I'm sorry we brought it up."  He took a hold of my broom handle and gently guided us back down.  Remus was waiting for us, but said nothing as James and I  put our brooms back. 

Later that night, I couldn't sleep.   I kept wondering what if they did come?  Finally, I decided it couldn't hurt to ask, so I crept out of bed, stole James's cloak and crept up to the owlery.  There I found Ernie.  He nipped my fingers affectionately as I stoked his back.  I quickly scribbled down  my letter and tied it to his leg. 

"Drop this in the  mail slot.  You know how he gets about owls  coming in the window."  Ernie nipped my hand again, hooted slowly, and took off into the night. 

Then I pulled the cloak around me once again and slipped  back down to bed. 

It was two days before I got a reply.  I was expecting it to take much longer and so was surprised when Ernie appeared during breakfast, alighted on my shoulder and dropped a letter into my  milk. 

James and Remus smiled, Remus leaned over to see whom it was from. 

"Addi?" I shook my head. 

"Grandfather."    They all got strange looks on their faces.  

"Why would he be writing to you?" Erin asked. 

"Because I wrote to him." I ripped open the letter. 

"Read it."  James asked.  I pretended not to have heard him as I read. 

            Dear Sirius, 

I received your request to have several friends over to this house next summer.  As much as I dislike the idea, your sister has pleaded your case. Under the circumstances that you behave yourself until then, keep your friends and yourself out from under my feet, and   none of that abnormality is to be preformed under my roof.  If you obey all these requirements, then you may bring your friends. 

Taurus Black. 

I looked up.  I had not expected him to say yes.  But he had,  and I smiled. 

"Jamie, Remy,  you can come."  James and Remus stared at me, then at each other.  Then they smiled. 

When school ended,  we took the train to London as usual.  I was very nervous the whole way and  almost missed the barrier back into King's Cross. 

We met Addi  who seemed surprised that James and Remus were with me, but  her joy at seeing Remus  overshadowed her doubt.  He swept her up into his arms and gave her a long kiss. I felt slightly nauseous and  so dragged James  away to say goodbye to Lily and Erin.  Peter seemed let down that he wasn't able to come, but his mother had refused to let him.  Lily and Erin  had both wished to come, but were also not allowed by their parents.  Erin's did not trust my grandfather, she told me, after the summer I had spent at her house.  Lily's were taking her on a surprise trip to France to visit relatives. 

When we had said our goodbyes, Remus and Addi had stopped slobbering over each other and  were simply smiling.  I led James and Remus onto our train and we spent the next hour   having fun with the muggle conductor while Addi laughed. 

At the train station, we  gathered up our things and looked round.  There was a long black limo parked in the parking lot, with Mr. Mason standing beside it.  He glared at me, and did not help and James, Remus, and I  struggled to get all four trunks into the boot. 

"I thought butlers were supposed to wait on you." Remus panted. 

"He hates me."  I replied.  James  shook his head and we all crawled into the back seat. It was Remus's first time in a limo and  he grinned widely as we sped down the road.  We past the town and drove about two miles into the  country.  I swallowed hard as the huge black marble house came into view.  James and Remus stared, open mouthed, as we pulled up. 

   Strangely, Mr. Mason did take our trunks up to the house.  I slipped my hand into Addi's as we pushed the front door open. I could hear voices and laughter from the sitting room.  I wondered if it was possible to sneak past it.  I waved to James and Remus and we headed towards the stairs. 

"Well, it's about time."  I spun around. My grandfather was standing in the hall, a glass of brandy in his hand, and strangely enough, he was smiling.  I glanced behind him.  Two more people, a man and a woman, along with my grandmother had come out. They were also grinning. 

" Sir Thomas, Lady Marie, I'd like you to meet my grandchildren, Sirius, and Adhara."  The man, Sir Thomas shook my hand. 

"Delighted to meet you, young man.  You'd be Orion's children, wouldn't you?"  I nodded. 

"Yes, sir." 

"How is dear Orion?"  The lady asked, "Oh, it's been so long since we last met.  The last I'd heard he'd gotten married." 

Grandfather nodded.  "Yes, sadly, my son is no longer with us. He died two years ago this Christmas."   She looked genuinely saddened by this news. 

" And we heard nothing?   How horrible!  You must have been devastated." 

"Yes," he said, glancing at my friends. 

"And just who are these gentlemen?"   Sir Thomas asked. 

"Oh," I said, suddenly remembering James and Remus, " These are my friends, Remus Lupin and James Potter." 

"Potter, you wouldn't be Harry's son, now would you?"  Lady Marie asked.  James nodded. 

"I am."  He smiled. 

"I know your father. Great man.  A bit odd, but still…" he shook James's hand.  Grandfather did not seem to like this exchange.  I thought perhaps his pleasant factor was wearing thin and I decided it was time to head up to our rooms. 

"Mason, take the boy's trunks up to the guestrooms on the second floor." The butler looked as if it was the last thing he wanted to do.   But he said not a word and James, Remus, Addi and I hurried upstairs.   We rushed into Addi's room and locked the door, just behind Mason.  Remus looked about him in wonder. 

"This is your room?" Addi nodded and blushed a bit. I noticed her pushing something, a small book, under her bed.  I could guess what it was and why she wouldn't want Remus to see it.  I flopped down on her bed and closed my eyes, only to have James and Remus both leap on top of me seconds later.  Addi was giggling by the time the three of us fell off the bed and joined us in a laughing, rolling tangle on the floor. 

We stayed there for most of the day, talking about school, and life.  Addi was most anxious to hear about Lily and Erin and Peter since she had seen very little of them recently.  Remus had his arm around her the whole time and I teased them relentlessly. 

Later, when we were called down for dinner, my grandfather's guests had left and there was a strange air of tension around the table.  James and Remus did the smart thing and did not speak throughout the entire meal.  The only hitch came when we had finished and Remus picked up his plate to take into the kitchen. I franticly shook my head, but not before my grandfather's sharp eye caught it.

"Just where do you think  you're going with that, boy?  Trying to steal it, are you?"   Remus shook his head. 

"No sir, I was just taking it to the kitchen."  He tried to explain. 

"That's servants work. are you a servant, boy?" again Remus shook his head. 

"I didn't think so." Remus put the plate down and we retreated.  As we climbed the stairs, I noticed Remus was pale and his hands were shaking. 

"What's wrong?"  Remus shook his head. 

"That look he gave me," he stammered, " he looked like he was ready to jump out of his chair and kill me right then and there."  I bit my lip. I knew that look well. 

"Don't worry. He's too scared of us to really do us any damage." I told him, giving him a grin, feeling horrible as I lied to my friend.  He was hardly frightened of me, and knew he could hurt me all too well. 

 I showed James and Remus where they would be sleeping, and bid them goodnight before taking the steps up to my own room.  I sighed as I opened my door.  There was a time when I would have found my room aired and cleaned, with fresh sheets and a small vase of flowers by my bed.  Instead, the room had a stuffy feel, which was only relieved when I opened my window and crawled out into the night air.  There I curled up and watched as the half moon rose over the trees. 

I was awaked by something landing on me.  I groaned and opened my eyes to an all too awake James. 

"Go away James."  I moaned, dragging the covers over my head. 

"Wake up, sleepy head!  Remus and Addi have been up for hours.  They want to take us on a walk through the garden." 

"Oh bloody hell," I moaned and dragged myself out of bed.  As I dressed, James looked around my room. 

"This is your room then?" I nodded. 

"It's small, but I like it." I finished dressing and we hurried down to the kitchen where I greeted the cook, the one person who had a fondness for me, and she gave us a bit of breakfast, Addi and Remus having already left.   Then we hurried out onto the lawn. 

 My family estate is a large one. Black Manor was built centuries ago and is a perfect example of an old English manor house.  We have a large extensive garden, which has over the years fallen into some decay as the staff my grandfather had dwindled to only the butler, housekeeper, cook, a gardener or two, and two housemaids. 

The gardens are quite expansive and one could spend hours wandering the paths and lanes long forgotten by man and growing wild.  It was in this place that we spent the next few days, climbing over walls and trees, eating picnic lunches, having footraces with James while Addi and Remus watched as they snuggled together under the trees. Those days were truly the fondest memories I have of that house.  Of course, it couldn't last.  In fact, this was to only increase James and Remus's idea that I was being abused, a fact, which I hid from them. 

This bliss was not to last. I was a fool to think it would and so the events of the next day can fully be placed on my shoulders. James and I spent most of our days in the back gardens where an old gardener had agreed to hide my bike. We spent all our time back there, tinkering, and enchanting. Remus seemed to enjoy the private time he got to spend with Addi and so I left them alone. 

One day, James and I were messing around with the bike as usual when we heard a scream. My heart leapt in my throat, knowing it could be only one thing. I rushed towards the house, forgetting James behind me. 

As I neared the house, my worst feared were founded. Remus knelt beside Addi who was nursing a wounded cheek and glaring at my grandfather. The man's face was red and his eyes blazing. He raised his hand to strike again and I threw myself at him, not thinking. 

He tossed me to the ground with careless ease and went for my sister again. She cried out as I attacked again, this time being thrown against a cement fountain. My head spun and I could hardly stand as I dimly heard my grandfather order James and Remus from the house, and seize the back of my shirt. He dragged me upstairs to my room and threw me inside, not bothering to listen to my outbursts or protests. 

From my locked window, I watched as Mr. Potter pulled up and gathered both my friends. He argued for a moment with my grandfather, then left, with a glance at my window. 

I found out later that he had overheard Remus and Addi talking about a future together and became outraged. The next few days, I saw none of my sister, locked in my room and fed only by my grandfather who threw a piece of bread or a small bowl of soup at me, his walking stick in his hands. 

            But he couldn't keep me locked away forever. September came and we left, grateful for another year of school. James and Remus were anxious, of course, but I lied to them, claiming everything was fine. I know they didn't believe me, but at the time it didn't matter. I was home and that was all I wanted. 


	15. How Much Are You Willing To Give?

**Chapter 17: Waiting**

Fifth year was to hold many surprises for us, that we knew. The Animagus potion would be well underway by the time we returned and it remained a high point in our lives. James, Remus, Lily, Erin and I were made prefects. What possessed the teachers to make us prefects I don't know. But they did. 

The potion would be ready any day now. It was a few days before the full moon when we pulled the cloak off the cauldron. The potion swirled around. I looked at James, waiting for an answer. 

"Tomorrow night. It'll be ready then." We nodded and pushed the cauldron back into its hiding place.

The next day was one of the longest we ever had.

"Sirius Black, James Potter, the lesson is not being taught outside. Remus Lupin, is the desk teaching you?"

"No ma'm."

"Good. Will you boys please pay attention ? Honestly what am I going to do with you?" We exchanged looks. The others were feeling the same way. We were worried about what would happen, what could happen, if we didn't get the spell perfect. Peter was already sweating and it was only our first lesson of the day.

That night at dinner none of us ate. Not even Remus who was always hungry. The thought of what we were attempting that night took away any appetite we might have had.

"What is wrong with you boys today?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, first in class you pay even less attention than usual. Now you're not eating. What are you up to?" Erin asked.  
"Up too? What makes you think we're up to something?" I asked

"Because you're always up to something." Lily informed us. James and I looked at each other. Then we glanced at Remus and Peter. Peter looked more nervous that he had at the sorting. Remus looked guilty.

"You know, you don't have to" he began. I held up a hand to stop him. 

"Yes we do, Moony. Don't try and stop us."

"Stop you from doing what?" Lily's eyes narrowed

"I'm not hungry anymore. Prongs?" I stood up. 

"Nope. I say we go work on that essay for Astronomy."

"Me too. Wormtail, come on." We left the girls and walked out into the hall.

"Look we can't do anything until everyone's asleep. So we might as well get started on our homework." James said as we entered the common room.

"I say we go blow something up. People are starting to suspect something."   
"What you won't do to blow something up, Padfoot." 

"What?"

Of course we couldn't concentrate on our homework either and we resorted to tossing dungbombs around the room, emptying it quickly, then getting angry looks from people once they realized we hadn't set any of them off. Then the girls came over to our corner.

"Alright boys, what's up?" James and I looked up. Remus was helping Peter with his homework. Peter was doing worse than usual and al he was managing were a few little sparks shooting from the end of his wand. Then the few sparks turned into a fiery rocket which propelled Peter up to the rafters. 

"Peter?" I offered. Lily glared.

James sighed. " We can't tell you."

Before the girls had looked mad. Now Erin and Lily just looked hurt. We usually told them all our ideas. Lily had a knack for fine-tuning pranks. 

"It's not that we don't want to." James hurried to say.

"No, it's not that." I agreed. 

"It's just we can't let anyone know. Not yet."

"Don't you trust us?" Lily was back to being mad.

I left James to Lily. She was one of the sweetest, kindest, most gentle people I knew, but when she was mad, it was safer to be on the other side of the castle. That wasn't possible now so I settled for the other side of the room. Erin followed me, calmly and quietly. 

That was one of the things I loved about Erin. She never got mad. People never saw what we saw in each other. I was one of the most hot-tempered kids in the whole school and she was one of the sweetest. I was loud and out spoken. She was quiet and shy. We were exact opposites. Black and White. Literally. When I got mad, I got even. She never got mad. She just got this hurt look on her face that made me melt. She had that look on now.

"Erin, please don't do that. You know I'd tell you if I could."

"Why not, Sirius? What are you doing?" she took my hand and held it, staring at the floor rather than me. It was as if she was the guilty one, not me. 

"I told you I can't tell you?"

"It's dangerous, isn't it?" I couldn't lie to her. 

"Yes." She gasped and threw her arms around me. 

"Please don't. I couldn't bare it if you got hurt because of some stupid trick."

"Erin, I won't get hurt. It's not a trick. It's a spell. And you can't talk me out of this." I said, pulling her back.

"What kind of spell."

"One we're not supposed to do." I gave her a genuine marauder smile.

"Don't do that." She giggled and ducked her head.   
"Do what?"

"Give me that smile. You know it's why I like you so much."

"I know." We were quiet for a minute

"Erin?" I couldn't look at her when I asked her this

"Yes?"

"If something happens, take care of Remy. Will ya?"

"Why? What could happen?"

"Just please, will you?" She paused.

"Yes, of course."

"Siri." James called.

"Hang on, Prongs. I gotta go."

"Why?" Her eyes were wide with fear.  
"Quiddich practice."

"Oh." She laughed. I smiled and kissed her goodbye. Then James and I sprinted out of the room.

"So did you tell her?" He asked.

" Nope. I was dying to though."

"Yeah me too. I thought Lily was going to kill me."

"I know." I noticed Lily following us, and she looked angry as hell. 

At practice we did even worse. Lily  was distracted and kept losing the snitch. James and I didn't even bother pretending we were into the game tonight. We hardly paid attention to Charlie Jones, our captain. He yelled at us. We dropped a dungbomb on him. He yelled at us again. We dropped another dungbomb on him and he yelled some more. 

**Chapter 18: How Much Are You Willing To Give?**

After practice we climbed up the stairs to our dorm. Peter and Remus were waiting for us. I locked the door behind me.

"You ready?" We nodded. James pulled the cauldron out from its hiding place. Remus sat on my bed and watched us. James set it on the floor and we stood around it. He pulled out three goblets and handed them to each of us. The air was thick with the tension. James's voice was shaking as he spoke. 

"Alright, now recite the incantation. "We dipped the goblets into the potion. Three voices recited the spell together perfectly.

"Now what?" I asked. Remus glanced at the book in his lap. 

"Now you drink. Once the potion is consumed, then it's complete. The spell will choose which animal best represents you and you will be able to change at will." He looked up at us, as we held out our goblets. 

"If anyone wants to back out, now is the time." No one moved. Peter looked like he desperately wanted to run from the room and never come back. My hand was shaking, but I knew there was no turning back. I had known that ever since we had agreed to do this almost five years ago.

"Bottoms up."  James saluted Remus with his glass. I did the same. This was it. All we had worked on for the past five years. If something would go wrong, now would be the time. I raised the cup to my lips. James did the same. But my hand stopped there. It wouldn't move, wouldn't tip the cup back. I took a deep breath and forced my hand to  move.  Just do it, I thought. I closed my eyes and drank, draining my cup to the last drop. 

 It was disgusting, the worst thing I'd ever tasted. Like a mix of sweet and bitter, with a horrible undertone of sour. I almost gagged as I drank, but forced it down. Then I set the cup down. I don't know what I expected, but what happened next wasn't what it.

The world started to swirl around me. It spun faster and faster till I couldn't see anymore. Everything was blurred, so blurred I couldn't even make out James stand next to me. Then it began to slow down. When the spinning finally stopped, I wasn't in our room.

All I could see was light. A blinding white light that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. James stood next to me, blinking in the light.  Everything seemed to be made of this white light. I could barely make out where the floor ended and the walls began.

"Welcome." A soft musical voice drifted down to us.

"Where are we?" James was the first to recover his voice

"Let's just say we are very pleased with you." The voice moved and a beautiful woman came into view. She came from nowhere, it seemed.  Her hair was dark and long, flowing down her back. Her skin was darkish and she wore a robe of simple blue silk. Her dark kind eyes stood out against the pale color of the room. 

"Where's Peter?" I asked, confused. 

"He is back in your room." She said, moving toward us, waving her hand dismissively at Peter's name. 

"Who are you?" I said, trying to fight back the strange feeling of familiarity she awoke in me. 

"I am known by many names. You may call me Mary."

"Alright Mary. What's going on?" I asked. 

" Sirius Lee Black, James Ryan Potter" She said, her eyes gazing at us lovingly. " "You are here because of what you have done."

"Are we dead?" James asked

She laughed. Her laugher sounded like running water in a mountain stream. "No, no, you are not dead. But you have risked your lives so your friend may be happy."

"Remus? Is he okay?"

"Of course. A little worried about you two right now. But he is fine. You have been tested. And you passed with flying colors."

"Tested? I thought exams were next month." She laughed again.

"You are so much like your mother."

"You knew her?" I asked surprised.

"My dear, I know her. Yes she is fine, before you ask and so is your father. They are very proud of you." James put a hand on my shoulder.

"Can I see them?"

"I'm sorry. That is not possible now."

She walked across the room. "There is one more thing. One more thing you are required to do."

"What?"

" You two are the last of two  powerful lines.  Together,  you could defeat the evil that  is even now, beginning to threaten your world." We looked confused. 

"But you will not. It is not your destiny, though the one who will end it all, will come from one of the heirs, as it is foretold. " she glanced at James. "But still,   your power is strong, and if channeled in the right place, it could save lives .You do not have to do this. You may back down anytime you wish." We frowned, but nodded for her to continue.  

She sighed. "Alright then. A great evil is coming, darkening the world with his shadow.  But it is worse. He is an heir." 

"An heir?" James asked looking a bit pale. 

"He knows the others.  He knows who the others are. You, Sirius, have already been identified and targeted by him."

"Who?" I asked. She didn't answer me. 

"As he is an heir, he will stop at nothing to destroy the others that stand in his way.  You are protected for now, but you will not be forever.  Even now,  your loved ones are in danger." 

"Who?  Why?" I asked. James looked very pale now. It was almost as if he understood what she was talking about. I didn't. 

" He has seen what you have done. He can see the loyalty you have for your friends. Remus Lupin. Adhara Black, Lily Evans. Erin White. Even Peter Pettigrew."

"Voldemort." I mumbled. 

"Yes, He will try to use this against you. He can see that by hurting your friends, he can hurt you."

"NO!" the word was ripped out on me. I was not losing  another person I loved to his rage, I was not!

"He better leave our friends alone." James growled. 

"What can we do?"

"There is one thing. If you do this, as long as you live, Voldemort can never touch your friends."

"Yes, whatever it is, yes!"

"You have not heard me yet, young Sirius. You must give up something. Something valuable."

"Like what?" James asked. I couldn't see her taking a broom or something like that.

"One year of your life." We stared at her. One year of our lives? To give up one year? To die a year early? I swallowed. James and I looked at each other for a long time. I saw the same determination I felt in his eyes. We never even needed to talk. We both knew what the other was thinking. We had to protect Remus, Erin, Addi, Lily, and Peter. I couldn't live if some thing happened to them we could have prevented. We knew what we had to do. We turned back to her.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, we're sure." She smiled. I felt some thing go through my body. It felt cold and shivers ran down my back. My vision clouded for a moment and I saw something. I saw the outline of a house. It was in ruins. I heard a baby cry and I felt a feeling of pain and sorrow and betrayal. And a name whispered in my ear. Then I was back in the little room. James's face was just as shocked as mine.

"What you have just seen is a warning for the future. I cannot tell you what it means now, for you will see."

I wanted to ask James what he had seen, but he wouldn't look at me.

"You are not in for an easy life, either of you. Or a long one." She looked at James. I suppressed a shudder. I didn't what to think about what that meant.

"You are good people. And you will do many great things. Your friends are truly blessed. And so are we."

She turned to go.

"Mary?" I had one more question. Actually I had a million more, but there was one I had to ask.

"Yes?"

"Why isn't Peter here ? He did the same thing."

She frowned.

"Peter Pettigrew. He has another future. Chose your friends carefully in the years to come or they will be your downfall."

Then before we could say another word, the world started to spin again. We were lifted up again and dropped softly on to the bed. Unfortunately Remus was already there.

"OW!"

"Ow, sorry."

"That's my leg."

"Oh, I thought that was my arm."

"It doesn't have fingers. How can that be your arm?" 

"Is that someone's head?" 

"No…" 

"Oh! Ew! Peter!" 

"Oh, that's gross!" 

"At least it wasn't yours he was poking!" 

"Sorry!" 

"Yuck! I never want to sleep in the same dorm with you now!" 

"I didn't mean to!" 

"Yeah right." 

"Ow! Who hit me?" 

"Sorry, I thought you were Sirius." 

"Are you serious?"

"No! Stop it! For the love of God, stop it!" 

"Heheheheh." 

"Ow! Sirius, that hurt!" 

"Get off!" We finally untangled ourselves.

" What happened?"

We told them everything, well almost everything. Though silent communication, James and I left out the part about signing away a year of our lives. Afterwards we were silent. I was thinking of the scene she had shown me, the cottage, the baby crying, and the name, whispered with such hatred, such betrayal. So was James. Part of me was dying to ask him but another part of me didn't want to know. That part won out so I let it drop.

"Wow!" Peter was too awed to ask anyway. Remus thought for a minute.

"What happened? While we were gone?" I asked, eager to change the subject. 

"Well, you drank the potion and then it was like a hurricane blew through. I couldn't even see. When it stopped you were gone."

"Wow,"

"So what do we do now?"

"Try it?" James said, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Oh, I almost forgot."

"Okay so how do we change?" I asked, rubbing my hands together, almost bouncing with this new prospect of completing a spell, almost three years in the making. 

"Just think about your animal. To change back, just think about your human self." James instructed.

"Who's going first?" Peter asked. No one said a word. I groaned. 

"I'll do it." 

"Be careful." Remus whispered. I rolled my eyes. 

I closed my eyes. I thought about the big black dog I wanted to be. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and I cried out, collapsing to my knees and holding my stomach. If felt as if someone was snapping my ribs, one row at a time.  James and Remus ran over and grabbed me, tried to hold me up, but I couldn't stop shaking.  The pain spread, down my legs, up my arms, till even my skull felt like it was cracking. I could hear the bones snapping and twisting. 

It was a horrible pain, as if someone were slowly taken my bones in their hands and was twisting them, molding them to something completely new and different. I cried out again and dropped to all fours as my legs twisted and ceased to work on only two.   Slowly, the pain faded as a new feeling presented itself. I felt a strange prickling feeling, as if someone were poking me with the sharp end of a quill all over.  I opened my eyes and glanced down at my hand, and was shocked to see that it was growing longer and think black fur was sprouting all over it. Soon I noticed as well that my nose was growing, turning into the snout of a dog.  I closed my eyes again. 

I felt some thing strange, like a shudder; go over my body.  The pain vanished entirely and when I opened my eyes, the world looked different. I saw James and Peter and Remus looking at me. There was something different. Thrills ran through me as I explored my new world. 

            I could hear everything! I could hear girls giggling in the dorm next door, Lily and Erin from the sound of it.  I could hear my friend's hearts beating. I could hear someone  cough a floor above us.  And the smells! Lets just say, humans have no sense of smell whatsoever. I could tell what Peter had for dinner three nights ago! I could tell Remus was nervous. I could tell James had a  chocolate frog  under his pillow. I knew everything!   The  heightened smell and  hearing made up for the lousy sight, and  I   couldn't help dashing around the room, smelling everything.  Who knew there could be this much pleasure in  one scent? No wonder dogs always had to stop and smell things.  Ad there was no sadness, no aching heart, no pain at all.   I was happy. Really happy. Then I caught a whiff of a strange scent. It was unlike anything I'd ever smelled before. It was alien,  almost inhuman. It made me uneasy.  I followed my nose up to Remus.  I could smell the wolf in him! I realized. Odd, I thought. But I reminded myself that this was Remy, and   I bounded over to Remus and started to lick him. He laughed.

"Stop it Padfoot. I just took a shower. I don't need a another one."

The name Padfoot, jerked me back. I glanced around as if I now understood what was going on and  sat down on my hunches, tongue lolling out of my mouth.  

James smiled then changed. I watched this time. James too, doubled over in pain, mouth opening in a silent gasp.  I watched as there was a quick flash of light and suddenly, James wasn't there. Instead of James there was a huge stag standing there.  It had seemed to take much longer when I had done it than when James had been, but he later told me it had felt like forever. He looked tall and majestic until he bent over and whacked me softly with his altars. I whimpered. He laughed. I could smell deer too. 

"Now you Peter."

"I changed my mind. I don't want to." I had little doubt that he'd been frightened by the pain we had obviously been in, but I  whimpered. Padfoot wanted to  play!

"Oh come on. It's fun." I said. Or tried to, it came out as a bark.  But oddly, Remus  cocked his head. 

"You know, I understood that."  

"So did I." James said.  Now I cocked my head. 

"And I understood you." I  barked again.   James smiled.  It is odd, seeing a deer smile. 

"Oh alright." Peter mumbled. "I hate being the only one who doesn't understand things." 

He shut his eyes in concentration.  Then he almost fell over as the pain hit. Remus had to help keep him upright as he whimpered and cried as the changes began.  It seemed to take him much longer than James or I had. Then POP! A small rat stood there where he had.

 Remus jumped up and down on the bed. The warnings and sacrifice were forgotten. We ran around the room until exhausted we changed back. We cleaned up and got ready for bed. Of course none of us could sleep and we talked till dawn, making plans about the next full moon. Finally when the sun peaked over the forest we fell asleep.

**Chapter 19: Nighttime escapade**

We slept through two classes. The girls pounding on our door awakened us. James walked over and opened it.  
"Where were you?" Lily yelled.

"Whaa?" James had a little trouble remembering English in the morning.

"It's noon!"

"Oh cool."

"James! You missed two classes. After all those things you said last night and then you don't show up? Do you know how worried we have been?"

"Where Sirius?" Erin's voice.

"In bed. He's sleeping." James's voice still sounded like he was asleep. The curtains of my bed were pulled back letting the sun stream onto my face. I grunted and pulled my pillow over my face. It was snatched off.

"I don't think so, Sirius Black. You are gonna get up now."

"Erin?"

"Yes. Now get up." I heard more curtains being pulled back and Remus grumbling. Peter started whining.

"Why?"

"Do you want to miss lunch too? Now you'll miss divination to if you don't get up."

"Great. Can I have my pillow back?"

"NO!"

It took another half an hour to get us changed and out the door. 

" We can always sleep in History of Magic." James whispered to me when the girls weren't listening.

We sat down at the table for lunch and dove into the food.

"So did it work?" Erin asked.

"Huh?"

"The spell you were working on." We all looked at each other and grinned.

"It did." Lily smiled. She knew we always loved it when a spell or a trick worked. James nodded.

We walked up to History of Magic. This would turn out to be one of our more interesting classes. We opened the door.

"Good morning class. Today we are going to start the Great Goblin Rebellions of  1673."

"God, how many rebellions can one species have?." James whispered

"They should put a limit on the number of times  someone can rebel in a century." I replied.  Remus sighed and got out his quill and parchment.  I  gathered my books together and draped my head over them. I was asleep  almost instantly. 

That night just before dinner, Remus announced he felt sick. 

"Okay we will meet you in the shack just before the sun sets."

"Come early just in case."

"Alright." He left.

We walked to the common room. Tonight would be the first nighttime escapade of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. It was the full moon. We would go first and meet Remus inside the shack. We had it all planned out.

"I'm tired. I'm gonna go to bed." I yawned. 

"But you just started this essay. You'll never get it done if you sleep all the time." Erin said.

"I'll do it tomorrow." I left the room before she could say anything else. 

A few minutes later I heard James and Peter come up the stairs. I held up the invisibility cloak. The next thing I knew we were sneaking down the stairs under it. If you've never been under an invisibility cloak you should know it is very hard to move with three people under it. We had to wait till some one came in to leave. It would look too weird if the door opened by itself. We moved down the hall and soon we were out the door and headed towards the whomping willow. The sun was starting to set over the trees. We had to hurry. When we got to the willow we shrugged off the cloak.

"You first, Peter."

"Why do I have to go first?"

"You have to press the knot. Now hurry. We don't have much time." James hissed.

"The door is opening. They're coming." I watched the figures coming towards the tree. They weren't in view yet. But soon they would be and it would be too late. Peter closed his eyes and concentrated. After what seemed like an hour, but probably was only a few seconds, he changed. He scurried up the trunk and pressed the knot that froze the tree. We ran through. I heard the tree come alive behind me. We ran through the passage and up into the shrieking shack. 

We changed there, knowing that it wouldn't be safe much longer.  It took much less time for James and I and the pain was considerably less. Though I had to hold onto the  sofa to keep from falling. 

We heard the passage open again and a moan of pain came up through to our ears. We figured what that sound was. We didn't have much time left. Remus stumbled through the passage just as we changed. He fell on the floor holding his side, his face twisted in pain. I wanted to go over and help him but something held me back. Something in the dog. 

We watch as he changed. He hadn't been kidding when he said it hurt. We listened as he cried out in pain. Finally I couldn't bear it anymore. I heard it more clearly than the others with my sensitive dog ears. I looked away. Then the moans stopped. 

I looked back. There in front of me was a huge werewolf. I saw nothing of my kind and gentle friend in the wolf's eyes.

The wolf growled at me. I panted and waited. He didn't seem to recognize me. My mind raced. Could I fight a full-grown werewolf? Hell no. Prongs stared at me and the wolf that was Remus. 

I lowered myself to the floor and slowly crawled on my belly towards the wolf, completely submissive. Padfoot knew that this  dog like  creature was in charge and he knew what to do.  My ears  were flat against my head and my tail was tucked between my legs as I lay before Moony.  Moony only growled at me, still baring his teeth.  Then I did a stupid and foolish thing.  I rolled over and exposed my soft vulnerable belly to the wolf's ready teeth and claws.  

 There was a moment of silence, as Moony watched me, confused. Then the wolf  leaned his head down and sniffed me. I remained motionless and submissive.  Then I felt Moony toss his head,  pushing against my head. I lifted my head and he gave my nose a friendly lick.  I  barked and got to my feet, ears back up and tail wagging.  Moony grinned, if a wolf could be said to do that, and  pounced.  It was clear the wolf wanted to play. Well, so did Padfoot and we rolled around for a while.   Prongs soon joined us. After a sniff to be sure he was friendly, Moony  enjoyed letting the  stag prance about as we attempted to chase him, or he to jump over us.  Wormtail  took his fun in running around us as we chased him. It was glorious fun. 

We decided not to venture out that night. We weren't sure if we could handle it yet. So we stayed inside. Remus said just the fact that we were there made it better. We chased each other around the house and eventfully we fell asleep. 


	16. The Map

**Chapter 20: Doubts**

I woke up the next morning just before dawn. I was curled up in between James and Remus all of us still in animal form. Peter had a comfy perch on James's back. I stood up and stretched. James woke up when I got up. Remus woke up when James nudged him. We motioned that we were going back. He nodded. We walked through the passage and stepped out just as the sun rose over the horizon. We changed back in human, pulled the cloak over us again and walked slowly back to our rooms. I climbed into bed and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. 

I was awakened by James's stupid alarm clock. There was a grunt and a thump as James threw it against the wall. Every morning one of us did that, broke it or rendered it useless in some way. Then Remus fixed it. We begged him not to, but he insisted that we would never get up if we didn't have it. So it would always be fixed. 

Remus wasn't at breakfast, but we were expecting that. We went to class and were uncharacteristically good all day. I think we worried the teachers a lot. 

"Well?" I asked when he showed up in the common room after dinner, looking tired and pale, but happier than he'd seemed in long time. 

" It worked." Remus had a huge smile on his face.

"Great. Now we know that and maybe next time we can even go out." James handed him his makeup homework.

"Great." He joined our table where we had our work spread out. I was supposed to be working on my transfiguration essay but Peter was having trouble with his defense against the dark arts paper. So I was helping him

"No Peter. It's Expecto Patronum. Not expectum patrono. God, we did this our third year!" 

"Sorry. I forgot." 

"That's obvious." I was very irritated with him. I wanted to get my own homework done before James and I had to leave for practice.

"I'm just not as good as you, Siri."

"I know." I muttered only half under my breath. 

"Hello." The girls walked up. I saw my escape.

"Erin! Just who I wanted to see."

"No." her face never changed. 

"Oh come on, you haven't even heard what I'm going to ask you."

"I don't care. The answer's no."

"Lily…"

"Oh no. I don't think so." She waved her hand in front of my face as if to ward me back. 

"What's wrong, Padfoot?" At least Remus had the decency to ask

"Moony, you're better at Defense against the Dark Arts. Pete needs help. I have an essay I need to finish before I go to practice. Please?"

"Oh alright."

I made a break for it. Sometimes Peter just drove me crazy. He was so thick. And sometimes he just seemed in the way. And I couldn't stop thinking about what the woman had said. About choosing our friends carefully. And why Peter hadn't been asked to sacrifice a year? And in that feeling of betrayal I had felt, I heard a name. Wormtail. 

I was confused. I would die for James. Remus too. Lily and Erin? In a heartbeat. But Peter? Of course, I would. But then I got to thinking what about him? I knew the others would die for me. James and Remus were my "brothers." Lily was a great and loyal friend. Erin loved me. I loved her back. But what about Peter? Would Wormtail die for the other Marauders? That was the first time I doubted Peter's friendship to us. But it wouldn't be the last.

**Chapter 21: The Marauder's Map**

The rest of the year went by quickly. Every full moon we snuck out and stayed with Remus. Most of the time we were out on the school grounds or in Hogsmeade. We soon knew the grounds better than anyone did. 

It was James's idea for the Marauder's map.

"I'm bored." I said one rainy morning as the entire house sat in the common room. James and Lily were seated comfortably on a loveseat. Remus was curled up on an armchair. Peter was bent over a desk and I was draped over another armchair, Erin sitting on the floor beside it.

 There really was nothing to do. The full moon was two weeks away so there was no reason to plan for that. We couldn't go out and practice on our own, and neither James or I felt like getting soaked more than twice a week anyway. Peter was the only one with work to do. Not even Remus had any makeup work not finished. We couldn't explore the castle in broad daylight. Besides, we had found all the secret passageways. Hogsmeade was out since it was raining. And it wasn't a weekend anyway. And we were a bit restricted to the castle for a week thanks to our last prank.

"Please don't say that." Remus moaned.

"Why not? I am."

"Because every time you say that, we end up with detention."

"So what? I'd take a detention to sitting around and doing nothing like we've been doing."

"So what do we do?" Peter asked. We all thought. 

"Bored, bored, bored, bored." I muttered under my breath. I'd almost established a rhythm when Remus interrupted me. 

"Are you bored Sirius?" He asked, grinning. 

"Not at all, why do you ask?" I kept my face calm and placid as Peter giggled. 

"No reason. It's just you've been repeating the word bored for the last fifteen minutes."  He replied 

"Nah, Sirius just learned a new word and he doesn't want to forget it."  Lily answered. Erin giggled and I glared at her. 

"Hey Lil, I've got a word for you."

"Watch the language Padfoot, that's my girlfriend you're talking to."  James raised his eyebrows. 

 "How did you know what I was going to say?" I asked, grinning. 

"Because you're so predictable?"  Peter piped up. 

"I've got a word for you too Wormtail." I answered. " Well, actually it can be a word or a signal. Take your pick." 

"A signal?" Peter asked, confused. " What kind of signal?" I promptly showed him. Erin smacked me and James and Remus had to hide their faces to keep from laughing. 

"Sirius!"  Lily scolded. " That's rude!" James quickly changed the subject before I could tell Lily what I really was thinking. 

"How about looking for some more passage ways?"

"We found them all, Jamie."

"I know but maybe there are some we haven't found."

"Name a place we haven't looked." He couldn't

"See? I told you. We know this place better than anyone."

"I got it!" James yelled. No one paid any attention to us. They had learned that occasional shouts and yells would come from whatever corner we were in. He yanked me off the armchair, grabbed Remus and Peter and pulled us up to our room. 

"What?" I asked when the door was safely locked.   
" You said it yourself. We know this place better that anyone. Lets make a map of it."

"There are maps of Hogwarts." Remus told him patiently. 

"No!" he scolded, slapping me on the back of the head. 

"Oy! What was that for then?" I asked, rubbing the back of my head. James grinned. 

"Nothing, but I know you were thinking of something to counter Remus." I glared at him as he winked and contintued." A Marauder's map. It'll be secret. Only those who know the password can use it. We show all the passages."

"And all the people and where they are going!" Remus eyes lit up.

"And have it insult anyone who tries to use it without the password!" That was from me.

"This is great. We have to get started." We rushed up and out of the room. We passed Lily and Erin on the way.

"Hey, where are you going?" Erin asked as we almost ran them over

"To the library." I yelled over my shoulder. I saw her mouth drop open and grinned.

In the library we found loads of books that could help us and we set to work. We drew the castle and grounds. Then we cast a spell so all the people were labeled with little dots that moved when the person moved. We could see where everyone was. This would come in very handy. Then we cast another spell so it would look like a blank piece of paper unless you said the password. The password took a very short time to come up with.

"Well, what should it be?" Remus asked

"The Marauders?" Peter suggested

"No, remember we are making this for future troublemakers. It has to be something they could figure out." James leaned back in his chair

"Like what?" I sighed

"I don't know."

"Hello boys." Professor McGonagall came up to us.

"Hello professor."

" Doing you school work?" We looked at the papers and books scattered on the table. The titles were very visible and not the kind of books we would be using for homework. She picked one up and raised an eyebrow. 

"You boys aren't planning anything that might make me have to take any points away, are you?"

"Professor McGonagall, I solemnly swear, I am up to no good." I put my hand over my heart. She laughed. 

"If I didn't know you boys, I'd think you were joking. Just try and stay out of trouble for the day." Then she left

"That's it." Remus's eyes looked glazed as they always did when he had just come up with a brilliant idea. 

"What's it?" I asked

"The password. I solemnly swear I am up to no good." Remus looked very proud of himself.

And the phrase to erase the map we agreed on "Mischief managed." And we signed it.

 _Messers Moony, Wormatil, Padfoot, and Prongs_

_Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief- Makers_

_Are proud to present_

**_    THE MARAUDER'S MAP_**

****

We were very proud of our map, but we didn't know if it would work yet. So the next time at lunch we held it out in plain view. We talked in low voices as if it was our latest scheme. Sure enough, Snape walked by and when he saw us planning something he couldn't resist.

"Well, What's this? A new trick?" He grabbed the map. It was blank of course.

"Give it back, Snape." Remus made a grab for it, but Snape held it out of his reach.

"Come and get it, wimp."

"Leave him alone, Snape." I stood up.

"Tell me something Black. What is so important about this paper? Could it be some secret you've been working on?" He grinned " Well, I'm gonna find out." He tapped the paper with his wand. Nothing. " I, Severus Snape, command you to show yourself."

There was a pause, then words began to appear on the page.

_Mr. Moony would like to say hello to Severus Snape, and beg him to keep his huge nose out of other people's business._

Snape turned red. More writing appeared.

_Mr. Wormtail agrees with Mr. Moony and would like to ask where Severus Snape learned to be such an annoying git._

It was my turn now.

_Mr. Padfoot would like to ask why Severus Snape can't do the rest of the world a favor and shut his huge mouth about things he doesn't understand._

James had an evil grin on his face. Snape looked about ready to burst. But we had the last word

_Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Padfoot and would like to register his amazement that someone like Severus Snape will ever have a life because if he doesn't wash his hair soon, no girl will ever touch him, even with a ten foot pole._

Snape sputtered and threw the paper down. He then ran out of the hall, his face beet red. Our faces were soon red too, due to lack of air caused by laughing so hard. 

Needless to say, we were very proud. So proud in fact that we set up four hidden volumes of mischief making secrets about all four houses and one for the whole school. We used the same spells as the marauder map. We spent months trying to find out all we could about the houses. We took the passages ways we already knew about and we even found some we didn't. The reason we knew where everything was was because the marauders map showed all passageways. And it updated it's self if a passage got blocked or a new one was built. See we didn't draw the map. It appeared. It was a very advanced spell we found that shows all the rooms and secrets of a building. We also made it so we could talk to each other through our creations. We left a little part of us inside each book and the map of course. We left each book in a hiding place with a clue on how to find the next one. We started in Gryffindor. And we swore never to reveal the locations to anyone except another magical mischief-maker. So I can't write down their locations, even here. But we left a great treasure for future mischief-makers of Hogwarts, though I don't think there will ever be a greater group of pranksters than the Marauders.


	17. The Future Holds Only Fears

**Chapter 22: The Talk**

That night we had a small party in the dormitory to celebrate. We invited the girls for butterbeers and chocolate frogs.

"So are you going to tell us now?"

"Yeah, any reason for the Potter gang to be in the library has to be important."

We showed them the map. And we laughed when they tried to open it. I must admit the insulting charm worked wonderfully, I've never seen Lily's face so red. 

"So that's your big idea? A map that insults people?" Lily was very mad over some things the map had said. I'm not going to repeat them.

"No, try this." I whispered the password to Erin. She frowned but pick up the map

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good?" Their frowns vanished as a detailed map of Hogwarts spread over the page. 

"Wow." Lily gasped. We grinned. 

"So that's what you've been working on?"

"Today, yes." We were sat in silence for a while. I could see James was dying to tell Lily everything, to just pour it out and beg her forgiveness. So was I. It was hard to keep secrets from Erin. It's not that I didn't trust her. I just didn't want her to worry. And there was always the chance we could get caught. If that happened they might get in trouble too for not telling. I didn't know what Remus was thinking. He was watching us with a hard to read expression on his face. Then he sighed and motioned for us to come over. We followed him down the stairs, wondering what he had in mind.

" I can see you're dying to tell them." Remus gave us his " You can't fool me" face.

"Well, I'd like too. But I'll never tell them if you don't want to." I said.

"Same for me." James added.

"You two are suffering, I can see it. Tell them."

"What?" We both asked together.

"Tell them," he repeated, smiling patiently, " James, you love Lily. And Sirius, you love Erin. Don't deny it. I have eyes." He smiled at our red faces. "You shouldn't keep secrets from the people you love." My heart twisted with guilt at that phrase. 

"But aren't you worried about what they might say?"

"Lily and Erin? Hell no. I can trust them. I told Addi, didn't I?"

"It's not that I don't trust them. I just don't want them worrying." I said

"And the chance that they might get in trouble if we get caught."

"Really? I have two friends who taught me in life you have to take chances. Otherwise you never have fun." That cracked smiles on our faces. It was very familiar advice. 

"Okay, tomorrow we tell them." James looked from face to face. Remus took a deep breath. I met his gaze without fear. Peter looked at the ground and only shrugged

"Agreed." We shook on it. We climbed back up the stairs. The girls were waiting for us.

"Lily, Erin. We have something we want to tell you."

"Really? What?" Erin looked up for the book she was reading.

"I, we can't tell you tonight." I said.

"Why not?" Lily sat up.

"We just can't."

"Please, we need you to understand."

"Alright. When then?" Lily got up off the bed.  
"Tomorrow night. Meet us in the three broomsticks."

"Okay." Then the girls left. James flopped down on his bed. Remus went to bed and Peter followed. But James held me back. The other boys pulled their curtains closed and soon we heard Peter snoring.

"Sirius, I need to ask you something."

"What?" We kept our voices down in case Remus was still awake.

"That lady, what she said. Do you think He'll really try to do anything?"

"I don't know, James. What's bothering me is…" I hesitated, not wanting to accuse one of my friends." Peter." I said, staring at the ground for a moment before raising my head to look at James. 

"What about him?" James's face scrunched up in confusion as he looked at me. 

"Well, lots of things."

"Like?"

"Well, why didn't he come? And why didn't they ask him about the promise and …" The other thing I didn't want to tell him.

"What? What's wrong?"

"I can't, I don't want to tell you."

"Why not?"

"When we agreed and she showed us, ya know."

" I wish I didn't," he mumbled, staring at the ground. He wouldn't meet my eyes. 

"That really doesn't give me a good feeling." 

"It was a wearing! Warnings aren't usually pleasant things" 

"What did you see?" I asked. 

"What did you see?" he countered. I thought for a second, debating. 

" I don't know. Not really. I saw a house, or what used to be a house, and I heard things and I knew what was going on. I felt things. "

"Well, what did you hear?"

"A baby crying. Fire crackling. Some one sobbing."

"What did you feel?"

"Pain like I was hurt, like there was something killing me from the inside out." I closed my eyes and shook my head. "It felt like, like" I was having a hard time putting my feelings into words. "Like when my Dad died. Like something had been ripped out of my chest.  And there was something else." I said, finally looking at James. 

"It felt like someone had stabbed me in the back, like I couldn't believe it, the pain was so hard, so sharp. There was disbelief, horror, and…"  I paused, unable to put to words my feelings

"Betrayal." James's voice was cold and I nodded. 

"Yeah, and I heard a name. God James, this voice, I couldn't even tell who it was, there was so much hate, so much anger in it." I shuddered as I heard that rasping cry in my mind again. 

"What name?"

" Wormtail." I said, staring into James's hazel eyes. 

"Peter?"

"Yeah." There was a long pause as I shuddered and forced the whisper from my mind. 

"Are we going to tell the girls this?" James asked. I shrugged. 

"I don't' know. I don't want to tell Pete or Remy. He'll only worry. Besides if we tell him about the year he'll flip."

"I know." James gave a small grin " I mean, if he knew about what we did, I don't know what he would do."

"He'll say ' you've already done so much for me. And the girls would, well I don't know what they would do either."

"And I just don't want him to know. He doesn't deserve this. It's not fair."

"Tell me about it." Then I asked a question he had been avoiding.

"James, what did you see?" he closed his eyes. 

"I really don't want to talk about it, Sirius." 

"But I told you mine." James shook his head. 

"No, Siri."

"But James-" I began, but he whirled on me and the anger was flashing in his eyes like I'd never seen. 

"I said no, Sirius! Drop it!" his voice was loud and hard as he shouted at me. I held up my hands, relenting. 

"Alright Jamie. Alright." James said nothing else as he stormed over to his bed and yanked the curtains closed, not even bothering to get undressed. I stared after him for a long moment, frozen to the stone floor before I did the same, pulling the covers above my head and shutting out the world. 

When we woke up the next morning, Remus was already up. James never said a word about his outburst from the night before and I didn't bring it up. It took us a while to realize Remus had never shown up for breakfast or Charms. I leaned over to James in class. 

"It's not the full moon, is it?" 

"No, that's next week." He shook his head, watching his frog hop around soundlessly before tapping Peter's with his wand. "Silencio." Peter's frog was silent. 

"Then where is he?" We asked around, but no one had seen him. After pulling out the map, we saw his dot hovering in the passage under the Willow. Peter decided to stay, saying that he had work to do and sped off towards the Library. James and I ducked the Willow's branches and pushed the knot the stun the tree. No one said a word as we made our way down the low passage. 

Sure enough Remus was setting on the bed on the second floor of the Shrieking Shack.

"Remy, there you are. We've been looking for you all day." He didn't look at us. In fact he didn't move.

"Remus?" I walked over to him. Nothing. I waved my hand in front of his face. His hand shot out and grabbed mine.

" Stop it, Sirius." He growled. I frowned and tried to pull my hand back. But he wouldn't let go.

"Remy, let go." I tried to laugh but it died in my throat. He didn't answer. I pulled harder. He only tightened his grasp. I couldn't believe how tight he held my hand. James had come over.

"Remus, what's wrong?" He asked, as I tried not to wince as Remus's fingers left bruises on my wrist. 

"Last night." Remus's voice was cold, hard, a growl etched into each word.  "I heard you. You thought I was asleep. I wasn't. Tell me." His amber eyes met mine and I dropped my gaze, fighting to remain submissive and calm the wolf that lurked in Remus's mind. 

"Tell you what, Remus?" I asked, keeping my tone light. Remus was having none of it though. He jerked my wrist so I was pulled towards him and he forced me to meet his eyes. For the first time in my life, I was scared of Remus, scared of the wolf inside him, the wolf I knew could rip me apart if he wanted. 

"What you did. The night you took the potion. Tell me everything." My wrist throbbed in pain and I winced.

"Let go of Sirius, Remus. You're hurting him." James said, softly, moving forward.  Remus eyed James warily and let go of my wrist. I drew back and rubbed it gently. There were  red marks all around it, I knew in the morning they would be bruises. Remus did not spare my injury a glance as he watched James now.  

"Tell me." The growl was more evident in his voice now, making his words seem like a bark. 

"There's nothing to tell." I murmured. Remus didn't believe me for an instant. 

"You did something." His eyes moved between the both of us, "Something you didn't want to tell me. Something about that night, the night you became animagi."

"Remus, we did something that will make sure you are safe. It's not very important." I knew that would never satisfy him, but I had to try. 

"What do you mean?" He asked. The wolf retreated some from his eyes and for the first time, he glanced at my wrist, a slightly worried look now on his face.  James and I shared a long look. We really didn't want to tell him, but he wouldn't let us leave until we did. And I never wanted to see Remus that angry again. He had looked so much like the wolf in that second that I could have sworn he was. James made the decision for us.

"Okay."

We told him about what the Lady said. We took turns telling the story, adding in details the other had forgotten.

"She asked us if we wanted to do one more thing."

"She said Voldemort had seen what we did for you. And that he would try to use it against us. That he knew we would do anything for you and the others."

"So she asked us if we wanted to do something that would make sure Voldemort could never hurt you guys."

"What did you do?" Nether one of us wanted to say it.

" She asked us to give up one year." James said.

"One year? One year of what?"

'Our lives." I whispered. I wasn't sure he had heard me. I wanted to believe that he hadn't, but I had forgotten about werewolf hearing. His eyes widened and he shook his head. 

"You didn't. Please tell me you didn't." We didn't answer him and he stood up and paced around the room. Our silence was enough of an answer for him. " Oh God. You did." Remus stopped pacing and turned to us. 

"Why?"

"Remus, You are our friend. More like a brother. We would die for you." I told him, giving him a weak smile, which he did not return. 

"And I for you, but give up a year of your lives? Why?"

"We couldn't live with ourselves if Voldemort killed you in order to get to us." James added. 

"But Voldemort isn't after you." James's eyes shut tight. I guessed what he was seeing. And I knew Voldemort would be after James sometime.

"There's something else you aren't telling me." Remus said softly.

James opened his eyes. "When we gave up a year, she showed us some thing. A warning." He said, speaking slowly as if the words were being forced from his mouth. 

"What was the warning?"

"She showed us a wearing for the future."  James said softly.

 "What did you see?" he asked. 

There was silence. Then James spoke.

"Tell him what you heard, Sirius." I thought for a moment. 

" There was smoke, and it was raining. I heard a baby crying, but I couldn't find it. And someone was speaking, in this voice that seemed, so, so full of hate, of anger, of betrayal. They kept saying Wormtail." I didn't tell him how it had seemed that I knew the voice. That even as it was choked in tears and twisted with hate, it had sounded like my voice. 

"Wormtail? Peter? What about him?" Remus cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy. 

"I don't know. " I shrugged, wanting the subject dropped. 

"Well, we should warn him." Remus said.  
"No! If we tell him, he might tell someone else and they'll ask him how he knew. And then he'll tell everything." I said.

"He's right. We didn't even want to tell you." James was looking at a particularly interesting speck of dust on the bed. 

"I know." Remus gave me the first small smile I'd seen from him all day. 

"It's not that we don't trust you. We just thought you'd worry too much or something." Remus took a deep breath.

"Well, I'm glad you did. I just can't believe you would do that for me. You've done all this for me and I haven't done anything for you." He said, sighing. I shook my head, grinning at him. 

"Yes you have. You've given us the adventure of a lifetime every full moon. We never would have done this if it hadn't been for you. We wouldn't have known we could do this. That's all we need." James told him.

"Thank you, " Remus whispered, his eyes suddenly bright." You don't know how much that means to me." We left the Shrieking Shack, arms around each other, our fears and worries lifted for the moment. But that would soon change.


	18. The Telling of the Tale

**Chapter 24: Voldemort's warning**

Our afternoon class was History of Magic. And it would turn out to be my first encounter with Voldemort. And it would certainly not be my last. 

Binns was droning on as usual, and as usually I entered the classroom and promptly put my head down on my desk. I'd been up late the previous night and so I feel asleep rather quickly as usual. James was snoozing next to me, and Peter was drooling. Only Remus sat, head straight, quill moving across the paper. 

Suddenly, I was thrown out of my desk and onto the floor by the explosion that rocked the castle. Binns looked up, his usual serene face gone as confusion and shock flashed across it. Another explosion sent me sprawling across the floor, as students rushed out the door, frantic to get out. We joined them in the mad rush to escape the trembling castle. McGonagall flew past us, her gray hair slipping from its tight bun. She grabbed James's collar and dragged him along, shouting at him not to dawdle. We hurried to the Entrance Hall with the rest of the school. 

As we reached the Hall and were almost to the doors, they flew open and in strode a tall man, skin pale as snow and eyes glowing with a power that haunted my dreams. There were screams as he grinned manically at the school that stared in terror. 

I knew who he was. For an instant, I could see him grinning madly like that as he used the Cruciatus curse on my father, as the green light streamed from his wand following the whispered words "_Avada Kedavra"_, aimed for my mother's heart.  I had never seen Him but I knew it had to be Him. Lord Voldemort. He laughed, a high-pitched shrill sound, and raised his wand. Green light shot out of it and hit the nearest student, James. He fell to the ground slowly, his eyes still wide with shock and fear. I stared at him as more light shot out and students began to fall all around me. Remus fell and Peter. Lily and Erin were next. Even the teachers, Dumbledore and McGonagall. Even Snape. No one moved but to fall to the ground, and stare at me with eyes wide with shock, horror, terror, betrayal. Finally I was the only one left standing, my school lying dead around me. I closed my eyes but the images wouldn't stop. Voldemort laughed, that high ringing laugh.

"Let this be a warning, Black. Join me or lose everything you hold dear." He laughed again, and I dropped to my knees, my eyes shut and my hands covering my ears, trying desperately to block the sounds, the sights from my mind. But the laughing never ended. It pushed its way into my mind, my memory and from somewhere far away, I could hear a woman's scream mingling with the laughter. I didn't know which was worse. 

Even as Voldemort vanished, the laughter hung in the air as I knelt on the floor, rocking back and forth, trying to shut out the sounds. I began to cry, to sob, anything to block the laughter, which still penetrated my mind. 

"No, no, no, not true, no, please no!" My voice did little to drown out the laughter, but another voice added to the din in my head. 

"Sirius?" I didn't move, didn't trust it. "Sirius?" Was that my name? Was that James's voice, calling to me? 

"Can't be. Dead." I shook my head. 

"Sirius! Wake up." Some one slapped my face and suddenly the laughter died. 

"Sorry Padfoot." James's voice again, softer this time. Someone's hand felt my forehead. 

" Are you okay?" Remus, still alive. I opened my eyes. I saw faces above me. They blurred together, but slowly focused until James's glasses and messy black hair filled my line of vision. I blinked, realizing I was laying in the cold stone floor, James propping me up. Remus was kneeling next to me, his hand on my forehead. The rest of the class stared at me from the circle they had formed around me. Professor Binns floated behind them.

"Are you alright, Mr. Navy?" he asked.  He never did remember my name, but I had never cared less. 

"Wha, what happened?" my voice was hoarse, shaking.

"You just sort of fell out of you chair. I thought you were asleep but I couldn't wake you up." James helped me into a chair, moving my carefully. The rest only watched. 

"What about the explosion and Voldemort?" James and Remus glanced at each other. 

" What are you talking about? There wasn't an explosion." 

"And Voldemort isn't here." there was a small gasp as James said the name. 

"Perhaps you had a dream. You were sleeping and disturbed my lesson." Binns said in that drab dry tone of his. 

" No, I just, I need to get out of here." Before anyone could say anything I was out the door. James, Remus, and Peter were on my heels. 

"We told him were taking you to the nurse's." Remus said when they caught up.

"Great." I muttered, not caring in the slightest. 

"Padfoot, what happened?" I sat down on the top of a staircase, unable to walk on my shaking legs. They sat down next to me, James and Remus next to me and Peter down the step. 

"I'm not really sure." I began hesitantly. I told them, slowly, and hesitantly, about the dream. The evil voice echoed in my head. I would never join him of course, but still. He had taken both my parents. I knew what he was capable of. James looked shocked when I told him that he was the first to fall. 

Remus bit his lip and then stood up. He pulled me to my feet.  
" What are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything. You are going to see Professor Dumbledore." Without another word he dragged me to Dumbledore's office, James and Peter in tow.

"What was the password?"

"Err, Chocolate Frogs" James said, "They just added him the cards," We walked through the door. No one was in the office, with the exception of the headmasters and the head mistresses of old Hogwarts. Several waved, and others glared down at us. 

"Oh well, no one here. Guess we'll have to come back later." I turned to leave. Remus and James grabbed my shirt.

"I don't think so, Padfoot."

"Oh come on, Prongs."

"Sit." He pointed to a chair in front of the desk. " We wait." And so we waited. 

It was almost an hour later when Dumbledore strode in to the office, his eyes on some papers folded in his hands, his expression troubled. He walked across the room and sat down at the desk without looking up or saying a word. After a few minutes Remus coughed and Dumbledore looked up, almost surprised, but I had the feeling that he knew we had been there the whole time. .

"How did you boys get in here?" he asked, leaning back and pressing his fingertips together. 

"Err, the door?" James responded. Dumbledore raised an eyebrow.

"Is there a reason you are here?" Remus nudged me.

"Actually, Professor, something happened to me in class." I told him what had happened. When I had finished, he stood up and paced back and forth behind his desk.

"Thank you, Sirius, for bringing this to my attention. Now, if I'm not mistaken, you four should hurry back to class. You've missed enough as it is."

 Despite our protesting, Dumbledore shooed us out of his office. We left the office with no more answers than when we had entered. Just as we reached the hall leading to the common room, Dumbledore's voice magically echoed through the halls.  " Will all the teachers please report to the teachers lounge after class."

We looked at each other and grinned. Remus shook his head, but didn't say a word. Peter started to whine but he was silenced by a look from the rest of us. James took off at top speed and was back in less than five minutes with the invisibility cloak. 

"No James. You can't spy on the teacher's meeting." Peter protested. "You'll get caught."

"Fine Peter, if you don't want to go, don't. That's more room for us then." And he pulled the cloak over himself, Remus, and me. Slowly we walked down the hall into the teacher's lounge. We had to wait till another teacher came, so as not to look odd when the door opened by itself. We snuck in behind Professor Sprout and slipped into the corner behind one of the large high backed chairs. . 

There was a lot of chattering between the teachers. No one seemed to know why Dumbledore had called them there. The Headmaster himself had not arrived yet. 

"Professor Flitwick? Do you know what this is about?" McGonagall asked the tiny Charms Professor. 

"No, I don't, Minerva. I would have thought he would have told you at least."  
"No. Not a word." Just then Professor Dumbledore walked through the door.

"I would like to thank you all for coming here." he said, smiling, though his blue eyes did not twinkle behind his moon shaped glasses. "Something has been brought to my attention that requires our immediate response." 

"What?" They clustered around him, eager for news. 

"I believe that Voldemort" there were gasps and screams at the name," may be trying to lure students out of the safety of the castle, trying to force them to join him, to scare them. Today marked the third such incident that has been brought to my attention."

"Who? Which student?" McGonagall asked, breathless. Dumbledore glanced at the corner in which we were hidden. 

"Sirius Black." 

"Honestly, headmaster," Beaker spoke from his chair. "you really believe that boy and his lies? Black craves attention. I wouldn't put it past him to make the entire thing up." 

" The boys came to me today to report Sirius having some sort of vision in History of Magic. It involved the school being attacked and everyone being killed. Voldemort spoke to him. He said it was a warning." Beaker scoffed. 

"Headmaster, both Black's parents were killed by the Dark Lord. How do you know this is not just some figment of his overactive imagination, feeding on the death of his parents?" 

"Because I spoke to both Orion and Fiona Black a few days before their deaths. They both related a dream in which Voldemort killed everyone they loved. This is a trait of his, to feed on the fears of his victims. He will try to kill this boy."

"But why?" Professor McGonagall asked. "Why Sirius?"

" I don't know." Dumbledore paced back and forth. "Though I fear his dream might have been a warning as to what Voldemort will stoop to, to get a hold of him. I want security increased. The boy isn't to be left alone anywhere. I want a teacher near him at all times possible."

"But professor, you know those boys. They can get away from anyone anytime." Flitwick said, wringing his hands.

"Are you going to tell him?" Professor McGonagall asked.

" There is no need. He already knows." Dumbledore's eyes flickered to our hiding place and I remembered with a jolt, that he could see through the cloak. " This only means Voldemort is getting closer. And it is not just Sirius I worry about. That boy is very loyal to his friends and those he cares about. Voldemort knows this. He may try to use it against him. I want you all to keep an eye out and let me know the moment you see something suspicious. Meeting adjourned." 

We waited till the room was empty and then left. No one said anything, but we had to go back up to our room and then back downstairs and outside for Care of Magical Creatures. So we ended up being late for class. Professor Kettleburn yelled at us. He told us we were banned from all trips to Hogsmeade that term. But I think it was more of an excuse to keep us inside the castle, to follow the Headmaster's orders, which, for once in our lives, we planned to do. For a while, at least. 

**Chapter 25: The Girls Know**

That afternoon we managed to get away from Professor McGonagall who had insisted on staying in our common room while we were doing our homework, to "keep us out of mischief". It was a Hogsmeade weekend, but we couldn't go, not legally anyway. We finally managed to slip away by saying we were going to down to the Quiddtich Pitch and sneaking through the halls under the invisibility cloak. We waited by the Three Broomsticks, the tavern at Hogsmeade, for the girls. They arrived right on schedule. They sat down at our table. We made idle chitchat, but nothing of real meaning was said. Before long, James got up and motioned for us to follow him. 

"Come on. We have something to show you." We walked up the path to the Shrieking Shack. Everything was quiet. Even the crickets has stopped chirping. We knew there was nothing to be afraid of, we knew Remus was the "ghost" everyone was so scared of. But still there was something in the air that sent a shiver up my spine. Dumbledore has done an excellent job, casting repelling charms on the house.  Erin leaned close to me and I put my arm around her.

"Sirius, why are we here?" We had stopped in front of it. James motioned and we moved forward. We slipped through a broken window we had found earlier. We came here every full moon but we always used the secret entrance. So beforehand we had looked for another entrance. The girls stayed close and were almost shaking with fear, but they didn't question why we were here. They sat down on the moldy old couch while Peter took the chair and Remus and I used the floor. James paced for a few minutes in front of us.

 "Lily, Erin. We have something to tell you. Now no matter what you hear tonight, you must promise not to tell another living soul for your entire lives."

"That bad huh?" Lily smiled. We didn't smile back

"Please Lily. This is serious." For once, no one laughed at the pun. They only nodded. 

" The first thing you need to know is about Remus. Otherwise, nothing else will make sense." 

"Remus?"  Lily and Erin turned their gazes on Remus. 

"Yes, I'm, I'm." He couldn't seem to get it out. I gave him a reassuring smile and he swallowed hard, forcing the words out.  "I'm a werewolf." He looked ready for the bomb to drop, but it never did. 

Lily and Erin looked at him for a moment, then glanced at each other, grinning. 

" Is that all?" Erin asked. " I thought it was something important."

"Yeah, something we didn't already know." Lily laughed. 

"What?" the four of us stared at the girls in amazement. 

"Do you think we're stupid? We saw the signs. We didn't say anything to protect you. We knew you'd tell us when you were ready."

"You mean, you don't care?"  Remus was still unsure, wavering between doubt and joy. 

"Oh Remus, of course we don't. You are our friend. We love you." He smiled.

"Thank you. " he whispered as both girls leaned down to give him a hug. 

"Now can someone tell me, why you brought us here to tell us this?" Lily asked. "This place is haunted, you know." Remus grinned them

"It's not haunted. Everything you hear. That's me. There is a tunnel under the Whomping Willow that leads too here. We come here every full moon."

"We?" Lily asked

"There is something else. After we found out about Remus we found out a way we could be with him during the full moon." James continued. 

"But James, werewolves are dangerous to humans."

"To humans, exactly." James said with a smirk on his face. Lily frowned and James turned to me. " Padfoot. Show them."

"Why do I have to. Why can't Peter or you?"

" We already talked about this. Because I'm the better talker and it'll take Peter forever."

"Hey, I'm not that bad." Came the indigent reply.

" Yes, you are. Fine, but I'm not doing any tricks."

"But you're so good at fetch."

"Remus, if you don't shut up I will bite you. Then you'll have to go get rabies shots. How do you like that?"

Remus only stuck out his tongue and grinned. 

"Padfoot." James warned.

"Changing." I closed my eyes and almost instantly I felt the change happen. Though we'd discovered that over time, as we became used to it, the pain was less and less.  I still had to reach out and hold onto the arm of the sofa for support as I changed this time.  I was soon sitting there on the ground, my tongue falling out of my mouth as it always did, my tail waving happily. The girls sat back in shock.

" He's, he's," Erin stammered

"An animagus. We all are." I gave James a look that I hoped said _can I change back now_.

" No you can't." he told me. I gave him my best puppy dog face, which, since I was a dog, must have worked very well on the girls.

"Oh, he's so cute." They reached down and started to pet me. I rolled over and Erin scratched my belly. I changed back. It was much less painful to change back.  In fact it felt like a relief as my bones shifted into their natural positions. 

We stayed there for hours talking and telling them everything. At first the girls were annoyed at us for keeping them in the dark for five years. But soon they let that go. We even told them about giving up a year. Peter, hearing it for the first time, never said anything. But for a faction of a second I saw something odd, like he'd swallowed something sour, cross his face. It was directed at me. But it was gone a second later and I forgot about it. 


	19. The Burning

**Chapter 26: the Running and the Burning**

            We were not greeted as usual by Mr. Wright that summer.  In fact no one came to pick us up and we were forced to walk eight miles from the train station to the house.  When we reached the house we were greeted by an unfamiliar woman who introduced herself as Mrs. Manson, the new housekeeper.  Sadly, we learned that Mr. and Mrs. Wright had been sacked the previous winter and that she and her husband would be running things now and they," didn't take mischief from our kind," were, I believe, her exact words. 

That summer, my grandfather was worse than usual.  From the moment I stepped through the door to the moment I left, he never stopped; there was a constant stream of berating and beatings. That summer was the second time I ran away. 

            I had been home two weeks and I was attempting to do an essay for Binn's class, in Addi's room.  We were seated on her bed, talking quietly and doing our homework when we heard heavy footsteps on the stairs. 

            Now Addi's bedroom is at the top of the stairs, my grandmothers was at the end of the hall and my grandfathers was off another hallway nearer to the front of the house.  To get to mine, you had to continue down the hallway, and then turn right onto a smaller passage.  Almost immediately to your left would be a rickety set of stairs. Up those stairs and my room was the third door on the left. No one but myself ever came up there, unless it was to shout at me more than usual.  But the hall in front of my sister's door was a commonly used one.  So we thought nothing of it until the door burst open.  

            My grandfather stood in the doorway, his face red and his eyes blazing. He looked oddly like an enraged bull and I felt the same panic being trapped in that room with him as I would be trapped in a field with said bull. 

             He marched into the room and grabbed the collar of my shirt, dragging me off the bed, causing papers to fly everywhere.  

"What do you think you were doing?" he roared, shaking me. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.   I couldn't answer as he shook me again. My head felt like a sack, flopping around on my neck as his hard hands made bruises on my skin. 

             My refusal to answer him only enraged him more and he threw me to the ground.  As I fell, my head struck one of the posts on Addi's bed and I heard an awful crack.  Things became fuzzy and dim and I could hardly focus as the room spun around me.  

            My grandfather seemed not to mind as he proceeded to scream at me, slap and kick me, telling me how I was such a wicked boy, hiding my books and learning magic in his house when he'd strictly forbidden it. 

Then he grabbed Addi from where she was watching, horrified, and slapped her, yelling at her about how she'd helped me.  Then he grabbed me by my shirt and yanked me up to my feet. 

I was surprised when he gingerly touched my hair, brushing back a black curl that had fallen into my eyes.  The blazing look of madness faded for only one second and it scared me more than anything he'd ever done before.  Then the hand drifted down my face down to my shoulder where he pushed hard. 

I fell back to the ground and before I knew it, he was on top of me. Digging his knee into my stomach to ensure that I wouldn't move, he reached for something on the bed. 

When he'd found what he wanted he grabbed it and pushed me down farther.  I saw for one fleeting instant a large frilly pillow before he placed it over my face and pushed me to the ground. 

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I simply knew that this was bad and I needed air! I kicked and struggled for all I could, but his knee was digging deep into my stomach, preventing me from much movement. I could dimly hear Addi screaming. 

I kicked out, thrashing, trying desperately to just get free. I couldn't turn my head to the side and the fabric was too thick to let any air through.  I could feel my kicks and punches getting softer as I tried to keep moving. 

 Finally, I dropped my arms to my side and lay still. I did not have the energy to move anymore. Everything seemed to dim.  I felt the pressure on my stomach and the pillow release and I felt more than heard the loud footsteps march down the hall.  

The pillow was snatched off my face instantly and I was looking up into Addi's worried face.  When she saw my eyes open, she pulled me into a hug, cutting off my air supply once again. 

Then slowly, I got my feet and began gathering up my things. Addi caught my arm. 

"No, Sirius.  Stay here tonight."  I nodded, mind still to fuzzy to put up much of a fight and I settled down on her bed. She crawled up next to me as we used to do so many times as children.  She pushed my bangs out of my face and she was still watching me as I drifted off to sleep. 

I awoke to movement.  Addi was moving quietly around the room, gathering things up and putting them in a bag.  I glanced out the window and saw that the moon was still high in the sky.  It was just past full. I wondered about Remus and where he was that night. 

She saw me looking at her. 

"Hello." She whispered coming over to the bed. "How are you feeling?" 

"Horrible headache, but fine." 

"Good." She helped me sit up. " Come on."  She whispered. 

"Where are we going?"  I asked, keeping my voice low as she pulled open the door and led the way out into the silent hall. She said nothing, but took my hand as she slipped down the steps and down the hall, past Grandfather's study, past the kitchen, past the rooms where the servants slept, to the back door. 

This she opened with a key she'd pulled from somewhere, and unlocked it. She pushed me outside and locked the door again behind her. 

"Addi, what-" 

"Think you can ride?" she asked. When I looked confused, she handed me a broom. My broom.  The broom my grandfather had locked in the garage along with my bike and my trunk. 

"Where did you get that?"  I asked, grabbing it.  She smiled. 

"You're my brother. You think nothing rubbed off?"  I grinned. "Feel up to a ride?" 

"Where to?" I asked. 

"The train station."  I watched her carefully.  Was my sweet little baby sister really plotting to run away? Apparently so, I thought as Addi folded her arms impatiently.  I nodded and mounted the broom. 

"Get on." She slipped on behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Hold on tight." I whispered and pushed off. 

 A glorious feeling of freedom rushed through me as I soared up into the warm summer air. I longed to yell and scream for joy, but didn't for fear of waking up the household that was steadily growing smaller as we gained altitude. 

 We made it to the train station much faster than we had before; the sun was just rising over the trees.  I put the broom down behind a shed, and we made our way carefully towards the train, waiting to take us to London. 

"What do we do now?"  Addi asked as we sat down on a bench. "If someone sees us, they'll recognize us."  I nodded and frowned.  Then I had an idea. 

I reached into my bag and drew out a pair of glasses, Dad's glasses. I slid them over her face and reaching again into the bag, I found a length of string.  I motioned for her to turn around and tied her hair up into a bun at the top of her head.  Then I grabbed a cap and set it atop her head. Luckily, she wasn't very curvy, still rather thin, like me, only I had a much more built up body, from Quiddich. Addi played football for her school, and was good, but she was still very thin.  With this disguise, she could almost, dim light permitting, pass for a boy. 

"There. Just lower your voice a bit and this might just work." she grinned and adjusted the cap. 

"And you?" 

I thought fast. Well, there was one disguise that was sure to fool them all.  However, it was dangerous should someone see me.  But it was worth it if it meant we managed to get safely from here to London and to James.  I glanced around and assured myself that no one could see. Then I closed my eyes and waited for the second of pain as my bones shifted and changed shape, while fur sprouted everywhere. 

When I opened my eyes, I was looking up at her, with my horrible dog vision.  But even with that, I could see her shocked face.  I wagged my tail and licked her hand and she simply stared in shook her head, unable to fully understand.                  

 Addi made her way to the ticket counter where she purchased one ticket to London.  The man behind the counter did not seem to recognize her, but eyed me suspiciously. 

" What is that?" 

"He's my dog.  Why?  Does he need a ticket too?"

"Is it going with you?" he asked, peering down at me. I gave him a growl and he jumped back. 

"No, he came to kiss me goodbye. Of course, he's coming. And it's a he, not an it."  For all her credit, Addi was a brilliant actress.  He seemed embarrassed and mumbled a reply, handing her the ticket and pointing her to the platform. 

 We climbed aboard the train and made our way to the last compartment, making positively sure we were alone. Then Addi collapsed onto the seat. I jumped up next to her and laid my head on her knee.  She glanced out the window and slowly stroked my head. 

             I let the dog mind take over and I sat there, enjoying the feel of her hands caressing my head.  Addi sighed and my ears perked up. 

            "I hope this works." She said to me. Of course, in dog form I could not answer her. She couldn't understand me the way James or Remus or Peter could.  But I did my best to reassure her and licked her hand. She smiled and began scratching behind the ears. 

             The train whistle hurt my sensitive ears as it blew, announcing the departure.  Then slowly, the train began to move out of the station.  Just as we began to move, I heard a familiar voice on the platform. 

            I looked up and Addi glanced out the window.  Grandfather was standing on the platform, shouting at a guard who was trying to explain something to him.  He was shaking his cane at him and speaking loudly.  But I couldn't make out his words over the roar of the train.  I barked at him and Addi giggled. Then we rounded a corner and were free. 

            We slept most of the way. The ride was not that long but we hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night.  When we heard the voice announcing we were nearing London, I changed back and Addi pulled off the glasses and the cap and let her long hair tumble down. She muttered about how could she have forgotten a brush and I just laughed. 

We decided to get off at Victoria Station.  That way, we could have gone anywhere and it would be almost impossible to trace us. 

            The conductor looked surprised as we exited, my arm slung around Addi's shoulder and the both of us talking softly.  When we were out of site, we both broke into a run, sprinting downward to the underground and to Charing Cross, that would bring us closer to Diagon Alley. 

             I found the Leaky Cauldron and entered, having first to point it out to Addi.  We waved to the barkeeper, Tom whose hair was beginning to turn gray and made our way into the alley. 

            I found James's house quite easily. There is a street off Diagon Alley called Uplane Alley. It is much the opposite of Knockturn.  It is where the richer more powerful families lived.  James's was the first house. 

The house was huge and old; reminding me of an old haunted house, which I suppose it, was, seeing as how their butler had been serving the Potters for close to six hundred years now.  It had spirals and turrets and large bay windows.  But it was always brightly lit and had a warm welcome feeling about it.  But perhaps that was Mrs. Potter. 

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.  Giles, their butler opened it.  He had once been a tall man and now floated a good two feet off the ground. He was dressed in his butler's outfit he'd died in; James said something about a heart attack because there were dirty knickers in the clean laundry.

"Oh, it's you, master Sirius." He said, knowing full well that he was in for a rough holiday if James and I were together. "We were not expecting you." 

"I know. It's sort of a surprise visit.   Thought I'd pop by."   He nodded and let us in, closing the door behind us. 

"Who is it, Giles?" Mrs. Potter called. 

"Master Sirius and Miss Adhara, Madam."  He said stiffly.  Mrs. Potter hurried in the hall form wherever she had been. 

"Sirius, Adhara! How are you? Is everything alright?"  She asked as she hugged us tightly and placed kisses on both our cheeks. "Come in, come in! Are you hungry? You must be. Giles, have Tinky prepare something for the children."  Tinky was their house elf, and made some of the best food I'd ever tasted. 

 We were led to the kitchen and several plates of hot steaming meals appeared before us.   I attacked mine and ate quickly.  Addi was more careful and ate slower.  When we'd finished, Giles cleared the dishes and we made our way to the sitting room where Mrs. Potter questioned us.

"So what are you doing here?" I glanced at Addi.  What to say? I did not want to say that we had run away. To do so would only led to questions.

"Our grandfather is in London for a few days and let us do as we liked.  We decided to come visit James." I replied instead. Addi bit her lip, but said nothing. Mrs. Potter smiled gently. 

"Well, of course you're always welcome here. You know that. " She smiled and reached out a hand to brush my cheek. I winced as her fingers touched an old bruise.  For an instant her face clouded over, but it was gone and only the sweet smile that I loved her for found its way onto her face. 

"You know where James's room is. You can put your things there. Adhara, I'll show you the guest room closest to your brother. " And she set off. 

I set my bag down in James's room."  James is with his father right now. But they should be back presently." She said, smiling. Then she led Addi to the room next door.  I took a deep breath and collapsed on James's bed.  We were free from Grandfather's anger, but for how long?  

I should have gone to the Lupins, I thought, or the Evans's, or the Whites.  I shouldn't have come here. He knows the Potters. He knows I'll come here. I groaned. You're a fool, Black, a bloody fool. 

"Padfoot!"  James was on me before I knew he was there.  He pounced on me and we fell to the floor, rolling around and laughing.  It was a long few minutes before we had enough sense to let go and say hello. 

Addi and my story were received by James and Mr. Potter that night at dinner.  No one said a word, but I had little doubt they didn't believe me. I got my proof late that night. 

 I rolled over on the small cot Mrs. Potter had set out for me.  James was sleeping in his bed beside me, snoozing away.  Even the picture of all six Marauders on his bedside table were sleeping. I couldn't sleep and so wondered if a cup of hot tea might settle my nerves.  I made my way down to the kitchen, but stopped when I heard voices.  It was Mr. and Mrs. Potter. I wondered what they were doing up, but I moved on, not wanting to eavesdrop.  However, when I heard my name, I stopped. 

"Harry, it is obvious!  Why can't you see it?"  Mrs. Potter asked. She seemed distressed about something. 

"I see it, Mariah.  I see it.  How could I not?" 

"Then why don't you do something about it?"  She asked. 

"Like what?  What would you have me do?" Mr. Potter seemed angry about something. 

"Get them out for there!  You know how much he hated Fiona.  You heard what Orion said.  He hates those children, Sirius the most!"  I peeked in and saw her pacing up and down the sitting room, looking frayed and worried. 

"I know, I know." Mr. Potter sighed from his chair. 

"Every time I see Sirius, he looks worse. Someday that man is going to kill him, I swear it!"  Mr. Potter shook his head. 

"He will not touch Sirius.  I have spoken with him and he understands that if he does, I will know of it." 

"But Harry, look at him.   Tomorrow, just look at him.  He has more bruises every time I see him.  I worry so much about them when they're there.  Why can't we do something?" 

"And what if he's not doing anything? What is Sirius is falling off his broom or wrecking his bike?  What if Adhara is falling down the stairs?  Then what?" 

"But you know they aren't!" Mrs. Potter returned.  I swallowed hard. "Neither Fiona or Orion wanted this.  What would they say today, Harry? If they knew their best friend was allowing this to happen to their only son?"  She glared at Mr. Potter. 

 He sighed and raised his eyes. For one instant our eyes locked.   Then I broke his gaze and hurried back upstairs, jumping back into bed and closing my eyes, just as I heard footsteps on the stairs. The door opened, but I lay there unmoving.  

"Dad?"  James murmured, raising his head to look. "What's up?" 

"Nothing, Jamie." He whispered, "Go back to sleep." James did as he was told, but I lay there, worrying until the sun rose over the rooftops. 

He said nothing the next morning and neither did I.  There was a tense silence in the air, which was broken only after James, and I got up.  James led me around Diagon Alley and we had a wonderful time, chasing each other and running into our other friends from time to time. We saw Remus when his mother stopped in for a visit. He stayed for a few days. Addi was thrilled.  She did not get to see him much, but even then I could see how much they truly cared for each other. 

            About a week afterwards, both Remus and Peter were down for the day and we, having done almost everything there is to do in Diagon alley, including stealing a Gringotts cart and having loads of fun with it, decided to explore muggle London.  Addi declined our invitation to come, claiming that Mrs. Potter wanted to take her shopping. We rolled our eyes at the strangeness of females and set off. 

Remus and Peter had hardly ever been there, and James was all for it. We walked around for a bit. Then we came to a small shop off of Covent Gardens. Piercing and tattoos, it said in the shop windows.  I grinned a bit, and pulled the door open. 

"No! Sirius!" Remus called, but I was already inside. 

The air was smoky and had the slight smell of ink.  A rather large man was seating in a chair. He glanced up at me. I saw he had a large number of various tattoos along with several earrings in both ears. 

"Yeah?' he asked gruffly. 

"What's the price for one earring?" I asked. 

"Five pounds." He said. I reached in my pocket and pulled out my sparse muggle money. Handing him five pounds, I waited. He nodded and motioned to the chair. I sat. 

"Right or left?" he asked. 

"Right." I said. 

"Good choice." He said and showed me a small selection of earrings to choose from. I picked a small one that looked as if it had a fang or a claw dangling from it. He nodded and motioned for me to sit back. Taking the earring, he picked up a small instrument and placed it against my ear. He pulled and it shot through my ear. It stung for a moment, but I didn't move. 

Then I looked in the mirror. I liked it. The gold set off nicely against my black hair. Then my eyes strayed to the various tattoos. To my surprise, there was one of a large, shaggy, black dog. I smiled slyly. 

"And how much for that?" I asked pointing. He shrugged. 

"Another tenner." I nodded and pulled out my last ten and handed it to him.  And he set to work. 

My hands shook a bit as he began and he glanced up at me. 

"First time?" he asked. I nodded. 

"Can you tell?" he laughed, a low rumbling sound and offered me his cigarette. 

"Can't smoke while I do this anyway. Take a good long puff, it'll calm you down." I did as was told and inhaled the smoked. At the first few puffs I coughed, trying to sit still. But my lungs soon grew accustomed to the smoke.  I drew it into my mouth and sighed as the drug had its calming effect on me. 

The man was obviously, for all his faults, good at his work, because when he'd finished, on my upper arm, just beneath my shoulder, was a very well drawn dog.  I grinned and thanked him, after trading a ten for a pack of cigarettes "Just in case" he said, then went back outside to see my friends. I let my hair fall so it covered my ear and pulled down my sleeve over my new tattoo. But I kept the cigarette in the corner of my mouth.  I couldn't wait to see how they'd react. 

James and Peter were seated on the curb outside. Remus was across the street, trying to get a bottle of Coca Cola from an irritated vender with muggle money. I sat down beside James. 

"Where'd you get those?" he asked, pointing to the case in my pocket. I nodded towards the store. 

"Nice and calming." I said, blowing a smoke ring at him. He waved it away and grinned. 

"So what are we doing?" he didn't look at me. 

"Waiting for you." He said, lazily. I sighed and Remus finally managed to get the four drinks and cross the street. He handed me mine and raised his eyebrow. 

"See anything you wanted?" I shrugged. 

"A couple things."  Remus sat down on my left. 

"Like what?" Peter asked, making a face. I shrugged and brushed my hair back as if it were hot. 

"Sirius!" Remus shouted.  I looked at him, sipping my drink. I knew what he was seeing. 

"What?" James asked. 

"He did it!" Remus said, pointing to my ear. James climbed around to see. 

"Sirius! I can't believe you did it! What's Erin going to say?" I shrugged. 

"I don't care." 

"Why?" Peter asked. Again, I shrugged. 

"I dunno. It sounded like fun." Remus and James shook their heads. 

"Only you would do that for fun." James said. "My mom is gonna go off her rocker when she picks us up." 

I grinned. "If she goes mad when she sees that, then she'll have a heart attack when I get hot." 

"Oh god, he did something else." Remus moaned. 

"What?" James asked. 

"You really wanna know?" 

"Not really." Peter said. Ignoring him, I rolled up my sleeve. 

"Oh my god." Remus moaned. 

"It looks like you." James said. Then he grinned at me. "Let me guess. It looked like fun?" I grinned. 

Well, Mrs. Potter didn't have a heart attack, but she did vow never to let us leave Diagon Alley ever again.

  Erin came down for a day or two and we spent a wonderful evening together, just the two of us.  We went to see a cinema in muggle London and then we spent several hours watching the boats on the Thames. 

I saw Erin off that night and made my way down Diagon Alley back to the Potters.  When Giles let me in, I heard low voices in the sitting room. I thought nothing of it and made my way upstairs. 

"Sirius?"  I heard Mrs. Potter called. I paused and looked back. She was standing in the hall, looking worried or upset. 

"Yeah?" I asked, wondering what could be up. 

"There's someone here to see you, Sirius."  Something about her tone set off alarms in my brain.  My suspicions were confirmed when my grandfather stepped into the hall behind her, smiling triumphantly and smoking one of those dreadful cigars. I liked my cigarettes just fine, they only smelled like smoke. The cigars were thick and black and reeked of all the smells I will forever associate with that house and that man. 

"Hello, my boy." He said, a hint of smugness in his voice. "Time to go home, don't you think?"  I swallowed hard.  All I wanted to do was run into Mrs. Potter's arms and beg her not to let him take me away, but I couldn't.  I only stood there, frozen from fear and shock.  He glanced at his watch. 

"Run along and get your things. I have other appointments."  I nodded and began to slow descent up the stairs.  Once in James's room, I gathered my things.  I heard the door slam downstairs and Addi's voice soon drifted up to me.  It wasn't long before I heard her in the next room. I left, wishing I could talk to James before I left, but he was with Lily and that might take hours.  A note had to suffice, which I left on his desk. 

Addi and I exchanged looks as we made our way down the stairs.  Grandfather was waiting impatiently and sighed as Mrs. Potter hugged us and kissed us both, not wanting to let go. She assured us we were welcome anytime and that she loved having us over to stay. 

"Come stay for a week near the end of the holidays." She said. We assured her we would try, then made our way down Diagon Alley and out into muggle London, where we climbed into the long black car that was waiting for us. 

None one said a word during the two-hour drive. I gazed out the window, rolling it down and letting the cool summer breeze warm my face, trying to rid my mind of the foggy suffocating smoke from my grandfather's cigar, and trying to forget what awaited me when the car pulled to a stop. 

 When it finally did, we were ordered out for the car and up to our rooms where we were locked in. I had a strange feeling and so hid the bag of things I held dear, my photographs, my wand, several trinkets and tricks I had under my mattress. Lucky for me I did because the next morning I was shaken awake by Addi. 

"Sirius, you have to come down!  He says so."  Grumbling, I ignored her and rolled over. I slept for most of the day, only getting up when I knew I couldn't possibly sleep another second. I refused to come down to eat, or to see anyone, and so I remained in my room, pacing up and down, cursing myself for being so stupid as to let us get caught. Later that evening when the sun was just about to go down, I heard heavy footsteps on my stairs. I had been writing a letter to Erin and hurriedly finished, tying the letter to Ernie's leg and shooing him out the window just as the key turned in the lock. The door was open in an instant and I was staring at the triumphant face of my grandfather.  I swallowed hard. Any time he looked triumphant meant only bad things for me.  He beckoned to me with one hand, but I did not move. My feet seemed rooted to the ground. 

            He glared and reached out to grab the front of my shirt. Since my bed separated the both of us, I was yanked over it and fell, face first, onto the hard stone floor. 

             "Get on your feet!" my grandfather growled.  I did as I was told.  When I was standing, I could see Mr. Mason behind grandfather, seemingly waiting for something.  Grandfather seized the back of my shirt and dragged me down the stairs

"Get the trunk and bring it to my study. Leave everything inside."  He ordered. Mr. Mason nodded and I was forced down the steps, tripping over my own feet and he hurried me.  We reached the ground floor and I found myself released. Grandfather went to stand in front of the fire, which was blazing even though it was the middle of the summer. Grandmother was seated in an armchair, Addi on a stool beside her.  She was staring at the floor, rocking slowly back and forth. I took a step towards her. 

"Stay where you are."  The stern voice ordered.  Rebellion rushed in me and I   took another step forward. 

"I'm warning you."  Again the voice roared across the room. Addi looked up finally and quickly shook her head. I frowned, but stayed where I was.  The room was silent with only the crackling of the fire, which only helped escalate the tension. I glanced at my grandfather who gazed into the fire and then went to serve himself another drink. 

Overhead I heard thunder rumble and saw the flash of lightning through the study window. I shivered, knowing it had been a stormy night the night my mother had been murdered.  I glanced at Addi and she looked worriedly at my grandfather. Soon Mr. Mason appeared, lugging my trunk behind him.  I was confused, what was going on? What could my grandfather possibly want with my trunk?  Wasn't he going to hit me?  I was prepared for that, I could handle that. I couldn't have been less prepared for what he had in mind. 

"Open it." my grandfather ordered. He did so.  Inside were all my usual things, my books and ingredients, my robes and quills and parchment, and my broom.  My trusty old Comet Dad had bought me before my second year.  He reached inside and pulled it out. 

"A broom?  Don't tell me you ride brooms as well."  Tentatively I nodded. 

"It's for a game, Quiddich. I play on the house team." 

"Well, you won't be needing that anymore." He replied with a sneer and in a second, had thrown my cherished broom onto the fire!

"No!"  I was across the room in a flash and reached into the fire, trying to save my broom, but strong hands pulled me back.  I struggled, fighting to save my broom. I couldn't just let it burn! But I could not escape the grip that held me. 

"Throw the rest of it in." my grandfather ordered and Mr. Mason moved to do just that. 

"NO!" I shouted, "You can't! Those are mine!  No!"  I fought harder and harder and he tossed my robes, books, quills and parchment onto the fire where they joined my broom, which was now only a burnt stick.  Suddenly I was dropped and I collapsed in front of the fire.  I knew it was hopeless to try and retrieve anything now, but that didn't stop me.  I snapped my hand in and managed to find one book. I grabbed it and held it close,  it was all I had.  I sat there, rocking slightly on my heels, staring into the fire, watching it consume the ashes of my precious belongings. 

 No one said a word for a long time. I could not take my eyes from the fire, not even when I was yanked to my feet and Addi took my hand.  Surprisingly enough, my grandfather did not lay a hand on me that night, but the damage had already been done.  I was without supplies for the coming year, books, quills, parchment, supplies, broom, everything was gone. And with our meager account at Gringotts that was steadily growing smaller, there was little I could do. All I knew was I had to leave.  I had to get out for a few weeks.  When I had made my way back up to my room, I remembered the book I still help in my hands. It was my Transfiguration book, slightly charred, but intact.  I glanced at it, trying to keep the sobs down. It was all I had left now.  My books, robes, everything was gone.  My broom, he'd taken my broom. Now I couldn't fly, I couldn't soar, I couldn't play.  And that killed me.  Thank God he never found my bike. 

That night, when the house was still, I crept down from my room to the phone in the hall. I dialed the first number I thought of. Lily.  She was the only one with a phone who could help me now. And luckily, I wouldn't have to use a fire, so she couldn't see my face.

The phone rang several times before a tired male voce answered, "Hullo?" 

"Is Lily there? I need to speak with her." 

"Who is this?  Do you know how late it is?" he sounded irritated. I hurried to explain. 

"Yes, sir. I do know. And I'm sorry for disturbing you, but this couldn't wait.  I need to speak with Lily, please."  

"Alright." He sighed and I heard shuffling and mumbling. After a few moments Lily's half asleep voice answered me. 

"'Lo?" 

"Lily?" There was a pause. 

"Sirius, what are you doing?  Do you have a clock? Do you even know what time it is?"  Next to me the hall clock chimed the hour. 

"I know exactly what time it is, but this couldn't wait.  Lil, I need a favor."  

            "What?" she sighed. "What is so important that it couldn't wait till morning." 

"Well, I was wondering," I hesitated, unsure of how to phrase my problem. I couldn't tell her the truth.  I decided on the best course of action, to lie.  "You see, we need a place to stay.  Can we come there? I don't meant to invite us, but it's an emergency." 

"Of course, Sirius." She replied as if I were stupid, "You know you both are always welcome here.  But why call now?" 

"Well, when I say stay with you, I mean can we come tomorrow." This time there was a longer pause. 

"I suppose so. But why?" That was the thing with Lily. She didn't let up on something easily. I struggled for an answer.   When I didn't answer, Lily found an answer for herself. 

"It's your grandfather, isn't it? He went after you, didn't he? What did he do? Did he hit you? God, I'll kill him!" 

"No!"  I fought off her anger, trying to calm her down, "No, he didn't hit me.  He didn't touch me.  But you are right, he is the reason."  I knew she was waiting for a response.  So I settled for the truth. "He took my things." 

"What do you mean?" 

"He took everything, my robes, my books, my broom," my voice cracked and I paused. "He took everything and threw it into the fire!"  I heard a gasp on her end. 

"My god! Why?"  I shook my head. 

"I was mouthing off and he said it would teach me." 

"It's not your fault. Don't worry. We'll be there to pick you up bright and early."  I nodded, but before I could say another word, I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder and spin me around. 

Startled, I dropped the phone and gazed up at the red furious face of my grandfather. 

" What do you think you were doing?" he roared. 

"I was just-" Before I could finish, he slapped me, hard.  The blow sent me to the floor and I glared up at him. 

"Don't you dare talk back to me! You were trying to run away again, weren't you, you ungrateful little urchin!" He sent a kick to my ribs that made me gasp with the pain.  He kicked out again and again, both times knocking the wind out of me. Then he seized my collar and proceeded to drag me up the stairs, pausing for a moment to hang up the phone. 

As we moved up the stairs, I realized what that meant. It meant Lily had heard everything! I closed my eyes and prayed as I was dragged up the front flight up steps and thrown, none too gently, into my own room. I heard the lock clicked and I was left alone. 

It was much later, when the sun arose that I heard a pounding below me.  It too me awhile to realize someone was knocking on the front door.  Unfortunately, I could hear no words, but as I peaked out my window, I saw a muggle car parked in front of the house.  I sat back and frowned. 

It wasn't long until I heard footsteps on the stairs.  They were light, and it sounded like there was more than one of them.  They paused in front of my door and I cautiously got to me feet and slipped into my closet. I didn't want my grandfather to go after me again.  

The door creaked as it swung open and two sets of feet entered my room.  I was both shocked and relieved to hear Addi's voice call my name. 

"Sirius?"  I stepped out from my hiding place.  Addi was standing there, a small bag over her shoulder, with Lily.  I took a deep breath. 

"Is this Sirius's room?" Lily asked. They hadn't seen me yet.  Lily sounded both horrified and disgusted as she looked around my now empty room. 

"Yeah, horrible, isn't it?" Addi replied. I frowned. It wasn't that bad, really. 

"Hi."  Addi's gaze flitted over my face and I knew there had to be a bruise there. My sides ached, but I ignored the pain. 

"Grandfather says get your things.  He's not pleased with you, Sirius."  Addi warned me. 

"Is he ever?" I asked, reaching under the bed and pulling out my wand, pictures, and my book.  Addi offered me her bag and I dumped them inside.  Lily frowned deeply. 

"My Dad is waiting downstairs.  Come on then." We made our way down the stairs, where I passed my grandmother who gave me a disgusted look.   I could hear shouting from downstairs. My grandfather was yelling about something.  As we came down the front stairs, I saw him standing in the hall, furiously waving his arms about and shouting at a tall older man with red hair, Lily's hair.  That must be her Dad, I thought. They stopped speaking as we came down.  My grandfather glared at the man but approached me and, grabbing my shirt, shoved me hard against the wall. 

"What have I told you about brining your kind here?" he hissed. I glared back. 

"They're not my kind. They're muggle's, like you."  He slammed me against the wall again. 

"What did you call me?" He didn't bother to lower his voice this time. 

"A muggle. It means non-magic. That's what you are, aren't you?"  I felt his hand clench as if he was just dying to wrap his hands around my neck and squeeze, but he dropped me. In a flash I had grabbed a hold of Addi and Lily and we were out the door and down the steps.  Mr. Evans came down after us and Lily introduced us. I gave him my best smile. He seemed to genuinely like me and expressed concern  over my grandfather's treatment. 

"He shoves me around a bit, but nothing too bad." I told him. "He just doesn't like magic." 

"Sounds a bit like Petunia." He said over his shoulder.  I must have looked confused because Lily turned around to grin at us. 

"Petunia's my older sister. She's as muggle as you can get and hates magic. She hates me too."  Mr. Evans gave Lily a look and I had a feeling they'd had this conversation before. 

"Now Lily, Petunia doesn't hate you. She just feels a bit, well, jealous, is all.  You go to school, you can do magic. Why, I'm jealous half the time!"  he grinned. 

"Yes, but you don't call me a freak, now do you?" she returned. I sighed. I knew the feeling very well. Surprisingly, it took less than half an hour to reach Lily's, though it was in a very different setting from Black Manor. Their small stone house was nestled in the woods just a bit, away from the noise of the rest of the neighborhood.  There was a small garden, charming as English gardens are, and smelling of something sweet.  Mrs. Evan's stood outside to welcome us. She was blond with the same bright green eyes as Lily.  A bit on the plump side, but that only added to her appeal.  She gave Lily a tight hug as soon as she was out for the car. Then she pulled both Addi and me into a hug as well. I was a bit surprised. I hadn't even met this woman yet and she was hugging me like her own son.  When she let me go, she smiled down at me. 

"Mr. Sirius Black.  After all this time, I finally get to meet you.  Whenever Lily comes home it's James this, Sirius that, why, you and your friends are all she talks about. Especially that James." She winked at me as Lily groaned. 

"Mum!"  

"Oh dear, mustn't embarrass Lily now.  Perhaps I shouldn't say another word. " I grinned and turned to glance at Lily, reveling my bruised left cheek as I did so.  Mrs. Evans gasped and   turned my chin towards her to get a better look.   
"My that is a nasty bruise. What happened?" 

"Wrecked my bike." I told her, praying it would fool her. It seemed to work and she smiled and pulled me inside. 

"Come on in, I have some ice you can put on it to stop the swelling,"   

I entered the Evans home and smiled. It had that wonderful feeling of normalcy I'd grown up under.   Mrs. Evans led me to the kitchen where she put several ice cubes in a rag then placed it on my cheek. 

"Hold that there for a few minutes." It was icy cold, but when Lily and Addi entered in a few minutes, they were smiling and giggling and I felt safe once again. 

Lily, Addi, and Erin's friendship was an odd thing. It was much like Addi and Remus's relationship.  Although she did not go to our school, Addi spent most of her vacation with my friends.   Several times, she had gone to Remus's without me.  She, Lily, and Erin seemed to be best of friends whenever they were together.  It would be as if they had never been apart. 

I had asked her once or twice why she never went to her friends over the summer. 

"I get to see them all year," she replied," I only get to see Lily, Erin, James and Remus, in the summer." 

We sat around the table, while Mrs. Evans served us breakfast.  She was an excellent cook.  As good as magic food is, there is something about a home cooked meal that just makes it all worth it. She piled our plates with sausage, bacon, toast, and many other things. I ate as much as I could and was on my third plate when a tall bony blond with a frown on her face, entered the kitchen.   She gave Addi and I surprised looks as if she didn't know we were coming, which, I suppose, she didn't. 

"Good morning, Petunia."  Mrs. Evans said. "You're just in time for breakfast."  The girl, Petunia, sat down across form me and glared at Lily when she said good morning. 

"Sleep well?" 

"Hardly.  I heard the phone ring late last night and then you insisted on talking to Mum and Dad for an hour.  It's a wonder I even got back to sleep."  I glanced at my food, feeling a bit embarrassed.   Now I was mentally hitting myself for panicking and calling Lily.  But I couldn't go back now.   It was the second time I had run away that summer. 

Lily must have seen my face and guessed what I was thinking, because she put her arms around me and gave me a quick hug. 

"Don't worry." She whispered, "I'm glad you called."  I smiled a bit weakly and she grinned back. 

"Who are you then?" Petunia asked Addi who was sitting on her right. Addi frowned at her. 

"Petunia, this is Adhara Black and her brother, Sirius Black.  They're here for a bit, so you'd better be nice." Lily warned her. " If Sirius here doesn't like you, he can make your life miserable."  I grinned evilly. 

"Pleased to meet you, Miss Evans." I said, doing a mock bow at Petunia.  She decided to skip breakfast that morning. 

After we'd eaten our fill, we were led up to the guest bedroom.  It was small, though nicely furnished.  It was colored in a pleasant  \soft blue, complete with curtains and  an open window. 

"You and the boys will be sleeping in here.  Addi and Erin will be in my room." Lily said. 

"Remus, James and Peter are coming?"  I asked, turning around to look at her. She nodded. 

"I had sent the owl yesterday.   You just didn't get it in time.  I was actually going to invite you anyway for a week or two, but now that you're here, it saves us all a bit of trouble, doesn't it?" she said. I nodded. 

            The rest of vacation passed quickly. James, Remus, Erin, and Peter did come as planned. They said nothing, but I noticed James giving me strange looks. I remember one night, walking out of my room and finding them all talking about me. 

            As I listened to them worry, my fear grew. What if they knew about what was happening? What would happen then? I couldn't keep this up for long. 

            But as usual, it faded with my bruises and when Mrs. Evans dropped us off at the train station, I had almost never been more ready to go home. 


	20. Mistakes

**Chapter 28: A Fatal Mistake. **

By the time the first day of school rolled around, we'd already made plans to go with Remus and his family to lower Scotland the next summer. We could hardly wait. However, it was not to be. 

It was the first week. It was the day of the full moon. We weren't planning to go out with Remus because of all our homework. Our class was potions. Snape was being a real ass, teasing Remus about being poor and sick all the time. Remus took it as long as he could but he just wasn't up to it today. He walked out in the middle of class, saying he felt sick.

"Where's your little friend gone now, Black? Off to see his mummy?" He sneered as we left potions.

"Mind your on business, Snape."

"Make me. Tell me what you and your little friends like so much about that big tree outside."

"Why should I?"

"Oh, no reason. Just that it's probably where you two go to cry and whine like the orphaned little babies you are."  In that instant, I wanted to kill him. I simply, for that moment, simply wanted him dead.  And so I curled my lip up in a sneer and said the fatal words. 

"Well, why don't you press the knot on the Whomping Willow and find out what's inside."  Snape looked at me confused, and I turned on my heel and walked down the hall.  I could hear James and Peter behind me. 

"Do you know what you just did?" James grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. I glared at him. James stared at me, then drew back. 

"You really want him to, don't you?"  I only smiled.  Then I turned and marched to our next class.  

"Sirius!"  I ignored James's voice.  I took my seat in History of Magic and leaned back for a nice long nap.  James and Peter came into class, both taking places on either side of me.  All through class, James kept shooting me glances.  I ignored him. 

After dinner, I walked back up to the common room.  James followed me and when I dropped my books onto the table, he dumped his too.  Then he sat down. 

"Sirius, what you said, you know how much trouble you'll get into?"  he gave me a look. 

I shrugged. "I really don't care, James. I am sick and tired of his  torturing and it would the whole world a favor if he popped his clogs."  I said. 

"You really think that?" he asked. I nodded.  He shook his head. 

"I don't know, Padfoot. I don't know."  Neither did I, so we commenced into our homework silently. 

 But I couldn't concentrate. I was seated by the window that looked out at the whomping willow. I couldn't help thinking about Moony and how lonely he would be without the other marauders. I glanced out the window at the tree, and to my horror and this disgusted me a bit later, to my relief, I saw a dark shape making it's way across the grounds. 

"Sirius? What is it?" James asked. I didn't answer so he leaned over and watched. His eyes widened. We watched as the figure picked up a branch and prodded the knot that froze the tree. A beam of moonlight lighted the figures face as he turned and looked up at the castle.

"Oh God, its Snape." We both stared. Then James jumped into leader mode. " Sirius, go get Professor Dumbledore. Tell him Snape is going in the tunnel. And Remus is down there." We bolted out the door turning and down the staircase, he going down and I going up.

I ran for the secret entrance to his office. I said the magic words, licorice and ran up the stairs. He was seated at his desk talking to Professor McGonagall. They looked up when I entered.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" He asked his blue eyes sparkling.

"Snape, in the tree, Remus is there." I panted. His grin faded and he got up and followed me out the door. I was surprised at how fast he could run. When we got to the tree however, Snape was sitting on the ground glaring at James who was leaning against a rock gasping for breath. He was bleeding. Without a word we were all led back up to Dumbledore's now empty office. 

He sat us down. " Now who wants to tell me what three students are doing out of their common rooms this late. And in a place you should not be."

"Sir, they tried to kill me. Remus Lupin is a werewolf. They sent me down to a werewolf!" Snape pointed at us. We didn't say anything. 

"Boys?" Guilt flooded through me. Remus and James were going to get in trouble because of my big mouth. 

" Please sir, it's my fault. He was saying some thing and I just got so mad I just blurted it out. I didn't mean it, and I didn't think he'd really go down there. James didn't know anything about it. He went to get him out. He doesn't deserve to get in trouble." I told him. Yes, it was partly a lie, and partly truth. But what was I really to say?   Yeah, sir. I wanted him dead so I told him how to get down there? No. 

He thought for a while and nodded. " Mr. Snape, this is not your fault." He looked smug. " But as you were out of bed I will have to give you one detention. And I must ask you not to breathe a word about what you have seen, or I will be forced to expel you. You may go." Snape got up and left scowling

"Sirius, I must say I am very disappointed in you. I expected better from Orion and Fiona's son. But I do know that we all say things we don't mean to say. And I know you feel truly sorry for this. Guilt is often the greatest punishment. Therefore you will receive one detention." James smiled at me. That wasn't so bad. I had been worried we would be expelled. " And 10 points for Gryffindor."

We stared. "But why sir? I started this whole thing."

" For honesty. You came and got me. You were willing to risk of getting expelled to warn me. To save an enemy. And from what I have seen you are a good friend and Remus is lucky to have you. Just try to keep your temper in check, although I believe what I ask is impossible." We grinned.

"One more thing, I assume form this you know of Mr. Lupin's condition."

"We don't think of it as a condition sir. More like a minor setback." James told him. He smiled.

"Yes, sir. We figured it out our first year."

"I knew you would. You are too bright to fool. Now Sirius, go on to bed. I still need to talk to James." I didn't protest but I waited for James outside. When he came out, he was grinning.

"I got 100 points for us. He said I showed real bravery and nobility going after him at the risk of my own life. I just didn't want him to get hurt."

"Why not? He hates you. He would have let you go in there and laughed."

"I don't know. Partly Remus. He would know he killed some one. And also I couldn't live with myself knowing I let some one die. But something else. As much as I hate him I couldn't let him get hurt. I just couldn't." 

"That's why you're the brave and noble one remember?" He smiled. We were quite for a moment thinking of what had almost happened. Then we went to bed.

Needless to say, Remus wasn't very happy with us in the morning. But to our surprise and relief Snape said or did nothing for the entire year. Personally, I thought it a shame that Remus hadn't done him in, but I didn't want a guilt like that on my friend.  Still, the Whomping Willow could have finished him off. 

Remus, for the first time in his life, got mad at me. I mean furious. We didn't speak for over two weeks. James had to play peacekeeper, a role he was very unused to. But then when I refused to apologize, James became furious with me, and all out war ensued. 

"Fine! Then forget next summer! You can stay at your grandparents and rot for all I care!" Remus shouted when I refused to apologize.  For an instant, I stared at him.  He didn't mean it, did he?  He couldn't, but the look in his eyes told me he did.  I fought to control my face and got up slowly. 

"Fine."  I said, managing to get my voice under control.  Remus looked worried, like he wanted to take back what he'd said, but I turned and left.  

Outside, I leaned against the wall.  How could this have happened?  My friends were my lifelines outside of school. If they were snapped, I'd have nothing. Nothing that kept me from giving in to being exactly like the man I hated most of all, my grandfather. 

Instead of playing pranks on Snape, or the teachers, we became our own victims.  We did everything possibly imaginable to each other. James even broke my leg by stealing a bat and sending a bludger after me in a game.  I managed to send one back and it broke his nose.

But as the weeks went by, it got to the point where we both were sick of it, but too proud to admit we were wrong.  Remus had even snapped at James and now they weren't speaking. Peter had to play messenger to all three of us, and rather liked the role, I think. 

The next full moon, Remus left the common room, not saying anything to any of us. 

I glanced at James and to my surprise, he looked back. For the first time in almost a month, we exchanged a long knowing look, full of things neither could say.  I beckoned to Peter and James went up to the dorm.  Peter and I climbed up the steps.   James was waiting, the invisibility cloak in his hands.  He held it up and Peter and I both nodded.  James threw it over us and we quietly made our way down the steps and out the door.  We all slipped down to the whomping willow.  Peter changed and we slipped through the passageway.  

As we crawled along it, we could hear growling from the house. We   stepped into the old shack and I found a werewolf staring at me.  Instantly, I held up a hand to warn James and Peter, and I changed. Remus stared and understanding blossomed in his face. James and Peter had already changed and they sat down.  We all down in front of the fire, glancing at each other.  No one spoke and we sat in silence the whole night.  Finally we fell asleep by the fire.  The next morning, when we awoke, a kind of peace settled over everything. 

I awoke to find myself in my usually position, between James and Remus, both still sleeping, Peter resting on James's back.   I glanced at the fireplace and the mirror above it. We were reflected in it.  The four Marauders. I sighed, rolled over and went back to sleep. 

I was nudged awake by Remus, now back in human form.  I stretched and then changed back. I saw James and Peter had already done so.  No one spoke. No one needed to.  Remus and I stared at each other for a long time. Then, slowly, he put out his hand. I smiled and took it, pulling him into a hug.  Then James said the only words spoken that whole time. 

"Group hug!"  and he attacked us.  Peter joined in and soon we were rolling on the floor, laughing and shouting.  People must have found it strange when we entered the Great Hall, having completely missed breakfast, not to mention two classes and laughing, joking, and acting as if we hadn't been angry for a month. Snape looked horrified. 

The rest of sixth year passed uneventfully. Or as uneventfully as you can get with the marauders.  Oh yes, and Remus came up with a little motto for us,

 Together forever, never apart. Maybe in distance, but never at heart. 

 It's written on James's grave, I'm told.


	21. The Last Straw

Chapter 29:  The Last Straw. 

School ended and we returned to our homes. I had not been back a week when things began to get worse at home. Getting beaten now was a daily event. I don't know what he was trying to do with it all, but it hurt a lot.  Then he began to start in on Addi. 

I didn't mind as much when he hit me.  I could just shut it off, and pretend I was somewhere else. But it was worse when he made Addi watch.  Then it was always worse.  He would  make her watch and then make me watch. Then when he was satisfied, he would leave us there, letting us make our own way up the stairs and to our rooms where he would lock us in for the night. But one night, late in June, he went too far. 

 I was sitting on my bed, reading a letter I had just gotten from Remus, asking me and Addi to come visit.  I was not supposed to have any contact with the magic world over the summer and so he would be furious if he knew I was writing. Lily, whose parents were muggles and knew how to understand phones, usually made the calls and invited us.  My grandfather was unaware that Lily was a witch. He simply thought she was one of Addi's friends from school. 

So I was sitting on my bed, when I heard footsteps and angry voices.   They were heavy, mounting the stars quickly.  I did the only thing I could and shoved the letter under my mattress just as the door burst open.  

Grandfather was standing there, his eyes burning and looking to kill. He seized my collar and dragged me to my feet.   He pulled me down the stairs, not even bothering to stop and let me get my balance.  When we got to the main staircase, I guess he thought pulling me was taking too long and he shoved me.  I lost my balance and tumbled to the bottom. 

Luckily, I was unhurt, for the moment.  I saw Addi standing in the doorway to the office, her eyes wide and scared.  I got to my feet just in time for Grandfather to take my collar again and push me towards Addi.  I stumbled, and then regained my balance and Addi rushed to help me. 

"What did I do this time?" I asked, sarcasm dripping from my voice.  He slapped me and held up a letter. Throwing it at me, I picked it up and opened it. 

Dear Mr. Black 

**_Your grandson, Sirius, had been nominated for a scholarship to the Magical School for the Trainers of Aurors.  This is a vary rare scholarship, given out to only the very best.  It involves very rigorous training, and experiences needed in these coming dark times.  Brave talented souls are needed now more than ever to join in the fight against the Dark Arts.  Among all the students at Hogwarts, only a precious few are selected as aurors, and your grandson fits all our requirements. We would be thrilled to see him next year after he graduates. _**

**_Yours truly_**

Leea Morgansmooth 

**_Head of Department of Magical Scholarships and Funds. _**

In spite of myself, I grinned.  I had done it. I had earned myself a scholarship.  I had wanted to be an auror ever since my career interview in fifth year. I guess it was part of that whole revenge thing.  If I was an auror, I could help track down the man who killed my parents. 

But suddenly, the brief smile was slapped off my face.  Grandfather was standing there glaring. 

"So you think it's funny?"

"No, I'm glad.  I've been wanting this for the longest time." I told him, truthfully.  He seemed to explode. 

"No grandson of mine is going to become one of those, those" he couldn't bring himself to say the word. He tore the letter out of my hands and slapped me again. Then he shoved me backwards. I tripped over an overturned chair and tumbled to the floor.   Once I was on the ground, he kicked hard. Again and again, he kicked until I could barely move. 

"That is the last straw.  You are never going back to that thing they dare call a school!  I should have pulled you out the moment I got my hands on you!  You are nothing but a filthy mudblood who killed his own parents!"  

My eyes snapped open.  Unknowingly, he had just called me a mudblood, and that made me mad. I was just fed up. He had torn me from my friends, my school, my home and he had  stolen from my sister and me. He had stolen too much.  He was not going to deny me my future. No.  I got to my feet, breathing hard.  It hurt to breath.   

I only shook my head. "You don't know anything, do you?  You have no idea about anything."  I was getting very mad, my temper boiling. 

"Get out of my way, you foolish little boy." He shoved me hard against the wall, and I knew I heard something crack. 

"No! Sirius!" Addi cried. As she hurried to my side, grandfather seized her and threw her. She flew across the hall, her head impacting hard with the wall. 

"You are not going to start now too, are you? I always thought you were smarter than that, girl." And he slapped her.  My temper that had been brewing finally snapped. 

"Don't you touch her." I growled, hold my bruised side in support.  

"Now don't tell me you're getting delusions of grandeur in your head too, boy." 

"Fine then, I won't. But don't touch her again."  He sneered. In that second, he reminded me of Snape. 

Then he reached down and pulled her to her feet. Addi stared at him with large frightened eyes.  With one hard slap, he sent her back to the floor. 

In one second, I held out my hand and pulled out my wand I had hidden in my pocket. I pointed it straight at him. 

"I said, don't touch her."  He froze, staring in fear at my wand. Addi scrambled to her feet and dove behind me.  My grandmother chose that moment to appear. 

"Taurus, do you know- oh my!" she started at seeing me holding my grandfather off with my wand. "What is going on?" no one said anything.  It was getting very hard to breath now. Every breath was painful, and I was clutching the wand hard, in a vain attempt to stop the pain.

Suddenly, a flash of hot white light burned across my vision and my chest burned for a moment.  I stood, immobile for a moment, unable to stand the pain. Grandfather took that opportunely to disarm me.  He twisted my arm back so far I heard it pop. A burning now shot up my arm. 

 Then he dropped me again. I heard Addi cry out in pain. Struggling to get to my feet, I saw through blurred vision, my grandfather approach me. I felt rather than saw him wrap his hands around my throat and tighten.  Things dimmed, then I felt him lighten up a bit. He took one hand off.  Then I heard Addi scream. 

" Sirius!"  I looked up and for one horrifying instant, I saw what she saw.  My grandfather had let go, not to release me, but to grab the nearest heavy object. He had decided on a fireplace poker.  I saw him raise it high, and then he brought it down swiftly.   A wash of pain swept over me and a suffocating darkness overtook me. 

 I awoke on the floor of my room. How I'd gotten there, I didn't know. I climbed onto the bed, unable to breath or bear the pain in my arm and chest. My throat felt raw and sore. I touched my head, which was pounding.  There was something sticky there, blood.  I winced.    Slowly, I managed to tear strip of cloth from one of my robes and wrap it around my arm, like a brace. Glancing in the mirror, I winced. My face was covered with bruises, and cuts.  My throat was red and there were two huge bruises on it, in the shape of handprints.  My hair was sticking together and the blood had dried, though it still seems to be a bit damp.  

Quietly, I gathered my things and put them in my trunk, trying to keep my hands from shaking as I did so.  I tapped my trunk with my wand and it shrank until I could easily fit it into my pocket. I no longer cared about the laws for underage magic; I simply knew I had to get out of there.  

Once it was dark, I climbed out onto my roof. Taking one last glance around, I climbed on my broom, the one James's mother and father had given me last Christmas to replace the one lost in the fire, and jumped off the roof into the air.  Flying quietly down to Addi's room, I hovered outside her window and knocked.  She answered it, amazed. 

"Siri, what are you doing?"

"We're getting out of here tonight.  Get your stuff." My voice was hoarse too. 

"But it won't fit." She said, eyeing the broom. 

"Yes it will. I already have my things. I can just cast a spell on it." she gazed at me. 

"But you aren't allowed to cast spells over the holidays." 

"Addi, I think they may let us go on this one. It's an emergency."  She nodded and spent a few minutes gathering her things. I added them to mine and she climbed on behind me and we flew off into the night. Well, down to the garage anyway. I wasn't about to leave Dad's motorbike in the hands of a great git like my grandfather, now was I?  I slipped off my broom and shrunk it too, taking care to wrap it in a scrap of cloth before tucking it into my pocket along with our belongings.  Then I kicked the engines and my faithful bike sped off into the night. Once I was out of sight of the mansion, I flipped the switches and we rose into the air, invisible. Addi's grip tightened, making me wince. But I drove on. Now I had to think. 

As we dove around the countryside, I thought next about where to go.  James's was my first thought. But wasn't he visiting relatives? Besides, I'd gone there last time. Grandfather knew about that hiding pace now. So that escape route was out. Lily's, no, too close to home, besides Lily's parents were muggles, and her sister was hardly better than my grandfather. No, we needed a wizard's home. Remus's.  I glanced at the moon. It was almost full.  Did I really want to burden him with this just before the full moon?  I turned slightly south, deciding to head for our old house, when Addi groaned.  

"What?" she shook her head.

"It's nothing. Just my side hurts. I think I bruised a rib." I nodded.  No, she needed a doctor, and truth be told, so did I.  My side burned every time the bike moved and my arm ached and my throat was still sore. Not to mention my head which was pounding and making any kind of thinking very difficult.  Moony's it was then. 

Unfortunately, Remus lived deep in the woods of Wales. It would take more than a day to get there, even on a flying motorbike, especially in the condition I was in now. If I could apperate, I would have, but I wasn't sure how. Besides, there was no way I cold have even attempted it with my body in the state that it was in. 

My head pounded. After only an hour, I had to put the bike down or we'd be in danger of crashing.  I was drifting between dizziness and fainting.  But from what I knew before, several matches in which I'd been hit on the head with a bludger, that falling asleep weren't an option.  If I did have a concussion, which I was very sure I did, I could never wake up. So I told Addi to rest, while I sat up.  After about an hour, I woke her up, though I don't think she was ever sleeping.  Then we set off again. I couldn't do more than an hour or two at a time, so our journey went in a stop, start motion. It took us almost two days. 

Finally, we landed at the Lupin's village.  Their house was on the outskirts of the town, separated by a thick grove of trees. I was so tired, having barely spelt, so ready to lay my head down and sleep for as long as I could.  My head was hurting and my vision both blurred and dimmed constantly.  But I kept going. I pulled my motorbike up their driveway. I saw Remus come out of the house, an owl on his shoulders. He lifted it up and sent it on its way, a letter tied securely to his leg. He looked pale and tired, but alright. His face lit up when he saw us. 

He ran quickly over. Addi pulled off her helmet and almost fell into his arms.  I was reluctant to take off my helmet. I'd seen the condition of my head two days ago, and these last days on the road couldn't have improved it.  I swung my legs over and   I meant to get up. But a wave of dizziness rushed over me and my knees wouldn't work. Remus slipped an arm under my and helped me slid down, leaning against my bike. 

"Mum! Dad! Come quick!" he shouted. He helped me pull off my helmet and he saw my wounded head. 

"Dear God, Sirius! What happened?" I shook my head. The world swam. 

"I'm fine. Addi needs a doctor." I mumbled. 

"Addi needs a doctor? Have you seen yourself?"   He asked, disbelieving. 

"Oh my God!" I heard Mrs. Lupin's voice. Then she appeared, Mr. Lupin soon after her. 

"Sirius, what happened?" I could barely talk now, let alone breathe.  Things were beginning to get distant. 

"It was our grandfather.  He went mad."  Addi told them.  Remus gave a very good growl, and I felt myself being lifted and carried up to the house.  I glanced back and saw Remus carrying Addi.  We were taken to the guest bedroom on the ground floor, where Mr. Lupin conjured another bed and we lay side by side. 

Once inside, Mrs. Lupin called the village doctor. While we waited, Mrs. Lupin fed us and gave me something for my sore throat. It helped a lot and by the time Remus returned with more blankets, my sore throat was gone, but it still ached like any bruise. The doctor arrived fast and was astonished at the extent of our injuries.

 As he bandaged us, he asked.  "How on earth did you get from Surry to Radnorshire?" 

"Flew." I told him, hoarsely. 

"You flew? All the way? Sirius, you idiot!" Remus groaned. I said nothing. I was too tired. 

"Now, no shouting. It will only aggravate those ribs." The doctor stood up.  "That should do it.  The girl had a few bruised bones, some facial bruising, but nothing permanent. Keep her laying down though; I don't want those ribs getting irritated.  Same thing for the boy, only he'll have to rest for a bit longer. He's got at least three bruised ribs and at least two broken ones.  Not to mention a dislocated shoulder. And the flight only made them both worse. But what worries me also, is the amount of bruises and cuts. Especially on Mr. Black.  It looks like you got beaten very badly.  Look here," he said, pointing to my neck. "Someone even attempted to strangle him. Not to mention that head wound. Minor concussion, but it had to be a strong blow."  Remus stared at me in horror, while Mr. and Mrs. Lupin whispered franticly.  

"Addi, right?" I heard him say to my sister. 

"Yeah." 

"Addi, can you tell me what happened to you and your brother?" 

'My grandfather. I dunno why. Siri got a letter, and it made him mad. So mad, he slapped him and then started kicking him.  I tried to stop him and then he went after me.  Sirius pulled his wand on him and he stopped. But  Siri lost  his concentration and Grandfather went after him.  He went crazy and tried to kill Sirius.  Threw me out of the way when I tried to stop him.  He was strangling him, but then he picked up an iron poker." Addi paused. 

"Go on." I saw Remus squeeze her hand.  

"He hit Sirius with the poker and Sirius just sort of collapsed.  Then he left.  I pulled Sirius up to his room, but then my grandmother found me and took me back to mine and locked me in."

"Thank you.  You can sleep now." 

"But they will be alright?" Remus asked. The doctor smiled. 

"With time and care, they will be just fine and you boys can go back to terrorizing our poor little community again."  But he took Mr. Lupin aside. 

As I have mentioned before, as a lingering effect of the animagus potion, each of our senses have been changed or heightened in some way.  In my case, my sense of hearing and smell more than doubled. And so I found it very easy to hear low voices. 

"Chris, I think it would be in the best interests of these kids if you contacted Magical Children's Services. There is no way in hell I'd ever let  these kids go back to where they came from."  Mr. Lupin nodded. The words children's service stuck out in my mind. They were the people who came and took you from your family. I knew that. 

Once, a lady from the muggle children's service came to talk to an old friend of mine.  She took him home and the next I'd heard, he and his three sisters were sent to four different homes. I have no idea why and at the time, I was too young to ask.  

"Both wizards, right?" the doctor asked, bending over to  press a bandage onto my  wounded head. I winced and managed to reply hoarse, " Addi's not."  That made a frown crosses the doctor's face. 

"What?" Remus asked. 

Mr. Lupin was also frowning.  "Well, Remus, usually  muggle and wizarding foster families don't take in kids that aren't their kind."

"What?" Remus asked voicing my thoughts. 

"I mean it's a good chance that Sirius and Addi might be split up."

"No!" I tried to sit up, but Remus forced me back down.  Mr. Lupin hurried over. 

"What is it?" 

"You can't.  You can't call.  I'm not  leaving her." Somehow, he managed to understand what I was talking about. 

"No one is going to do anything right now. We'll wait till we can get a full report on how you are, then we'll decide. Not before, I'll see to that. But what your grandfather did  is wrong, not to mention illegal and  harmful to you.  He needs to be punished and you need to be safe from him.  Can you understand why I need to contract them?"  Slowly, I nodded. 

And he left. Mrs. Lupin took Addi out of the room to get changed and bandage her up.   I was tired, so tired. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and sleep forever.  And so I did. 

When I opened my eyes next, Remus was frowning over me. Addi was wake and   allowing Mrs. Lupin to help her eat a small bowl of soup.  My stomach did flip-flops at the sight for food and I winced and looked away.  I was debated going back to sleep when Remus spoke. 

"Alright, Padfoot. You are going to tell me everything right now."  Remus had that no fooling around tone. I sighed. 

"Moony, can't it wait? Please? I'm so tired." Remus looked doubtful. He glanced at his parents. Mr. Lupin sighed and sat down. 

"Sirius, the reason we need to know now is in case your grandfather comes looking for you." My eyes widened. 

"He wouldn't do that, would he?"  Mr. Lupin shrugged.

"I don't know. But he might get scared when he finds you gone. People do crazy things when they get scared." He put his arm around Remus and Remus glanced at him. Then he turned back to me. 

"Alright." I sighed. 

"First of all, is this the first time he's hit you, or has this been going on for a while?" I shook my head. 

"He's been hitting me ever since we moved there.  Sometimes he hits Addi, but it's mostly just me.  He only goes after her if she tries to defend me." 

"And this time?" 

"Well, I got a letter in the mail, saying that I had qualified for a scholarship to the Magical School for the Trainers of Aurors.   I was happy about it, but grandfather wasn't. He went mad, kicking me, and then going after Addi.  Then I don't know, something in me just snapped. I pulled my wand on him."  Remus gasped.  I shrugged and winced. "Then my grandmother came in. I got distracted and he managed to get his hands around my neck. For one second he let go, and then I guess he hit me with the poker. I don't remember. I think I passed out, cause next thing I knew I was back in my room.    I hid my stuff and got my broom. Then I flew down, picked Addi up, got my bike and we ended up here." By this time my throat was hoarse, and my head was pounding again. 

"Don't worry." Mr. Lupin assured me.  Then he left, leaving me alone with Remus.  He sighed. 

"Sirius, why didn't you tell us?"  I shook my head. Then I winced, bad idea Black. 

"I couldn't, Moony. I just couldn't."

"But why not? You are my best friend.  If someone was doing this to you, then you need to get away from them!  Sirius!" I laid my head back. God, I was so tired. I did not want to talk now, but I could see I wasn't going anywhere until Remus got his answers. 

"I don't know, Moony. I don't know." I sighed. 

"Sirius, I want, we need you to tell us these things.  Let me guess, that's why you showed up at my house a few years ago with a broken arm?" I nodded. I was too tired to talk anyway. 

"And why you almost never write in the summer." Again I nodded.  Remus sighed. 

"But what I don't understand is why, Padfoot? Why didn't you tell us? He tried to kill you, Padfoot!"

"Because, Moony. I don't need your pity. I can handle it myself." My voice was harsh. I only wanted to be left alone. 

Remus glared at me. I just wanted to be left alone, couldn't he see that? Couldn't he understand I just wanted to sleep?

"Sirius, this is not something you can handle by yourself.  This is not like an essay or a prank. This is your life we're talking about, not to mention Addi's.  What if he had killed you?  You would have died and we would never have known. Is that what you want?" his voice was low, angry, hurt. 

"No. But you don't understand."  I mumbled.  God, all I wanted to do was close my eyes. 

"Then tell me.  Tell me why he did this." Remus sat back. 

"Because he hates me." I mumbled. "He hates me for what I am." 

"And what are you?"   I winced. 

I shook my head. "I don't know, Moony." I was almost close to tears, but I wouldn't cry. Sirius Black never cried.  "At school, I get it because I'm half muggle. At home I get it because I'm half magic.  I'm not one and I'm not the other. " I looked imploringly at him." What am I? "

"You're Sirius Black, one of the best wizards ever to go to Hogwarts, Sirius Black the ultimate prankster, Sirius Black, one of the most popular guys in school, and you're Sirius Black, my best friend."  Remus told me. He grinned and for the first time since I'd gotten my letter, I smiled too. 

Then he got up, and made to leave me alone. But in the doorway, he turned. 

"By the way, I'm writing to the others. I think they deserve to know." I nodded, too tired to speak. "And, Sirius, I got a letter too."  When I looked up, he flashed me a smile and then turned off the light. I was out instantly. 

It was much later when I awoke.  I heard him in the other room. He was speaking to someone. I groaned inwardly when I heard it was James.  Then he passed the doorway again, in his pacing. He saw I was awake. 

"He's up." James followed him into the room. He said nothing but gazed at me,  horror written over all his features.  Remus  said down in the chair by my bed. 

"Feeling better?" I shook my head. "Here." He pouring something into a cup and helped me sit up to drink it. It was foul tasting and burned going down. 

"It may not taste good, but it works." He said, smiling at my disgusted face. "Addi just had to take hers and she almost threw it back up." He said, nodding at my sister who was sleeping across the room. 

  James was slowly approaching the bed. He had plastered a smile on his face, but he couldn't fool me.  I shivered and pulled the blanket closer around me. He pulled up a chair beside Remus. 

"Hey Padfoot. How are you?" I nodded. 

"Alright."  James frowned and looked as if he were bursting to ask me something, but was forcing himself to stay silent.  I was thankful. 

"So, Sirius…" James began. He seemed at a loss for words.  Then he shook his head.  "Why didn't you tell us?" the words came ripping out of his mouth and I winced at the sound of them.  Remus frowned disapprovingly, but James's gaze was fixed on me. 

"I thought I could do it alone. I thought I could handle it." I whispered. "I was wrong, alright? Is that what you want to hear? I was wrong!" my voice rose with every word and I sat up a bit, the blanket slipping down, reveling the most obvious of my wounds.  

"That son of a bitch!" James muttered. I saw he'd seen my neck. He clenched his fist and Remus nodded.  Thankfully, now that my hair had been cleaned, the wound was harder to see, plus the bandage Mrs. Lupin had wrapped around it hid it all the more. 

I let out a small whimper and pulled the blanket back up, curled up as tight as my injuries would allow.  James sighed and ruffled my hair a bit.  

"I'm sorry, Padfoot." He said. I nodded, but closed my eyes.  I heard the scraping of a chair, then Remus's soft voice. 

"Come on, Prongs." Then they left.  About an hour later, James and Remus returned with the chessboard and they set up a game, much to the amusement of Addi and myself. 

Lily and Erin arrived a few hours later.  They burst into our room and stood motionless at the sight of Addi and me, and then Erin threw herself at me.  She pulled me close, crying softly. 

"I'm okay, Erin. I am, really."  Lily sat beside Addi's bed and  smiled at her as she woke up. Remus took her hand reassuringly.  James pulled Lily close, and frowned. I stroked Erin's long  hair with my free hand.  

Erin leaned up and kissed me softly. Then she reached up to  push my hair out my eyes. As she did, she saw my neck. She gasped. She gingerly reached out and touched the bandages around my head. I let out a hiss of pain. 

"Dear God, Sirius, what did he do to you?" 

"Nothing. It's fine. Really."  Then  Erin glared. It was the first and only time she ever truly got mad. 

"It's not nothing! If it weren't nothing, you wouldn't be in that bed!  Don't you try and be brave and strong now, Sirius!" I'd never seen her yell before. Neither had any of the others. 

"Erin?" 

"Why didn't you tell me, Sirius?  Why?" 

"I didn't want you to worry.  Besides, it never was a big deal. This is the first time it's been this bad."  I told her. 

"That's not true." Addi said, softly.  Everyone turned and looked at her. 

'He's been using illusion charms when he goes back to school so it never looks as bad as it really is. " Erin turned back to look at me.  I couldn't stand all their faces, staring at me, all asking the same question. Why hadn't I told? 

Why hadn't I?  I didn't know. To this day, I still don't.  Why did I laugh when Peter framed me? I don't know. I never will. I turned away and closed my eyes. 

"Sirius?" James asked. 

"Let him sleep." Erin said. "Let him sleep one more night." They didn't ask me again. James, Lily, and Erin were furious with both Addi and me for not telling them. That much was obvious. But they waited a few days before giving me my full dues. James gave me a huge lecture on the dangers of what I'd done and the stupidity of my grandfather and how dare he try to kill his best friend! Then when he'd run out of steam, it was Lily's turn. I still cringe when I remember all she said to me.  Next was Erin's turn. She didn't shout, just sat there next to me and held me tight while she cried.  I hugged her back and no one said anything for a while. 

Peter, well, Peter didn't say much of anything.  He did look mad for me not telling them, but he didn't yell, or really say much at all. He seemed preoccupied with something.

When the social worker came the next day, we were placed in the living room and all my friends were banished to the upstairs. 

She was an older woman, forties or fifties.  With graying hair pulled back into a strict braid, and spectacles, she reminded me a great deal of Professor McGonagall.  She adjusted her spectacles, glared at us, and sat down. Mr. Lupin was then banished to the kitchen with the assurance that, "If you kids need anything, we'll be right outside."  I had no doubt my friends were also listening with an ear to the floor. 

"Well, let's get started, shall we?" the woman said.  "I am Mrs. Flammer and I am from the Children's Regulation.  Now tell me, what is your full name and how old are you?" 

"Sirius Lee Black. I'm 16." 

"Adhara Fiona Black, same." She nodded and wrote it down in her small black notebook. 

Then she looked up again. " Just how long has your grandfather been abusing you and what provoked the first attack?" 

I glanced at Addi.  She looked frightened and I sighed. 

"He's been going after us since our father died." 

"Which was when?"  Her voice was matter of fact and to the point. 

"Christmas, our third year."

"So three years."  I nodded and she wrote it down in her notebook. "Describe the first attack."  I did so as well as I could remember.  She wrote that down too.  She questioned us for almost an hour; about how often did he hit us, had he ever done anything else, whether we told anyone, countless questions. So many, my head was spinning by the time she'd finished.  Then she got up and called the Lupins in. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, I would strongly recommend that for now, we move the children to St. Mungo's.  From there, we will decide what to down with them.  There are two months until school. It is possible they may not need foster care, what with so little time until school begins. But if they do, they will be separated." then she marched out. Addi and I glanced at each other, looking still worried. Our fates had yet to be decided. Addi slipped her hand into mine and I held on tight.  Remus, James, Lily, Erin, and Peter all but tumbled into the room, begging to be told what she'd said. We told her and Remus pulled Addi close. Erin let me lay my head on her shoulder and she stroked my hair slowly, comforting me.  James watched, Lily in his lap.  Then he smiled. 

"At least you'll be in Diagon Alley. I can visit you." He reassured us.  

So we were taken to St. Mungo's. It was close enough to Diagon Alley that James could visit us every day, which he did.  I got daily letters from Remus, Lily, Erin, and Peter, all begging me to make a full recovery. 

After about two weeks and much to the relief of the staff, I was allowed to move into James's.  As time went by, I got my strength back, my bruises faded, but to my great annoyance neither James nor his mother would allow me to do very much.   I was restricted to my bed for the better part of June and the beginning of July. The only thing that really made me mad, was the doctor forbid any Quidditich until my arm had fully healed. 

Mrs. Potter took great delight in babying both Addi and I, and we enjoyed it as much as she did.  She made our favorite meals, took us out, and was more importantly, just there, ready to hold us and whisper in our ears that everything was going to be alright if we needed that. 

They arrested my grandfather and charged him with child abuse and neglect.  But I really did not want to have to deal with all that  legal  rubbish, so I did not press charges.  He was released, but told if he came near my sister, or me he'd be thrown in jail. I was  satisfied and so was he. He'd gotten rid of us, and we'd escaped him. Both parties were happy and I never heard from him again.   I can only imagine what he said when he heard about my arrest and imprisonment. 

As the years had passed, Voldemort was becoming more and more powerful.  Every day, you'd heard of new attacks, new disappearances, and new deaths. He was gaining followers and fast.  

A month after we left, Remus's father was killed.  He was a tester for some magical objects and something had gone wrong. There'd been an accident and he'd been killed.  It was a senseless and unexplainable death. It was a few weeks after I'd moved into James's house. We all returned to the Lupins for the funeral. I'll never forget the look on Remus's face when they lowered his father into the ground. 

We all went. Like I said, my father's was the first funeral I'd ever been to, but it wasn't to be my last. I've been to many since, too many.  Mrs. Lupin was sobbing as they lowered the coffin into the ground. Remus  comforted her, staring into space. My heart went out to him. I knew exactly what he was going through. 

When we returned to school, Remus put on a mask. Acting like nothing had happened, he continued to study and  play pranks with us. But when he was alone, or not busy, he would draw into his own little world. Many times, we found him, seated in the window,  gazing out at the sky. 

As they had done for me, my friends and I  slowly drew him out. It was like first year all over again.  And slowly but surely, Remus did come out.   By the end of that year,  things were almost back to normal.  


	22. Orphaned Again

**Chapter 30: Bonding.**

We spent the first few weeks of August with Remus, again, trying to comfort him and distract him. Then it was time to go home. 

"I feel awful keeping you kids here taking care of us," she told us  "You've got families too, and I'm sure they want you home.  I'm not keeping you here any longer." 

"Mrs. Lupin," I said, " I have my family. Right here." I motioned to my friends, all crowed around that kitchen table.  Remus looked like he was about to burst into tears at this and Addi   laid her head on his shoulder. 

His mother insisted on driving us the whole way, about a five-hour drive. While we insisted that we were almost 17, old enough to take the train, she wouldn't listen. We pulled up to James's house and got out. 

Neither James, Remus, or Mrs. Lupin saw it at first, but I did. A huge green skull flouted above his house, casting an eerie green light on us all. I knew what we would find inside. They tell me it was hanging above my own home then night the aurors came to find my mother laying sprawled in front of my crib, my father, too weak to move, reaching out to her cooling hand.  James laughed behind me and I felt some one bump into me, but I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't tear my eyes away from the horrible green that mocked my life. Remus noticed it then and his mother too.

 James was the last to see it, but when he did, he stood as if some one had preformed the full body bind on him. Then he ran toward the house. I followed close behind. The scene we found will stay burned into my mind forever along with James's own death.

 His parents lay side by side. His dad in front like he tried to protect his mum. They both had looks of shock and terror on their faces. I could only stare at the people who had been like parents to me. Mrs. Potter had been the only mother figure I had ever known. And Mr. Potter was so much like my own father they could have been brothers. For a while no one said anything, we only stared. James fell to his knees, unable to respond, even as the Ministry wizards came pouring into the house, asking questions and arguing with each other. The Minister's murder would surely be on the front of the Daily Prophet the next morning, but James and I didn't care. We only watched as an auror covered Mrs. Potter with a sheet and they carried the bodies out the door, the second set of parents I had lost. 

There was nowhere else for the two of us to go, but the Lupins. I had no other living relatives, besides my grandparents, and there was no way I was going back there. James, it seemed, was in the same situation. I had always assumed he had cousins or aunts or uncles, but it seemed they were all either dead or in Australia. So we moved into the Lupin's spare bedroom. 

James was heartbroken.  It was obvious. Though I'd taken it hard too, James was in constant pain. I'd already lost my own parents; he'd never so much as had a pet die. He cried at night and refused to eat.  He barely talked. We became so concerned, we  phoned Lily and  begged her to come. She did come as soon as she could.  Lily's arrival soothed something in James, pulled him out of his misery, something only the presence of the fiery red hair and emerald green eyes could do. And little by little, James inched out of his shell. 

 A few weeks after the attack, James was beginning to feel better.  Though it was obvious he was still hurting, James began to talk more, to smile even. Lily felt he was good enough for her to return home, but ordered us to call her the instant James shifted.   

Then an official came and asked him to sort through his things at his home. He promised to get the few  items Addi and I had left there, and left, smiling.  We waited for him to return all that day and late into the night.  I awoke from where I'd been dozing on the couch when flames roared out of the fireplace. Addi raised her head from it's  comfortable position on Remus's shoulder just in time to see James step out, lugging a heavy suitcase. He was pale and I noticed his hands were shaking violently.  He didn't respond to our questions. He just  ignored us and made his way up too our room. 

After that, James didn't speak. He fell back into the habit of not eating and never speaking.  He spent hours staring off into space, not hearing us.  It was only a few days till school and so Lily was not able to come. Not even Diagon Alley was enough to help pull him out. We worried and did the best we could, but James refused to respond, or even tell us what had happened. Remus  believed it was simply seeing his old house and realizing his parents were dead.  I wasn't so sure.  There was something else.  I noticed a few times, James's gaze would turn on me and he'd stare at me for the amount for time I was in the room.  If I looked at him, he'd glanced at me, but turn away. And I'd see a glimpse of tears in his eyes, though he didn't cry either. That was the biggest difference. He never cried.

I spent more time alone, outside in the forest, or just sitting on the porch. Addi and Remus cold comfort each other enough and James wasn't responding to me. I was alone, and I hated that feeling. One night I was outside alone, when Mrs. Lupin came out

"Sirius, why don't you come on back inside? It's cold and there are werewolves in these woods."

"So? They don't scare me." She sat down next to me. 

" Are you alright? " She asked. I didn't answer. I just looked at the moon. Another two days and it would be full.

"Isn't the moon beautiful? " I asked. 

"Frankly I never thought so.  The moon has brought nothing but pain and fear to this family." She said with a cold eye on the beautiful moon.

"Really? It's been a turning point in my life. " We were quiet for a while.

"I'm sorry about the Potters." She said. They were empty words, but she couldn't help saying them. There was nothing else to say. 

"Me too." I glanced at her. "James is hurting more though. They were his parents."

"A great loss to the community, and to him." she sighed. "But it always helps to talk, to let your feelings out."

" So what, is this therapy?" She smiled.

"Something like that." She leaned over and put her arm around my shoulders, something Mrs. Potter used to do, something a mother would do. "You know Sirius, I wanted to thank you."

"For what?" 

"For being Remus's friend."

"Mrs. Lupin, Remus is my friend. Nothing can ever change that. I would die for him. I would die if it meant he would be okay for the rest of his life. In a heartbeat."

" That's what his friends in primary school said too. But they changed their minds."

"Why?" She didn't answer right away.

"Because Remus is different."

"What, just because he's a werewolf, he doesn't deserve to have  friends who would do anything for him?" I exploded. Mrs. Lupin stared at me. I realized Remus had never told his parents we knew about him. He obviously had never told them about our little 'adventures' every full moon. In fact the only grown up who knew was Mr. Potter. James had told him after the fact, of course

I grinned at him " Mrs. Lupin, we figured it out our second year.  We would never do anything to hurt him."

 She smiled. " You don't know how happy that makes me." He sighed and stared up at the moon. "Remus was never as happy as he is with you."

"We try."

"To tell you the truth, I would rather he ran around playing tricks on every single person he met with his friends, than spending all the time by himself, even if he was a genius."

"He's pretty smart anyway. Who do you think is the voice of caution in our group? Who do you think fine tunes all our plan and makes us study even when we don't want to? Who's the one you can talk to no matter what? Remus."

Mrs. Lupin smiled.  We watched the moon come up together.. From then on, Mrs. Lupin and I had a special bond. She had been there for me the summer before and she acted like the mother I'd never had, the mother I'd lost so recently, Mrs. Potter.  

She dropped us off on September first for our seventh and final year at Hogwarts.  James slept through the entire ride, his head on Lily's shoulder. 

Once we reached the school, I was taken aside by Professor McGonagall. "Sirius, I heard about what happened this summer." I nodded. "And if you receive anything from your grandparents, be it a note or a package, whatever, bring it straight to my office, do you understand?" Again, I nodded.  I saw her eye the slight bruise that still remained on my neck. She seemed to want to say something else, but then turned and shooed me off. 

Chapter 31: The Time is Now

To add an interesting twist to the sorrow that filled each passing day, Dumbledore mad an announcement at the Feast, presenting our greatest trial yet.  

Dumbledore stood up to make his customary speech, "I would like to announce that we have a new student with us this year. He is a seventh year from the states and I expect you to treat him as you would any other student." He gave the three of us  meaningful looks.  

Oddly though, none of us made any comments. James still wasn't talking and I felt to tired, to bored to attempt a stab at humor tonight. Besides, my biggest fan would never laugh. 

"May I present Mr. Gilderoy Lockhart." 

A boy, tall, with a head full of golden curls strode onto the stage. He flashed the school a grin, showing off a set of full white teeth.  Then he yanked the hat over his head and sat down, still grinning. The hat  waited a few minutes before calling out,  "Gryffindor." 

I inwardly groaned as he slid in beside Peter.  He grinned at us.  James eyed him and Remus gave him a smile. I raised my eyebrow at him.  As the noise rose and we dug into, he turned his charms on. 

"Hello,  my name's Gilderoy Lockhart.  And who, may I ask, are you?" he asked  Erin,  giving her the full effect of his smile.  I growled, and  slipped my arm around Erin's shoulders.  She  glanced up at me, but let me. 

"I'm Erin White." She said, politely. 

"And you, lovely lady?" he asked Lily. 

"Lily Evans." She said. "And this is my boyfriend, James Potter."  She stressed the word boyfriend and motioned to James who was staring at the newcomer with suspicion. 

"Oh, a pleasure to meet you." James did not look as if it were a pleasure in the slightest. In fact, he looked like he had trod on something slimy and was debating whether or not to scrape it off the bottom of his shoe. Lockhart did get the message, I suppose, and spent the next few minutes trying to chat up, Liliane Connelly, a sixth year and one of the chasers on the Quidditich team. 

"Sirius, would you pass the bread?" Lily  asked. I handed her the basket and as she took it, our hands touched.  For some reason a jolt of static electricity  shot through my hand to hers.  We jumped back, shocked and then smiled.  James hadn't noticed, he was listening to Remus about something I couldn't hear. 

Lockhart grinned. "If I were you, James, I'd keep a close eye on your girl." James turned back and glanced at Lily. She shrugged. 

"What are you talking about, Lockhart?"  she asked.  James cocked his head.

"Well, there seems to be a bit of electricity between your girl and  her friend." He pointed to Lily and me.  Lily and I,  stared at him, then each other, then back at him. Then we burst out laughing. 

"Lily and me?" I gasped, "Come on!  Never!" 

"Sirius is James's best friend! He'd never do that! Besides, he's already got Erin!"  Lily told him. Lockhart only smiled. 

"I can see the electricity between you. It's only a matter of time."  Erin shook her head and  pulled me closer. 

 I growled at Lockhart.  But soon, I was ignoring him and  discussing Quidditich  moves and  trying to explain them to Remus.  I was in the middle of a detailed  description of the Bludger Backbeat, a  move where  the beater sends the bludger in a backhand,  sending it behind them, when Lockhart spoke again. 

"Are you on the house team?" 

I nodded. 

"Beater. He's a chaser." I pointed to James. 

"I was a seeker in my old school. I dare say they'll want me on  my house team here.  I was rather good. Never lost a match." He told me, as if it were a secret. 

"We have a seeker." I said, pointing to  Lily. "And she's the best we've had so far."  Lockhart smiled. 

"Well,  as much as you don't want to  hurt your friends,  it would be better for the team if  you made the right decision."  

"It's not mine to make. James's  the captain."  Lockhart turned to talk to James who pointedly ignored him. 

When it was time to go to bed, we  wished the girls goodnight, then climbed the stairs to our room. To our horror, Lockhart was just setting up a full-length mirror by the fifth bed that had been added.  

"Oh wonderful, just what I always wanted, some pretty prat prancing about my dormroom!" I muttered. James gave me a small smile and Remus nudged me. 

"Hello, old chaps. Just getting set up."  He straightened and  checked his reflection. "How did you manage to survive six years without a mirror?"  he asked. 

"We have a mirror." Peter said, pointing to the  mirror hanging on the wall about Remus's  bedside table.  

"That?  That is no mirror." Lockhart looked as if we'd just told him we'd never heard of Quidditich. 

"It suits us."  Which was true.  All Remus and Peter ever needed was a quick brush and they looked fine.  I sometimes used it to  tame my long hair into some sort of  braid or tail. And James spent  several minutes every morning trying to force his hair to lay flat. It never worked, but he still tried. 

Lockhart shook his head.  We all went to our beds and began to get dressed. I pulled my  shirt over my head and winced as the still healing  ribs  reminded me they were still quite sensitive. 

"Good God! What happened to you?" Lockhart  gasped.  I turned to see him eyeing my   bruised  shoulders and back with wide eyes. 

"I got it a fight." I told him. I decided to have a bit of fun with him and grinned evilly. 

"Really?  What about?" 

"He tried to  hit on Erin." I said.  I noticed James and Remus  watching  our of the corner of my eye. They were trying not to laugh.  Well, James was trying not to laugh out loud as he clutched his sides, and Remus had that look where he wanted to laugh, but was fighting it. I was glad. I'd have gone through the whole thing again if I could make James laugh again.

"What happened to him?' Lockhart asked. 

"Oh, he's still in the hospital.  They need to find a wheelchair that'll fit him before he leaves."  I left it at that and climbed into bed, pulling my shirt over my head.  When I was younger, I usually only slept in boxers. But as the years went by and I had to cover up more and more bruises, I  took to wearing a shirt too. The others climbed into their beds. For the first time in many years, James did not wish us all goodnight. It seemed a bad omen.  Remus must have felt the same way because he  called out softly.

"Night Padfoot." 

"Night Moony." 

"Night Wormtail." 

"Night Moony. 

"Night Prongs." 

"Night Moony." I was relieved to hear James  whisper a goodnight.  At least he could still talk.  I rolled over. 

"Goodnight!" Lockhart sang. I muffled my groan with my pillow. 

From then on, Gilderoy Lockhart lived in our dorm.  He'd gotten it into his head that we were the most popular kids at school and made his life goal to be our best friend. Personally, I  was beginning to hate him almost as much as Snape.  But Lockhart soon learned the reason we were the most popular. And the reason why to leave us alone when we were obviously plotting.  He was obsessed with his damn mirror, obsessed! He looked in it every goddamn day, grinning that sickening  happy grin and he'd say it like it was right out of a fairy tale. 

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall,  whose the fairest of us all?"  and everyday, the mirror would reply  in a tired monotone, 

"You are," That is, until we decided we'd had enough. 

As time went by James began to come out of his shell.  But it wasn't until one day when he vanished for over three hours, made us both late for practice, and then refused to tell us where he'd been.  But after that he was the old James.  He laughed and talked and played pranks with me again.  But he would not say what made him act so strange. Whenever the subject was brought up, he'd  pretend not to have heard it or would change the subject.  Once, he distracted me with the perfect scheme to  destroy Lockhart's mirror obsession. 

 The next morning, when he repeated his request, I was still sitting on my bed, looking at Remus's mirror, and  losing a struggling battle with my hair.  James was flopped on my bed, next to me,  muttering to himself while Remus  quizzed Peter on that test we had in Potions. Peter looked as if he were about to cry.  

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, whose the fairest of us all?"  Lockhart asked, grinning.  Then the mirror  replied, in a gossiping tone, 

"Oh well, isn't it obvious?  That  dark haired boy on the bed over there, the one laying down?"  James  sat up, a "who me" look on his face. 

"What? Me?" 

"Of course, darling." The mirror replied. James grinned and Lockhart looked horrified. Remus and I laughed until we both fell off the bed. From then on, whoever was in the room with Lockhart was the fairest of us all. If there was no one else, the mirror wouldn't reply. Lockhart became our new favorite target.  We even let up on Snape a bit. Of course, when we realized  we were doing this, we attacked him with full force and  Snape and Lockhart both learned to  check around the corners before they went. 

To the casual observer, his parent's deaths hadn't made much of a dent in James's life. He seemed to have moved on. Still playing on the same team we had been on for  six years now, still making good grades. It was a joke around school that to pick between the two of us for head boy Dumbledore had to draw names out of the sorting hat. But I thought he deserved it. It had been the last thing he had told his parents and they were very proud of him. We still pulled endless and more insane pranks on students and teachers alike. Snape had gone back to tormenting us. But we made sure he was paid back well every time. Yes, James fooled the teachers, the students, everyone. But he didn't fool me. 

I knew he was hurting. I could see it in his eyes. James was never one for hating. He didn't share the fire that burned in my heart. He only wanted Voldemort gone. I wanted to be the one to kill him and I wanted it to hurt a lot+.

One night I came up to our room to get one of my books and found James sitting on his bed. He turned away from me but not before I saw he was crying.

" Prongs, are you okay?"

" I miss them." He said softly. I sighed. I knew just what he was going through. And it hurt.

" I know." He looked at me, his eyes red and bloodshot.

" Does it ever stop? Does the pain ever go away?"

" You want me to tell you what you want to hear, or the truth?"

" The truth."

"No. It never stops. It gets better, easier to deal with. But no, it never goes away entirely."

"That's what I was afraid of." 

" Aw, come on, Prongs. You can't spend the rest of your life sitting around crying. You have to fulfill your destiny," I said in a deep dramatic voice.

" And what destiny is that?"

" Why, marry Lily and have nine kids so I can win that bet with Peter."

" What"

" He said you two wouldn't get married. He's giving it until graduation. He also now has an F in Transfigurations because I refused to help him for the rest of term."

James laughed. " You always know just what to say to make us all feel better, don't you Padfoot."

" Well, I do my best." We laughed. Then Remus came in and told us off for not studying for our test the next day. We grinned evilly.  

" I'm telling you guys, if you don't pass this test, what are you doing? Stop looking at me like that. NO! Stop it! Leave me alone! You'll never take me alive!" He shouted as we chased him around the dorm room, down the stairs and all around the common room with dungbombs. 


	23. Trap

There were more and more reports of Voldemort's terror as the year went on. Soon James and I weren't the only ones to lose out loved ones to his rein of fear. Most people wouldn't even call him by his name. He was simply You-Know-Who. I continued to use his name; I needed something to curse under my breath as the papers brought forth more news of disappearances and death.  The feeling of panic was all around. Every day we heard of another new disappearance or murder. The Daily Prophet was littered with pictures of smiling faces, families, and underneath every picture, the articles spoke of death. 

Hogwarts was safe, we were safe. Everyone knew that Voldemort hated and feared Dumbledore, that he would never do anything if Dumbledore was around. As long as Dumbledore was there, we were safe. 

There were signs he was coming closer, signs that he was closing in on Hogwarts. In Hogsmeade, two children were found, dead. Their screams had echoed through the village, from deep inside the forest. I remember we were in Hogsmeade, sitting in the Three Broomsticks, when the children's bodies were carried home to their mothers. The little boy was seven, and the girl was three. They'd been tortured.  We were horrified and sickened by the crimes. 

That night, Dumbledore spoke to the school. We were no longer allowed to visit Hogsmeade. We were restricted to the castle grounds. Dumbledore even found Remus an abandoned corridor that he could transform in. It was too dangerous to go out to the tree. So instead of exploring Hogsmeade and the grounds, we explored the school. I'm still amazed we didn't get caught. But we were careful. We used the Marauder's map. It came in very handy. But one day Filch, the caretaker, caught Peter with it, and confiscated it. It didn't matter. We knew it by heart anyway.

The real world had become a war zone. But inside the school, life managed to proceed as normal. We attended classes, and did our best to forget what was going on outside the castle. I managed until Christmas. 

Christmas came and went.  We were still on break and I was approaching my seventeenth birthday. James's was September first, and Remus's was November first.  Peter's was April first.  There is something about the Marauders and the first days of the month. 

I had heard nothing more from Voldemort since his warning. I had almost forgotten why he was after me, or that he was after me at all. And so when that morning had begun like any other. 

James and I had early Quidditich practice. Dumbledore had placed a protection charm on the field so we could still play after all the house teams had begged him to let them play. And James had insisted that since it was our final year, there was no way we could let the Slytherins win.  So we were late for breakfast and didn't really notice that Remus, Lily, Erin and Peter were missing until the next day. They still didn't show up at breakfast. We had been practicing all day and doing our homework well into the night so we hadn't seen anyone except our team all day. But the next morning we started to get worried. 

We sat down at the table and watched the storm of owls carrying the mail, come flying through the window. I didn't notice at first when a large black owl dropped a letter on my plate. James nudged me

" Hey, you got a letter."

"Huh?"

"Look." I picked it up. It said            **_To Sirius Black, _**

**_From Tom Riddle._******

"Who's Tom Riddle?" James asked.

"Dunno."

"Open it." I ripped it open and pulled out the parchment.

Written on the parchment in what looked frighteningly like blood were two words.

****

_Avada Kedavra_

I dropped the parchment and watched it burst into flames, a weird high pitched laughed floated in my ear, sending shivers up my spine. I felt like I was flying, I felt a rushing sound and the world began to spin. A shiver ran up and down my spine but I couldn't move. I couldn't speak or even breathe. I heard the laughter again, the world stopped spinning and I saw an open meadow. I could hear no birds, I saw no animals. Instead I saw four dark shapes lying on the ground. A light flared and I saw my friends pale faces, bound and gagged. Voldemort laughed again.

" I have a proposition for you, Black. Meet me in the forest tonight alone and unarmed, and I will spare your friends. Do not come and you will see them die a very painful death." He reached down and touched Erin's check. She flinched and glared at him. Remus struggled against his bonds. Voldemort grinned and pointed his wand at him. He muttered some words I couldn't hear and Remus's eyes widened in pain. His face was twisted and he whimpered against his gag. The girls and Peter stared in horror at Remus as he jerked in pain. 

"STOP IT!" The words tore from my mouth. Voldemort smiled and released Remus from his torture. He slumped limply on the ground. 

"That is but a small dose of what they will experience. And I promise you I will make you watch every second of it. Now be a good boy and run on down to the forest," he said with a mocking tone to his voice. He pointed the wand again at Remus. I closed my eyes but that couldn't block his screams, which even though he was gagged, I heard clear as day. 

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" The screaming faded and instead I heard voices. They seemed to be saying my name. Slowly, the voices dropped so only one was calling me.

"Sirius, are you okay? Padfoot!"

"Sirius, listen to me. Open your eyes." I did so. I was lying on the floor, holding my hand over my ears, James and Professor Dumbledore staring down at me. The rest of the school was looking over their shoulders. Professor McGonagall held my head in her hands. She helped me get up. 

"Sirius, what's wrong? What happened?" James asked. I opened my mouth to tell him everything. Voldemort had our friends. He wanted me to meet him. What he had done to Remus. But my mouth refused to speak the words I wanted. Instead…

" Nothing. I'm fine. I just feel a little dizzy, that's all." No, I thought, that's not right. I'm not fine. The others aren't fine. I need to help them. I need to tell some one.

**_You don't need to tell anyone. Just go to class. Nothing's wrong._** A voice in my ear told me. Before I could do anything I felt my feet start walking. James ran up beside me, we went through the rest of the day in silence. The next morning in Defense Against the Dark Arts, Professor Darns reviewed us about the Unforgivables. He told us about the three curses. When he told us about the _Imperious curse_ I realized something was wrong. 

**_Don't worry, just relax. Don't think about the lesson._** The voice was getting stronger.

Then another little voice spoke. No, I think I will listen.

**_NO, you can't. You can't. Get up. Leave. Now._** The voice sounded angry and it was louder

No, I don't want to leave. 

**_YES! _**

"NO!" I shouted. The whole class turned and looked at me. And for a second the voice lost its hold on me. I panted, then not wanting to waste any time in case it came back I ran out the door. I didn't stop until I reached Dumbledore's office. Unfortunately I ran into Beaker who was coming out  of the passage, hidden by the stone gargoyle. He grabbed me by my robes and shook me.

"How dare you do that? How dare you show such disrespect for a teacher? Fifty points from Gryffindor." At the moment I didn't care.

"Dumbledore. I have to see-"

"No, he's busy."

"No, you don't understand. I have to."

" No. You don't understand." He said as he dragged me along the halls away from the haven of Dumbledore's office. We passed James on the way down the stairs. I gave him a pleading glance and then we were out of sight. I realized we weren't going to Beaker's office when he opened the doors and pulled me outside. 

"Wait, where are we going?"

"Never mind that."

"But I can't go outside. Dumbledore's orders. No one can." He laughed

" Don't worry. By the time he knows about it, you won't be around to get in trouble." My eyes widened as I took in the meaning of his words. I tried to struggle but he was strong. So I did the only think I could. I kicked him in no place a man ever wants to be kicked. I turned to run but I felt something hit me and I fell into darkness.


	24. It's Time

Chapter 32: The Day is Here

I awoke to find Remus leaning over me. He was not gagged anymore, and his hands were free. Lily and Erin sat near by, arms around each other. Erin was shivering. Peter was nowhere to be seen. I moaned and gingerly felt the back of my head. My hand touched something wet and sticky.  I pulled it away and glanced at the red stain covering my skin. 

" Sirius. Are you okay?" Remus asked in a weak voice. He looked pale and he winced with every movement.

"Yeah I'm fine. But where are we? Are you okay?"

"Yes, we're fine." He said, helping me sit up, " We're some where in the forbidden forest."

"How did you get here?" Lily tore a piece of cloth from her robes. 

" We got a note, that morning when you and James were at practice, saying to meet you at the tree." Lily said. Her voice was solid but her hands shook slightly as she held the strip of cloth to the back of my head. I let her, taking the time to look around and I saw that this was the clearing from my vision. This was it. That meant what I had seen had happened. 

"Remus, what did he do to you?" I turned to Remus who refused to meet my eyes. 

"Nothing." The girls exchanged looks. I knew what I had seen was real.

"Where's Voldemort and Beaker?"

"Beaker? What he got to do with anything?" Erin asked. I told them how Beaker had lured me out and stunned me. Remus looked as if he might take the Potions master and feed him one of the many poisons stocked in the Potions room. The girls looked shocked, if nothing else.

"That dirty rat." Remus growled. "How could Dumbledore trust him?" He wanted to say more but I held up my hand. I felt something. Something cold that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and sent a penetrating fear to my heart. We heard feet crunching dry leaves in the undergrowth. Some one was coming. 

Beaker pushed through the brushes, accompanied by a tall figure in a dark cloak. The sun chose that very moment to hide behind a cloud and it seemed so dark all of a sudden. A cold wind blew through the trees, chilling me to the bone. Shivers went up and down my spine and I was face to face with the man who had murdered my parents.

For that is who the cloaked figure was, the figure that brought darkness and fear with him. I could tell the other felt it too. The girls clung to each other and Remus began to shake. I was shaking too, but not from fear. For some strange reason, I didn't fear him. I knew what he could do and I was afraid he would hurt my friends. But I wasn't afraid he would hurt me. But the words of the woman rang through my head " As long as you live, he cannot kill your friends." But he can hurt them, I thought. And I swore that I would not let him.

"So our young friend has awakened." Voldemort spoke in an eerie high-pitched voice. He stared at me, his red eyes going straight through me, it seemed.

"Good." He continued " Now we can begin." .

I got to my feet. " What do you want from us?" He laughed

" I would have thought a bright young boy like you would have figured it out by now. Or at least had your little werewolf here tell you. He knows." Remus wouldn't meet my eyes. " Dumbledore doesn't want you to know, does he? He saw the signs, he knows. Doesn't think you can handle it, does he?"

"Handle what?"

"Why, your destiny. It is your destiny to join me. To join the Dark Arts."

" Never." My answer was soft, but my voice held so much hate for this man, I was surprised that I didn't growl as I spoke.  

"Suit yourself. But allow me to change your mind. The werewolf has had quite a lot today. I don't think he would survive another bout.  Let's see." His gaze swept toward the girls. I reached for my wand. He didn't notice. "Ahh yes. The blond. You have feelings for her, don't you?" 

I pulled out my wand and pointed it at him. " Don't you touch her." A growl crept into my voice.

He smiled a cruel smile and instead pointed the wand at me. 

" I had wished to draw this out, but if you are willing to die. Then so be it." Then he muttered a curse. A band of green light shot out from his wand. I jumped, but not fast enough. I felt a burning heat scorch my left side. I felt blood soak my robes and my life seemed to flow out with it.

"NO!" I heard Remus yell. Erin screamed. And Lily began to sob. I lay there for a few minutes trying to breathe, trying to keep my heart beating, my blood flowing. I could feel my life leaving me. My breathing slowed and things went fuzzy. I faintly heard sobbing. I heard screaming too. My friends, crying, begging, pleading. Someone held my head, cradling it carefully. My vision was too blurry to make out who it was. My eyes closed and the sounds faded. 

The crying had gone, but in its place was something else. Someone was humming. A soft quiet voice was humming a song. It sounded so familiar. It comforted me and haunted me at the same time. 

Then she spoke.  
"Siri. Wake up baby. Wake up, Sirius. Your friends need you."

"Mum?" I reached towards the voice, blind in the darkness. 

" Yes, my son. Now get up. They need you." The sound of someone sobbing echoed in the dark. I blinked, confused. 

"But I'm dead." 

"Not yet. It's not your time.  You still have a few hours before the protection wears off.  Stand, Siri. You are needed." Then I opened my eyes. Remus's face stared down at me, his eyes wide. I sat up, blinking, and I found that I could move, that I could stand. And I did so. 

I felt no pain as I got up and stood tall. I could tell from his face this was the last thing Voldemort expected. Then before any one could say anything I jumped. I forgot I was only a kid and he was a powerful dark wizard. I knew only one thing. This man, if you could call him that, had killed my parents and needed to hurt him. I managed a few good punches, before he threw me off. Then when he was distracted, I yelled at the others " Run! Go get help!" Remus jumped up just as I was thrown to the ground.  I got to my feet and took off, running with my friends by my side.  He was angry now and threw a volume of curses at us. We ran for the safety of the trees, ducking behind them, trying to ward him off. 

"Run, Remus! I'll hold him off. Go to the castle. Go get help."

"I'm not leaving you." He panted, fighting a cramp in his side. 

"You're the faster runner. I'm the better cursor. Now go." He didn't move. "GO!" He ran, grabbing Lily's arm as he did so.  But just as they reached the edge Voldemort sent one well-aimed curse toward them and it hit its mark.

"Erin!" I yelled. I ran to her and held her up. She tried to get up but couldn't. " GO!" I shouted to the others. " GO, I'll help her." Remus didn't move, staring at Erin on the ground. I pointed my wand at him, determined to make him go, to cast an Unforgivable if I had to. Lily pulled him towards the castle. They ran and I watched them go.

 But that distraction was all Voldemort needed. He smiled and sent another curse Erin's way. I saw it coming and pulled her out of harms way. Unfortunately we were in the clearing, open space now. No cover. Beaker watched a smile on his thin face.

"Join me, Black! Or lose all you hold dear!"

"Never! You killed my parents! Why would I ever join you?"

" Because you have power. Great power. Don't you ever feel tired of playing second to Potter all the time?" 

"No." That feeling had never occurred to me. Feel jealous of James? Why?

" I could make you great. I could make you second in command. You have the power. Just say yes."

Again the small voice in my mind spoke up. _Yes, say yes._

" Oh please. Like that's gonna work again." I shouted at him. Voldemort only sent another curse my way. I dodged it and hide Erin and myself behind a tree.  Voldemort stalked closer, a grin on his thin white lips. 

" Fight like a man, Black. At least act like your father. Even if he was a filthy muggle, he was still brave and I respect that, but he never stood a chance. And your mother. Poor stupid girl. Rather die than save her own life."

"She died to protect me." I shot at him, aiming a curse at his wand. He blocked it with little effort. 

" Didn't anyone ever tell you the truth? She died screaming like a little pig. In the end she begged me to take you but she was just too annoying to let live." He cackled as he advanced on me. 

"You're lying!" He had to be, he had to be, I told myself. 

" How do you know?" His voice was whispering the very thing that was haunting my own memory. Then he yelled " Expelliamus!" and my wand flew out of my hand. Erin managed to stand up. But I stood in front of her. My mind raced franticly as I searched for an escape. But nothing came. We were trapped. 

" Now you will tell me here and now. Why can't I touch you? "

" I don't know." And I didn't. 

"Why is a fifthly half blood like you one of the Heirs?" There was that word again, heir.

" What's an Heir?"

" You know very well." he sneered. But I shook my head. 

" Despite what you think, I have no idea." I yelled back, "I don't know and I don't care!" 

" Brave, very brave. However, your bravery cannot save you this time. Just like it couldn't save your mother. " I narrowed my eyes, my hands clenching at my sides. 

"I'm not scared of you, Voldemort." My voice was a whisper, but he heard me. He nodded. 

"Perhaps not, but maybe, I can persuade you to change your mind." He raised his wand and pointed it straight between my eyes. " Adava Kedavra!"

Then without warning he moved his wand and the spell shot out, a blast of red light. 

" NO!" I was pushed to the side. I fell to the ground. Erin fell on me, rolled off, and lay still. 

I jumped up. I didn't look at Erin. I didn't want to know.

" Well, you have a loyal little friend. But don't cry, you will be joining her soon." And he sent another curse at me. Again I wasn't fast enough and a blast hit me in the right shoulder. I could see Voldemort's evil smile over me. I had no strength to call out. I closed my eyes and waited for the end. It didn't come. I opened my eyes. I tried to get up and got very shakily to my feet. I pointed my wand at him for one last curse. I didn't know what I was going to say. But a strange calm fell over me and I said three words.

 I had no idea where the spell came from or what it did. I had never learned it or heard it before. It was almost as if the words came from somewhere deep inside of me. As soon as I said them, a golden beam of light shot out of my wand and hit Voldemort. He screamed and jumped back. I lost what little energy I had and fell back, still keeping my wand pointed at him though. It was all I could do to keep standing up.

But Voldemort stepped back.

"Have it your way. But I am warning you. Black. You will never rest. I will be watching you. And though you may have bought yourself a little time, I doubt you will be around to enjoy it." He laughed in that high-pitched laugh and with a whirl of wind and fire he was gone.

I collapsed. I felt like all the strength had been drained out of me. My shoulder and my side exploded in fresh waves of pain. I suddenly and swiftly became aware of the amount of blood on my cloak. But I still reached over to Erin.

She lay still. A look a terror was plainly vivid on her face. I reach out and closed her dark blue eyes. She was cold as ice. I knew, I could feel it. 

She was dead. Another person had died for me. Tears soaked my face and I reached out and pulled her close. I didn't know if anyone would ever find us, or if I would be alive when they did and I decided I didn't care. The girl I loved was dead. The girl I was planning to marry. I lay on the cool wet grass and held her close. My thoughts ran together, all jumbled. I couldn't pick one out from the other and I was too tired to bother. I was just too tired to care anymore. Slowly but surely I let the darkness overtake me.


	25. Slow Recovery

**Chapter 33: More Family secrets **

When I awoke, the first thing I noticed was light. I blinked, unable to keep my eyes open in the daze of light that attacked me. I lifted my arm, shielding my eyes from what I thought was the light of a thousand suns. After a few moments, my eyes adjusted and I was able to take in my surroundings. 

I was surrounded by people. James was sleeping, his head resting in his arms at the end of my bed. Lily had found his shoulders to be a very good pillow. Remus and Addi were curled up in another set of chairs. And Peter was lying on the floor. There were a few more people, Hagrid had tried to fit in one of the chairs and had obviously failed because he was sleeping curled up on the shattered remains. 

I lifted my head up and winced. I let out a soft groan and reached up to touch my head. My hand felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. Every part of me ached. Unknown to me my movements had awoken James. He lifted his head and rubbed his eyes. Then he saw that my eyes were open.

" SIRIUS!" he yelled jumping up. In his excitement, he forgot that Lily was using him for a pillow and she tumbled off him right on to Remus and Addi. They awoke and began yelling at her and she at them. James had also unfortunately stepped on Peter's head when he jumped so now Peter began yelling at him also. We'd always found Peter was the bravest when he had just woke up. Hagrid was awakened by the yelling and began to try to quiet them down. Madam Pomfrey heard the noise and began yelling at Hagrid for letting them all get so noisy. I sat back and watched, a smile on my face.

Soon thing s finally clamed down a bit and everyone realized I was awake. There was some more confusion in which everyone got hugged, and then there was some yelling at James for not telling them I was awake. 

After a while Hagrid and Madam Pomfrey left leaving the Marauders to themselves.

" Sirius, god! I can't believe you're awake. I thought you might never wake up." Remus told me.

" How long have I been out?" 

" A month. Give or take a few days." Lily said. I let out a low whistle, my eyes widening. A month? I had missed  a month of my life? Lost a Month of my life, one full moon? 

" Damn, I must have been tired."

"Sirius, don't swear." Remus and Addi scolded at the same time.  They glanced at each other and blushed.  I shook my head.

Addi hugged me for the tenth time " When they came to get me at school, I thought for sure you were dead. You should have seen it. We were in class and Hagrid squeezed in and asked if a Miss Black was here? I asked Hagrid what he was doing there? And he said there's been an attack and I just burst out crying right there in the middle of class." They all laughed, but it was a nervous sort of laugh. Like none of them really found it funny.

" Any way, I can't believe you survived an attack form Voldemort."

"James found you." Lily said, gently patting James's arm.

" You did, Prongs? How?" I asked. 

" Actually Moony helped. It was the full moon that night. We looked all over the forbidden forest. It wasn't that hard. There were no birds, no sounds at all even though Voldemort was gone and we saw you lying there. And Moony " He grinned " You tell him, Moony."

" I didn't even try to bite you. The wolf mind disappeared completely. All the wolf cared about was that Padfoot was okay." Remus was practically bouncing.

" Hey, Moony, that's great." I knew Remus was always worried about the line in his mind where the wolf and the human intersected.

" Snape owes me ten galleons." Peter piped up. We started at him. " He bet me ten gallons that you wouldn't make it. I told him nothing could kill you."

" Wow, you got brave, Peter." He wouldn't meet my eyes, which I thought was strange. But I didn't pay it any mind. Maybe I should have. If I had… Oh well, just add it to the long list of Sirius Black's mistakes that could have saved lives.

We laughed but memories had begun to surface. Things I didn't want to remember. Hearing my mum's death was one of them. But some where deep inside I did want to hear it again. It was the only time I could every remember hearing her voice and I didn't want to forget it. I felt guilty. I remembered Voldemort cursing Remus and Beaker and Erin. Erin. It hit me. She was missing.

" Where's Erin?" They were silent. I saw James and Remus exchange looks. Remus pulled James off to the side and they spoke in hushed tones with an occasional glance in my direction.

" Padfoot, don't you remember?' Remus asked softly

" Remember what?" James looked at Lily for help. She sighed and leaned down to face me. 

" Sirius, do you remember what happened when Voldemort sent that curse at you?" I racked my mind and came up with some scattered pictures. Erin shouting, pushing me to the side. The way I had driven him off and lying down with her in my arms. I blinked and realized my face was soaked.

" She pushed me aside. The curse was meant for me, not her." No one said anything. I didn't sob or anything. I just lay there and let the tears stream down my face. I soon realized my friends were crying too. All expect Peter. He looked extremely uncomfortable.

The moment was ruined by Madam Pomfrey bursting in and yelling at them for " upsetting her patients." Dumbledore arrived a moment later, his blue shining. I couldn't look him in the eyes. I felt horribly guilty, this entire thing had been my fault. I felt I had allowed my self to be lured out of the castle and my foolishness had led to Erin's death. He sent the others to bed and told me to get some rest. They had a match in two weeks and if I was up to it, I was welcome to play. Then he left. As much as I had slept before I fell asleep instantly.

Madam Pomfrey forced me to stay in bed for another week and wouldn't let me leave the infirmary for another three days. The only reason she let me leave then was because she said she couldn't stand all my friends hanging out there all the time. By the time I left most of the school had found out the story. But who told, I could hardly guess.  I learned they had been told at first that I had had some sort of accident on my broom, and Erin had died in the same accident. 

But somehow the story leaked out that I had faced Voldemort. And as I walked down the halls, whispered and stares followed me. The fact that I was surrounded at all times by James; Remus, Peter and the other Gryffindor boys only helped the rumors along. Actually Michael Finnegan had heard the Slytherins planning their strategies for the upcoming game. They planned to go after me as they thought my recovery would make me slower and easier to beat. Therefore James as captain ordered me never to be alone. I gave him a box full of open dungbombs as a thank you.

To most people it looked like there was nothing wrong with me. I resumed my rein of terror and on my first day back got a detection form Filch for setting dungbombs off in the halls. I pulled my grades up with only a little help from my friends. Outwardly I was the perfect teenager. But inside I was dying.

 Erin's death had left a hole in my heart. And as much as I loved to see the others happy sometimes it hurt so bad to see James hug Lily or Remus write a love letter to Addi. I hid it well, but not from my friends. They knew of course that I was in pain, they all were. Erin was a Marauder and as far as we were concerned, Marauders never died. She was our friend, but she was more than that to me. 

I loved her. I was planning to ask her to marry me once we got out of Hogwarts. To lose her was like losing a part of my soul. 

The night before the game was unfortunately a full moon. So, of course, we went out. Remus told us to stay in, get our sleep. But we couldn't sleep anyway and this way at least we would be having fun.

The next morning we came down for breakfast. I couldn't eat. I never could before a match. Remus came in at breakfast, looking extremely pale and tired.

" I thought you were supposed to stay in bed."      

" I couldn't miss Sirius's big comeback. It'll be the topic of conversation for the rest of term and I'll be the only one who didn't go. I don't think so. " He gave me a weak smile.

" How'd you get by Madam Pompfrey?" I asked " I must've tried it a thousand times and she caught me every single time."

" You guys left the cloak in the shack last night. I just made use of it." He patted his front, which was rounder than usual. We grinned.

In the changing rooms James gathered us together to give us his routine pep talk " Listen, I know that last game was rough. We were short a player. "He glanced at me " But we still managed to win. Now I think this is the best damn team we've had in a long time. How about you, Padfoot?"

" Definitely." The rest of the team grinned. They knew I was just as good as James and half the plays we came up with were mine. That's what comes form being assistant captain.

" Anyway we have one great keeper." Tom Weasly blushed. His older brother Arthur had come to school almost 10 years before and he was determined to out shine Arthur who had excelled at almost everything except Quidditich. and it was Tom's great wish to be a professional Quidditich player. And he was good. They all were. James only picked the best. I of course, threatened to tell the whole school what James said about Lily in his sleep if he didn't pick me, so the whole team begged me to spare them and grab a bat.

" We have three superb and beautiful chasers. Other than me." Stephanie Moran, and Natalie Mullet all giggled.

"James!" I gasped. " What will Lily say?" The entire team, including the aforementioned Lily, threw towels  at me. 

" We have two unbeatable beaters." Michael Finnegan and I grinned.

"A keeper who never lets a goal go by him." Max Bale gave him a wink. 

" And the best seeker who has never failed to win us a match." James said after I threw the towels back at him. Lily beamed, and that comment earned James a kiss on the cheek. 

" I think that's everyone." James counted. The girls laughed

" No we're missing Peter."

"What's he do?" Tom asked. They all knew what was coming. James and I had some sort of strange conversation before every game and it was a tradition the team seemed to look forward to.

" He's the best towel boy I've ever seen. He has a bright future. If only I could be that lucky." I said bursting into fake very unconvincing sobs and throwing my self on James.

" There, there Padfoot." The teamed laughed and we heard the whistle blow. 

" You all go. I don't think I could bare to let anyone see me this emotional." The team each seized some part of my robe and dragged me outside. We laughed. This was going to be a great game. 

As I stepped on to the pitch I was overcome by a wave of dizziness. I felt shivers run down my spine and a feeling of cold dread rose in my stomach. I must have looked like I felt because James punched me lightly in the shoulder.

" You okay Padfoot?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm fine. Now let's play."

We took off. Almost immediately Natalie had gotten the quaffle and scored. The Slytherins had decided to play a dirty match. They fouled left and right. Snape who was a beater too was pelting the bludgers at every member of the team. Michael and I had a heck of a time getting rid of them all. Of course we won. Lily caught the snitch about an hour later. I was ecstatic. But when he caught it James was on the other end of the pitch. I saw the crowds rush out to meet us. James was still high in the air. He zoomed by me laughing. Just then I saw out of the corner of my eyes Snape hitting something. I saw it was a bludger and it was headed right for James. And he didn't see it. I raced toward him encouraging speed out of my good old Cleansweep. But I just wasn't getting enough speed. 

"James!" James turned around just in time for the bludger to duck the attack and stare at the bludger that now raced across the pitch. Madam Hooch was not happy and yanked Snape off the field as we hurried back up to Gryffindor Tower to partake in the celebration feast. 


	26. Mari

**Chapter 34: Slow Recovery.**

But my recovery was not that simple. It was strangely unlike my father's death where I would wonder the halls. For a while, I still believe I had a sort of delayed reaction to the attacks.  For the entire two weeks, I was in the infirmary, I felt numb.  During the match and the days preceding it, and immediately following, I felt as if everything was back to normal.  It wasn't until a week after the match that it truly struck home. 

Every night following the Quidditich match, nightmares plagued my sleep.  Every time I closed my eyes, Voldemort was staring at me, grinning in gross triumph. Sometimes, his form wavered and he took on the shape of my grandfather.  I'd be a child again, running through the moor, running from something, something I could never see. But I could never get away. I'd turn a corner, hiding behind a rock outcropping. I thought I was safe, and then there he'd be. With eyes blazing and wand at the ready, he'd leapt at me.  I remember the next part so vividly. 

He'd rush at me, chanting a spell.  I'd see a long band of green light shot out from the wand. As it drew nearer, it got darker until there was no light.  But I was no longer on the moor. I was in a small dark room, surrounded by cold and screams.  I began to scream too, unable to bear the anguish that tore at my heart.  Then he'd laugh, high and cold.  The laugh would surround me, forcing itself into my ears, taunting me, worse than any torture he could have inflicted. And I'd wake up screaming.  

The first time this happened, Remus, James, and Peter were there in an instant. The laughing had become so horrible, I couldn't stand it, and I awoke to find myself, hands over my ears, curled up in a ball, pleading for someone, anyone to make it stop.  James had pried my hands away and was shaking me. I was still so petrified, I could barely move. 

"Sirius! Wake up!" James shouted. It was as if someone had poured cold water over me. I sat up, my throat hoarse, my chest heaving.  I looked around the familiar room and the worried faces of my friends, even Lockhart in his ridiculous purple pajamas, looked worried. Though they asked, I refused to talk and simply turned my back on them.  I heard the curtains close, and each one get into his own bed.  I knew I wouldn't sleep that night. So I lay awake, listening to my friends and trying to rid from my mind, the memory of that hideous laughter. 

It wasn't the last time. I'd have that dream three or four times a week. Each time, I would refuse to go back to sleep.  It got so bad that sometimes, I wouldn't sleep at all for fear of having that dream.  It seemed to me every time I did, I'd have it or some variation of it.  Even the few times, I'd fallen asleep in History of Magic class; I'd woken up screaming. 

I'd fallen sleep as usual, in class.  And I had the dream, only this time; I was watching it as if from a far off cliff. I saw Voldemort chase the boy, not me, into a corner and trap him.  Then I was there, facing him.  He began laughing and I was in the small black room again, the screaming grew worse, louder than everything.  In each scream, voices condemned me, again and again. 

"Murderer!" they screamed,  "You are guilty! And you will rot forever!" 

"NO!" I shouted, trying to block the voices with my own, "NO! Please, no! Stop! I didn't! Never!" Then a name was ripped out of my throat, "JAMES!" 

"Wake up! Sirius, wake up!" I opened my eyes. I was on the floor, my hands over my ears again.   I was breathing hard and James, Remus, Peter, Lily, and the rest were standing over me. Even Professor Binns was   floating next to me. 

"Mr. Black, are you alright?" he asked. I sat up, panting.  I looked around, my fear diminishing only slightly. I got shakily to my feet and   crossed the room to the door. Yanking it open, I ran from the room. I ran until I got to the common room and up the stairs past a few second years and up to our dorm room. Once there, I began to pace.   I must have worn a hole in the floor that day. By the time I'd calmed down a bit, it was dinnertime.  I took my place at the table, but ate almost nothing. 

My appetite diminished and the only way friends could get me to eat was to threaten to force feed me. Addi had gone back to school a few days before I was released from the infirmary and Remus insisted that if I did not start taking care of myself soon, he was going to write to her and tell her. But it did little. I simply had no appetite. 

After about a week or two, I was getting no sleep and very little food, I was tired, irritated, and to be honest, frightened. My nerves were a wreak. I was jumping at slammed doors and arming myself whenever anyone raised their wand.  It gave Snape boundless joy to see me in such a state.  It worried my friends more than anything ever had before.  Even my teachers continuously asked if I was alright. I simply gave them a smile and told them I was fine. But I was not fine. I felt like I was going to drop dead from exhaustion any minutes, but still I did not sleep, and I barely ate. 

"Sirius, this has gotten ridicules!" James told me.  It was about two weeks later and I was seated in the common room, a large book on my lap. I'd just told him I'd be up when I finished the book. Oddly enough, it wasn't that late and the common room was still filled. 

"What?" 

"You can't keep doing this. Are you never going to sleep again, then?" 

"Of course! I said I'd be up. I'll be up!" 

"No, you won't!  You don't sleep, you don't eat!" 

"I eat!" 

"Nearly Headless Nick eats more than you do! You're going to stay here and never eat and never sleep until you drop dead from exhaustion!" 

"At least it'd be a reprieve from your nagging!"  The room was getting quiet now and our shouts were echoing. 

"Sirius, maybe you should listen to him." Remus said, quietly.  He had still not fully recovered from the death of his father. 

"Not you too! Look, I can take care of myself!" 

"Not bloody likely!" James growled. 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I growled back, tightening my fists. 

"Mates! Mates!"  Remus shouted, diving between us before we attacked.  "Look, Sirius, we're just looking out for you." 

"Then get the hell off my back!" I shouted.  Now Remus was mad too. 

"We did that before and you showed up on my doorstep, bleeding and broken, three broken ribs, four bruised, a dislocated shoulder, bruises around your neck, and a concussion!  You are my friend, my best friend! I'm not losing you!"  Remus shouted. 

"Especially not to your own foolishness." James said, softer now.  Remus looked close to tears.  James put his arm around Remus and Remus's shoulder's shook. It struck me just how much my friend had put up with in these last few years, losing his father, almost losing his best friend and girlfriend to a problem he'd done nothing about for three years, almost losing me again and losing one dear friend to the same terror that had murdered his father, and now this. 

My head felt light under the weight of all I'd just absorbed.  I swayed on my feet.  I was just about to open my mouth to apologize when suddenly everything was dark. 

I awoke to something cold and bitter in my mouth. I sat up, coughing.  I felt hands helping me and when I had stopped, they helped me lie down. I opened my eyes to see James, Remus, and Lily's faces.  They all smiled with relief when I frowned at them. 

"Where am I?" I asked. 

"The infirmary."  James told me. "You collapsed, just like I said you would." 

"Oh."  Just then Madam Pomfrey came bustling up. 

"Oh, so you're awake now? Good.  It's time for you to have another dose." 

"Another does of what?" I asked, nervously.  She glared at me. Then she took a bottle and poured a small amount into a small spoon. 

"Why, of Valaria, of course. You've practically starved yourself, young man. Gave us all an awful fright, it did." I shuddered. Valaria was a potion made to substitute food when someone couldn't eat actual food.  It was the wizard equivalent of an I.V., only much worse because you actually had to swallow the stuff. 

"Oh come now, open up." I clamped my mouth shut. "Mr. Black, open your mouth or I will make you." I winced, but did as she said.  Before I could protest she shoved the spoonful in my mouth and I had no choice but to swallow. Remus and James laughed at my face. 

"Serves you right, Padfoot." 

"Oh shut up, Prongs."  James smiled. His smile was one of gentleness and relief. 

"That is the first time you've said that."  One might think it odd that James was happy I was telling him to shut up, but obviously not Lily and Remus. They looked just as happy as he did. 

"Now, no arguing.  You take a bit more of this sleeping potion, then we'll see how you feel." Madam Pomfrey pushed the small vile into my hands. I nodded, worried about dreams, but too tired to care.  Remus helped me unscrew the cap and tip back the bottle so I could drink. The liquid was warm and felt good going down my throat.  Darkness was almost instantaneous. 

I recovered better than I had before.  After about a week, Madam Pomfrey felt I was well enough to leave, as long as I checked in every day to report if I felt sick, or had any dizzy spells, or what I had eaten, or whatever.  Remus and James made sure I ate, kept a fresh supply on sleeping potion on hand and were more or less always there for me. 

It didn't make it hurt any less, but it made the pain a bit easier to bear. 

The next night James pulled me aside. " Moony Padfoot, I need to tell you something." He pulled us up the stairs. He reached into his drawer and pulled something out. It was a small box

" Guys, I need your advice and Padfoot please, no jokes this time. You swear?"

" I swear, Prongs. What's up? He opened the box. Inside was a small blue tinted diamond ring.

" Wow."

" I'm thinking of asking Lily to marry me."

" Thinking about? You have this and you're only thinking about it? If I had something like this for Erin, I'd be on my honeymoon by now."

"Hey Padfoot, that reminds me. Does your sister like diamonds?" Remus asked. I looked at him, horrified.

"Hey it would work. We'd all be brothers." We laughed.  
'Go for it, Prongs. Ask her."

The next morning Lily came down to breakfast, beaming, with a new ring on her finger.

Once I'd gotten a bit of my old self-back, I started dating again. I got kind of a reputation for being a rouge. You know the kind, where he'll sweep you off your feet, and at the first sign of commitment, turn tail and run. I didn't think I could handle a big commitment like that again. What if something happened to her? I couldn't stand it again. Love 'em, then leave 'em. That was me. You know, I must have dated every girl from Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff. Lockhart was furious. 


	27. Unspeakable

The rest of the year passed in such a flash even though we would have had it last forever. We passed our N.E.W.T.S with flying colors. All expect Peter of course who just barley scraped by. Before we knew it graduation was upon us. Life after Hogwarts was something I didn't want to think about. The last night we all crept out for one last adventure. Lily accompanied us for the first time. It wasn't a full moon so Remus and Lilly took turns riding on James's and my back. I was big enough that they could, but then Remus wasn't that big and Lily was very small. We explored the grounds, the village, and the school. The forest everything. We sat in the shrieking shack for a long time. We just talked about everything we had ever done. And we set prank traps for every single teacher. 

The next morning at graduation, James and Lily were presented with head boy and girl awards. I got the most detentions ever received in the history of Hogwarts award ( 4963) as well as valedictorian. How I did that, I still have no idea. Dumbledore then handed out scholarships.  To our surprise, Remus's name was not called.  We were worried because we knew he'd gotten one.  He made a note to talk to Dumbledore right after the feast 

Then Dumbledore spoke " Yet another year comes to a close and we say goodbye to yet another talented bunch of wizards and witches. You are going out into the world at a very dangerous time. The days when Hogwarts produced scholars, healers, poets, and politicians are over. We must now produce warriors.  And I can only say to be careful. Yes, especially you, Sirius." He added when I made a face. " You must be on alert but don't forget how to have fun. If you forget just call up the Potter gang."             

The hall laughed and then gasped as a brilliant display of fireworks filled the room. We had been waiting for the box under his chair to go off. Dumbledore, the teachers, and all the kids in our year burst out laughing. It was the first prank we had ever played. Everyone burst into applause. We stood up and bowed deeply.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the best pranksters ever to come to Hogwarts." When the noise died down he contented. " You are all great and you are wonderful witches and wizards. You will make us all proud. No one knows what will happen in the future, but I hope what ever is in store for you, you have a good life. Now I will leave you with one word. You are always welcome here."

"That's five words." I called out.      

" So it is." He laughed. " Now eat."

After the meal which was as good as the first meal one our first day seven years ago. we stayed for a long time. No one wanted to leave. Then Dumbledore told us the train was here. We said goodbye to Hagrid who was sobbing and grabbed James, Remus and me in a hug so tight none of us could breath and Dumbledore had to pry him away. Professor McGonagall was acutely crying when we said goodbye. 

"James, Sirius, Lily, Remus, could you come here please?" He asked. 

" I have asked you here for a very important reason, And don't worry, the train won't leave without you. I would like you to come back this Friday night. I have something I wish to discuss with you. "We nodded, then turned.

"Wait, Remus? May I speak with you?" Remus nodded, looking confused. The rest of us hurried on to the train and waited for him there. 

Remus got on just as the train pulled out of the station. He looked pale and shocked. 

"Moony, what is it?"  I asked.  He sat down and buried his face in his hands. 

"What?" James asked. 

"What do you want first, the bad news or the horrible news?" Remus muttered.   Uh oh, this couldn't be good. 

"How about the bad news?" James said. 

"They won't let me be an auror."  R he said, sitting up. 

"Why not?" 

"What's wrong with you?" James and I exploded. 

"They say I can't be trusted, because of what I am."  He said.  We growled and threatened to do all sorts of things to the administration that could in no way be legal, when Remus waved us down. 

"Don't worry about it.  Actually, Dumbledore said I have just the qualifications of the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor for next year." We gave him a cheer. 

"Alright, moony!" 

"We always knew you'd be a teacher." 

"I be your mum's gonna be proud!"  then his face fell. 

"She won't know about it."  He said, softly. 

"Why not?"  James asked. 

"She's dead."  He whispered.  Then he curled himself into a small ball on the seat.  We tried to comfort him as best we could. We hardly knew what to do, so we did what we knew best. We distracted him. 

On the way home, we dragged Remus out and talked and laughed and did every thing we could in our last few hours as kids.  We played pranks on the Slytherins and not even Lily protested. In fact, she helped out a bit.  We threw dungbombs and played exploding snap.  We ate loads of candy and even turned Snape's hair a bright red, for Gryffindor coulors. But once it grew dark, we settled down a bit. 

Remus had retreated to the seat next to me, gazing into space, silent tears running down his face.  Peter was snoring in the seat opposite, and James and Lily were seated close, in each other's arms, whispering quietly to each other.  I glanced at them and caught James's eye.  He gave me a look, as I watched him hold Lily.  I was so very envious of him at that moment. It was the first and only time I had ever, or have ever been jealous of James.  My own arms felt empty as though something were missing. I fought to keep back the sob that threatened to come out of my throat whenever I thought of her, and I closed my eyes and forced my mind to focus on something else. Opening my eyes, I looked out the window. It was raining. It had been raining on our first day too. I thought back on the past seven years. I had ridden in this same car, been with the same people, but I wasn't the same person I was back then. I could never me, no matter how much I tried. I had simply been through too much. I had grown up. 

"Seven years here and you won't recognize yourself." Hagrid had told us once when we went to visit him. He couldn't have been more right. For a second I wished to be that person again. Not Padfoot, the animagus. Not Padfoot the insane crazy, prankster, and not a member of the Potter gang. Not Sirius Black, the orphan. Just plain old muggle Sirius. But then I would not have my friends and I would most likely have been dead. I sighed. My dad would have been proud of me, mum too. My heart ached to see them again. I wished I wasn't something special. I wished I was just a normal kid. And I wished Erin was there to tell me things were going to be okay. Because despite my carefree and mocking exterior, that was what I really need. 

_I get scared too. In fact right now, I'm very scared. I've been scared now for so long. It never goes away. Never while I remain in this damned God forsaken place. I wish I could get out. It's driving me crazy. I may not be mad yet. But I'm well on my way. Everything hurts. I can only see James's face as I convinced him to change and I killed him and Lily. I can only hear him say those words that have haunted me ever since. " I trust you Sirius." He never called me Sirius unless it was important. He always called me Padfoot. He trusted me. He trusted me and I let him down. I as good as killed them. _

_I can't stop seeing the look on Remus's face as they brought me into the courtroom to sentence me without a trial. It was worse than the looks of hatred and disgust I was getting from my old friends and teachers. It was a look of disbelief, shock. Helplessness. And it bore deep in my soul. I don't think he even really saw me. Instead he saw a murderer, a traitor, the man who had taken his friends from him. He never saw me. Never heard me as I begged him to. The one person, who was supposed to, who had sworn to defend me no matter what, had forgotten me. I can't do this anymore. It hurts too much. This was a mistake. I never should have done this. I have to stop. I, I, can't live this…_

_Sorry, a bad day. I started crying when I remember Erin and the train ride home and any kind of emotion will attract the dementors. They crowded around my door and the sorrow just overtook me. I didn't mean what I said. I can't stop. Not now. Even if I wanted to. This has helped me and I don't know what I'll do when I finish. But finish I must. For the worst is yet to come._

We met Addi at the station. It was pouring down rain.  She  didn't need to be told something was wrong. But I told her anyway.  With a quick hug for me, she  pulled Remus close and they held each other for a long time,  there in that pouring rain.  It was in that instant, watching them together,  watching the  tears fade from Remus's face as he held my sister that I realized we were no longer children, and it was time to move on.  

It was also then, that I realized that my sister was lost to me forever.  She was no longer Addi, my baby sister. She was Adhara, and she was Remus's now. 

We were not children, and though I longed to stay, adulthood pulled at me like there was a rope around my neck, dragging me kicking and screaming into it. 

This world was suddenly very new, and very frightening. I understood that the world we were entering was not a safe or secure place.  Even less so for us because of the dangers we would soon face. Voldemort was in power, and we were all that stood in his way. We knew that.  And now the feeling of safety that surrounded Hogwarts no longer protected us. We were very much alone and exposed now. 

I know most kids, when just leaving school, feel a bit afraid, anxious, scared, but what we were feeling was ten times worse. We were suddenly thrust into a world where the decision of whether or not to trust the stranger next to you was a matter of life and death. 

As time went by, things got worse.  People died, and people were tortured and disappeared. It was a frightening time to be a kid, so soon out of school, so confused, and unsure. Many people were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. You didn't know whom to trust. You didn't know if that person was who they said they were or if they had been sent to kill you.  I played that one many times later on, from both sides. 

But that night, we had no idea just how hard the next four years were going to be.  We only knew we were tired and at home lay a bed with our names on it.  the time for  action would come later. 

We made our way to James's. There, we spent the night and then we looked for a small flat in Diagon Alley. 

We found one quite easily, and the next day, James, Remus, Peter, and I moved in.  Lily and Addi moved into the one next door, along with one of Addi's friends, who I'd never met. 

**Chapter 35: Marianna**

There was still the matter of Addi's graduation.  She asked us to attend, partly, I think, to distract us. 

We arrived at Addi's graduation by way of muggle train. We wanted to apperate as we had just passed our tests, but it might cause some fuss around the muggles.

I had dug through my  supply of muggle clothes, and  had done some  lending to James, Remus, and Peter, so that they all looked passingly like muggles.  At the  reception, James was off flirting with Lily and making many boys angry. Addi was talking to a mean looking boy when I came up to her.

" Excuse me, but Addi, may I have this dance?" I bowed low. She laughed. But the boy growled.

" Look, buddy. I don't know who you are, but Adhara is my girl." He said her name all wrong, like addi hari.

" Really? That's not what she said last night." I couldn't help playing with the boy.

" Sirius." She said, her tone wearing me. 

" Yes, my love? Ow!"

" That is for being so, so, " she frowned, trying to find the word. 

" You can't think of anything can you?' I grinned.   
" I am  going to hurt you."

" Oh come on. You wouldn't hurt little old me would you?" I asked, giving her puppy eyes.   
" No, But I'll get James to." She said, smiling.  I glanced at James. 

" If you can get him away from Lily."

" I'm not sure I want to." She said as James shoved another guy out of the way as he went to get Lily some punch.

" Come on Addi, one dance then you can dance with your ' boyfriend' before the moon comes out." I said pointedly.

" Oh, is it the full moon already?"

" No, but soon." 

" Really?"  she frowned. "So how's the job hunt going?" she asked. I made a face. 

" What do you do?' The mean faced boy asked.

" Well, I work for the headmaster of a wizard school and we are called aurors and we fight dark wizards and send them to Azakaban, the wizards prison." I said this all very cheerfully. "Just kidding."

"Really well, I have been hired by the ministry I'm going to work for the Queen."

" Really? Good for you. I got offered a job as beater for England, but Dumbledore wants me to wait for a week before I tell them anything."

"Why?" Addi asked.

" Dunno. He asked us to come in later this week. Said he wanted to tell us something."

"And you have no idea what he wants?"

"Not a clue. Prongs thinks it has something to do with " I glanced around. I didn't want to say it in case any of his followers where here. You could never tell. Especially not then.  " As much as I hate to say this, he thinks it has something to do with you know who."

" You know who?" she whispered.

"Yep." Dropping the serious tone I said, " Now will you please dance with me? Please? Please? Oh please." I gave her my best puppy face. She rolled her eyes. 

"God, you are such a baby. Alright! Alright. Just don't give me that look. You know I can't stand that look."

"But Adhara, I thought you were gonna dance with me. Not some loser."

"That loser happens to be my twin brother, who could turn you into dust with a wave of his hand. So I'd watch it if I were you." He stared after us as we moved on to the dance floor. We laughed as we danced. After a few minutes I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and Remus was standing there.

"Hey Moony. Feel better?"

"Yeah a lot."

"Great." 

"Do you mind?" He asked gesturing toward Addi who smiled.

"Go on, you love birds." Remus laughed.

" Oh, Padfoot? Whatever you do, don't make any Lily remarks tonight. James is in a bad mood from all the attention Lily is getting." He warned me. 

"You worry to much Moony." I said, giving him a fake punch on the shoulder. Then I turned and walked away. 

"And don't touch the punch." He called after me. 

"No prob." I waved  back. 

"Better yet, don't do anything to the punch."  I turned around, a hurt look on my face. 

"Who, me?" He gave me a knowing look and turned away.

I moved across the room, remembering what Remus had said and staying away from both James and the punch. I watched my friend's dance and a familiar lump rose in my thought. If Erin had been here, she would have pulled me onto the dance floor and never stopped. She loved to dance. I was so lost in thought I didn't notice the shouting for a second.

I was standing next to the entrance to the balcony. Because of the music, and the amount of people,  it was hard to hear, but I could make out two voices, a girl's and a boys'. I looked out the door. There was a man standing with his back to me. He was shouting at a girl whose face was blocked from my view. I hesitated for a second. The I saw the boy raise his fist.

I strode out onto the balcony whistling like I was coming out to think. The shouting stopped. I gave them both a lopsided grin and leaned on the edge, pretending to be stargazing.

"Do you mind?" The boy's harsher voice asked.

"Hmm? Are you talking to me?" I glanced around, as if expecting to see someone else. 

"You see anyone else out here?" He sauntered over to me and grabbed my shirt collar.

"Yes, actually I do. Her." I pointed at the girl.

" Look, we are trying to have a conversation here."

"Well, don't let me stop you."

"Why, you little,"  he growled into my face. I resisted the urge to growl for real. 

" Steven! Stop it. Leave him alone. He didn't do anything." The girl ran up and took his arm. Her face was hidden mostly in the shadows.  She had a lilting Irish accent.

" You stay out of this, Marianna."

"Please, Steven." She begged. 

"I said, stay out!" And before any of us knew what was happening, he raised his hand and brought it down across her face. Anger rippled through my body. I'd seen enough abuse at home without finally escaping it and facing it again.  Before he could say or do anything, I grabbed his arm and twisted it around so he couldn't move. Then I pulled out my wand and preformed the full body bind on him. I whipped my wand back under my robes before she could see it. He lay there, unmoving, his eyes following me in fright and anger.

"Don't you ever touch her, Don't' you ever touch any girl like that. If you do I swear, you'll get more than a full body bind." I whispered harshly. 

The girl, Marianna, was crying. She had her face turned from me, standing a few feet away. 

" Are you okay? I stepped over the prostate man and over to her. 

" I'm fine. You didn't have to do that." She kept her face out of my view. 

"Yes, I did." I reached out and touched her shoulder. She flinched and I withdrew my hand.

"Let me see." I asked, quietly as to reassure her.  

" No."

Please. I won't hurt you. I promise. Please." I spoke softly. She turned. I was struck with shock. She was beautiful.  With  shining red gold hair that was partly done up in an elaborate bun and half hanging  down her back, and  sparkling bright blue eyes, brighter than James's,  that dazzled me,   milky pale skin,  marred by a red mark starting to show on her cheek, and a frightened look on her wonderful face,  she was the most  spectacular creature I'd ever seen. 

My heart began to beat hard and my breath , I drew in slowly. It felt hard to breath, just as it had when I'd broken my ribs. I could feel my heart pounding against my rib cage and I wondered that the whole world couldn't hear it too. 

"Is it really that bad? She smiled slightly. God, she was beautiful when she smiled. 

" NO, No it's just," I shook my head. I didn't trust myself to answer her. I took several deep breaths and reached out to examine her cheek. 

"You can't see a thing." I touched her cheek gently and as I did, I felt  something.  It was like a jolt or a shock.  She jerked as if she'd felt something too. I dropped my hand. 

"Good." We glanced at each other, then looked away. 

" Are you okay?" I asked gently,  more to ease the tension than anything. 

"Yes, I'm fine. Really." I bit my lower lip.  Then I smiled at her. 

"You want to go for a walk?" I offered her my arm. She glanced at me, gratefully and took it. 

'Yeah."

Oh and you'll be able to move in about 12 hours, give or take a day." I grinned over my shoulder.

"Who was he?' I asked as we moved away from the still cursed evil boyfriend.

" My boyfriend, Steven. He's not really like this. He loves me." she sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than me. 

" Really? Odd way for showing someone you care." I glanced at her. Her lip was trembling and she was  avoiding my eyes.  then she  slumped down onto a bench. 

" Oh, who am I kidding?" She groaned, burying her face in her hands.  I sat down next to her and she melted into my embrace. " All my friends told me he was bad, I just didn't listen. He was so nice and charming at first. I never get guys like that interested in me. I always get the geeks. Never the popular guys. I just liked it so much. Then he started getting more and more violent. I could stop him. I couldn't fight back. " Her eyes were wet again. I conjured up a handkerchief behind my back and handed it to her. " Thanks." She wiped her eyes. " Oh my god, I can't believe I just spilled my whole soul to a complete stranger." I smiled. I liked the feeling of her in my arms, I felt almost whole again. 

I laughed. "Well, don't worry. I know how you feel. Sort of."

" You lose some one?" Damn, just when I'd gotten my mind off of her. 

"Someone? I can't count on my hand how many people have been killed because of me." I said bitterly.

"My mum, my dad, the potters, Eri," My voice croaked on her name. The tears were beginning to flow. I thought of all those people who had been so good to me. That I had as good as killed when I made them close to me. I blinked furiously to  stop them, but that didn't stop one, just a single tear from leaking out. 

"Tough life huh?" she reached out and brushed it away.  Her gentle touch sent chills down my back.  I shivered. 

" I guess you can say that." We laughed  slightly and sat there for a while. She lay back in my arms and I felt like 'd known her forever.  It was odd, we'd met only moments before and here we were wrapped in each other's arms like lovers. For a moment, I wondered if this was what James and Lily felt. 

But the sounds of the party drifted back to us and we were reminded of where we were.  I shifted and sighed. 

" Hey, do you want to go check out the dance? I'm in the mood to break that promise to Moony and go spike the punch." She smiled up at me. 

" Alright. Lets go."

We entered the room, arm and arm. A quick gaze told me James and Lily was exactly as I had left them. Wrapped in each other's arms on the dance floor. Remus and Addi were smiling and watching them. Remus's arm and around Addi's shoulder and they were watching James and Lily, sometimes whispering things to each other and making the other grin or blush. I didn't want to face them right then. 

"Do you want to dance?" I asked her.  She nodded. 

" Sure." I wrapped my arms around her and we danced. After the song we wandered over to the punch bowl.  Remus was gone and Addi was speaking with several girls I'd never seen before.  

" Hey Addi, where's Moony?" as I approached with Mari's arm looped in mine, Addi began to frown slightly. 

" Little boy's room." She answered. I noticed her friends giving me looks like I was some fresh piece of meat.  I also noticed  Marianna's arm tighten in mine. 

" Hey Adhara, who's the hunk?" One of her friends asked.   Addi's frown was obvious now.  I gave the girl my best lady-killer grin.  That set Addi off. 

"Sirius, stop that this instant."  I frowned at her now, confused. 

"What?" 

"Don't you, what me.  It might be alright for you to love and leave all the girls in your school, but leave my friends out of this."    I shook my head. 

"And what makes you so sure I was planning that?  Can't I just have a good time?" 

"A good time?  You've been having a 'good time' since Erin.   It's time to stop it now before it becomes your life. " 

Now I was angry. Where did she get off, thinking she could tell me what to do?  She's my sister, not my keeper. 

"Don't you try to mother me!" I shouted back. "  You think I like this?  You think I'm happy without her?  Do you think she doesn't cross my mind every second of every day?  You have no idea what I've been through! No idea!"  She glared at me.  One thing we do share is the Black temper.  That is one thing I can say I did inherit from my father's side of the family. 

"I know exactly what you've been through. Do you think I didn't?   Remus has been owling me for years, telling me everything. How you wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, how you collapsed in the common room and then how you dated, then left every girl in your year.  This has been hard for all of us, Sirius!  You aren't the only one suffering here!" 

God, how could she do this to me?  How could she bring up Erin just when I wanted to forget her?  Part of me wanted to burst into tears and crumble to the floor like a rag doll. But my pride would not allow it. 

"But I was the only one who loved her!"  I roared back.  "You have no idea! You will never understand what it's like!  Never!"  I swallowed hard and fought to keep the tears back as Erin's dying scream echoed in my ears and Voldemort's laughter rang through my mind like a bell.  In that instant, Addi's gaze softened and she reached out for me. 

"Sirius, I'm just trying to-" 

"What?" but I was too far-gone to let it go.  "Help me? I don't need your help! I don't need anyone! I will do what I damn well bloody please! And no one, not even you, will stop me!"  With that I spun around and marched out the door, the crowd around us parting to let me pass. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James and Lily watching me with worrying glances from the dance floor. As I yanked open the door, I saw Remus comforting Addi in the glass.  I slammed the door and hurried outside into the warm summer breeze. 

 My breath was harsh and   out here, no one could hear me.  But I couldn't cry, I refused.  I bit my lip and fought back my tears. But that didn't stop me from burying my face in my hands. 

God, I'd been so cruel to her, I could see that. My poor dear little sister. But  she didn't understand, never could.  And I couldn't explain it to her, even if I wanted her to know.  I let out a  dry sob. 

Suddenly a hand touched my shoulder. I spun around and gazed into Marianna's face. 

"Marianna!"  I gasped, surprised. 

"Are you alright?" she asked.  I nodded quickly. 

"You don't look alright."  I shook my head. 

"Fine. I'm fine."  She sighed and reached up on her toes to brush away a tear that had somehow leaked out onto my chin.

"You don't seem fine to me."  I shook my head.  What could I say? Nothing.  And so I did. 

But she  took my head and led me all around the grounds, showing me everything.  Before long I had forgotten my worries and woes and was pointing out constellations to her.  My hand always trembled on Orion,  but I enjoyed  pointing out Sirius, the dogstar.  She giggled. 

"Is everyone in your family names after stars?"  I nodded. 

"Of course, all the Black's are." 

"Tell me some."  She had her  arm through mine and we were wandering the grassy area, laughing and  standing quite close for the wind had turned cold.  When she laughed she laid her head on my shoulder momentarily, I liked that feeling.  

"Well," I began, "Of course, I'm Sirius and my sister's Adhara, both stars in the Canis Major constellation." 

"Sirius is the brightest star in the sky, right?"  I nodded. 

"Well, you're more of an astronomer than you though, eh?"  she  blushed.  Then I continued to point out stars and constellations.  After a while, we just walked in silence. 

"Sirius," Marianna began.  I looked at her.  "I want to thank you, not just for helping me with Steven, but for tonight.  It really means a lot to me." 

"Well,  you mean a lot to me."  I answered. I paused for a moment where had that come from? I had known this girl only one night, a few hours even.  Sirius Black is not a person to take emotion lightly.  I  bit my lip and wondered what to say, but James running franticly to meet us saved me. 

"There you are, Padfoot," he said, gasping.  I waited for him to catch his breath, then I asked him. 

"What's up, Prongs?" He looked flushed and scared.

" Dumbledore just sent an owl. Says he wants the meeting pushed up to tonight. Said it was important we be there." I glanced at Marianna and pulled James away.  When we were out for hearing range, I turned back to him. 

"Any idea what it's about?"

"The same as before." 

Okay, go tell Lily and Remus and Peter. I'll meet you there."

" Apperating?"

"Yeah. It's faster."

" Yeah. Hogwarts, don't forget."

" See ya."

I turned back to Marianna. "I'm sorry. I have to go. "

" When can I see you again?" she asked. I thought fast. 

" Er, how about tomorrow night?"

" Okay. Pick me up at my place." She gave me the address. It was next door! I laughed. But when she asked I shook my head.  I smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Then I ran after James. When I rounded the corner, I made sure no one could see me and I apperated. 

**Chapter 36: The Order of the Phoenix**

I outside the castle gates. I ran up the path and the door was opened by McGonagall. 

" Sirius, good to see you. They're meeting in the great hall." She pushed me toward the room. There were many people in it. I spotted James and Lily and ran to meet them. Remus joined us shortly. I wondered what Remus was doing there, when he wasn't allowed to become an auror. 

Dumbledore came in and motioned for us all to take seats. I sat down and James and Lily sat across from me. Remus sat next to me and Peter sat next to me on the other side.

"For many of you, this is your first time here and you may not know why you are here." Dumbledore glanced at us. " I would like you to welcome James Potter, Sirius Black, Lily Evans, and Remus Lupin to the Order of the Phoenix." The others around the table clapped. We sat stunned. The Order of the Phoenix was a top-secret government organization. They fought Voldemort and his death eaters. They were mostly made up of aurors and healers and spies. Only the best got in. And no matter what it was dangerous. 

"If any of you wish to leave you may do so and no one will say any thing more about it." I knew I wasn't getting up. No one else did either. 

" You are the best in your year. You are here because we need you. All the help we can get to fight this evil that threatens to destroy all we have built. Many of you know the pain of losing someone you love to Voldemort." His eyes flicked toward James, Lily, and me " When you are here you will never refer to Voldemort by any name other than his own. No he- who- must- not – be – named, or you know who. Just Voldemort. It is foolish to fear a name. You will go through a training process that will last until you are ready. There will be no exceptions or allowances. You are here to do a job and do it well. You are expected to do your part. Is that understood?" We nodded. "Very well, let's get down to business. I would like some one to volunteer to show our newest members the ropes. And get them through the training." Several people raised their hands. 

"Very well, Frank you can take Sirius. Minerva, you can take James. Arthur can take Remus and Lily." He called on some other people to take the other kids. I glanced at Frank Longbottom. He looked nice enough, blond and cheerful, not like I pictured aurors at all. I gave him a grin. He smiled back. Arthur Weasly was Tom's older brother. He looked nice enough. Though a little bookish.  Across the table, Alastor Moody looked angry and to be perfectly frank, scared me. He gave me a glare and I glared right back at him. Then he smiled approvingly. I titled my head, but then Dumbledore spoke again.

" Now the reason I called you all here. This afternoon Voldemort made another attack." There were frightened whispers around the table.

" The Bones are dead."

I sat back in my chair. Samantha Bone was two years ahead of me, but our parents had been friends. I hadn't seen her much since my dad had died, but still I knew her. 

" Sir, may I ask why?" Frank asked. 

" The same as always."

He gave us a few more memos and ended the meeting. Frank told me to meet him in the Leaky Cauldron tomorrow at nine so we could begin. We went home and didn't speak the whole way.


	28. Unspeakable

The next morning I was at the tavern on time. Frank smiled when he saw me.

" So Sirius, you're a member now. That's great. I've heard a lot about you. Did you really face Voldemort all by yourself?"

" Yeah, so?" I shrugged. I didn't like to talk about it. I mean, who would? I had grown up in a world of silence, where you didn't tell anyone about the pain, you just bore it and hoped for the best. 

" Well, that's not something just anyone can say. Dumbledore told me about it and he also said not to be surprised if anything strange happened while I was training you."

"Strange?"

" I don't know. But let's get down to business." He took me to an old building and down a long hall till we came to a big empty room. That was were they trained new aurors. You needed to be fast, smart, quick with your spells, everything. I found it came very easy to me. I trained for the whole day. I can't tell you how they train aurors, top secret and all of that. But I can tell you it's hard. 

For the rest of the week I trained. The others were worked just as hard. McGonagall worked James hard on his spells. Arthur worked Lily and Remus on their athletic ability. Peter had got a job doing some filing for the ministry. He seemed to like it well enough. Finally Friday came and Frank let me off early.

I ran up the steps and rang the doorbell. Why muggles need such things is beyond me. But Marianna answered the foolish contraption anyway.

" Sirius. It's great to see you. You haven't called all week. I got to thinking you forgot."

" No. I didn't forget. I've just been really busy."

" Oh, " she didn't like it, but she let it go. Only the first of many times she would do that over the next four years. 

'You ready to go?"

She smiled. We spent the evening at the fair. It's this sort of party muggles have. It has rides and games and food and strange men with multicolored faces, odd shaped feet, and weird clothes that run up to you, hug you, and give you strange shiny, squeaky animals that blow up if you poke them too hard.

" Honestly Sirius, you'd think you'd never seen a clown before."

" I don't like them. They scare me."

She shook her head and we went on. We watched the sun go down over the river and we had our first kiss there. After that we saw as much of each other as we could. It was hard to fit dating into my schedule. But Frank, being engaged himself, let me have Fridays and Saturdays evenings off.

There was one flaw in our relationship. I couldn't tell her what I was. I had seen people get rejected because of the magic in their blood and I didn't want to lose her. Some strange things happen that made her wonder. She always wondered about the owls. I sent all my letters to her by owl. She thought it was the funniest thing, though I pretended as if I'd trained Ernie to deliver letters instead of him automatically knowing how too. And the way things seemed to do what I wanted. Like I could fix her TV. (A muggle box with pictures in it) with out doing anything. I just whacked it with my wand. And the way my friends and I always seemed to be fighting about Quidditich, or some other wizard thing. 

Still, we stayed together.  She knew I was taking classes, though she didn't know where.  I used that for an excuse if ever there was a problem and I had to run out or miss a date. Still, she was patient, and I treasured her for that.  Every time I did screw up; I tried to make it up to her. I thanked God, I'd been raised a muggle so that I knew how to do simple things like work the television, or take her out to eat, or drive her around on my motorbike.  She loved that bike almost as much as I did. 

She didn't complain much that first year. Only a few times, did she get mad at me. But something in me, commanded me not to loose her. So I did my best to listen well.  

I had been training almost a year when at the next meeting, when Dumbledore asked if anyone had anything new to say, Frank stood up. " I have been training Sirius for about a year now and I have something to say tonight. There is nothing more I can teach him. He is ready. I am pleased to introduce you to our newest auror, Sirius Black." 

I sat in shock. Normally the training period took about three years, but our side was struggling in the war and we needed new recruits as fast as Hogwarts could turn them out. The training period was shortened, giving us real duties that it would have normally taken us at least three years to achieve. 

 James and Remus congratulated me. They would become aurors in the next week. Though, I still kept up working with Frank, I was now a certified auror.  Still Frank kept throwing newer and newer things at me.  A few months later, he began training me to use muggle weapons. 

"You never know when that is all you may have." He told me.  Oddly enough, I found myself to be an excellent shot when it came to guns and a good thrower with knives. 

On my first time out, I went with Frank and a few others. We were planning a raid on a suspected death eater. James's group would be called in case of any trouble. We approached the house cautiously. No one made a sound. I heard a small crack behind me.

" Shhh." One of the older men turned and glared at me. Moody. Before we had left he and Dumbledore had had a row. He said I was too young to be trusted with something like this. But Dumbledore and Frank insisted. The hair rose on the back on my neck. I heard more cracks and I smelled something. Something evil. I could smell things others couldn't and hear things others couldn't and I had a dogs six sense.

" Frank, someone's following us."

"Shut up kid." Moody growled " You're gonna get us caught."

" But,"

" Shut up!"

Again I heard the rustling and now voices. 

" Frank." I whispered desperately.

"Kid, I told you to shut up." Moody said louder now.

" Alastor, relax. Sirius, what's wrong?"

" Voices. Back there. And people. I smell people." I pointed. They listened.

" I don't hear anything." Moody growled. But Frank looked at me. He knew I could sometimes do, hear, and smell things other people couldn't.

" Get your wands up. Be ready." Frank warned. We stood in a circle. Frank whispered something to Moody and he nodded glaring at me. " Sirius, if something happens, I want you to run. Don't stay, just get away while you can." I didn't answer, but I knew I wouldn't. We managed to get up to the front door. Moody and the others broke it down and pulled the Death Eaters outside.

" Found them in the middle of a meeting. Call Dumbledore. We're gonna need more backup to bring them all in." Moody told Frank. Just then a flash of movement caught my eye. There were people moving in the bushes and they weren't ours.  "He's coming. Now. We have to go." I insisted.

Frank nodded and motioned for the others to come out of hiding. James ran up to me and gave me a look. Frank and the others tied up the Death Eaters and we prepared to go. The they attacked.

The Death Eaters fired curse after curse at us. We fired back but we were outnumbered. 

"Look out!" James yelled as the Death Eaters we had captured broke free. Forgetting my wand I jumped at the nearest one. I wrestled with him for a few minutes and managed to bind him. I went after the next one and the next one I raised my fist to punch one when someone grabbed my arm. They twisted it back until I heard a pop! A wave of pain ran down my arm. My shoulder burned. Some one grabbed me by the collar and held me by the neck. I felt a wand tip shoved under my chin.

" Stop!" the man holding me yelled.

"Sirius!" James yelled. He moved toward me, but Frank held him back.

" Well, aurors. It looks like you have a decision to make. Let my men go or see your little friend here die a very painful death."

"Let the boy go." Frank spoke in a low voice.

"Let me think for a moment. No." he laughed cruelly and jerked my arm, forcing me to bite down hard on my lip to stifle my outcry. I tasted blood. " My master will reward me well if I bring him this boy. And you wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him He can't be more that what, seventeen, eighteen?"

" Let him go." Frank repeated.

" So young. It's so sad when they go this young." The man laughed. Then he twisted my arm. I barely stifled my cry of pain. 

The man laughed again. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw a wolf running toward us. I glanced up at the moon. It was full. Remus, I thought. Wasn't he back at Hogwarts?  There had been some new development, hadn't there?  Yes, a potion that allowed him to keep him minds during the transformation. He'd been so excited. But my mind was blurry, fuzzy with pain and frustration. I couldn't remember. 

The man was knocked down. He let go of me and I ran for my friends. James grabbed me and pulled me out of the way. Remus, the wolf stood over the man growling for a second. Then he looked at the aurors expectantly as if to say well, aren't you going to arrest him? The other death eaters had scattered. 

And once the man had been arrested, I was forgotten for a minute. Moony came up to James and me who were sitting in the back. 

"Thanks Moony. You saved my life." I reached out to pet the wolf and to my surprise, he let me. The he ran off. Later that night we went back to Hogwarts to report. Dumbledore took one look at my arm in the sling and sent me up to Madam Pomfrey.

" Dislocated shoulder. Shouldn't be too hard. But I don't want you using this arm for at least three days. Come up at the next meeting and I'll check it. Honestly, I thought I was done mending your injuries." She scolded me as she wrapped my arm and placed it in a sling again. " You watch him. Do not let him do anything strenuous or the arm wouldn't heal. Give him this for the pain." She handed James a small bottle. " I would have thought you would have learned some sense by now, but no. " She went on muttering as she mending the other patients. James smiled and we went home.

Lily was waiting for us. " Dumbledore sent a letter." She had fixed us a hot meal and sent me to bed. Addi came home later and yelled at me for not watching out for myself. 

The next morning I woke up feeling refreshed and went to stretch. Pain shot up my arm and I remembered last night. I winced and put my arm back in the sling and went out to see about breakfast. 

I worked hard, bringing in Death Eaters as fast as I could. Unfortunately I got many more visits to Madam Pomfrey. Many of Voldemort's supporters did not want to come quietly.

**Chapter 37: A New Job.**

It was a few weeks after  that episode that Dumbledore called me into his office. "Sirius, there is something I wish to discuss with you. Please sit down." He motioned to a chair in front of him.  I sat. 

"Frank tells me you're working with muggle weapons now." 

I nodded. 

"Sirius, Frank tells me you're doing well. Very well." I nodded again, unsure of where this was going. 

"In fact, he says he would like to recommend you to Thomas McKinnon."  I frowned. His name had been whispered a few times, usually when a Death Eater was found dead, mysteriously dead.

"I agree with him that you would do well in Thomas's department."  Dumbledore seemed uneasy about something. 

"It may be best if you did not mention this to any of your friends. Not even James or Remus."  I was confused, but agreed.  And the next day, I was shown to the office of Thomas McKinnon 

McKinnon was a tall man, almost as tall as I was, with a brush of brown hair, flecked with gray. He seemed perhaps ten years older than myself, maybe more.  He stood up to greet me. 

"Sirius Black, correct?" I nodded. He offered me a chair, and sat down at his desk and opened a file. "Sirius Lee Black, born January first, 1961. Parents: Fiona and Orion Black, both deceased.  Living relatives:  sister, Adhara Black, age 18, twin.  Graduated from Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, June 15, 1978.  Trained in the use of wands, curses, transfiguration, and the use of muggle weapons. Recommended to the Department for Magic Intelligence. Code name: Cerberus. " He glanced at me. I shivered. By the looks of the large stack of papers in that file, it was my whole life in that folder. And code name?  Up until then, I'd never heard mine, though I knew we all had one. They were issued to us when we joined the OOP. 

"Do you know what goes on in the Department for Magic Intelligence?" he asked me. I shook my head. 

"No one says much. And it's never really crossed my mind."  He sighed. 

"Black, you're here because you're good.  You wouldn't be here if you weren't. Frank knows you well, it seems."  He nodded to the file. "He says you have a bad temper.  That you tend to get angry easily. Is that true?"  I shrugged. 

"I guess.  I always got in fights at school."  I had to wonder just where this was going. 

"And these fights, did you win any?"  I gave him a confused look. 

"Some. Most got pulled apart by teachers."  He nodded. 

"Do you know what we do here?"  I shook my head. 

"Most of us here, we're what's called Unspeakables. Our job is to _take care _of things." 

"What kind of things?" I asked, a bit hesitant. 

"Things that get in the way.  Things or people." 

"People?"  He nodded and got up, slowly pacing around me. 

"Yes.  If there is someone we know we can't take alive, or is passing secrets, we eliminate the subject."  I was appalled. 

"Subject? That's a human life you're talking about!" 

"They're not human any more, Sirius." He gave me a hard look. "Wouldn't you love to catch the rats who murdered your parents?" I stiffened and my blood turned to ice.  I'd never told anyone my secret wish that I could track down and murder that filthy git like he did my mum and dad.

McKinnon laughed. "I thought so. So what do you say? Want to join us?" 

"You're assassins!" I hissed. 

"That's not the word we typically use, but I suppose you could say that." I frowned deeply. He leaned over, looking me right in the face.  "This is for your country, Black. Your friends, your life.  Do you want other children to suffer like you did, because you didn't want to get their murderers off the streets?  We need you, Black. Your people need you." He waited my response. 

On the one hand, it was murder.  It was almost like what they were doing to us.  But then, it wasn't. I knew there were Death Eaters that wouldn't be caught alive, and they were the worst. Take away the followers and the leader has no power. Steal the sheep and the Shepard is disabled.  My decision was made.  Slowly, I looked up at McKinnon and I nodded, sealing my fate. 

He nodded in return. "Good choice, Black." Then he sat back. "You'll need to be here bright an early tomorrow to start your training, so I suggest you get an early start tonight." 

"Sir, one thing. About my friends, my family. What do I say? Am I going to have to leave them?  And I have a girlfriend, she's a muggle. What do I do?" 

"Continue like you have been.  You've simply been transferred. We don't want anyone to suspect anything." I nodded and got up to leave. Just as my hand was on the door, McKinnon spoke again. 

"Black, I must stress, that it is imperative that you keep silent about anything you may, do, see, or hear."  I nodded again and I pulled the door closed behind me.  For a second, I leaned on it for support, and then I gathered myself and hurried home. 

I must have looked worried that night, because Mari asked if there was anything wrong. I simply lied and told her no. but James frowned. 

"I heard you got transferred today." I nodded. 

"Where to?" 

"Department of Intelligence."  I answered.  

Lily frowned. "That's where the Unspeakables work."  James grinned. 

"Finally, you can tell us what they do." I gave him a grin back, but my heart wasn't in it.

"What are Unspeakables?" Mari asked. Lily grinned at her. 

"They work for the Ministry. No one's quite sure what they do, but now that Sirius is working in the same department, he can tell us." Mari smiled.  I poked my food.  

The next morning, I slipped out before anyone was wake. 

I arrived at the office, wondering just what I was doing.  McKinnon was waiting for me. 

"Nice Morning, Black. Ready?" I nodded. 

"As ready as I'll ever be."  He smiled and led me into the worst ten weeks of my life. 

I trained from sunrise to sunset.  I learned everything from how to block the Cruciatus, to how to load and fire a gun in less than fifteen seconds. I learned how to hide. McKinnon was the only one I ever told about my illegal animagi transformation, and he was nothing short of impressed. 

"Fifteen?  You were fifteen?"  I nodded.  "And no one ever found out?" 

"No one we never told." 

"That's even better.  Gives you an extra protection. If ever you can't run away, you can change and hide like that." I nodded.  

Then he put me through tests.  Horrible, grueling tests that left me aching and tired.  But my skills improved day-by-day until, almost three months later, on my birthday, he pulled me into his office. 

"Sirius, you are nineteen years old today. Happy birthday."  He handed me a file.  I opened it up. 

There was a picture of a glowering man with glasses and a balding head. 

"Name's Luther Van Slight. Worked as a clerk for Moody, but got fired about six months ago.  And yet he keeps reappearing in places around the ministry.  He's been passing secrets for over a year, but every time we try to catch him, he disappears. Vanishes into thin air.  Well, we've got him pinned down now. We have his address. And he's your first target." I swallowed hard. This was it. 

This was the man I was going to kill. I started at him, wondering  half-heartedly if he had a family,  friends, people that would miss him.

"Don't waste your sympathy, Black." McKinnon  said, interrupting my thoughts. "He's  murdered half a dozen of my agents alone, and the  secrets he's passed have resulted in the deaths of  ten muggles and at least three innocent  wizards. A single mother and two kids, I might add." 

"So why me? if he's so dangerous, why send me? It's my first time." 

"Because I know you can do it." he told me. 

"Well, what do I use? Wand? Gun?  Curse?" 

"Up to you.  He lives in a muggle neighborhood in  West London, so I'd go for the silent weapons. Don't want you getting caught by muggle policemen." I nodded. 

"When do I go?" 

"Tonight."  I left the office, shivers running up and down my spine. 

All that afternoon, I paced the flat, trying to figure out what to do.  Did I even want to do this?  It was killing a man. True, a man who'd killed others, but was that right? 

"Sirius?" 

"Ya!"  I jumped and reached for my belt. Luckily, my wand was lying on the table, or Lily would have been some sort of fluffy white rodent by that time.  She looked surprised. 

"Sorry, Lil. Just a bit nervous." 

"So I noticed.  I came in here to ask if you wanted to stop pacing a hole in the carpet and have dinner."  She asked, smiling.  Dinner? My stomach refused to even think of food, and I shook my head. 

It was a few minutes later, when I heard my friends sit down to dinner that I slipped out the door.  I climbed onto my motorbike and sped off. When I reached the street, I climbed off and crept down the sidewalk, staying in the shadows, yet moving fast enough to as to not attract attention. 

By that time, my heart was pounding.  I wondered if my nerve was going to fail me.  I steeled myself, reminding my   frantic body, which wanted nothing more than to go tearing down the street, just what this monster had done. 

Just then a door slammed and a man walked down the stairs from one of the houses.  I squinted.  

Yep, that was him.  Slowly, as if I wasn't even in charge anymore, I slipped into the shadows behind him.  What to use?  I wondered as he went for his car. Why does a wizard have a car, I wondered. His car! I had to act now!

I reached down and the first thing I found was my gun.  It had been modified to be silent and improved shot.  I raised it, telling myself it was only a dummy, like I'd shot so many times.  Then as he bent over his car to unlock it, I pulled the trigger. 

He cried out, slumped over the car and was still.  Blood streaked the car window and dribbled down to gather in pools by his feet. I crept up and rolled him over. I knew I wouldn't leave any fingerprints, those had been magically removed by McKinnon.  It was most certainly him. I found his wand in his pockets, along with a paper, which contained a detailed description of our next attack against Voldemort.  I growled. 

Then I glanced at the man, laying on the ground next to me. Horror coursed through my veins. I'd killed him! I'd killed a man!  I jumped back. Suddenly, I heard a voice. 

"Wait! Luther! You forgot your coat!"  a man hurried out, waving his coat. He froze when he saw me. Then-

"Auror!" he screamed and pulled out his wand. "I'll kill you!" he shouted.  He shoved me back against the car. I heard glass shatter.  I kicked out and he stumbled back.  Then he went for his wand.  I reached behind me and grabbed a piece of glass. It cut into my hand, but I didn't pay it any mind. Instead I threw it.  It landed perfectly, right between his shoulder blades and he was down.  The man behind him stared stunned for a moment, then went for his wand. I smiled at him and raised my gun. I'd pulled the trigger again, before he had time to recount a spell.  Another man was hurrying out the door. I gave him a quick grin and Apperated, just as he rushed at me.  I Disapperated by my bike, climbed on, and sped off into the night.  

I slammed the door behind me and locked it, panting.  I closed my eyes and bit my lip, unable to really understand. I'd killed two possibly three men tonight. 

"Sirius?"  my eyes jerked open.  James, Lily, Remus, Addi, and Mari were seated in the living room, which the front door opened up into. 

"Hey." I smiled a bit. 

"Sirius, where have you been?" James asked.

"We've been worried."  Addi added. 

"Just went out for a drive." I said.   Mari stood up and gave me a quick hug. Then she pulled away. 

"Sirius, what's that on your shirt?" I glanced down. Oh no! I must have cut myself in that window, not to mention the cut on my hand was still bleeding. 

"I had a bit of an accident." I said, "Noting big, just ran into a stop sign. My mirror shattered."  I told them, in response to their panicked looks. "I'm just gonna go get cleaned up now." I strode passed them into the bathroom.  

Closing the door behind me, I peeled off my jacket and tee shirt.  I tapped the cut on my hand with my wand. It was clean, though not healed. I was never big on healing spells.  Maybe I should work on them more, I thought. I checked my back. Indeed, it was a mess.  There were hundreds of tiny little cuts. I sighed, wondering how the hell I was going to clean them up.  I managed though. It was simply the first of many. 

As the months passed, my skill grew. Soon I was actually known though out the ministry. Well, not me exactly.  Cerberus.   No one knew much about him. He was tall, dark, and deadly. The girls gossiped about who he could possibly be.  The men joked.  No one knew. 

After a few times, I got the hang of it, managing my attacks with perfect accuracy. Only a few got away.  I did have one problem. I disliked using my wand. The only way to kill a person with a wand is the Avada Kedavra curse, the same one that had killed my parents, Erin, and the Potters. I never used it.  I only used muggle weapons, which added to Cerberus's reputation to being honorable.  The Unforgivables were considered weapons the Death Eaters used.  It seemed dishonorable to us. 

The Death Eaters soon learned that an attack on muggles or a peaceful family was soon to lead to one of them being found dead, killed by a muggle weapon with a happy little note from Cerberus stuck in his pocket. 

I took to that habit too.  I left notes, that read  Greetings Voldie, from Cerberus. Or some variation of that.  It seemed to aggravate Voldemort's temper, and I know he  stepped up  tactics to find out how I was. 

Though he never found out,  I was still a very active member of OOP.  I still made rounds with James and Lily and Remus. I liked that more. I didn't have to kill anyone. 

If my friends wondered anything, they didn't ask. They didn't question my late hours, or the fact that I would return many times with blood on my clothes. Though when Lily did the wash, I'm sure she noticed.  They respected my silence and I was so very grateful. 

However, Mari did not. 


	29. The Truth

**Chapter 38: To Tell Or Not To Tell. **

My relationship with Marianna wasn't going as well as I would have liked. She always thought I was hiding something from her. Which I was actually, but not anything bad. Just the small unimportant fact that I was a wizard and an assassin.  She never liked it when I made excuses for being late or not showing up at all. 

One morning after a partially rough night, three targets and one raid in which I'd  had my arm fell on and broken, I came into the living room to see Marianna sitting there. 

" Mari, what are you doing here?"

" What am I doing here? Our date, Sirius." 

"Date?"

"Yes, last night." 

" Oh, our, I am so sorry. Mari, I completely forgot. Ya see, we had this emergency at work and everything was just so hectic. I just couldn't get away."

" Sirius, you're up." Addi came into the room. " Marianna, hi." She nodded, but frowned. I was grateful for the distraction. 

" It's good that you're up. I was about to sent Remus in there and he is in a grumpy mood."

" No wonder, running around the country all night, the dog." 

" Sirius! If you don't behave, I'll have to give you some of Madam Pomfrey's painkiller.

" No! Anything but that!" Mari smiled a bit, and I grinned at her. 

" Threatened with Pomfrey's pain killer, huh, Padfoot? " Remus asked. He came out of the kitchen and in the sunlight, he looked extremely pale and tired, a nasty looking cut running across his forehead.

"Souvenir of last night." He grinned. " James went to check up early he says we owe him for last night." 

" That we do, Moony, my friend. Say where's Wormtail?"

" Not a clue haven't seen him since yesterday. He was here when I" he trailed off when he saw Marianna.

" What happened to you guys last night?" She asked eyeing my sling and Remus's cut.

No one said anything. Everyone just looked at me.

" What? Why do I always get the hard ones?"

Just then the flames in the fireplace exploded and turned green as James came home. 

" Hallo." He looked beat. Lily was right behind him. She looked tired but as beautiful as ever. Mari ,on the other, hand looked terrified. 

"Mari?"

" Oh my God, Sirius. Did they just?"

" Yes."

"How?" she stuttered. 

"Floo powder. " James said." We don't have much money right now and it's one of the easiest ways to get around."

" Floo what?"

" or you could just apperate."

" Prongs, you're not helping."

" Sorry Padfoot. Any way I'm supposed to tell you that we managed to capture five Death Eaters last night. At least seven got away. But we got the names of three of them." I groaned. More work for me, then. 

" Great, so all we need are the last four." Addi said. Yeah, and who will be the one to bring them down? Me. I thought. 

" Oh we need  a lot more that that. But it's a start." James smiled. " The OOP's in chaos right now. Dumbledore thinks some one set us up."

' What do you mean?" Remus asked

" Well, those Death Eaters knew exactly when and where we were coming. They knew how many and they knew we had new members out." 

" So who?"

" No idea. The ministry wants it quiet though, They had to perform memory charms on several muggles who were nearby. "

" I hate it when they do that. Why couldn't Dumbledore be minister of magic." Addi said.

" M, magic?" Mari stammered. It seems we had forgotten that she was still in the room. No one said anything.

" I'm going to go now." She got up and ran out the door before anyone could say anything.

Remus and James dragged me into the hall

" Sirius, you told me you were going to tell her." Remus glared at me.

" I am."

" But you haven't yet." James said.

" I know. I just can't. Every time I open my mouth to, the words just get stuck. And I can't get them out. I couldn't stand it if she hated me. I just couldn't."

" So go tell her. Lily needs a third bridesmaid."

" What?"

" We're getting married in two weeks."

" Really? It's about time." Remus said getting a punch on the shoulder from James.

" GO!"

I hurried out the door, but I didn't go to Mari's.  I went for a ride.  

Why couldn't I tell her? It had been almost  two years and I still hadn't told her. Why not? I franticly  searched for the answer. It came quickly. I was scared. I was scared of loosing her, of having her leave me forever, of having my heart broken again. 

So why didn't I tell her now? 

I arrived at her house an hour later on my bike. I knocked on her door. She opened it cautiously.

" Sirius? I don't really want to talk to you right now."

" Mari, I need to tell you something. Please." She thought for a minute then opened the door. She walked out and we started walking

"Mari. I have been wanting to tell you this for a long time . I just didn't want you to hate me. My whole life, people have been hating  me for it on both sides. And I just couldn't take it if you did too. "

We stopped at the docks.

"Sirius, just tell me." I looked out over the water. Why was this so hard to get out, I wondered. I'm a trained assassin.  I don't think twice about  doing my duty. I just do it.  I bring down my target, that's what  I do.  Why is this suddenly so much harder than that ever was?  but I forced myself to say the words. 

" Mari, I'm a wizard." Her face didn't change.

"What?"

" A wizard. You know, magic, wands, broomstick, dragons, it's all real."

"Real?" Her eyes narrowed and she frowned. 

" Yes. All of it. James, Lily, Remus, Peter. We're all magic."

" What about Addi?"

" Oh, she's a muggle. Like you."

" A muggle?" 

" It just means you don't have any magic. It's nothing bad. I'm half muggle." I told her, not wanting her to think I was insulting her.  She took a deep breath. 

"Tell me." 

I told her everything. About my parents, school, Remus, becoming animagus. All but exactly what I did for a living. That I begged her to leave alone. She agreed.  And to my delight , she accepted everything. She didn't even think twice about Remus. She thought us becoming animagus to be with him was very brave. But I had one more thing to ask.

"Mari. There's one more thing I have to ask you. " I took a deep breath. " Will you marry me?"

She didn't say anything and I thought she hadn't heard me. The she looked up at me and her eyes were shining. She threw her arms around me, laughing.

"Is that a yes?" I asked, my voice muffle by her hair. 

" Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!"

" So you're saying yes?"

" Ooooo you." She kissed me and we stood there for a long time and watched the sun go down. I hadn't felt this safe since before I started school. I never would again.

**Chapter 39: Weddings and kids and parents, oh my.**

The next day, I was reclining on my  favorite chair,  extremely proud of myself.  

" Hey Padfoot. How you doing?" I opened my eyes to see James  sitting across from me. I  gave him a lazy contented smile. 

" I'm good. You?"

' Good." He didn't say anything more but picked up a sheet of paper. He glanced at it, then off to the side, twisting it as if he were too preoccupied to pay attention to what his hands were doing. 

" Did you want something?"

"Yeah, I wanted to ask you something, Sirius." I sat up. 

" Uh oh. Something's up. You called me Sirius."

"Shut up and listen. I want you to be my best man." I  stared at him. 

" What?"

" Are you deaf?"

" Me?"

" Yes, you." 

I shook my head. " Why me?" 

" Come on, Padfoot." He grinned. " You're my best friend. I want you to be my best man. Will you?"

" Of course, Prongs." As if I'd ever say no. 

" Great. I see things worked out with Mari, then." He said, leaving me to bask in my glory once again. He was as good as his word. In two months, it was the big day.

" James are you ready, man? They're all waiting."

" Padfoot. I don't know. I can't do this." He said as he paced the length of the dressing room. 

"Relax, Prongs. You look worse than you did when we got sorted."

"I wish it was that easy."

"Me too. I'm going through it in a month, remember?"

"Padfoot, why am I this scared? I've never been this scared in my whole life. And I've done a lot."

" I don't know. Just get out there and say what you're supposed to say."

" Oh God. What I supposed to say?"

" Oh God is right." I pulled him out and we walked up to the front. I looked out and saw all our old school friends. I saw Remus and Peter and Mari in the front row. Addi was her maid of honor. Remus mouthed how is he? I made a scared face, then shrugged. Remus smiled. Dumbledore and all our teachers were there. Then the music began to play.

Lily walked down the isle on her fathers arm. Expect for Mari at our wedding, I have never seen anything so beautiful. She was absolutely glowing. Lily seemed to light up the room. James took her hand and they turned to say their vows. When they said I do, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Even I had to blink back tears.

At the reception there was dancing and I made the announcement about my own wedding. Everyone clapped and James teased me relentlessly.

"If it wasn't your wedding day, I would dump wine on you." I replied.  He just grinned. When the photographer tried to take their picture, I jumped in and waved. They never did get a picture without me in it, though it wasn't for lack of trying. Thankfully Lily and James were in too good a mood to really get mad at me. 

There was no time for a honeymoon, not with Voldemort growing more and more powerful. Mari had joined the all night waiting, along with Addi and most of the time Lily, who had announced her pregnancy a year after the wedding and all of us instantly became overprotective. She was one of my best friends and my friends took delight in calling me a mother hen.

My wedding was a much simpler affair than James's had been. I only had a few friends and family there. James gave me a similar pep talk and had to drag me out to the altar. Mari came out on Dumbledore's arm, he being the closest thing to a parent I had left. 

When Mari came up the isle, I never saw anything more beautiful. Her long red hair was swept up in a bun and the white dress she wore was enchanted to sparkle like the sun. She smiled nervously as I took her hand but when she looked into my eyes, all our doubts vanished.

Some might say we were rushing things a bit. We had known each other almost two years. In my mind we had waited too long. I had just been so scared to ask her. I had lost so many people. That was part of the reason I think I waited so long to ask her. I was afraid if she found out the truth she would run. I lost Erin, I couldn't lose Mari.

I was so happy. I had a lovely young wife, my best friends were all safe, a steady job, not to mention fuel for my revenge. Though we  all agreed children were not a good option at the moment. It was simply too dangerous to bring a child into a world like ours.  Life for us was good. But Voldemort shadow was creeping over all of us. Mari and I had moved out of the apartment and we now lived in a little town outside London. Lily and James had moved to a small town called Godric's Hollow. Odd because muggles lived there too.

One day in May, almost a year after our marriage, Mari had a little surprise for me. I was going over my latest target that was proving a bit tricky to find.

" Sirius, I'm pregnant."

" Yep, that's great."

" Sirius, did you hear me?"

"Yeah, yeah sure."

She turned to go when the words sunk in.

"You're what?!"

"Pregnant, silly. Two months. That's why I've been so sick lately." I jumped up and swung her around we laughed and I owled James and Remus instantly. They wrote back and congratulated me. Remus and Addi had decided to wait for a little while until thing cooled down. Though it wasn't planned, and to be honest, made me a bit more nervous, I was grateful.  I tried to be home more now, but instead I was home even less.

Sometime in late April, James stopped by the house. 

"Padfoot, I want to ask you something tonight. Come by the house later tonight,"

"Okay, Prongs."

That night, I was over at their house.

"Come on in, Padfoot." I walked across the doorway. Lily was sitting in her favorite chair by the fire, hand lightly resting on her swollen belly, watching the fire snack and crackle as she did so much now, as if she could see something in the dancing flames we couldn't.

James put his arm around her and she smiled up at him That will always be one of my favorite memories of them. They were so happy. They loved each other so much, you couldn't help but feel good in this house. I smiled as I settled down in my customary chair.

"What are you laughing at?" James teased.

"You two. You're like the perfect family. You just both look so happy. "

" Well I don't feel very happy. Padfoot, the reason we wanted to talk to you was," He paused to glance at Lily. " We know right now, things are really bad. Voldemort is attacking people right and left. It's not a very safe time to live. And so far we've been lucky."

"But we know this luck cannot last." Lily continued. " And in case something happens to us. We wanted to be sure Harry will be safe."

"Harry?"

"That's what we're naming him. After his grandfather." Lily smiled up at James.

" Harry. I like it. Harry Potter."

" Good, because he's your godson." Those were not the words I was expecting from James

"What? Me?"

"Yes, Sirius. We want you to be Harry's godfather."

" But why me?" I asked. I could barley talk. James seemed to enjoy making me feel so confused.

"I would trust others with my life. But I would only trust you with my child's life."

" Prongs, James, Lily. I , I would be honored." James grinned and grabbed me in a huge bear hug.

" Er, Prongs. Air is good. And I'm not getting any." 

When I left I didn't feel like apperating. I rode my bike. Yes, it was a good twenty miles. But I didn't even notice. I was too busy thinking. Lily and James trusted me this much. I didn't know anyone trusted me that much. I felt a huge loyalty to me friends.

 I told you that. I would die for any of them at the drop of hat. Loyalty to my friends was one thing I valued most. Betrayal was the ultimate sin. The one thing I would never do was betray even the smallest thing. People at school said I could never keep my mouth shut, so people who didn't really know me thought that that meant I couldn't keep a secret. Just the opposite. If you told me something, I would never bring it up unless you did. I would never ever tell a secret. But as much as I valued friendship and loyalty, as many times as I had said I would die for them, it never dawned on me that my friends would die for me. Erin had. 

Time and time again I was shocked by their trust in me. They were my only family. James, Lily, Remus, Addi, Mari. I just couldn't believe my friends were trusting me with something this big. Wasn't it James who always said he would never trust me to be alone with small children as I might traumatize them for life? Now here he was asking me to be godfather to his unborn son. I smiled as a light rain began to fall.


	30. A Slimy Job

**Chapter 40: A Slimy Job.**

A few days before Christmas of that year, Dumbledore called me into his office. 

"Sirius, I have a job for you."  I nodded, wondering what was going on.  I  usually got my clearance form McKinnon. 

"Thomas McKinnon and his wife were murdered last night." I  sat down, shocked. My trainer? My friend? McKinnon, who always seemed in charge? Now victims of Voldemort? 

"What happened?"  Dumbledore shook his head. 

"No one knows. But it seems that, as his second in command, the head of the department passes to you."

"What?" I was not hearing this. Me?  Head of the Department of Magical Intelligence?  This seemed unreal. 

"Congratulations." Dumbledore said, shaking my hand. 

"But how-"  I was interrupted when the door opened and who should walk in but Severus Snape.  He gave me a disgusted look. 

"What is he doing here?" We both asked at the same time. 

"Now listen here, you two.  I called you both here for a reason.  I want no fighting, no arguing. You must pay attention, do you understand?" 

"Yes, sir." I muttered, giving Snape a death glare, which he returned full. 

"Yes, sir." Snape intoned. 

"Sirius, as you know, Severus has been spying for us for some time now.   And lately, several of the more influential members of Voldemort's  group have been questioning his loyalty."

"Too bad for you, Snape."  I  growled. Dumbledore shot me a warning look. 

"Sirius, we need Snape in his present position. If these supports succeed, then one of our most  informative lines are gone.  Snape is the one who tells us just who exactly to send you after." 

"So what do you want me to do about it?"  I growled. 

"I want you to make him your next target." 

"What!?" I hollered. Snape looked worried. 

"Tell me, Severus,  have you heard of  a man called Cerberus?" 

Snape snorted, "Of course, who hasn't?  He's  bumped off enough Death Eaters, he's got the Dark Lord himself after his skin." I shuddered involuntarily. 

"Do they have any theories about his identity?" 

"Oh, there are thousands. Everyone from Pettigrew to well, you, sir." 

"And who does he go after?" Dumbledore prompted. 

"He goes after the dangerous ones, it seems. The ones that won't or can't be taken alive." 

"Voldemort's more loyal servants, you might say." Snape shrugged. 

"You might." 

"I've got it!" I jumped up and began to pace. "You want him targeted, so they'll  not suspect him.  Because only the dangerous ones get targeted." Dumbledore nodded.  I stopped pacing and ran my finger through my hair. 

"But sir,  how do I miss? I've missed one, only one. Why would I miss Snape?" 

"You miss? My God!" Snape's eyes widened. "You're Cerberus?"  he looked both horrified and  fascinated. 

"I am."  Then I turned to Dumbledore. "But how do I make it look good?" Dumbledore smiled. 

"That would be your job.  Just  please, do not  actually kill him."  I made a face. 

"Alright, alright." Snape looked less comforted, then frightened out of his life. 

"Alright," I thought quickly. "We'd need a witness.  Someone to back up your story." 

"But he can't recognize you." Snape said.  I nodded. 

"Could use a facial altering charm.  Or I could just kill him."  Snape and Dumbledore glared at me, "Alright, alright. The charm, it is then."  Snape narrowed his eyes under the greasy hair. 

"Are you sure this is a good idea, sir?" he asked Dumbledore. I made a face at him. 

"Sirius," Dumbledore said warning, "I am sure, Severus."  Snape sighed. 

"I'm meeting with Ronmand tonight at the Leaky Cauldron.  Black can show up then."  I nodded. 

"What time?"  He shrugged. 

"The meeting's scheduled for seven."  

"How long will it take?" 

"An hour, most likely.  He likes to eat first."  

"Seven thirty it is then."   I got up, and with a nod to Dumbledore, I walked out. Snape followed me. 

"If you kill me, Black, I will haunt you forever."  I grinned. 

"You already haunt my nightmares, Snape.  No matter how tempting it may be, Dumbledore said don't kill, so I don't kill. Alright?" I growled.  

He glared at me, and turned on his heels. I growled low in my throat as he left. 

That night, I was nervous as we sat down to eat.  

"Sirius, what is wrong?"  Mari asked for the fourth time that night as I was brought down to earth from where I'd been thinking about the recent events.

"Hm?  Nothing, darling, why?" 

"Because that is the third time I've asked for the potatoes." She said, glaring at me. I handed her the bowl, and she took it. But she didn't take her gaze off me.  I glanced at the clock. 

"Are you waiting for something?"  She asked.  Seven twenty.  I'd better go.  I hated leaving my wife like this, but I got up. 

"There's something I have to do, love."  I went around to kiss her on the cheek. 

"Where are you going?" she asked.  

"Got a job to do." 

"You have a raid?" she looked disappointed.  I shook my head. 

"Nah, nothing like that tonight.  This is just something I have to do."  Then I went out into the hall. Mari followed me. 

"Well, at least take your coat." She held up the leather jacket I loved so much. She frowned at its weight, but luckily didn't ask.  I kept my guns in one of the inside pockets.  I slipped it on. 

"How late do you think you'll be?" I smiled. 

"It shouldn't take too long." I gave her a kiss on her forehead, and she smiled. 

"I love you."  It was a ritual we had every time I left the house. We'd always tell the other we loved each other. She'd learned very quickly, that every time I left, I might never come home.  She'd helped in the hospital some, and she'd seen wives who were told their husbands weren't coming home. She never wanted to go through that, and neither did I.

"Love you more."  I whispered. 

"No, I love you more." 

"Never."  I growled in her ear and she giggled.  Then with a kiss, I slipped out the door. 

I apperated outside the tavern.  With a quick muttering of Latin and a wave of my wand, I could see in the frozen ice, my hair become browner, my face shorter, and my eyes darker. When I was satisfied, I pulled the door open and hurried inside out of the chilly winter wind. 

One quick glance showed Snape in a far corner, two men seated across from him. I groaned, two?  Well, maybe I could kill one and leave the other.  That way, they'd at least know it was I. I slowed my walk and made my way to Snape's table. He saw me first, but didn't say a word. 

In fact none of the other men saw me until I was leaning over their shoulders. 

"Interesting, isn't it?" I said, quietly,  slipping into an Irish accent. I was good at those, first from my mum, then Erin and now Mari, it was one of the  accents I was prefect in.  They jumped, startled. Snape, for all the credit he was due, which isn't much, was a good actor as he glared at me with anger in his eyes.  Though that might not have been acting. 

"Can we help you?"  One man asked, stiffly polite. 

"Yeah, yeh can help me.  Yeh can help me by steppin' outside." I pulled my wand out just enough for them to see it, and not cause a panic. 

"And just who do you think you are?"  The same man asked in a voice that should have come from a spoiled three year old, not an adult. 

"I don't tink I know. I know.  'N' I tink yeh do too. " I hissed. "Now get your arses out tha door, or I will be forced ta do my business in here. 'N' trust me, yeh don't want tha." I gave them an enticing smile. Snape was the first to get up, the men followed him and I trailed behind. I noticed several patrons had noticed us, but one glare from me sent them back to their drinks. They wouldn't be a problem, I could be sure of that. 

They turned as soon as we were out in the street. We were in the muggle area, though the night was so cold, there wasn't a muggle in sight. 

"Now what do you want?" the man asked again. I shrugged. 

"Not much. I've got a mission ta perform. Unfortunately for yeh, my good fellows, yeh were the very wrong place at a very wrong time."  They exchanged nervous glances. 

"What?" 

"Well, yeh see, my real target is Snape here, but this is an added pleasure, it is." I grinned and pulled out my gun.  They took a step backwards at the sight of it. 

"Cerberus!" Snape hissed. 

I gave a mocking bow. "Glad to be of service."  Then I raised the gun. But the man on my right made a dash for it, running in the opposite direction. I turned and swiftly fired. The man dropped, and my last two targets were staring eyes wide. 

"My God…" Snape whispered.  

"Good idea, Snape.  Maybe your partner should start sayin' his prayers too." I leveled my gun at them. 

"Look, Snape here is the spy. I'm just an agent." He cowered. 

"I know." I said, and then turned the gun on Snape. I knew just where to fire that would wound him, not seriously, and would keep him alive.   I went for the shoulder. Snape fell back, clutching his wounded arm and staring at me, shock and hatred burning in his eyes.  I gave him a smirk.  Then, there was a noise behind me.  Voices, and people talking. 

"Damn!"   I swore and pulled out my wand.  I turned back.  I groaned. In the moment I'd been distracted, the man had apperated.  Oh well, I needed one alive anyway. 

"Black," Snape hissed. "You, You!" 

"It's not mortal. You'll be fine."  I told him, waving it off.  He growled then took a deep breath. 

"He told me they were planning an attack tonight." He hissed, speaking low so I had to strain to hear him. " A girl, a muggle girl. Said it would make Black mad." 

"Name?" I whispered, praying it wasn't one of the two that I held dear. 

"O'Connell." He hissed back. 

"No!"  My roar echoed down the street. "They'll be back soon." I told him, and then I was gone. 

I reappeared outside  our home.  With a  quick wave of my wand,  my features were back and I  dashed up the steps. But the door was locked. I knocked, there was no answer. Fear overtook me. 

"Mari! Mari, open the door! Open the door right now!"  I could see her through the glass,  hurrying to unlock the door.  She pulled it open and I pushed past her. 

"Sirius? What is it?" I glanced around. Her parents had just come into the hall.  I turned back to Mari, panting. 

"Close that door. Close it and lock it." she stared.  "Now, Mari!"  she did as she was told.   I turned to her parents who were staying with us." Go lock every door and window you can find. If you see anyone outside, even if they look like they're passing by, tell me immediately."  They stared at me for a moment. 

"Now!" I hissed and they fled, doing exactly what I said. 

"Sirius, what is it?" I waited till her parents had returned to the living room and assured me they were all locked. 

"Death Eaters." I told her. "Coming for you." 

"For me? why?" 

"Because you're my wife."  I told her, pulling her close. "But no one, not one is going to lay a hand on you. Over my dead body, they will!" 

"That can be arranged."  I spun around, holding my  wand up.  The owner of the slow oily drawl stepped into the flickering candlelight of  his wand, even as the other lights in the house were extinguished. 

"Clemon Montressor."  Damn! I thought. He was the only one, the only one of my targets to escape. But I pushed that aside, and put on my front. " I thought  you weren't in league with Voldemort. Isn't that what you told investigators?  Was it only last week?"

"Oh, do shut up, Black." Montressor snarled. He paced slowly around the room. 

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, my wand still raised for attack. 

"I think you had it  more or less correct." He grinned and  waved his wand. "Expelliarmus." My wand shot out of my hand.  I felt  naked without it. 

"Get out."  I told him.  Then he pointed his wand at me.  No, he wasn't going to… not here. Not in front of Mari. 

"Crucio!"  my world exploded in pain.  I fell to my knees, trying not to scream out loud, but I couldn't  hold it in, I couldn't.  When he let me go, I collapsed,  breathing heavily. 

"Sirius!" Mari shouted. She hurried to my side and helped me sit up. 

"You are brave. I'll grant you that, foolishly brave."  He  smiled at Mari and   touched her face. "You didn't know you'd married a fool, did you?"  she glared at him, fire in her eyes. "It's shame you're a muggle.  You are quite pretty." She spat in his face. That's my girl, I thought. 

But he wasn't so impressed. "Why you little brat!"  he slapped her hard and she fell.  I growled and leapt  to my feet. 

"Do not touch my wife."  I  warned him. 

"Or what?"  I grinned, much like a Cheshire Cat. 

"You don't want to know."   He smiled then  raised his wand again.  But he didn't point it at me.  He  whispered a spell and  sent it straight  at Mari.  She cried out in pain and clutched her stomach.  Her round belly, right where the baby was. 

With a roar  of anger, I leapt at him.   His wand was knocked away as I hit him and we  scuffled on the ground, each trying to reach it. he managed to  knock me on the head and daze me for a second and he  grabbed the wand.  Then he kicked me hard, sending me against the wall.   Something hard jammed into my ribs and I remembered. My gun!

Reaching into my pocket, I grabbed my gun and pointed it at him. He laughed.   
"You're going to kill me with that?"  

"I can try." 

He laughed, "Then I'll see you in hell, Black."  But as he raised his wand, I had the last  word. 

"You first." Then I pulled the trigger.  He fell, and he didn't get up. 

I gazed at him for a moment, then crawled over to Mari. She was holding her belly and gasping for breath. 

"Siri," she moaned. Her mother was holding her hand and whispering to her. 

"Shh, it's alright."  I  pulled her to me and held her close. "Can you hand me my wand?" I asked her father.   He looked horrified. "Please?"  he  glared at me and folded his arms.   Mrs. O'Connell groaned and  handed me the and.  I  waved it and sent up the sign for someone in peril. Then I rocked Mari who was sobbing. 

Not a minute had passed before  several  people tumbled into my door.  Frank,  James, and Moody all  burst in. 

"Sirius! What happened?" James asked taking in my in- laws, the  body on my carpet, dead by a gunshot, and  my sobbing wife. 

I nodded to Montressor, "Broke in and tried to kill Mari. I couldn't let him, so I shot him." I told them. James was looking oddly at the gun,  lying on the floor where I'd dropped it. "Mari got hit by a curse.  I dunno."  

"Here, let me see." Frank said, gently. I released Mari  who clutched at me more tightly. 

"Shh, it's alright." I  comforted her, "Frank is just going to see what he hit you with.  It's alright."  Stifling her sobs, Mari nodded and allowed him to place her on the sofa and examine her. 

Moody was examining the body. "You shot him, 'eh?"  I nodded. "You're a good shot, kid."   James frowned 

"Are you alright? They didn't hit you with anything?" 

"Cruciatus." I whispered. "But I'm fine now. I can handle it." 

"You sure?" he asked, his eyes searching my face. I nodded. 

"I'm sure." 

"Sirius?" Frank called. 

"Yeah?" 

"May I speak with you?" I nodded and joined him, out of anyone's hearing. 

"Sirius, this may be hard for you." He sighed, "The curse hit the baby. "  I swear, for a second, my heart stopped beating. I took a deep breath, swallowed, and  glanced back at my  wife. 

"Are you sure?" he nodded. 

"Should I tell her or do you want to?" 

"I will.  Does she have to go to the hospital?" Frank nodded 

"I would recommend it. Take her to St. Mungo's."  I nodded. Then I  approached  her. 

"Mari?" she looked at me as I knelt by her side. Taking her hand, I kissed it softly.  It tore me apart to  have to tell her this. It tore me apart that this happened. The bastards had gone after my baby! My child!  I calmed myself. 

"Mari,  we're gonna take you to the hospital. Alright? You'll be fine, they just  want to check on the baby."  

"Sirius," she whispered, "the baby. They hurt my baby!" I stared at her. How did she know? 

"How do you know?" 

"I can't feel its heartbeat.  I can't."  she sobbed. I slipped my arms under her and lifted her up.   James looked on sympathetically. 

When we arrived at the hospital, Mari was taken from me and wheeled into the emergency room. She  refused to let go of my hand until  they pushed her through the doors.  Then I watched as they wheeled her down the hall and away from me.  

I felt a hand on my shoulder.  Turning, I was surprised to see Remus. 

"Moony?  What are you doing here?"  he smiled, then displayed a bandaged right arm. 

"Full moon. Addi insisted.  Why are you here? Is Mari alright?"  I nodded, then shook my head. 

"Oh, I don't know."  

"Sirius, sit down." James  told me,   helping  me to a nearby sofa. I'd forgotten he was there.   So was Lily and Addi.  

"When did you get here?" I asked them. 

"I came with Remus." Addi told me, sitting beside me and  slipping an arm around me.  

"And James called me as soon as you got here." Lily told me.  The sight of her belly,  round and full, reminded me and I  dropped my face  in my hands. 

"Sirius, what happened?" Addi asked,  pulling my face up.  I closed my eyes. 

"We were attacked.  I got him, but not before he  shot something at Mari.  She said she can't feel the baby."  I heard Lily gasp, and I knew Remus and James were exchanged looks. 

"So you brought her here?"  I nodded.  I noticed a doctor entering through the same hallway Mari had vanished down.  I bit my lip and buried my head on my knees.  James sat down next to me, Lily on the seat next to him, and Remus stood. 

"She'll be alright, Siri." Addi reassured me.  I closed my eyes and let out a whimper. 

" Mr. Black?"  I looked up.   A doctor was standing in front of me.  I was on my feet in an instant. 

"Yes? Mari, how is she? What's wrong? Is the baby all right?  Is Mari?"  I attacked him with questions. The doctor smiled and relief flooded my mind. 

"Yes, she's fine.  The baby took the hit, but surprisingly, everything seems to be fine." 

"What?" I gasped. "  It's not hurt? Not dead?  It's alright?" 

"Almost as if nothing happened. That is one powerful child you're going to have." He said, smiling. I smiled and collapsed with relief back into my chair. 

I glanced at my friends and noticed James staring intently at the floor, avoiding my eyes. 

The next few months passed without many incidents. James was also attacked, but luckily no one was home at the time. Even Voldemort seemed to be taking a break from his life excitement and random killing sprees. I was let off. I hadn't had to  make a kill in  weeks, a breath of fresh air to me. In fact not much happened at all until July 31. 


	31. My Godson

**Chapter 41: Harry**

James was at work and I was at home " Lily sitting". That's what we called taking care of Lily. She was in her ninth month and very moody, as very pregnant women tend to be.  James and Remus were at work. Addi and Mari were shopping for baby things. I had no idea where Peter was. I hadn't seen him in a few weeks. Anyway things were quiet. Lily was taking a nap and I was seeing how many cards I could stack. I saw a muggle do that. They made a pyramid out of cards and I wanted to see if I could do it without magic. Plus with muggle cards, there's no danger that they'll explode.

"SIRIUS!" I jerked, sending a shower of cards to the floor. I ran in to the bedroom. Lily was clutching her stomach.

" Ow! Sirius, its time."

" Time? Time for what? Oh yeah. Okay er, do that funny breathing thing."

"Lamaze, Sirius. Lamaze." She grinned at me through her pain. 

" Yeah, Lamaze whatever. We need to get you to the hospital. No wait, James has the car. Er, can't apperate. Oh god!"

"Sirius, relax."

" Relax, sure right. I'm fine. I'm relaxed. I am perfectly relaxed. Except that I have no idea what to do and am rapidly loosing control of this situation." 

She rolled her eyes. "Okay. Think " I hit myself in the head. 

" Does it work?" Lily asked.

"No. It just looks like it does."

"Here's a little help. How did you get here?" She had that tone as if she were speaking to a child. 

"I rode. But Lily, you can't ride on a motorbike."

"Says who?"

" James's gonna kill me if something happens."

"SOMETHING is going to happen if you don't hurry."

" Oh right. The Shadow, it is then."  
" Okay once we get there I'll call James. He'll bring the stuff." She nodded. It was a stressful trip to the hospital. 

"Sirius, do you see that car following us?" Lily shouted over the roar of the wind

" Yeah, so?" I shouted back.

" That's a police car. They want you to pull over." I groaned but pulled over.

The car pulled up behind us. An overly large muggle in a uniform got out. He glared at me.

" Kid, do you know how fast you were going?"

" No, not really, but you see, we kinda have a small emergency."

" I don't care. No one breaks a law on my watch."

" But,"

" No buts. Now you have earned yourself a ticket. "Lily's grip on my shoulder tightened as another contraction began.

" Look, you bloody git, I have an emergency here. I don't care about your stupid ticket. Now will you please let us go to the hospital?"  
" I'm afraid you won't be going anywhere expect to the county jail to explain your little attitude problem."

"I have an attitude problem? You have a hearing problem. Now excuse us please, we have somewhere to be and unless you feel up to delivering a baby I suggest you let us pass."

" Now look here 'buddy' I do not like being talked to this way…" I think he said more but after that I stopped listening. Instead I grinned over my shoulder at Lily. I revved the engine and shot down the highway. The guy shout at our retreating backs,  stumbled to his car, then sped off after us. I glanced behind me. He was coming in fast. I thought hard. If he stopped us again, we wouldn't get there in time. Lily and the baby could be in danger. I had no idea how to deliver the baby and I was really not prepared to  bare James's wrath if that happened either. There was only one thing I could thing of. The newest modification. But I hadn't tested it yet. Still I needed an escape and fast. 

First thing  to do was to find a deserted road. Couldn't very well do it in the middle of the highway. The ministry would be on my tail before  you could say, "Every flavor beans."

"Lily, hang on!"

I swerved on to a side road. The police car followed us. I reached out and flipped a small switch on the side of the handlebars. For a second nothing happened. Then we began to rise. 

" Sirius, what's happening?" Lily  tightened her grip on my waist 

" Hold on." We were flying. I let out a yell of triumph. The cop was staring after us, gaping. Then I flipped another small button. We were now invisible. I loved flying on my bike. James had warned me about trying it. But I loved it. So did Lily, but now wasn't really the time. I landed softly about a mile away from the hospital. Why they were using a muggle hospital, I don't know. I pulled up and parked it. I cast an anti theft spell and we dashed inside. Lily was taken to delivery and I went to call James.

" James Potter." He sounded irritated and cranky.

" Hey Prongs. What up?"

" Oh Padfoot, sorry. It's just that new reporter for the Daily Prophet. Something Skeeter. She's been calling me non-stop. She wants the 'inside scope on what it's like to be the worlds youngest auror.' Driving me mad."

" So she's given up on me then, has she? That's good to hear."

" So what's up?"

"Oh nothing much. I finally did that muggle card trick, I got that new charm on the bike to work and, oh yeah. Your wife's in labor."

"WHAT?"

" I think that's about it."

"Padfoot, I'm going to kill you."

"Well, I suggest you wait and get your arse down here." There was silence.

"Prongs?" Nothing " Prongs?" I tried again.  "Jamie?"

"Yes?" He tapped me on the shoulder.

" Yah! Don't do that!"

"Where is she?"

"I pointed. He was gone. The next time I saw him was eight hours later. By then quite a group had gathered in the waiting room. Remus and Addi, Mari, Dumbledore, Mr. and Mrs. Evens, even Petunia. A quiet uneasiness had settled over us. Remus and I played cards the muggle way. It distracted us because the cards just never acted the way they were supposed to. They just sat there and we ended up yelling at them. We got some very strange stares and some bloke asked us if we knew of a place called St. Happy's for the mentally challenged. Remus got confused and he took the many cups of coffee he was offered by Mr. Evens, who unknowingly let lose a maniac. Remus ran down the halls, chasing nurses. After  about fifteen minutes of terror in which I  chased, attacked, and subdued  him, Addi and Mari spent their time trying to explain to us the difference between caffeine and decaffeinated coffee and why decaffeinated was good.

Mr. and Mrs. Evens sat quietly and watched,  sometimes talking to Dumbledore or scolding Petunia, who fidgeted and looked extremely nervous being surrounded by so many wizards. Then just as we thought we couldn't stand it anymore, James burst in. I don't think he could have been smiling harder, despite the green cap and gown he was still wearing from the delivery room.  We all crowded around him.

"Well?"

"What it is?"

"Is Lily okay?"

"Is the baby okay?" He dragged us all into a small room on the next floor. Inside, Lily was lying on a bed, beaming. When James came in, she shone with a light that filled the room. They kissed and Remus snapped a picture. It was then I noticed the small bundle in her arms.

"Sirius, I'd like you to meet your godson. Harris James Potter." She handed the bundle over to me. I took it carefully in my arms. I pulled back the blanket to reveal my first glimpse of my godson. I was jolted when I saw him. He looked just like James. Same goofy messy hair, same kind and yet fun loving face. He opened his eyes. I got another shock. I expected baby blue or James's dark midnight. But they weren't. They were a brilliant green. Lily's eyes. He gurgled. I couldn't do anything but stare in wonder at this boy. I felt something, a tie almost to him. This boy was something special. He was my godson, my best friends son. I knew in that moment I would do anything for this boy. For James's son. I didn't really notice Remus taking a picture, I was so absorbed in watching my godson. 

" Harry, this is Padfoot, your godfather." James told his newborn son. " Now I want you to listen good. He is going to take care of you in case anything happens to your mother and I. He is going to teach you how to be a troublemaker and the best prankster of all time. Trust me, he's the expert." Harry chose that moment to make a phht noise. And we all laughed. James took him back and Harry was passed around to everyone else. I noticed Dumbledore gave him thoughtful look, then glancing at me.

Harry brought so much happiness to our lives, which over the next year were going to take a turn for the worst.

Voldemort came back from his "vacation" refreshed and ready to resume his rein of terror. Those of us at the League worked harder than ever. When we weren't out on a raid, we were going over files and documents trying to figure out his next move. I was hardly ever at home. I know it was hard on Mari. But she understood. 

My daughter Cassiopeia Celina Black was born on March 17, St Patrick's day. She weighed six pounds even. She had my black hair and grey eyes. Remus said that it must be a marauder tradition for kids to look like their fathers, because Harry looked like James and Cassi, as we called her, looked like me. I kept the tradition of being named after stars or constellations alive. She was the light in my life. Every night I came home I watched her sleep. She was so innocent. She had no idea what was going on around her. She didn't know that there was panic and fear in every ones hearts. She didn't know that at any minute Voldemort could come crashing through the door and take her parents from her. She didn't know that every time her father held her, it might be for the last time. She didn't know what kind of world she had been born into. And I vowed she would never have to grow up like we did. Always afraid. I vowed we would stop Voldemort if I died trying. Although it was Harry would stripped him of his powers. Although with a newborn baby, Voldemorts attacks, raids, and the ever increasing pile of targets, I averaged about three to four hours of sleep a night.  And that was on a good night.

It was July, Harry's first birthday that we first knew something was wrong. We had all cleared our schedules. Even Peter was there. We hadn't seen much of him the last year. But we hadn't seen much of anyone lately. It was a chance to see each other, catch up on each other's lives.

Anyway for Harry's birthday, Lily planned a picnic. We lay out on the grass laughing and joking. Mari and I had a water fight down by the lake and we managed to " persuade" the others to join. Cassi would giggle every now and then. Harry was walking and we all took delight in watching him. He could already say some words. Mama was Lily. Dada was James and Mooy was Remus, while Pafoo was me. I'm not even sure he knew my real name. I spent enough time over there and I babysat him all the time. And sometimes during those long sitting jobs I would transform just for the fun of it. Harry loved to ride on my back.

After a while we just sat there. No one said anything. We just watched the sun go down and for a second we forgot the dark shadow that hovered over all of us. I think that was the last time we were all together.

None of us knew it then, but in a few months time, we would lose each other forever.

  
 


	32. If You could change one thing

**Chapter 42: If You Could Change One Thing…**

See for a while now, Dumbledore had believed that someone on our side had turned traitor. No one of course knew who it was. But it was someone close to us. That we knew. I didn't want to believe that one of our friends was a spy. But sadly, it was true. 

I believe it was in September, that Dumbledore told us that Voldemort was after the Potters. Why, I didn't know. All I knew was I had to protect my friends. Not much changed between James and I. We were still as close as ever. So that's why when it came time to choose, he chose me.

It was around the third week in October when I got a note from James asking for me to come over later that night. I left Mari and the baby, and I  ventured out into the night. I did not like to  leave Mari alone, but James had said come alone. So I came alone. 

" Sirius, I want to ask you something." 

"Anything, Prongs."

"Do you know about the Fidelius charm?" he asked, pacing the room a bit.

" The one where a secret is concealed inside one person's soul."

"The secret keeper, yes. Padfoot, Dumbledore wants us to use the charm to hide and we want you to be our secret keeper." I sank down in a chair. My head was reeling. Secret keeper? This was bigger than godfather. This time I would hold their lives in my ability to keep my mouth shut. 

" I don't know James. I don't know if I can do it." James laughed. 

" Sirius Black is doubting himself? May I remind you who thought up the most daring pranks Hogwarts has ever seen? Who had the biggest ego this side of London? Who got the award for most detentions ever received in the history of Hogwarts and was proud of it?" I smiled slightly.

"I know Prongs, but this is different. This is your life, and Lily's life and Harry's."

"You've saved my life before." I sighed and slowly I nodded. 

" Okay, Prongs. I'll do it."

" Great." The next night the spell was preformed and the Potters were in hiding. 

" Padfoot." James said as I turned to leave.

"Yeah, Prongs."

"Thank you." I turned to look at him. 

"What for? Making sure my friends live another day? I don't need thanks for that. Plus I have to. We have to send our kids to Hogwarts and make sure they find the map."

"I forgot about that." He laughed, then sighed. " I wish we were back there making them. I wish we were still young enough…" He didn't finish. He didn't have to. 

" Me too. Prongs, me too."

For three days, I went about my normal routine. Remus asked where James and Lily were hiding all the time, but I pretended not to know. A feeling of suspicion crept into my head every time he asked. I told my self he was just worried about James, but the little feeling wouldn't go away. I became distant toward Remus and even my wife and sister. My beautiful little daughter couldn't even distract me. It's only now I realized Voldemort had succeeded in so many ways. He drove us apart. He made us suspect one another when the real traitor was right under our nose. 

Then the feelings of doubt about my ability started creeping up on me. I had seen what Voldemort could do to his victims. I had seen them brake down. I had undergone  both the Crutatious and the Impervious.  I was in no mood to under go Avda Kedavra.  But  could I really hold out? If Voldemort came, and I was tortured,  could I withstand that  pain ? I wasn't sure. I wasn't  sure that  if he did come, I wouldn't  tell. I would never reveal James's secret but under that, I just couldn't be sure. It consumed me, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. So After only three days I found myself at James's door.

"Sirius." He smiled when he opened the door.

"I can't do it, James." I rushed in. Harry got up and ran toward me.

"Pafoo!" he cried.  I picked him up and he laughed joyfully.

" Can't do what ?" Lily asked as she came in from the kitchen.

"Be your secret keeper. I just can't."

"Why not Padfoot?"

" I don't trust myself. I don't know if I could hold out if Voldemort came after me. You've seen what he does James. I just don't trust myself."

" You can do it Padfoot. I know you can." James punched me lightly in the shoulder. Something he hadn't done in a long time.

" No Prongs, we just can't take that chance." He sighed.

"Alright then, who do you suggest?"

" I've been thinking about this and I came up with someone."

"Who, then? Remus?"

"No, I just have this feeling. I hope to God I'm wrong, but I think Remus may be the spy."

"Remus ? why?"

" I don't know. I just don't know."

"Well then who?"

"Peter."

" Wormtail?"

"Yes, it's the perfect bluff. No one would ever suspect that you would use him He's weak and talentless. They all think you're using me. It's perfect. Voldemort will go after me and Peter will go into hiding and no one will know."

James thought for a long time. He looked at Lily, then at Harry who was tugging on my robe to get my attention. 

"What do you think Lily?"

"I don't know, James. It sounds like a good plan. I have to say I would feel better if Sirius did it. But if you think it's best, I'll agree." She said softly, her bright green eyes bored into me. I kept my eyes on Harry.

 James nodded and put his hand on my shoulder.  Then he spoke." I trust you." Those three little words sealed our fate forever. 

The next night I brought Peter and we preformed the spell. Peter stammered all the way, but he did it. That night as I said good-bye to the  Potters, I felt a strange feeling come over me. I felt as thought I would never see them again 

James and I watched Peter go and we watched the empty space where he had been for a long time.

Then James turned to me. " Padfoot I want to thank you and I may never get another chance."

" James I want to thank you, for every thing you've done for me in all these years. Including all those detentions I got us in and for putting with my dumb jokes."

" So you finally realize they were dumb?" I punched him.

" You know what I mean."

" Yeah, I know." We were quiet for a while.

"I think I should go. It's getting late. Mari will worry"

"Yeah," we stood unsure for a moment, the we shook hands. We stared into each other's eyes. There was so much I wanted to say, but couldn't fit into words. I smiled as we realized how long we had been shaking hands. Neither one wanted to let go. Finally we did at the same time.

" I guess this is goodbye." I said softly.

" No, it's not goodbye. Sirius" He turned at stared up at the sky. I followed his gaze to the brightest star in the sky. To Sirius, the dog star. Then he said the last words we ever spoke to each other.

" Friends never say goodbye."

Then he turned and walked back to the house. I walked over to my bike and when I turned around I was James and Lily standing on the doorstep with Harry asleep in James's arms. They smiled and waved and for a second I forgot that we were never going to see them again. They were the perfect family. And I waved back. I strapped on my helmet and drove anyway.

Thing went fine for the rest on the week. I checked on Peter every day. But on Halloween night, my world ended.

I had arranged to check on Peter the next day, November first, Remus's birthday, but that night I slept badly.

I can still remember the dream I had.

I was flying over the ocean and I stopped on an island. Towering over me was a huge fortress. It loomed dark and foreboding. Feelings of sorrow and fear swept over me and then I was inside. 

I wandered down the halls, trying to ignore the calls and weeping of the prisoners in their cells. 

"Help us!" They cried. I hurried on. I felt some one watching me. I stopped and turned around.

Peering out at me through the bars of the nearest cell, was a man. Or at least he had once been. He was gaunt with a pale face and long matted hair. Every part of him looked white and dead. Except his eyes.

They were dark and so alive. They stared at me as if he envied me, and pitied me at the same time.

"Who are you?" I managed to ask.

He shook his head. " Does it matter?" His voice was horse like he hadn't used it in a long time.

"Well, yeah. What's your name?"

"What's yours and why's a kid like you in a place like this?"

"I don't know. I think I'm dreaming."

" I wish you were."

"My name's Sirius Black." He gave me a confused look and tilted his head to the side, almost like a dog.

" My name is Sirius Black. " It was my turn to be confused.

" But what are you doing here? What did you do?"

"Oh nothing much. Just betrayed my best friends and killed thirteen people." He said as if we were discussing the weather.

"What?" I couldn't believe it. Then he turned serious.

" I am innocent. I didn't do it. Peter did. You have to stop him. You have to save James and Lily. 

"James? Lily? Peter?"

" Sirius, I am you. You have to stop him. Go."

And I awoke in a cold sweat.

I leaped out of bed and pulled on my gray robes. 

" Sirius, what wrong?" Mari asked sleepily.

"Nothing, go back to sleep. I have to go see Peter." I kissed her and ran out the door. 

I arrived at Peter's house and knocked on the door. No one answered. I frowned and knocked harder. Again no answer. I pulled out my wand to undo the lock when I realized the door wasn't locked. Fear crept into my veins. I pushed open the door. I searched the apartment for Peter but there was no sign of him. No sign of a struggle either, and I weren't sure if that was good or bad. Then the dog in me caught a whiff of something. Something that shouldn't be there. Something that no one should ever have in their home. And I ran.

I rode as fast as I could to Godric' Hollow. But I was too late. What had once been the Potter's house was now smoldering ashes. 

James, Lily, Harry. I thought. I have to find them. I ran full out and I tripped over something. And I found them. James had his arms wrapped around Lily.  I could still see tears glistening on his still warm face. I had missed them by only minutes.  James was lying a look of terror on his face, his wand still in his hand like he had tried to protect his family. His glasses were knocked to the side and were laying broken on the ground. I picked them up and slipped them into my pocket. I closed his mouth and eyes. There now it looked more like he was sleeping. 

"James, I'm sorry. I didn't know. God, please forgive me." I whispered. The I remembered something. But I understood what I had seen now. And the name, Wormtail whispered with such hatred that it had scared me before escaped my lips. I turned away so I didn't have to see him. 

"Sirius?" hope surged in me. I spun around.  James's eyes were open and he was looking at me. I dropped to my knees. 

"James, James. Oh my god!  You're alive!" I smiled. He shook his head. 

"Not for long. Sirius, listen to me."  He clutched my sleeve. 

"I'm here, James. I'm not leaving." 

"Harry." He mumbled. "It's all up to him.  You have to take Harry, keep him safe. Do that for me, Sirius."

"But you're alive, Prongs.  You can take care of Harry." He shook his head. 

"I was a fool, Padfoot. I should have told you, but I didn't. I was scared. Forgive me."  I shook my head, but he stared up at me, imploringly. 

"If anyone needs forgiveness, it's me. I'm sorry, I didn't know."  Just as I said that, he said. 

"You didn't know." We smiled, a remembrance of a time long past. 

"Take Harry, protect him. Please, do that for me, Sirius." I nodded, tears now soaking my face.  He laid back, and closed his eyes. 

I heard him say, so quietly I wasn't sure, "I'm coming, Lily." Then he breathed his last. 

"No," I gasped. I shook him. "No! James! No! Don't die! You can't! James!"  Then the tears came.  In great wrenching sobs, they came. I rocked back and forth, holding James's cold stiff hand.  It was when I glanced up and saw Lily that they stopped. 

 Lily had lain in his arms. It looked as if he'd crawled from wherever he'd been struck down to where she lay. She'd been killed.  He'd not bothered with torture like he had with James.   He probably used James's screams to try and frighten her.  But she hadn't given up.  Her face held a look of determination, and acceptance.  Then I saw why. Clutched in her stiff arms was Harry. And he was alive.

Harry was alive. I picked him up and he started to cry. That's when I saw the cut on his forehead. It was a strange cut like the shape of a lightning bolt, just like the one over my heart. I cleaned the cut the best I could and quieted Harry. Soon he was asleep. I wished I could sleep, or better yet wake up. From this horrible nightmare my world had become. I started at the rubble and my best friends bodies. 

Then I felt a soft tap on my arm. I turned to see Hagrid.

" Sirius, I'm sorry." His eyes were red and his voice croaked when he talked.

I nodded. I wasn't even sure I could talk.

" Hagrid, they're dead. Dead." I held Harry closer as the tears came. Sobs racked my body and Hagrid had to hold me up. " Why," I sobbed. " Why James? Why Lily? Why my friends?"

He waited till my sobbing had lessened. " Sirius, I'm sorry, but I have to take Harry."

"Take Harry? Why?"

"He's going with his aunt and uncle."

"Petunia? She hates wizards. You can't send him there, they'll kill him!" I held Harry tight. 

" They won't. Dumbledore's orders. He won't let anything happen to him. Not after what he's done?"

"Done?' I whispered.

"Why didn't you know? He's gone."

"Who's gone?"

"You-know-who! Harry drove him off.  He lost his powers."

"Harry?"

"Yes."

I smiled at the little boy who was now staring at me with Lily's eyes. Gone. He was really gone. But not without taking my best friends with him.

" I need to take him, Sirius."

"No, let me take him. I'm his godfather."

" I'm sorry. Maybe later when things calm down, you can claim him. But for now he needs to come with me."

I surrendered. I had no more fight left in me. "Alright. Take my bike."

"Are you sure? You love that bike."

"I won't need it anymore."

He didn't question me but took the bike. I gave him Harry. It felt like giving up a part of James. The last part I had.  Tears flooded my eyes as I realized this may be the last time I would ever hold Harry. I don't know what told me that. But I knew it. He flew away. And I turned to catching the one who had caused this. Peter.

**Chapter 43: Innocent! **

He wasn't that hard to find. Not I followed his scent. I cornered him on a crowded muggle street the next day. I think at this time I was already half mad at least. The deaths of my friends by someone I had trusted was almost too much. And the fact that I had suggested it. It was my fault. I had given him a perfect chance and he had taken it. I was a fool. Remus wasn't the spy. He never had been. Peter was. 

" Peter ." I growled as I saw him

"Sirius, how are you?"

" You betrayed them, Peter. You killed them. Why?" I pulled out my wand. He sort of smiled a sick smile then twisted his face up like he was going to cry.

"Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?" Before I could recover he pulled out his wand and blasted the street apart. The next thing I knew I was surrounded by bodies. There was a huge hole in the street and rats were swarming out. In front of me was a pile of robes.

I looked around at all those lying around me, dead and wounded and others were looking at me like I might blow them up. 

For some reason, I still have no idea why, I began to laugh.

I laughed and laughed. My whole world was gone. In 24 hours, everything I loved was taken from me. I understood why Hagrid hadn't let me take Harry. My plan had worked too well. They thought I did it. They thought this was me. All those who knew I was innocent were dead. No one would believe I hadn't done this. And all I could do was laugh.

I didn't resist when they came for me. Why should I? I had nothing to do, nowhere to go. I was still laughing when they took me away.


	33. You are Dead to Me

They took me to a room and left me there. I don't know how long I was there. They didn't bother to give me food or water and as I was half mad already , it didn't help that soon I was starving too. 

They avoided me. I could hear them going past my cell, but they never stopped. I was there for along time. A week I think. I couldn't think, or even move. I just lay there on my cloak, which I used, for a bed. Then just as I felt I would die, and I was welcoming death. I heard the creak of the door.

" Good, God, what have they done to him?" a young voice broke through my daze

"What does it matter? He's a murderer. Look just stay with him and bring him out tomorrow when they call." I heard the door shut, and the sound of footsteps retreating.I felt someone shake me .

" Are you okay?"

I tried to say of course not, My best friends are dead and I didn't do it. But no words came out.

" No food or water. No even you deserve this. Here." He lifted my head up and gave me a drink. It woke me up slightly. I opened my eyes.

" Feel better?" He was young, couldn't have been more than seventeen. Only a few years younger than me. He had bright blue eyes and ruffled blond hair. He had a look of naiveté about him. Like some one who hasn't yet realized the world we live in is painful. I learned that at the age of thirteen.I nodded.      

 " Thanks." It came out more as a croak.

"No problem." He offered me a piece of bread and I took it. I ate it so fast I don't think he saw it disappear. He smiled.

" How long have I been here?"

" A week."

A week. James and Lily had been dead for a week. I closed my eyes against the tears that threatened to spill again.

"Please can you tell me something?" I looked at the young auror.

" Sure."

" Why did you turn?"

I smiled and shook my head. " I didn't turn. I am innocent."

"Innocent? But everyone saw you do it."

" What? Kill Peter, all those muggles? They didn't see what they thought they saw."

"And the Potters?"

"I as good as killed them." I curled up on my cloak and pulled my knees to my chest. I really didn't want to think about anything right now. But the boy asked more questions and I ended up telling him the whole story. It was the next morning when I had finished.  They came for me then.

" Get up ." The man snarled. I got up. I glanced back at the young auror. Then he did something I will never forget.            

He said " I believe you." I had wanted to hear those three little words for so long. Just to know that someone other than me knew the truth. That boy was killed the next year.

Anyway back to the trial. Or really lack of one. They handed me over to the dementors who brought me into the courtroom. It was filled with people I knew. I saw Addi and Remus, I saw Dumbledore. And all my teachers and friends. They were looking at me with mixed disgust and fear. I caught Dumbledore's eye and he gave me a look of such disappointment I had to turn away. Mari wasn't there. Addi wouldn't look at me and Remus looked at me with not disgust or fear, but really helplessness. Like he was begging for it not to be true. So am I, Remus so am I. I was strapped to a chair in the middle of the room. Crouch was seated as judge. I knew there was no hope.

" We have here one, Sirius Black, accused of treason and murder. How do you plead?"

I couldn't talk, my throat was too tight.

" Defiant, eh? I wouldn't be. Your master is dead, He won't be coming to break you out anything."

" The jury has decided to deny the prisoners request for a trial. We have more than enough evidence to convict him twenty times over. Therefore Sirius Black, it is with no small amount of personal satisfaction, I sentence you to life imprisonment in Azkaban for your crimes."

I sat back in shock. My eyes wandered to the crowd. I wondered if I had heard right, if this was even real.  Then I saw Remus get up.  His footsteps resounded off the floor, echoing. His face was like a stone. He acted as if he'd had enough, as if he couldn't bear it anymore. 

Well, neither could I. My last hope, my last friend, was walking out the door.  

"NO!"

I pulled myself free of my guards and  threw myself at Remus.  Several people made a move to grab me, but before anyone knew it, I was on my knees  in front of Remus.  No one said anything, no one moved, except for Remus who stared at me, surprised. 

"Moony, please. Please, don't go. You don't know. I have to tell you!" I begged. He looked at me with cold eyes. 

"Tell me what, Sirius? Why you turned?  Why James and Lily had to die? I don't care."  He stepped by me and continued. At the sound of his harsh voice and the fact that not even he believed me,  I broke.  My resolve cracked and the floodgates opened.  I began to sob. Quietly at first, then gasping, heaving ones. 

At the first one, he'd stopped.  By the time he'd turned around, I was doubled over, pounding the floor as if it were somehow responsible for my fate.  It was the first time I'd cried since that night. 

Remus seemed  torn, but finally he relented to  his pleading heart and knelt beside me.  He pulled me close and let me cry. By this time, the room was completely silent.  For one brief moment, as I cried, I believed it had never happened. That maybe I was sixteen again and on the run from my tyrannical grandfather. Remus had been for me then too as I cried.  

But when I finally stopped and opened my eyes, I knew it wasn't true. 

 When I stopped, Remus didn't move. It wasn't until Crouch coughed that he let me go. I glanced up at him, my eyes and heart full of hope.  He got up. 

"Moony?" he turned around.  I will never forget the way he looked at me. It was worse than disgust, worse than fear, it was hate.  Pure and simple hate.  As long as I live, I will never forget those words he spoke then.  They are the ones that ring in my mind day after day, along with, "I trust you, Padfoot."  His and James's voices mock me, they ring in my ears and remind me, taunt me, tell me what a fool I was. 

"Moony is dead.  The Marauders are dead.  Prongs and Wormtail buried a week, Padfoot with them.  At least I can visit their graves.  Pad foot's is lost, probably somewhere in the shattered remains of your black heart.  They all died and left Moony to die alone, long and painfully." 

"No! Remus! You have to listen! You have to understand. I'm innocent!" I screamed the word innocent.

"You are dead to me, Sirius." He said.  Even though he spoke softly, his words echoed in my ears. I shook my head. I had to stop him, had to make him understand. 

"NO!" I watched as he turned and shoved the door open.  Addi got up then, and followed him. I watched her leave too, panic building in me.   Two people grabbed my arms and dragged me out.  Then I began screaming. 

**"Remus, please. I didn't do it! I'm innocent! Addi, Believe me! Please! I'm innocent!"**  I didn't stop till they dragged me out of the room and even then they had to stun me.

Then  about maybe a year after I'd been in  here, I got a letter. 

**_Your wife gave birth to two healthy baby boys yesterday.  You have been given permission to name them. Please write down the names you would like. _**

I turned the paper over and  wrote two names,_ James Castor Black, and Remus  Pollox Black. _Then I handed it to the official who turned and left. That was it, no congratulations, no  I'm sorry, just turned and left.I was alone again.But I was a father again. I allowed myself one moment of congratulations, one second to imagine them,  a prefect mix of our features. I thought of James and Lily and Remus and Addi there, all happy for me and fighting over who got to hold them next. I saw Mari's  tired but joyful face, Cassi's happy  excited one, the one she gets whenever she sees something new. I could hear James slapping me on the back and saying " You did it again, Padfoot!"  Remus would just smile. I know how much he wanted kids of his own. 

But then it faded and I was still alone, in my own little cell. No friends, no Mari, no twins. Nothing, just me and my memories. That's all it will ever be. 

_So that's it. That's my story. It's not a happy one or really a sad one because most of my life has been pretty good. Up until the whole having my best friends die and getting imprisoned for life for a crime I didn't commit. I just, …_

_Wait, something's going on outside. The dementors are leaving. It must be the minister's yearly visit.. Has it been a year already? Odd. It went by faster this time. I better hide this._


End file.
